by L A Cotton
“Tell them you missed your bus or got mono or have to study for a test. I don’t give a fuck but you’re not going anywhere, Cassie. I need you.”
More than she would ever know.
Chapter Four
Cassie
"This is nice," I said as we walked hand in hand along the shore, watching the waves lap.
Dennis paused and pulled me into his arms. "This,"—his mouth covered mine—"is nicer."
My hands slid up his solid chest and danced around his broad shoulders as I let out a sigh of contentment. Because I was that girl.
A girl crazy about a guy.
When Dennis called me up and asked me to stay in Chastity Falls for Thanksgiving, I was confused. We’d hardly seen each other in over two weeks, but there was something in his voice—a desperation that reached inside of my chest and took hold—and before I knew it, I’d said yes.
He kissed me softly and then pulled back, searching my face. "Your family didn't mind?"
"They think I caught the stomach flu. Mom wasn't too happy, she wanted to fly out here but I put her off."
His fingers—the ones buried deep in my hair—glided across my neck. "I'm sorry I can't be that guy, the guy that you can take home to meet your parents. But things are..." he trailed off, dropping his gaze to the sand.
"I know."
Things with Jackson and Marcus were a mess. Dennis didn't tell me much—he didn’t really tell me anything— but he didn't need to. I heard the rumors around campus. Even if I hadn't, I felt it in the way he held me and loved me. He was on edge. Tense. And I wasn’t naïve enough to think he didn’t use me as an escape.
But the more I told myself that Dennis Hayes was hazardous to my heart, the more I found myself pulled into his world.
“We didn’t have to get a room, we could’ve stayed in my dorm.”
Dennis spun me in his arms, pulling me back against him. “I wanted to do this. For us. I just want a little slice of normal with you.”
Sliding my hands over his arms, I smiled. It wasn’t much, but it was moments like these where he knew exactly the right thing to say. And I let myself get swept up in it and believe that Dennis was finally letting me in. Piece by piece.
Even if I knew, deep down, there were some parts of him I would never know.
We found a quiet little place for dinner. An old jukebox played out, serenading the lonely diners. Dennis chose a booth at the back of the place and we sat close while I shared stories from my childhood with him.
"Favorite Thanksgiving dish?"
"My Mom's green bean casserole. Ugh. My stomach growls just thinking about it."
Dennis tensed beside me and I turned to him, flashing him a wide smile. "Don't you dare feel guilty. I'm a big girl, Dennis, I chose to stay here. Besides, I've always been more of a dessert kind of girl."
He leaned in close, brushing the tip of his nose across mine. "Oh yeah?" His husky voice was thick with desire, sending shivers rippling up my spine. "And what did you have in mind for dessert?"
My stomach flipped again but this time it wasn't yearning for my mom’s home cooking.
Dennis' hungry gaze dropped to my mouth and I licked my lips, twisting my body toward him. "Cass, I—"
"Here we go, two chocolate milkshakes and a plate of cheese and bacon fries to share."
We broke away and smiled at the waitress. But my heart was galloping in my chest. Had he been about to say it? The moment had passed though, and I couldn’t help feel a stab of disappointment.
"Can I get you anything else?" she said.
"No, thank you," I replied feeling my cheeks burst with color.
When she disappeared, Dennis leaned over to me and whispered, "Later. You, me, and a tub of Ben and Jerry's."
Heat pooled in my stomach and I clamped my legs together to try to ease the need building inside me. It didn't help that Dennis kept one hand on my knee, rubbing his finger back and forth in a soothing motion. I helped myself to a fry. Anything to distract myself. Even after all this time, I wanted Dennis in a way I'd wanted no other guy. I didn't understand the pull between us but I felt it every time he was near.
And it terrified me.
Because deep down I knew we were from two very different worlds. We could keep pretending, but one day there would be choices to be made.
Hard ones.
"What are you thinking?" Dennis' question pulled me back into the room and I smiled up at him.
"That I'm ready for dessert."
“This is the life,” I yawned, stretching out like a cat, and when Dennis trailed his lips across the sensitive skin at the base of my neck, I purred.
“I could get used to this,” he said, in a rare moment of honesty. It had been my favorite thing about our time at the motel. Although we were only a few miles away from Chastity Falls, it felt like we’d left everything behind. In the sanctuary of our sparsely decorated room, it couldn’t touch us. Dennis felt it too. He was lighter, calmer. It was a side of him I wanted more of. And I wasn’t the only one—Dennis was supposed to leave yesterday and return to Fallen House, but instead he’d stayed. It felt like a small victory.
Rolling me into his arms, he tucked me into the curve of his body, tangling his legs with mine. Our clothes lay in a pile on the floor, and a giggle escaped my lips as he nudged his erection into my ass. “Dennis,” I warned.
“Don’t worry, I’m just getting comfy.” He rolled his hips again. Snuggling into my shoulder, his teeth grazed my skin, soothing the sting with his tongue. I would never tire of this—the feel of his strong body wrapped around mine. Dennis’ hand drifted down my waist and over my hip until his fingers found the apex of my thighs.
“Again?” I said, trying to hide my amusement. “We hardly slept.”
We’d fallen asleep sometime around one, still wrapped up in one another. But around four, I’d woken to Dennis trailing kisses along the column of my neck. He rolled me underneath him and we made love until the first signs of dawn cracked through the cheap motel blinds.
“I need to make the most of this,” he murmured, slipping his fingers lower until they danced over my center. I stifled a moan but it quickly died when his phone started blaring.
“Ignore it.” I wiggled my ass into him trying to tempt him but he groaned and started to shift away from me, taking my good mood with him.
“Yeah,” he said, followed by a heavy silence. “Fuck, okay… no, I’ll go. Yeah, I’ve got it, okay. Yeah. Thanks.”
So much for being untouchable in the sanctuary we’d carved out for ourselves here. I rolled onto my back and pulled the sheets up around my body. “Did something happen?”
Dennis was already yanking on his jeans. “I need to go.”
“You’re leaving me here?” I asked, unable to contain my disbelief.
“I’ll take you back to campus.”
“Fuck you.”
“Cassie—”
“What. Happened?”
He scrubbed a hand over his face and met my heavy glare. “You know I can’t tell you that.”
“Get out.”
“Cassie, come on, be reasonable, we knew—”
“Be reasonable? You pursued me, Dennis. Or have you forgotten how you dragged me out of that party and practically assaulted me?”
The color drained from his face but I wasn’t finished. I was nowhere near finished. Just when I thought we were getting somewhere—that he was finally coming around to the idea of us.
“I didn’t ask to be pulled into your world. That’s on you. But I’m here now and you can’t keep shutting me out. You keep saying give you time and I’m trying, I am trying Dennis, but you have to meet me halfway.” My gaze dropped to the floor. “I thought…”
I couldn't say the words. I'd let myself believe he felt the same—that he really did want this. But it always came back to Jackson and Marcus. And I would always be a second thought.
How could I compete with that?
He was right. I wanted to take hi
m home to meet my parents, to show him off to my friends. I deserved that.
I needed that.
The bed dipped and then he was there, sliding his fingers underneath my jaw and tilting my face to meet his stormy eyes. “You thought what, Cass? Tell me. Tell me what you’re thinking?”
“I thought this meant something. I thought you were finally realizing that this thing between us is real.” Tears burned my throat but I would not cry. Not for a guy who kept me at arm's length no matter how much I pushed.
He leaned in, touching his head to mine. "Cass, come on, don't do this. Please." His warm breath danced over my skin and I soaked it up.
How quickly things changed.
For three blissful days, I'd let myself believe we could weather the storm. But Dennis was the storm. This was how it would always be. He would always be untouchable, enigmatic.
He felt it—this thing between us. I didn’t doubt that.
But was it enough?
Chapter Five
Dennis
I should have ended it. Right there, when Cassie recoiled as I tried to comfort her. I should have yanked out the knife and severed us. At least it would have been a clean break. Sure, it would have hurt like a fucker now, but it would save the inevitable pain down the line.
Pain I knew I couldn’t escape.
But I was weak and in the end, I managed to persuade Cassie to let me drive her back to campus. She didn’t speak as she climbed out. She didn’t look back. She didn’t reassure me that we’d be okay. Because, deep down, I think we both knew we wouldn’t.
We. Were. Doomed.
It was only a matter of time before one of us was strong enough to end it.
But I wasn’t ready.
A small part of me wanted her to do it. To save me from the guilt—from having to look into her eyes when I tore her heart to pieces.
Walking through the doors to Tillamook Regional, the cloying smell of cleaning fluid assaulted my senses. I despised hospitals to the point of clamming up the second I entered the sterile environment. But someone needed to find out if the kid was going to be okay or if we had a bigger problem than we originally thought. And with Jackson out of town, this shit landed on my shoulders.
“Hey,” I said flashing the nurse a smile. “I’m looking for my brother, Aaron Leights. I believe he got brought in last night. Overdose.” I let my smile slip.
“You’re family?”
“Yes, ma’am.” I ran a brisk hand over my head doing my best to look concerned. “He’s my younger brother. Our parents are out of town right now, I drove down as soon as I could.”
She nodded and motioned for me to follow her to the nurse’s station where she checked a computer. “He’s stable. He was lucky, very lucky. What did you say your name was?”
“Josh, Josh Leights.”
“Room two-oh-two. Down the hall, honey, last door on the left.”
“Thank you so much. I can go in and see him?”
She nodded and I flashed her another smile. “Thank you.”
I left the nurse tugging at the collar of her dress. Women were so predictable. Even amid all the tragic things they witnessed day in, day out, they still got all goo-goo over a good-looking guy with ripped muscles.
When I was sure she wasn’t going to follow me, I took off down the hall and slipped inside of the room. A lanky guy lay asleep in the bed, machines bleeping around him. Memories pushed at the boundaries of my mind but I forced them out. Now was not the time to go there. The guy looked like any other student at CFA. I stalked closer, scrubbing a hand down my face. I came here to get confirmation he was going to be okay, but I couldn’t leave until I was certain he wasn’t going to talk. To his parents. The cops.
Anyone.
Dropping into the visitor’s chair, I leaned forward and rested my chin on my fists, and waited. When the guy’s eyes started flickering open, I saw the confusion almost immediately.
“W-what happened?” His voice was dry and I offered him a cup of water. He sipped it slowly as I said, “You took some bad coke. You’re in Tillamook Regional.”
He lifted a wired-up hand to his eyes and rubbed. “Who are… Hayes? Dennis Hayes, is that you?”
I didn’t reply. I didn’t need to. The realization of his predicament widened his eyes. “Oh shit.” It came out so quiet I almost missed it.
“Yeah, oh shit. Listen, we need to know you’re not going to talk. To anyone.”
“Talk?”
Part of me felt bad. The guy looked ready to piss himself and a machine started bleeping furiously. I glanced back at the door and then stood. “We need reassurances you’re not going to tell anyone where you got the coke from.”
“I would never—”
“Good. You didn’t see me, okay? If anyone asks, I’m your brother. Got it?”
He nodded.
“We know who you are, Aaron Leights. Don’t fuck this up, yeah, or things will get crazy for you pretty quick.”
More nodding.
This dude wasn’t going to talk. He was probably more worried about getting chewed out by his parents than ratting out his supplier.
I slipped out of the room, pulled on the ball cap to cover my eyes, and took the emergency stairwell to avoid the nurse’s station.
Later that day, we were in the basement of Fallen House. Jackson was back and he wanted answers.
“We tracked down as much as we could. Had to bribe a couple of stoners for their stash.” Travis threw down a handful of clear baggies filled with white powder. “People are starting to talk, man. This is not good for business.”
“Damn straight. Weed isn’t going to make anyone rich quick. This shit needs to be resolved.” Kyler paced the basement, glancing in our direction every few steps.
“Sit the fuck down, you’re making me dizzy,” I bellowed.
“What’s wrong, Hayes? Got your panties in a twist over some little slut?”
I saw red. “What did you just say?”
“I, I was joking, man. Someone said they saw you arguing with a chick. I figured that’s what had you in a shitty mood. I was just jok—”
My body slammed against Kyler, caging him against the wall. “Don’t ever fucking open your mouth about shit you know nothing about, got it?”
Fuck.
They were watching me, the air thick with confusion and surprise. I knew I needed to rein it in—to calm the fuck down, but rage boiled through my blood. Hearing the little shit talk like that, about Cassie … Not. Happening.
“I said sorry, didn’t I? Get the fuck off me.” Kyler shoved me away and skulked over to the table while I tried to calm down. Leaning against the wall, I took a couple of deep breaths.
“I’m going to ask Uncle Marcus again about news from Reibeckitt. We need to keep a lid on this from our end.” Jackson caught my eye as I went back to the table. “If the guy talks to the cops, then we could have a major issue on our hands.”
“He won’t talk,” I said.
I’d made sure of that.
“Okay, keep your ears to the ground. I’m at a thing tonight. If anyone needs me, then text.”
“A thing? Without us?” Shaun drawled, pouting like a child.
“He’s got new friends or hadn’t you noticed?” Kyler didn’t even bother to hide the bitterness in his voice and I bristled again. He needed knocking down a peg or two, and if he carried on running his mouth, I was more than happy to oblige.
“It’s just a small thing,” Jackson said. “Ana and her friends. I’ll catch up with you all tomorrow. Go get drunk and get laid or something.”
“Damn straight,” Shaun cheered. The dude was a fucking dog.
“A word,” Jackson directed his words at me and I followed him up to his room. Once we were inside, he got straight to the point. “Going to tell me what the hell that was about?”
I shut down, crossing my arms over my chest. “Not really.”
“Okay, let’s try it my way. Kyler mentioned a girl? Is he right?”<
br />
I stared at him—my best friend—the one person I trusted with my life. It would have been so easy to fess up, but now was not the time to come clean. Too much was happening.
When he realized I wasn’t going to reply, he said, “Is she going to be a problem?”
Cassie wasn’t the problem.
I was.
With a shake of my head, I changed the subject. “This gathering…am I invited?”
“You can come as my plus one.” The fucker smirked.
“Who’s going?”
“It’s a thing for Cormack. Mari asked Ana if she could use the house, and Ana didn’t want to say no. So: Manster; Jamie; Nate and his girlfriend, Elena; Cassie, I guess.”
Cassie was going to be there?
Of course she was.
“Nah, I’ll pass.” I couldn’t do it. Be close without touching her. Kissing her. There was no way I could do it. And after this weekend, I wasn’t sure she’d want me there. We’d left things unresolved—too scared to have the conversation we’d been avoiding for weeks now.
Cassie deserved better. I’d spent three days getting to know her, asking her about her childhood and favorite memories. She’d talked animatedly about Thanksgivings spent with her family. Big dinners. Extended family visiting from out of town. The love she’d experienced growing up shone in her expressions. And for a second, I’d been jealous. Because Cassie had everything I didn’t.
Her childhood was full of smiles and warmth. Mine was tainted by memories I’d rather forget. Memories I worked hard every day to push further and further into the recesses of my mind. But I could never completely let them go because I was shackled to my past. It haunted me. And one day, my darkness would snuff out her light.
I couldn’t do that to her.
I wouldn’t.
She was the one good thing in my life, and the thought of giving her up was almost too much to bear. But my father had been unable to set my mom free and in the end, it killed her.
