by L A Cotton
“Wouldn’t tell you if I was.”
“Maybe I should take a trip up there one day. You can show me around, introduce me to Donohue.”
Yeah, that was never going to happen. Just the thought of Brett being around Jackson and my friends—around Cassie—made me shudder.
“You know Dad needs you here, running things,” I said.
“Damn right, he does.” Brett released me when we reached the last door before the kitchen. “Miller.” He banged his fist on the door, “Den is home.”
He announced my arrival as if it was his right, and it bothered me more than it should have. But the two of us had always been competitive. He vied for my father’s attention, more than willing to do whatever was asked of him. Me? I liked to make the old man sweat occasionally and I never enjoyed carrying out his orders. It was necessity. A means to an end. But Brett loved the life, always had, probably always would.
Heavy footsteps sounded on the other side of the door and then it swung open and I came face to face with my father, Miller Hayes.
“Bout fucking time. Thought you’d be home two days ago.”
“I had some shit to take care of.”
“For Donohue?”
I blew out a long breath. “Not everything revolves around business, Dad.”
“Like fuck it doesn’t. Brett get the beers in, son.” Brett disappeared into the kitchen and Dad’s steely gaze settled on me again. “I want to hear everything. Got it? Every last detail.”
It was the same every time I came back to Stonewood Creek. Which wasn’t often. I followed him into the living room, my eyes taking in the place. Littered with empty bottles and pizza boxes it looked like the inside of a frat house after a wild party.
“I see Brett’s been making himself comfortable again,” I grumbled under my breath.
“At least he’s here, keeping me informed of shit.” Dad dropped into his favorite chair, sending a couple of bottles crashing to the floor. He didn’t bother to pick them up.
“Here you go, Miller.” Brett reappeared, hands full of beer. He handed one to Dad and then passed me one.
“Thanks.” Settling back, I stretched out my knotted muscles, stiff from the long drive. Silence descended over the room as they both watched me. “What?” I said.
Dad cursed and shifted on his chair, leaning forward. “We’re waiting, son.”
“Seriously?” My eyebrow shot up. “I just drove ten hours and you want to do this now?”
“No time like the present.”
“Yeah, come on, man. You can’t be holding out on us. Are you in yet? Does he trust you enough to bring us into the big time?”
I’d told Dad more than once over the last few months, that I didn’t think Marcus Donohue was looking to expand his business outside of Chastity Falls. Not with everything going on lately. Besides, with Jackson on his own personal crusade, my loyalties of late had shifted.
Things were changing.
Things I wasn’t sure I was ready to reveal to the two men watching me.
I let out a strangled laugh. “I’ve already told you, it’s not the right time. Stuff’s going down and I th—”
The sound of Dad’s fist slamming against the leather silenced me. “Enough. I sent you up there to align our family with Donohue. You’re in, son. Strike while the iron’s hot.”
“Dad, you don’t understand.” I scrubbed a hand over my face. “There’s bigger things happening right now.”
“It’s been two and half years,” Brett chimed in. “It’s now or never, man.”
“What do you think I sent you there for in the first place?” Dad grunted. “I’m hearing ripples, son. Change is coming, and when it does I want a piece of the pie. Do whatever you need to do, but mark my words, you will get me a sit down with Donohue. You hear me, kid?”
Kid. My blood exploded and I clutched the bottle in my hand tighter, anger vibrating through me. The blood drained from my knuckles and I felt sure the glass would implode into a million pieces.
“So, what’s it going to be, son?”
Raking a hand over my head, I chugged down my beer. On his own, my old man was a force to reckoned with, but with Brett in his corner, it was impossible to get through to them. I got up and looked my father right in the eye. “It’s not the right time.”
I didn’t look back as I grabbed my duffle bag and stormed out of the house. It was a bad idea coming here but I thought that maybe, for once, we could have a normal Christmas. I’d obviously forgotten there was nothing normal about our family anymore.
I pocketed my cell phone, ignoring the missed calls and text messages. Brett and my old man were pissed. I’d left the house and checked in to a motel for the night. As soon as dawn cracked on the horizon, I left. I’d deal with them eventually, but right now I had bigger things to contend with, like not freezing to death.
The door finally swung open and Ana’s face creased with confusion. “What the hell, Dennis?” she said, hugging herself tight to protect herself from the blast of icy air.
“Merry Christmas to you, too. Can I come in or shall I leave?” Maybe this was a bad fucking idea.
“No, no, come in. I’m just surprised to see you.”
I shucked out of my jacket, spraying snow everywhere as I stepped inside. “Trust me, no one’s more surprised than I am.”
Ana took it from me and hung it on the rack. “What are you doing here? Today of all days?”
“Long story.” Long. Fucking. Story. “Coffee, I need coffee, or beer, but I’m guessing I’m shit out of luck there.”
“No beer, sorry.” She smiled meekly and I laughed, brushing the snow from my hair.
“Lead the way.”
Ana made a fresh pot of coffee and let me get warm before she launched into her twenty questions. “So, are we going to talk about the fact you’re here on Christmas Day instead of back home with your family?”
Staring in the mug, I shrugged. “Families suck.”
“Seriously,” she sighed. “That’s all I’m getting?”
“After a ten-hour drive, I thought he at least might give me a break, but I should have known better. The man is impossible. I never wanted to come to CFA, you know. I wanted to move to the East Coast.”
“What happened?”
“Dad said I had to do what was right for the family. We’re small-time compared to the Donohues, but the old man likes to think he can run with the big boys.”
“So, you’re only in Chastity Falls because of Marcus?”
“Something like that.”
“But now?”
“Jackson is my best friend and…” My eyes slid away, I didn’t want her to see, to know. But this was Ana. She had that sixth-sense girls possessed.
“And you met a girl.”
I placed the mug down and dragged one hand over my head. “Isn’t that always how the story goes?”
“I was wondering when you were going to finally admit it.”
“I’m not a big talker, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“Touché. You really like her, huh?”
“Cassie’s, well, she’s like no one else I’ve ever met. But I know it’s doomed.”
“Does it have to be like that?”
“We’re from different worlds. Did you know she wants to move to California and teach grade school? I’m not cut out for that; I’m from the wrong side of the tracks. Besides, I’ve only known her for a few months.”
“Does she know how you feel?”
“What, that I’m not good enough for her?”
Ana smiled sadly as she shook her head. “No, that you’re in love with her.”
I pressed my lips together unable to say anything. Of course, it was the exact moment my cell decided to vibrate. “It’s Jackson,” I said scanning the message. “He’s still in Seattle.”
It was Ana’s turn to give me the silent treatment.
“So, feel free to tell me to get lost, but can I take the couch? The roads are iced right ove
r, and I don’t want to total my truck.”
“Sure,” she said, obviously not wanting to discuss Jackson right now. And, honestly, I didn’t blame her. This whole situation was fucked up.
“I’ll find some blankets, but first, you have to watch Four Christmases with me. That’s the deal.”
“Deal.” It wasn’t like there was another choice.
I stayed with Ana for two more nights. She was easy company and didn’t press me about Cassie again. Somewhere in the last few months, we’d formed an unexpected alliance. We both cared about Jackson and we both wanted him to get out of this thing with Marcus unscathed. Which is why when he texted me saying he couldn’t get a hold of Ana, I came clean and told him she was still in Chastity Falls, housesitting for her friend. Jackson was taking a big risk to protect her—to secure them a future together—and honestly, I didn’t know if they would survive the next few months. But if anyone could, it was the two of them.
When I finally returned to campus, the urge to go to see Cassie was strong. Spending time with Ana, talking to her about things, had me thinking about everything. Over the last two years, there had been a handful of girls, but always a one-night deal. I didn’t get close to people. It was easier that way. But something about Cassie had pulled me in and long before she noticed me—hiding in the shadows—I’d gravitated to her like a moth to a flame.
She pulled me in and she didn’t even know it.
And now I’d lost her and I might never have the chance to tell her how I really felt. I thought pushing her away had been the right thing to do. But after watching Ana and Jackson fight for their future together—because being apart was not an option—I realized that some things were worth fighting for. Even if, in the end, you lost.
Being with Cassie gave me something to live for. She wasn’t a business transaction or an order from above. I didn’t want her because she was a prize to be won or a mountain to be conquered. I wanted her because my soul recognized something in her soul. She wasn’t a job or an obligation or a game.
She was my heart.
And in my attempt to protect her and keep her safe, I’d failed to realize one thing.
You couldn’t survive without your heart.
Chapter Ten
Cassie
The second I arrived back in Chastity Falls it was like I could breathe again. Seeing my family had been nice but I’d missed this place.
I’d missed Dennis.
But I still didn’t know what I wanted to do.
I’d spent the whole journey trying to figure it out. I knew I still wanted to graduate and become a teacher. But every time I pictured myself standing in front of a class of eight year olds or pictured myself grading their work in my apartment, it didn’t fill me with the sense of satisfaction and excitement it once had.
Over the next few days, students started to trickle back to campus. Lydia and Nate wouldn’t be back for another couple of days and I couldn’t face Elena and Tyson’s excessive PDAs, so I hung out in my dorm room. But being alone with my thoughts was a dangerous thing and eventually, I needed air. I hadn’t even known where I was going until I found myself standing outside Ana’s old dorm room.
“Hey,” I said as the door swung open. “I heard what happened.” I still couldn’t believe that Jackson had ended their relationship, and I knew there had to be more to it. But that wasn’t why I was here. Not really.
“Yeah. You missed out on all the fun.” With lips pressed into a thin line, Anna sighed.
“Can I come in?”
She looked down at her pajamas. “I was just going to bed.”
Before I could stop myself, I’d reached for her hand and squeezing it gently. “Please, I won’t be long.”
Relief flooded me when Ana nodded and stepped to the side to let me pass. It was awkward. We both felt it. Ever since Ana caught me and Dennis outside the party, I’d been avoiding her, and I knew she’d been doing the same. It was a conversation neither of us wanted to have.
“How did you do it?” The words spewed out before I could stop myself.
“Do what?” she asked confusion shining in her eyes.
“The secrets, lies, all of it?”
“Oh, that,” she said quietly. “I didn’t have a choice, I guess.”
Grabbing a cushion off the bed, I dropped to the floor and crossed my legs in front of myself, hugging the pillow to my chest. “Didn’t have a choice?”
I knew what she meant—Jackson had swept her away before she could break free and protect her heart. It was the same for me. Despite all the warnings, all the hurt, Dennis had caught me in his web. But I needed her to say it. I needed her to tell me it would be okay. That we could get through this.
“Jackson was it for me; I knew that pretty early on.” Ana cleared her throat. “Even when I found out who he was, I didn’t want to walk away. How he made me feel, after everything I’d been through, was more important than who he or his family was.”
“But you got hurt.” It wasn’t supposed to sound so judgmental. But even now, after everything, I couldn’t deny that this wasn’t the life I imagined for myself. Mom and Dad had reminded me enough over the holidays about my ‘plan’. The one that didn’t include Dennis Hayes and a life of secrets and lies.
“I can’t explain it, but when you meet the right person, you’ll just know, and nothing or no one will keep you apart.”
“I’m in love with him.”
But love wasn’t supposed to hurt like this, was it?
“I know.”
Sadness flashed across her face and I spluttered, “What? How?”
“Because I know you, and I know you wouldn’t be involved with someone like Dennis unless it was serious.”
Someone like Dennis.
“What do I do?” my voice cracked with desperation and Ana sighed deeply.
“I can’t tell you that,” she said. “Relationships are personal, Cass, but if you look into your future and see Dennis in it then don’t just give up on that. Fight for it and never let go.”
“And if we want different things? If we’re too different?”
Because I wanted Dennis but I also wanted a career in teaching, and a little house in the suburbs with two kids and a committed husband. I wanted the whole damn fairytale.
Ana stared at me with a mix of sympathy and pity. I didn’t like it. She was supposed to reassure me, to tell me that despite our differences me and Dennis would get through it; that we would find a way to be together and make it work. But the words never came. Instead, Ana said, “The course of true love never did run smooth.”
And I realized that this wasn’t a decision or choice someone else could make for me. It was one I had to make for myself.
What did I want, and, more importantly, what was I willing to sacrifice to get it?
I checked my reflection one more time, tucking a stray wisp of hair behind my ear. Nerves carved their way through my stomach, but I inhaled a deep breath. You can do this. I had to at least try.
We deserved that much.
Grabbing my purse, I opened my door and froze. “Dennis?”
“Hey.” His eyes darted around me and I wanted to grab his jaw and make him look at me. I needed him to look at me. But I couldn’t move, still shocked at the sight of him, outside my dorm room, in the middle of the day.
“Can I come in?” he said, finally settling his gaze on my face. I nodded, unable to speak.
The door clicked shut behind him and he stood awkwardly. When his eyes worked their way down my body, he said, “Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“I, hmm, I was just going out.”
“Oh. I can come back another time.” He turned to leave.
“Wait.” I reached out and touched his arm, a trail of shocks zipping up my skin. “I was coming to see you.”
“You were?”
The corners of my lips lifted in a smile and I nodded.
“Fuck, I missed you. I missed you so much, Cass.” He closed the distance
between us until he was staring down at me. One of his hands glided up my neck and buried itself in my hair and my eyes fluttered shut.
“What are you doing here, Dennis?” I whispered and he leaned in close, his lips brushing feather light across mine.
“The same thing you were doing.”
My arms wound around his neck as his lips sealed over mine. Dennis curled his free arm around my back, dipping it underneath my butt and pulled me up against him. “I fucked up, baby. I need you. I need you more than you’ll ever know.” His kisses became frantic as he carried us to the bed. But he didn’t put me down. Instead, he held on for dear life. Pouring his apology into every stroke of his tongue.
“I love you.” He gathered my hair into his fist, tugging my head away from him. “I love you so much it hurts.”
Tears rushed up my throat, burning the backs of my eyes. I blinked them away, overwhelmed by his declaration. “I love you too. I love you so much, Dennis.”
He clawed at my dress, shoving the soft material up my thighs, running his fingers over my skin until his found my panties. I gasped when he pushed them to the side, curling a finger deep inside of me. “Oh, God,” I moaned, clinging to him like he was my oxygen.
“I’ve got you, Cass. And I’m never letting go.”
Dennis added a second finger, trailing warm wet kisses along my shoulder, sucking and nibbling the skin there. It was messy and clumsy and wild, but when my stomach coiled tightly and my body began to tremble with pleasure, everything melted away. I floated back down to Earth just as Dennis laid me on the bed and began shedding his clothes. His hoodie and T-shirt went first, then his jeans and boxer briefs, and then he was hovering over me.
“I have dreamed about this moment so many times.” He inched my panties off my legs and settled back between my thighs, clasping my hands in his and pinning them above my head.
“No going back,” he whispered against my lips and I smiled.
“No going back.”
Dennis pushed inside of me and I cried out, hitching my legs around his waist, needing to be closer. It had taken losing each other to realize what we wanted. And every stroke, every thrust, every moan was a promise to us.
