by L A Cotton
Chills rippled through my body at my father’s cold words. His eyes filled with a fire that I’d only ever seen once or twice in my life. I closed my eyes trying to shut my mind down as it began to conjure up all of the possibilities about where Jason was or what was happening to him. I hated him—didn’t ever want to see him again—but I also didn’t want to imagine him being tortured like Braiden had. Of the knowledge that this was who my real father was. A man that tortured and killed his way through problems.
“I- I can’t be here.” I jumped up and glared at my father, needing to be far, far away from him. “You still don’t get it. I don’t think you ever will.” My feet propelled me toward to the door as I ignored his pleas.
Mom had told me how hard life with my father had been. How those early days, when I was just a baby, had tested her resolve and pushed her to her limits. But she’d stuck by him. In spite of who he was—his name and what he did—Mom saw something good in him. She believed in their love and she fought for him. For her. For their marriage.
Because she thought a love like that was worth fighting for.
Braiden hadn’t fought for us. Not in the end. He’d chosen to sacrifice our relationship for what he thought was the greater good. I didn’t doubt that a part of him believed every word my father said about him—that he wasn’t good enough for me.
But he was wrong.
And if he wouldn’t fight for us. For our love.
I would.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Braiden
I awoke early after a comatose night of sleep. It was probably the concoction of beer and pain meds, but at least, I hadn’t dreamed of Cara—and if I had, I couldn’t remember. I needed a clear head for the day ahead. Briony and Luke were expecting me in Astoria, and I didn’t want to dance around, making friends and playing catch up. I wanted to get in and then get the fuck out. The sooner I had the information O’Connor needed, the better.
After showering and repacking my few belongings into the rucksack O’Connor had returned to me, I wandered outside the motel and managed to hitch a ride into Astoria with a trucker on his way to the Port. My stomach somersaulted with nervous energy, a million fucking scenarios playing out in my head, and by the time he rolled to a stop, I was ready to puke.
“Thanks, man,” I said climbing out of the truck and getting my bearings. He’d given me directions of where to hail a cab to take me to Luke’s apartment.
It was only a short ride from the Port to the apartment, and in no time, the cabbie pulled to a stop. I paid him and climbed out staring up at the building. There was no going back now. Once this was all over with, I could start living my life—no expectations, no lies or secrets, just me and my own rules. My heart hammered against my chest, but I shut it down. I shut it all down. Now was time for the old Braiden Donohue to pull on his game face.
“Braiden.” Briony rushed out of the door and ran toward me. I dropped my bag and caught her as she flung herself at me. “Jesus, you scared the shit out of me. I thought you were lying in a ditch dead somewhere.”
Guilt knocked at my conscience, but I refused to let it in. She had lied to me, kept things from me.
Played me.
“Hey, I’m fine. See.” I released her and stepped back. “Never been better.”
She eyed me critically. “Really? You’re back? For good?”
“There are still things I need to be clear on, questions that need answering, but yeah, where else would I be?”
Her lips curled into a huge smile just as Luke appeared behind her. “Let’s move this inside, no?”
I heard his warning loud and clear; we needed to stay under the radar. I nodded, hauled the bag over my shoulder, and wrapped my other arm around my sister leading her back to the building.
“It’s good to see you, man.” Luke opened the door to the apartment and motioned for us to enter. Briony seemed unaware of the clipped tone of his voice, but I didn’t. He was suspicious. But he had every right to be. Without hesitation, I replied, “I needed to work out some things. Turns out going home wasn’t my smartest move ever, it brought back some shit. Shit that only liquor and sex can cure.” I winked at him, and Briony nudged me in the stomach. “Braid, too much information.”
I dropped my bag and held up my hands in surrender. “Hey, just telling it like it is. I was celibate for four years, B. What else did you expect?”
“Pig.” She smiled and went to the refrigerator to get drinks. “You could’ve texted or called. Something, Braiden.”
“Yeah, I know, but half the time I was too wasted to even find my damn cell phone. It’s a miracle the thing made it back with me.” I glanced at Luke, who was leaned up against the wall, arms folded across his chest, watching me.
“Problem?” I challenged him.
“You seem, I don’t know, different.”
“Luke.” Briony shot him one of her looks, but he shrugged. “I’m just saying he’s been off the radar for a week and comes back looking like the cat that got the cream.”
“Two, actually.”
“Two what?” he shot back.
“Pussies.” I waggled my eyebrows and smirked, stretching my arms behind my head. “Best threesome I’ve ever had.”
Okay, so I was laying it on a little thick, but Briony knew my past. She wouldn’t expect anything less from me. Luke, on the other hand, narrowed his eyes weighing up my story.
“Why does everything revolve around guys and their dicks?” Briony groaned glancing back and forth between the two of us.
“I can’t answer for lover boy over there, but sex takes away all the shit going on in here.” I tapped my head ignoring the memories fighting their way to the surface. Cara’s body wrapped around mine. “And I had a lot of shit to expel.”
“All right, Casanova. Grandpa wants to meet tomorrow. Hang tight for now.” He pushed off the wall shooting me a look I couldn’t decipher. Briony had bought my story, but Luke was going to be harder to convince.
“You don’t believe me, do you?” We were almost at the warehouse Luke had brought me to the first time I met Jack Doyle.
His hands tapped against the wheel in beat to the radio, and he said, “It’s not that I don’t believe you, I just … shit, man, it all sounds too convenient. You were guarded, closed off, when you first got out, and now, well, I can’t put my finger on it, but you’re different.”
I blew out a breath for effect, raking a hand through my hair. “Listen, I didn’t want to say anything in front of Briony. She’s been through enough, but when I went back, it hit me pretty hard. The stuff with Dad, his death, this shitstorm with O’Connor. I spent a whole day getting wasted and crying like a fucking baby. That is something you can never repeat. To anyone, got it?”
He nodded.
“Briony still loves Dad. Despite everything, he was her father, our father. But he left me in there to rot, Luke. That’s done something to me. My soul. I went home to try to work through that, but all I got was a reminder of everything. It hit me like a fucking wrecking ball. So yeah, I skipped out on you guys, but I also checked out on life. I just wanted to forget. All the shit raging around in here.” I tapped my head. “I got wasted, fucked some faceless girls, and slept in my own puke. When I finally sobered up, it was like the smack in the face I needed. I could either throw my life away and let him win, or I could step up to the plate and restore my family’s name. Make the Donohues great again.”
Luke didn’t say anything; he just stared ahead. I had no fucking clue what was going on in his head, so I tried one last thing. “Anyway,” I said. “I had to come back. I ran out of cash.”
A slow smile broke over his serious face, and he slapped his hand down on the wheel. “Shit, it’s good to have you back. I’m sorry, yeah, about everything. But you’re back now and it’s time to bring O’Connor down. Everyone wants this thing over.”
“I’m ready.”
I sat listening to the men around the circle, taking in every detail. In my a
bsence, they had been busy, and things were already in motion to take out O’Connor.
“Braiden,” Jack Doyle addressed me. “You’re certain this is what you want?”
“Yes. I’m in, one hundred percent.” I met each of the men’s eyes, the same men I’d been introduced to at Jack’s bar, The Cave. Sean, Iain, Austin, and Joe all eyed me, mixed emotions reflected in their eyes. Uncertainties still existed between this group and their plan to remove O’Connor from power, but none of it mattered because when the shit hit the fan, I was going to be far away from Astoria, Seattle, and hopefully the West Coast.
Doyle nodded. “It’s settled then. The tides are changing, gentlemen. The organization will soon enter a new phase, one that’ll see us stronger than ever. I look forward to it.” He rose and everyone followed suit, shaking hands and clapping each other on the back. I worked the huddle, saying hello to Iain and exchanging head nods with Austin, Joe, and Sean. They were wary of me, and they had every right to be.
“Donohue, ready to step up?” Sean came to stand beside me as I watched Luke, Jack, and Joe discussing something, heads lowered.
“Someone’s got to do it,” I replied. “Besides, Doyle made it sound like no one else wanted the job?”
He barked out a laugh. “Oh, plenty want it, but whether they have what it takes is another thing. You, on the other hand; if you’re anything like your old man, I’m sure you’ll have no problems.”
My head snapped over to him, and I glared, fighting back the urge to throat punch him. I wasn’t my father.
I wasn’t.
Maybe back then I could have been. I was on a path to self-destruction. But after everything over the last four years—the last few weeks—I’d changed.
“Gentlemen.” Doyle clapped his hands together. “My grandson will accompany you all to The Cave. Braiden and I have things to discuss.”
I followed Doyle into his office, blood pumping through my veins.
“Sit, son.” He poured us both a drink and handed one to me. “My grandson tells me you returned to Chastity Falls?”
“Yes.”
“And?”
“It was a bad fucking idea.”
Doyle cracked a smile. “Sometimes, the past is better left in the past.”
“I’ll drink to that, old man.” I raised my glass and he followed suit. “To the future.”
“To the future indeed. You must have questions? Things you want to know about what will happen?”
I nodded leaning back into the chair. This was it. I’d finally been welcomed into the fold. Only this time, I was a snake in the grass.
Morning seeped through the thin curtains and I rubbed my eyes. My body ached from the shitty night’s sleep on the cardboard-thin mattress. I’d reached the rendezvous point sometime around midnight. O’Connor wasn’t due to arrive until this morning, but I’d wanted to get out of Astoria sooner rather than later. It wouldn’t have taken Briony long to discover the letter I’d left for her in her purse and alert Luke to my disappearance. In fact, they were probably looking for me right now. But I’d left no tracks, hitching a ride with another truck driver, regularly switching along the route, and O’Connor had picked a motel just outside Morton, which wasn’t situated along the most direct route to Seattle. Not that I’d left any clues to my whereabouts. Unless they knew more than they let on, Jack Doyle, Luke, and my sister would have no reason to suspect that I was meeting up with O’Connor. Which meant I was safe, for now.
The room had been booked and paid for under Braiden Kelly, and the host had asked no questions when I checked in, just handed me the key and gave me a quick rundown of the amenities. Which, when I arrived at my room, I discovered were basic, but it wasn’t like I planned to be here any longer than necessary. As soon as O’Connor showed, I would give him what he needed, and then I was out of here.
I was done.
An odd sense of emptiness settled over me. Seeing Briony again had pulled at my heartstrings, the shared blood running through our veins, but I couldn’t look her in the eye without feeling betrayed. When she and Luke had left me alone to go out and fetch groceries, I’d almost left without leaving so much as a note, and while my sudden disappearance would hurt her, she deserved some closure. She deserved to know that I knew the truth and that I no longer intended to be a puppet at the expense of an organization that had once wanted me dead.
A knock sounded on the door just as I was towel drying my hair, and I called, “Just a minute.” It could only be O’Connor, but it didn’t stop my pulse from spiking.
Unlatching the chain, I turned the handle and opened the door.
“Hello.”
Everything zeroed in on me, sucking the air from my lungs, and I stood paralyzed. This wasn’t happening.
It couldn’t be happening.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Cara
I stared into electric blue eyes I never thought I’d see again, drinking in the sight of him. The feel of him standing less than two feet away from me.
“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” I asked.
Braiden’s mouth dropped open, and he blinked as if seeing a mirage. “What- what the fuck are you doing here?”
“Not quite the reaction I expected.” I ducked under his arm and into the room.
The door closed, but Braiden didn’t move. He was in some kind of trance. I moved to him and reached up laying my palm against his face. “It’s me, I’m here.”
He grabbed my hand in his and wrenched it away, pain dancing up my wrist. “I can see that, Cara, but I’ll ask again what the fuck are you doing here?”
Ripping my hand from his, I stepped back, overwhelmed by how much my presence seemed to be affecting him. I expected him to be confused, but it was more than that. Braiden was pissed and looked ready to maim, yet I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. He just didn’t like being kept in the dark. Not after everything.
“I came for you.” His eyes pinned me where I stood, but I refused to let him intimidate me. I moved back into his space and noticed the rapid rise and fall of his chest. His heart was pounding. He was nervous. My Braiden was terrified.
“Where’s your father? He said he’d be here.”
This wasn’t working. He was shutting me out completely. Refusing to acknowledge what my presence at some dingy motel on the side of the highway meant. I inched closer to him until I had to crane my neck to look up at him. “He’s not coming, Braiden.”
Anger flashed across his face followed by more confusion. “I- I don’t understand.”
“Shh.” I took one of his hands in mine, gently at first, testing the waters. He didn’t withdraw his hand, so I tightened my hold. Sure he wasn’t about to bolt or shove me away, I reached up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his. Braiden’s muscles tensed against me, and I could literally feel his resistance to letting me back in.
I knew then without a shadow of a doubt that the complicated, unsure guy before me had walked away from me without a fight because he genuinely thought it was the right thing to do. He didn’t feel worthy of me—or my love, and he chose to leave instead of fighting for us. Perhaps because no one had ever fought for him. Because everyone he trusted had lied to him. But I was here now, and I wasn’t leaving until he understood that I chose him.
My hands moved up to his face and curled around his broad shoulders, anchoring me to his solid frame. Pulling away, I stared into his cloudy eyes and whispered, “I’m here. I choose you, Braiden. I choose us.”
He stared back with a storm of confusion, hurt, and surprise swirling in the depths of his eyes. He didn’t move an inch. Even his chest stopped rising and falling as if he had stopped breathing. And then recognition sparked in his glare and he inhaled a long breath. “You mean?”
A smile formed on my face, and I nodded. “Yes, you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
I’d seen Braiden at his most vulnerable; lost, afraid, and alone. He might have been a man, but four years of his life had been taken from
him and he was still finding his way in a world that had betrayed him. The look of relief that washed over his face left me breathless, and I inched closer hovering my lips over his. I was here—standing right in front of him, but now, he needed to make his choice. I could fight for us until I had nothing left to give, but he had to meet me halfway.
He had to want this as well.
Braiden’s hand clamped around my thighs hauling me up to him as his mouth captured mine in a kiss that told me his decision. Lost in the feel of being so close to Braiden—to the guy I thought I’d never see again—I didn’t realize he had walked us over to the bed until my back hit the mattress and Braiden kneeled over, staring down at me with complete adoration.
“You’re crazy.”
I laughed, and damn, did it feel good. This was how it was supposed to be. None of the pressure, the expectations, or the shadows of our lives weighing down on us.
“What?” Braiden asked.
“I thought I’d never see you again,” I replied reaching out to trace the curves of his face. He caught my wrist and pressed a kiss to my palm before saying, “What changed? What are you doing here, Cara? Do we need to run? Because I will, I’ll run with you. I’ll go anywhere. Just don’t leave me again.”
There he was—my vulnerable, lost Braiden. I dropped my fingers to his jaw and tilted his face forcing him to look at me. “Some things are worth fighting for.”
“And you fought? For a guy like me? Why, Cara? Why?”
He looked so unsure of himself; I wanted to wrap myself around him and love him until it erased all of the bad shit plaguing his thoughts. Couldn’t he see that I didn’t care about who he was, what he’d done … his name. None of that mattered to me.
“Because you can’t help who you fall in love with, Blue.”
