by L A Cotton
"Hey, are you okay?" I called.
"I- I think I sprained her ankle." That was when I realized the something was a girl, and she was clutching her ankle. "Here, let me see." I moved toward her gasped. "Ana? What the hell?"
"I was trying to get to her dorm." She was drenched, her face twisted in pain. Crouching down, I felt around her ankle. Satisfied nothing seemed broken, I offered her my hand. "You're freezing. Come on, we need to get you inside."
Tugging Ana up, I slipped my arm underneath her knees and around her waist and cradled her against me "Which block?"
"McGinley."
"Fuck, that's all the way across campus." She wasn’t heavy by any stretch of the imagine, but she was freezing, her teeth already chattering. And there was every chance she was in shock.
"Sorry.” She quivered, and I set off toward her building.
"I'm going to jog, okay?" I said noticing how small she felt cocooned in my arms.
Finally, outside McGinley, I lowered her to the ground, taking her weight. My eyes flickered to down her body. The damp shirt clung to her curves, fuck she was perfect ... and she totally caught me checking her out. Ana raised an eyebrow at me, but I ignored her, holding out my hand. “Key?”
“Excuse me?” She frowned.
“The key… for getting inside. If you think I’m leaving you alone, in this weather, you’re crazier than I thought.”
She pulled out the card and slapped it in my palm. She was cute when she was all worked up. “Here.”
“This is a girls only dorm, you know,” she said as I unlocked the door and pushed it open.
“Please, like I’ll be the only guy passing through these doors before the semester’s out. Which floor?”
“Second.”
I scooped her up again and climbed the stairs. “Which one is yours?”
“Three B, end of the hallway, next to the emergency stairwell.”
Interesting. I made a mental note of that. Just in case. “Let’s get you home, Ana Parry.”
“Savanah, my real name is Savanah,” she blurted out, and I smiled.
“Well, Savanah Parry, you’re home.” Dropping me to the floor, he used the second key card on the small O-ring to open the door. I managed to balance on the wall enough to flick the switch, and then hop to the bed.
“Here, let me take a closer look.” I dropped down in front of me, cradling her foot in my hands. “Ouch, you’ve sprained it pretty bad. You need to rest and elevate it. Do you have a towel?”
She pointed toward the small bathroom, and I went in search of towels. When I returned, I threw a dry one at her and Ana started toweling off her hair. I’d rolled the second one and soaked it with cold water.
“It’s not ice, but it should help with the swelling. Hmm, you need help changing?” My eyes couldn’t help but sweep over her chest again.
“Just hand me those pants off the back of the chair and that tank?”
I pulled them off the back of the desk chair and handed them to her. Our fingers brushed, and a bolt of electricity shot through me. What the fuck was that?
“Yeah, so umm, I’ll be right over here. Not looking,” I murmured suddenly feeling very awkward.
“Damn, that hurts.” Ana’s voice was laced with pain.
“You okay back there?”
“Yeah. You can turn around now.”
Jackson approached the bed, a strained look on his face, as his eyes raked over me. He wrapped the wet towel around her ankle, with enough pressure that I could feel it, but not enough to hurt, and then he grabbed one of the redundant pillows and placed it underneath her lower leg. “There, rest, ice, compression, and elevate. You’ll be as good as new by tomorrow. So, anyway, what were you doing out there?" He left her side and went to sit in the desk chair.
“The party at Dead Man’s Cove, remember.”
I went rigid.
“It wasn’t really my kind of scene, so I left… look how well that worked out for me.”
Before I could talk myself out of it, I moved closer to her. Ana watched me. She resembled a wild animal about to bolt, but she didn’t flinch as I reached for her soggy hair, brushing it out of her eyes. “I better go.”
I needed to be far, far away from her. The things I wanted to confess to her, to do to her … nothing good could come from any of it. Braiden would never allow it. Not someone like Ana.
Especially not someone like Ana.
Her eyes fluttered shut. “Okay. Th-thanks.”
My fingers lingered on her cheek, there was so much more I wanted to say. But I moved for the door, flicking the light switch and plummeting the room into darkness. I reached for the doorknob and half stepped out of the room. I had to go. I needed to go. Before I did something very, very stupid. This could never happen.
It just couldn’t.
So I sealed my fate.
“Ana, I’m no good for you. Stay away.” It came out barely a whisper.
But from the hurt in her eyes, I knew she’d heard it.
The Cafeteria
Cafeteria. Now.
I clenched my jaw and pocketed my cellphone. Something was up. Braiden had been a grouchy fucker all morning. Usually I stuck to him like glue when he was like that, but I’d had to take care of something for Marcus last period. I glanced back in the direction of the student center and inhaled deeply, raking my hand through my hair. Ana would be most likely be in there.
I needed more time. Time to tell her, to come clean. I’d wanted to tell her at the party, but then I’d yanked her into the closet and kissed her.
Fuck.
Everything was so screwed up. I was stuck between heaven and hell. The pull from heaven—from Ana—was strong. I wanted her. Only her. There was something between us, something magnetic. Ana felt it—the way she responded to me told me as much. I could vividly remember the way her body relaxed against me, how her mouth surrendered to me. But I was playing a dangerous game. If Braiden found out there would be repercussions. Not just because she had turned him down at the freshman party, but because Braiden didn’t like outsiders, and most of all he didn’t like me getting the upper hand.
Ever.
What the fuck was I supposed to do?
My cell vibrated and as my eyes glanced over the text from one of the guys, and my choice was made.
It wasn’t ever mine to make in the first place.
I skidded to a halt outside the cafeteria doors, trying to catch my breath. A wall of black and green blocked my view into the vast room. Gripping the handle, I pulled and slipped inside. The silence was thick, like a wall. This was usually a place full of rowdy students catching up over whatever shit they were serving on the lunch menu, but all I could hear was the familiar grunts and growls of Braiden pounding on some guy.
Wasting no time, I barged through the wall of my teammates and scoured the room, my eyes finding him straight away. Braiden had a guy pinned against the wall. Blood splatters stained the beige walls, and the guy looked semi-conscious. Everyone was watching, a mix of shock and twisted fascination gleaming in their eyes. Everyone except the blur of brown and black moving towards where Braiden and the guy were.
I stepped forward and blinked, my eyes deceiving me. The girl had her back to me, but the curves, the dark clothing hugging her figure, the dark long wavy hair, I’d recognize her in the middle of a crowded room. In a silent unmoving room Ana stood out like a neon sign.
What the fuck is she doing? was the only thought on my mind until I heard Braiden’s fist connect with the guy’s ribs. I didn’t think as I took off in their direction. “Braiden, dude, chill. Fuck. BRAIDEN,” I yelled in an attempt to penetrate his haze.
Braiden blinked as if snapping out of a trance, and turned his head toward me, lingering on Ana a little too long for my liking. I stopped a few paces behind Ana.
“Pierce, I had to teach this fuck a lesson.”
I heard his words, but I wasn’t paying attention now. Ana had started to turn, confusion shining in her e
yes. My heart slammed against my chest. She knew. I could see the pieces slotting together, the veil lifting.
She knew.
I smiled weakly at her as I said to Braiden, “Braiden, man, we need to get out of here. You might be untouchable, but assault? On campus? Whole other ballgame, dude.”
Braiden released the guy and he crumpled to the floor in a bloodied mess. Some guys rushed to his side and dragged him to a table. I didn’t give him a second glance as Braiden moved toward us. He slowed next to Ana and I caught the flash of recognition. As if things couldn’t get any worse.
As he passed me, he flicked his head. We’re leaving. He didn’t need to issue orders; I knew the routine. Braiden went in all guns blazing and left the rest of us—usually me—to clean up the mess. I turned to follow him, but not before casting Ana a backwards glance.
I’m sorry. I put it all into that one glance.
I only hoped she understood.
I wanted to go to her, to make her understand.
She had to understand.
I did it to protect her, to try and give us a chance at getting to know one another without the complications of my family. Hell, who was I kidding? I lied because I was a coward. I was bound to the Donohues in ways most people wouldn’t understand. And she was fragile. Ana had demons of her own, that much I knew. I didn’t want to break her, I wanted to heal her, and now, now everything was blown to shit.
“Pierce, care to join us?” Braiden snarled, narrowing his eyes at me.
“I’m here, aren’t I?” I held Braiden’s glare until he broke our connection and continued filling us in on the latest news out of Reibeckitt.
Dennis shot me a look that said, ‘what the fuck?’ I shook my head discreetly, but he had a point. I was baiting Braiden which was the last thing I needed to be doing.
After leaving the cafeteria we’d headed straight to the cabin. Braiden needed to cool off and the best place was to do that out of sight. Two hours later, we were still out here. I was half expecting him to quiz me about Ana, but that wasn’t his style. He would wait to strike. And I had to be ready. I had to make sure he had no proof to throw at me other than a few shared glances and rumors. I had to make sure he knew where my loyalties lay—with the family. With him.
Which meant…
No, I couldn’t think about what had to be done. Not here, not yet.
I needed time.
“Since you’re all so chatty, let’s go to Dante’s and get fucked up.”
Ky and Shawn cheered slamming their fists down on the table. Dennis cast me another glance. I was beginning to wonder what his problem was. He didn’t kiss ass as much as Ky or Shawn, but we hadn’t really spent much time getting to know one another since starting CFA.
“Pierce, you in?”
“Can’t. I have to meet with Uncle Marcus.” I did. Kind of. I had to drop off something at the house, but it would take half an hour tops.
“Okay, well come by when you get done.”
“More pussy for us,” Ky shoulder checked me as we left the cabin and made our way down the steps.
The guys laughed into the night, but I jammed my hands into my pockets and shrugged. I had bigger things to think about.
The Confession
I rapped on the window quietly. Ana was curled up on her bed sleeping. Just the sight of her caused my heart to ache. That, and what I was about to do. I knocked again. Ana bolted upright and squinted in my direction. I knew the moment she recognized me, because her eyes widened and filled with longing. But then it was gone, replaced with something harder. Distant.
Ana came to the window and opened it for me but moved back to the other side of the room which cut pretty deep too. I didn’t want her to be scared of me. She never needed to be scared of me.
“Ana, I—”
“You lied,” she said, cutting me dead.
“Let me explain. Please.” I pleaded taking a step toward her. “Everything is so fucked up. I wanted to tell you. Since that first night…”
Her head whipped up as my words hit her. “It was you, at the orientation party. You saved me from Braiden.”
I nodded unable to disguise the regret in my voice. “I wanted to tell you… but it changes things. It always changes things.”
Ana groaned. “He calls you Pierce? They all call you Pierce?”
My stomach dropped. I never wanted her to think of me as Pierce. I was Jackson to Ana. I only wanted to be Jackson.
“Yeah… It kind of stuck a long time ago. Not many people call me Jackson anymore. I’m usually Jax or Pierce. But not to you…”
The words lingered between us and I wanted nothing more than to reach out to her and wrap her in my arms, but she said, “You’re… you’re like him? Braiden? You use your fists to solve problems? The girls? The parties? Drugs?" She glared at me, and I stepped forward again, reaching out for her. I couldn’t help myself, but Ana recoiled and dropped down onto the mattress.
“I’m not like him. I promise.” I hesitated not wanting to say the words. “But… but it’s not that simple. Braiden is like my brother. He’s family.”
“The sneaking around, the discreet messages… who were you protecting, Pierce? Me? Yourself? Braiden?”
I paled. “Don’t. Don’t call me that, Ana. Not you. I can’t stand hearing you calling me that.”
Ana looked right at me, her eyes cutting through me. “Why? Why can’t you stand me calling you that? Why does it matter what I think?”
I dropped to the floor in front of her, almost at her eye level. My hand hovered over her thigh, but I withdrew it and shoved it into my pocket. “Because you are different, Ana Parry. You make me believe things can be different.”
“But?”
“They can’t. Braiden noticed. Noticed something between us in the cafeteria. I have to throw him off the scent. If he finds out about you, about us, things could turn to shit very quickly. For both of us. It’s safer for you this way.”
Ana flinched at my words, I saw it. But my strong, brave girl wouldn’t break. Not yet. She raised her chin slightly, almost in defiance. “And I don't get any say?”
Screw the rules.
Before I could stop myself, I curled my hand around the back of her neck and pulled Ana down to me. My lips moved to her neck instinctively, but I held back, whispering, “It’s got to be this way. I fucking hate it, but it’s the only way. I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me.”
“Jackson I- I’m just so confu-”
I pulled back and found her lips. It wasn’t delicate or soft, but it was what I needed. In that moment, I was a selfish bastard because I had to taste her. I had to know that she was mine even if I could never truly have her. Ana’s small hands clung to me like she might cease to exist without me. I sucked and nipped and licked. It wasn’t enough—I wanted more, I wanted all of her, and the soft mewls coming from her told me Ana felt the same, but I couldn’t do that.
I wouldn’t.
This was our end, not our beginning. If I laid her back and loved her the way I wanted to, I would never be able to let her go, and if I couldn’t let her go, I couldn’t protect her. Ana gripped me tighter, clamping her legs around my waist, as if she knew what I was doing. My chest cracked as I begun to untangle her from me. I pressed one last kiss on her lips and stepped back. The sight of her sitting there on the floor looking up at me with tears lacing her eyes almost broke me. But I had to do it, I had to say the words almost choking me.
“Ana, we have to keep our distance. You can’t approach me or talk to me. And I will ignore you. You won’t exist to me. I’m so sorry that I dragged you into this shit storm.” I feathered my finger across her jaw, wanting to savor her. “I know you still have questions, but I can’t give you answers. Ana Parry in another life I would have stolen your heart and never returned it.”
There was no going back now.
I’d broken her heart, and in the process shattered my own.
Also by l. a. cotton
Read othe
r YA / NA crossover romance from L A Cotton
Wicked Bay Series
Wicked Beginnings
Wicked Rules
Wicked Lies
Wicked Games
Wicked Needs
Liar Liar Series
Liar Liar
Truth or Dare
Fate’s Love Series
Fate’s Love
Love’s Spark
Love Collides
Standalones
Lucky Penny
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About the Author
Author of mature young adult and new adult novels, L A is happiest writing the kind of books she loves to read: addictive stories full of teenage angst, tension, twists and turns. Home is a small town in the middle of England where she currently juggles being a full-time writer with being a mother/referee to two little people. In her spare time (and when she’s not camped out in front of the laptop) you’ll most likely find L A immersed in a book, escaping the chaos that is life. L A loves connecting with readers, and you can find her at: Official Website www.lacotton.com L A loves connecting with readers. The best places to find her are:
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