As Cara fell into an exhausted slumber, he closed his eyes and wondered what he was going to do.
Chapter Six
CARA WOKE UP WITH HIS arms wrapped tight around her.
She blinked, remembering the scene and the things she'd told him. Things she'd wanted to confess for a long, long time. Lying still, body sore from use, she wondered if Rem believed her. He was the type of Dom to always comfort a submissive. It was amazing how ruthless he could be within a scene; trained completely on her satisfaction no matter what he used to get her there. He'd changed. Before, if she protested, or sulked, or fought his demands, he gave in. Cara knew it was because he'd loved her and recognized they were finding their way.
But it had still been too much for her.
"You're awake."
She blinked and lifted her gaze. Stunning ocean blue eyes seethed with a variety of emotions, before shutting down behind the barrier. Cara knew the wall too well. She'd used it many times in her past, but not tonight. Tonight, was a gift, and she'd use the opportunity without holding back.
"Yes. I'm sorry about -- that."
A frown marred his dark brows. "Never be sorry about emotion. It's the most honest thing we have. My intent was to push you to tears. Sometimes, we need the cleansing. How are you feeling?"
"Good. A bit sore."
"Good. I always liked you sore. Meant you were worshipped the way you should be."
Raw emotion clogged her throat. This man had never left her heart, even after all these years. The combination of ruthless command and aching gentleness undid her completely. She spoke in a husky voice. "Rem, I should've never ran away. I didn't want to hurt you, but I convinced myself it would be better for both of us if I just disappeared."
His jaw clenched. "Better for you, Cara. Not me. I have to hand it to you -- I had no idea. I thought you were as happy as I was."
"You did make me happy. But I doubted myself, and each time I tried to share with you, you told me I was perfect." Misery crept through her. "It's crazy, I know, but I needed you to step back and let me find my way. It wasn't just about the sex, Rem. You were sure about your future as a dealer, and our future. Sure about your wants, and your needs. You knew where we were going to live, and that I'd work as a teacher, and that we'd have three children one day. There was never any room for doubt, and I felt like, I felt like--"
"Like what?"
She dragged in a breath and dove into truth. "I felt like I was disappearing. I didn't know who I was anymore, because you already knew. Does that make sense?"
Naked pain flickered over his face. Cara reached out and touched his cheek. He flinched. "Yes. I loved you too much."
Cara closed her eyes against the grief. "Yes. I wasn't ready for a man like you. I needed to crash and burn and make mistakes and find out who I was. Without you."
The distance and coolness shimmered around him. Cara felt as if she could actually touch the barrier separating them, from too many regrets and scars that never healed properly. It was her fault. He hadn't deserved to spend these past five years wondering what he'd done wrong. Somehow, some way, Cara needed to heal this man, and forge something new between them. They couldn't go back.
But they could move forward.
"Rem, I thought about contacting you, but I was afraid I'd beg your forgiveness and re-start the cycle. I had to grow up and find my own way first. I never stopped loving you."
His lips tightened. "Cara, you were never returning to me. And I couldn't take you back. The cliche is exactly right - there's too much water under this bridge to save. What you love is the memory of your first love. But it wasn't real."
Her eyes stung. "Yes, it was," she said. "It was so real it scared the living hell out of me. Don't you know why I signed up for FANTA-C, Rem? I wanted to experience everything I'd ever been afraid of. You were right. I'm a submissive, and I love that part of myself. I just wasn't ready to be your submissive. Now, I know I'm the woman I always knew I could be. Not a girl, but a woman to hold her own and not be afraid when things get hard. A woman strong enough to be yours."
Rem shook his head. "What we had is long gone. You've haunted me over the years. I think we were meant to see each other one last time to clear up the past. Maybe we can finally let each other go now."
Cara jerked back. Of course. He looked at this night as a cleansing to wring her from his system. She didn't blame him. All she could do is give him everything he asked for and more. Surrender her body and her heart and soul. If she lost, at least she had no regrets.
"Rem, you're not alone. I've woken up every morning with the memory of your face behind my closed lids. I've gone to sleep every night with your name on my lips."
In seconds, he roared up and flipped her over, pinning her arms back and pressing her deep into the mattress. She gasped at the leashed savagery of his hold, the thick strain of his cock pressing against her buttocks. Primal desire pumped through her veins and made her wet.
"I'm not here to talk about the past," he growled in her ear. "I'm here to test your limits. I'm here to fuck you over and over until dawn. Understood?"
She shivered and kept her secret close to her heart. Everything made sense now. These last five years had been necessary to make her way back to him, and gain his forgiveness. She'd win him back. She had no choice, but right now, he was her Dom and demanded her submission. "Yes, Sir."
"Good. Get up from the bed and wait for my instructions."
He climbed off her. Cara stood beside the bed, naked. She made sure to keep her shoulders back and spread her legs. His nod of approval made her confidence surge. Cara watched him rustle a spreader bar from his duffel bag, along with two long chains. Her eyes widened in surprise when he walked to the center of the room and attached the chains to the hooks in the ceiling.
His lip kicked up in that famous half smile. "FANTA-C has these hotels for a reason. I told them exactly what I needed for tonight, and they provided." He tested the hold and made some adjustments. "Come here, Cara."
She obeyed. He shackled each of her wrists. Her hands were pulled above her head, but not too high where she'd cramp up. "Feet wide apart, please." Cara spread her legs wide, and he slipped the spreader bar between her ankles. Once again, he adjusted the width until she was open to him but her thighs weren't straining with discomfort. The position put her completely at his mercy, her body on display for whatever he wanted to do.
The slow, smug grin curved his lips. How badly she wanted that delicious mouth on her everywhere. The memory of those powerful orgasms tightened her nipples into hard points, and immediately, her pussy throbbed in demand. Remington Steele was addictive. Her body had never forgotten him, and was well trained in responding to the slightest touch or look.
"Very nice. Does anything hurt?"
"No, Sir."
"We'll fix that soon." Her heart pounded frantically as he removed a flogger. Smacking it against his palm, the thud of the leather hit her ears and flooded her with arousal. "Ah, I see someone has learned to enjoy the flogger. Who was the Dom that trained you?"
"Paul, Sir."
Determination flickered in his eyes. "I know Paul well. Let's see how well he served you, shall we? I'll begin with a warm-up. Don't forget your safe word."
"Yes, Sir."
Cara began the deep breathing she was taught, and softened her body against the dull slap of the flogger. He kept a light, experienced hand, covering every inch of skin until she was warm and tingly. She pulled at the chains, enjoying her bondage and the sound of the clinking metal, reminding her all choices were out of her hand. Rem circled her body, moving from the back of her legs, up to her ass, and covering her back. Suddenly, his hard hands were on her ass, rubbing and squeezing her flesh, dipping one finger into her pussy to test her wetness. A moan spilled from her lips.
"You're so wet, sweetheart. My little slut likes to get beaten by my hand. I like my subs vocal. So I won't be satisfied until you scream, Cara. Until you beg me to let you come. Do you
understand?"
She gasped as his finger coated her clit with her own wetness. A tingle of alarm cut through her. She disliked yelling during a flogging, preferring to bury the pain deep inside. To her, it was a test of her will. A matter of dignity. But he wanted her agreement, so she easily gave it to him. "Yes, Sir."
"Let's begin."
Cara jerked at the first real slap against her ass. The sting was more than she anticipated, and her body tensed up. God, it hurt. Paul had moved slowly, taking her to higher levels with a careful precision that allowed her to trust. If Paul gave her a hard slap, his next would be medium, then low, then back up. It became almost hypnotic and soothing. She'd heard many subs found a deep release via the use of pain, and though she enjoyed it, Cara figured she wasn't built that way.
Rem continued without lessening the strength of his hits. She liked the flogger. But not like this. Not with such... intensity. She waited for a breather, but Rem fell into a steady rhythm, alternating right to left, increasing the blows until she was shaking with the effort not to wriggle away. Swallowing hard, she tried to wrap her mind around the pain and sift through it. Biting her lip hard, she struggled to remain quiet.
The next blow on her inner thigh forced a low cry from her throat. A strange, unsettled emptiness rose up from her belly, flickering across her sensitive nerve endings. Her ass burned like fire.
Suddenly, he stopped. "I'm not hearing you, Cara. Where are we? Do you need your safe word?"
She panted and squeezed her eyes shut. "No, Sir."
"Open your eyes."
His gaze trapped hers, pinning her harder than his body had on the bed. Something shook loose inside, but she was desperate to shove it back.
"You will not suffer in silence, sweetheart. You will give me your voice. Your pain. Your screams. I'll keep you safe, but you have to let go first." His face gentled, but his eyes gleamed with implacable demand. "Don't suffer the pain, or fight it. Breathe with it, embrace it, and you'll be carried to the other place. Do you understand?"
Cara heard the words but struggled to believe him. "Yes, Sir."
His lips tightened, catching her in the lie. "We'll begin again."
Oh, God.
The blows came faster and harder. Cara fought the intense sensations and the warring emotions growing inside of her. His lashes never wavered, striking perfectly over each ass cheek, the back of her thighs, the sensitive crease near her pussy. Hot tears burned her lids, and she tasted blood on her bitten lip. An odd throbbing sensation beat from between her thighs, demanding release, until arousal and pain mingled to a razor sharp edge where she couldn't' recognize one from the other. She would not cry for mercy. She would not cry. She would not--
She jerked in her bonds as the last lash caught her across the center of her ass. Color burst behind her closed lids, and her mouth opened and she was yelling, letting her voice finally escape.
"Please, oh, God, Rem, please!"
"Good girl. Let it go, sweetheart." His fingers delved into her soaked pussy, thrusting in and out, scraping against her clit, and Cara went wild underneath him, not able to keep her reserve or hold back. Sobbing his name over and over, she begged him to let her come, her hips helplessly jerking back and forth, trying to ride his fingers. "Fuck, you're dripping, your body loves it. I need more."
"No, please let me come, please!" she cried.
"I can take you further. I will take you further."
Hanging on the edge of a shattering orgasm, he began flogging her again, but this time she didn't fight the blows. With tears streaming down her cheeks, she yelled for him, screamed his name, begged him for mercy, all the while her body tightened and shook with raw need to shatter under his hands. Caught in the violent grip of agonizing pleasure, she hung there, waiting on his command. Each blow pushed her toward freedom, her mind and body locked on one thing only -- to come. For him.
A distant part of her mind registered Rem had dropped the flogger. He dropped to his knees before her, head thrown back, fierce satisfaction glowing in his eyes. As she hung before him, open and vulnerable, she felt as powerful and adored as a sexual goddess, and a throaty roar escaped her lips, echoing in the room like an animal ready to mate.
"Fucking magnificent. Fucking perfect. Now, I want you to come for me, Cara. Come hard."
His mouth buried into her pussy the same time his hands grabbed her ass and squeezed.
Pain and pleasure collided and thrust her into orgasm.
Cara screamed and surrendered to the agonizing convulsions of ecstasy. His mouth took it all, devoured her whole, and every inch of her body clenched and let go in one dizzying flow of release. Caught up in the violent waves, she heard his dim shout, and then he was fucking her, deep and hard, gripping her bruised hips and marking her as his, only his, forever his.
Time stopped. Time passed.
She slumped in her chains, boneless. Gentle hands freed her from the bonds, and she was carried over to the chair. A warm blanket wrapped around her. Cara snuggled into the delicious warmth, the intoxicating scent of mint and cloves drifting to her nostrils. He rocked her, pressing kisses against her temple, hugging her tight. Cara fell into a cocoon of safety, and for the first time, connected with a part of her she hadn't known existed. The part buried way deep inside, that still hung on to her negative thoughts, and fears. That hung onto the voices telling her she wasn't good enough. And finally, Cara realized all was quiet inside her, like a temple of peace within her own body.
"I still love you," she slurred, leaning her cheek against his shoulder. "I will always love you."
Then she slept.
Chapter Seven
REM STARED AT THE CLOCK.
Six am.
The night was officially over.
As if she sensed his thoughts, Cara shifted in his arms, muttering something under her breath. A smile touched his lips. God, she was beautiful. Always had been, but over the years, she'd ripened into a woman with strength and fortitude. She knew who she was, and it was the sexiest thing in the world. The way she submit to him last night would haunt him forever, and Rem wondered if he'd ever be able to accept any less. He'd be comparing all future women to Cara. The night that was supposed to banish her ghost had done the exact opposite.
Rem didn't think he'd ever get over her.
She frowned in sleep and he bent his head to press a kiss in the deep furrow of her brow. She settled, and he studied the fall of her Titian hair, the gentle curve of her cheek, the swollen fullness of her strawberry lips. Finally, he knew what it meant for a woman to give him everything. She'd be wearing his marks today, and his dick immediately hardened at the thought. Last night, he'd rubbed cream into her skin, soothing away the sting, then fucked her again. Slow. Quiet. He commanded her not to make a sound, and it only made it more exciting. Watching her shatter around him with a soundless cry on her lips pushed him to the limit. The intimacy between them was more than he'd ever had with another woman after only a few precious hours. Rem craved to roll her over, spread her thighs, and thrust in deep. One last time to savor her orgasm; the bite of her nails; the throaty scream of his name breaking from her lips.
Instead, he had to say good-bye.
His chest tightened. Her raw honesty had carved a wound in his heart, but Rem understood so much more now. In his mind, he'd been doing his job. Taking care of his lover, his sub, giving her everything she needed. He assumed confidence and security and encouragement would help her blossom. But she'd been too young. How could he possibly blame her for trying to find her own way? Make her own mistakes? If they'd only met a few years later, Rem knew they'd probably would've been married and lived happily ever after.
Maybe it just hadn't been fated.
He still hated her methods of leaving him, with only a note to torture himself with for years. But in the buried truth in his soul, Rem understood now. In her mind, there was no other way. If Cara had run back to him and tried to explain, Rem wondered if he would've done exactly what she was
afraid of. Take her back, chain her with sex, and promise to make her happy.
He hadn't seen what she really needed.
Grief beat through him. He'd failed her. And all these years hating her; loving her; twisted raw emotions that made no logical sense and pushed him to try and forget her, Rem realized he'd come full circle.
FANTA-C had brought them back together for a second chance.
But Rem couldn't do it.
God, he wished they had a shot to start over. But the past was too big for him to get past. One night wasn't enough to cleanse his soul and allow him to begin again. There was still too much disappointment for his inability to make her truly happy years ago. And who knows if he could ever make the new Cara happy? He didn't know what she wanted or needed anymore. It was a blueprint for disaster.
"Rem?"
Her husky voice raked across his ears. He stared down, stroking her tangled hair back from her face, and smiled. "Hey, sweetheart. How do you feel?"
"Good. Tired. Happy." She smiled back. "Sated."
"Then I did my job. I'll run you a bath to soak your sore muscles."
"Will you stay?"
He jerked back. His new Cara was ruthlessly, honest and direct. Pride filled him, along with a deep sadness that rivaled Eyore. He'd wanted to spoil her for a bit before walking away. But maybe this was better. Cleaner. How could he fight his instinct to make her his one more time? It would be too dangerous.
He may decide never to leave.
"No," he said. "I'm not staying, Cara."
She raised her chin. Those meadow green eyes glinted with resolve. "Why not? I'm asking you to please think about giving us a try. I want to know who you are today. I know we can never be what we were, Rem. I ruined that for both of us. But maybe we can be something even better."
Beg Me Page 4
