“As I said, I couldn’t be certain anything was going on, but I first considered the possibility that they might be intimate during this past summer.”
The drumming fingers stilled. “Why wasn’t I made aware of this?”
Claire was being cross-examined, but she was not intimidated. “Until you arrived here today, I only suspected something might be developing between them. Unlike you, I did not go searching for proof. Why has it taken you this long to see it?” Turning the tables, Claire was now on the offensive.
“You should have told me. We could have put a stop to this before it gained traction.”
“Why?”
Margo leaned forward as her voice became louder. “What do you mean ‘why?’ Are you saying you are happy about your daughter being a lesbian?”
Claire rolled her eyes. “They’re seventeen. They don’t know what they are, but I intend to leave them alone to find out. All I want is for my daughter to be happy.”
“Are you saying you are not happy?”
The challenge in Margo’s eyes was Claire’s undoing. She did not want this conversation to become personal, but it was a path they were destined to travel at some time, no matter how long they avoided doing so.
“I’m content with my life. I love my children, my marriage is…adequate.” Claire returned the question. “What about you?”
“Don’t, Claire.”
“Why? Because it will force you to face the truth?”
“You don’t know what you are talking about.” Margo turned her face away from Claire, her fingers pressing hard into her thigh.
“Don’t I?” Claire’s asked softly. “Have you ever been in love?”
Margo shook her head, but would not turn around. “I won’t have this conversation.”
“Look at me.”
The quiet command forced Margo to slowly turn her head until her eyes met Claire’s.
Eyes full of unshed tears as her chin trembled, Claire ached to comfort her, but she needed to hear Margo’s answer. “Have you ever been in love?”
“Don’t, Claire, please.” Her voice was hoarse, and Margo closed her eyes and swallowed hard as a lone tear slowly trickled down a face etched in pain. Her chin dropped as a hand clutched at her sweater.
“Look at me.” When Margo opened her eyes, Claire’s heart ached at the sadness in their depths. Time seemed to stand still as Claire waited for her reply.
“Only once,” Margo choked out as she exhaled a shuddering breath.
Nodding, Claire replied, “Me too.”
“God damn you!” Margo swiped at a tear as she abruptly rose from the sofa and stormed over to the window, looking out at the dull grey canvas, arms hugging her body protectively. “And damn this bloody rain.”
Claire had never seen Margo so vulnerable. Cautiously, not wanting to startle her, she joined the other woman at the window. “I prefer snow,” Claire whispered.
Claire heard Margo gasp as she laid a hand on her shoulder. A sigh escaped Margo’s lips when Claire’s hand slipped around the trim waist to cover the Q.C’s. Enjoying the warmth and the physical contact, they stood together absorbing the sensation of one another for the first time in over twenty-five years. Claire had missed the familiar softness of a woman’s body.
When Claire spoke, her lips were centimetres from Margo’s ear. “You were an only child. The weight of expectation on you was greater than most.” She gently rocked from side to side, movement intended to offer Margo some comfort.
The lawyer exhaled, her head shaking slowly. “You haven’t changed a bit, you know. Still offering kind words and understanding with no expectation of anything in return. Still my selfless Claire.”
That aspect of her nature was the principal reason Claire had chosen not to enter the courtroom. Teaching law in its purest form really had been the best career choice for her. “Perhaps.”
Margo sighed. “It’s true that I was expected to marry a man that my father approved of and have children with him. I was under a lot of pressure to do just that, and, I wanted to make my father proud by emulating his success. He didn’t have a son, so it fell to me to be both successful and keep the family line going.” Margo took a long breath.
The words were spoken so quietly, Claire had to concentrate on them, straining to hear each and every one, not wanting to miss a single syllable of Margo’s admission. Sensing there was more, Claire stood completely still, holding her breath as she waited for Margo to continue. It was the first time that Margo was speaking openly and honestly regarding the decision she’d made that drastically changed both of their lives.
“I have outperformed my father in both the bedroom and the courtroom. I have three children, and I am well on my way to becoming a judge, which means I have a fantastic shot at making it all the way to the Supreme Court. I want that for myself.”
Margo turned to face her, taking both of Claire’s hands in her own. “I have only been in love once, and it scared me to death. It has always been you, Claire, but loving you terrified me. It was all consuming, and I wasn’t in control. That’s why I cut you out of my life. I was unable to continue with just a friendship. I ran screaming into the arms of safe, tolerant Richard, who doesn’t ask questions.” Swallowing, Margo choked out the final words. “I’m sorry I was a coward.”
Gazing deeply into Margo’s tear filled grey eyes, Claire found the truth for the first time. Her heart beat faster as she absorbed the words. All these years, Claire had thought she wasn’t enough, that Margo had simply walked away from her, walked away from what they’d shared. Hearing that Margo had been in love with her and had run away from that love was a revelation. Her chest ached, the tightness making breathing more difficult. The declaration was too little, too late.
The pain Claire had lived through was real. Margo abandoning her was a confidence-crushing blow that shaped her career and led her into Roger’s arms. No apology could change any of that. The love she had for her children had helped erase the pain over the years. Given the choice, because of her children, she would not change any of the events. Margo’s honesty, while refreshing, ultimately made little difference to her. Claire stood silently looking down at their joined hands as she absorbed the new information. Her shoulders slumped as the energy drained from her.
“Are you angry?”
Was she angry? Slowly shaking her head, Claire realised she had no anger left for Margo. It had fizzled out over the years without Claire noticing. Even this new revelation was unable stir it up.
“No, I’m not angry. A little sad, perhaps, but not angry.” She raised her head to look at Margo. “You cut me out of your life so thoroughly, I always thought it was easy for you to walk away. It was a difficult time for me after the break up.”
Claire thought back to that time. She rarely did, preferring that it remain a dark, distant memory. After their breakup, she had lost herself for a few months. Margo hadn’t been around to witness the desolation and devastation caused by her leaving. Everyone had gone their separate ways after graduation from university, and Claire had headed home to her parents’ house. No one else had been aware of the weight loss, the gaunt, pale complexion, and the crippling depression that overtook her for almost six months. To everyone but her parents, she had gone travelling.
Her stomach still roiled at the memory, leaving a sour taste in her mouth. It was a darkness she never wanted to step inside again. A shudder ran up her spine as she thought of the possibility of returning there.
“You ran right into Roger’s arms.”
Claire nodded. “It felt good to be wanted after the hurt.” Her voice was raw, the words raspy.
“Why not another woman?”
Claire held Margo’s gaze for a few moments, considering her answer. As always, the truth won out. “Because you were the only woman I ever wanted.”
“There haven’t been any others?” Margo’s words were laced with surprise.
Claire shook her head. “No, no others.”
&n
bsp; Wide eyed, Margo asked, “You have been faithful to Roger all these years?” Disbelief and wonder were evident in her question.
Claire murmured, “I had children to raise.”
They stood in silence comforting each other, Margo’s thumbs idly caressing the backs of Claire’s hands. Over two decades of distance evaporated with each passing moment.
“Zoe will be off to university after the summer.”
Claire’s stomach fluttered. Was Margo suggesting that they pick up after all these years? The parted lips, the step closer…she recognised the signs. She shook her head. “Margo, I couldn’t…”
Margo dropped Claire’s hands as if they were hot embers. “No, of course not. That would be absurd.” Margo stepped back from Claire, putting some physical distance between them. She took a deep breath. “I ask about you, you know.”
Yesterday that statement would have surprised Claire, but not now, not after Margo’s unusually truthful confession. It had been a rare exhibition of vulnerability, but the walls were going back up as Margo idly perused the knick-knacks on the antique writing desk.
“I hear good things about your lectures from former students.” Margo briefly glanced over her shoulder at Claire before returning her attention to the desk.
Claire’s head tilted to one side, a smile ghosting across her lips. “I hear interesting things about you, too.”
Margo turned on her heel to face Claire, her knuckles white as she gripped a photo frame. “You can’t believe all the gossip from the gutters around Advocate’s Close.”
The venom in the Q.C.’s voice didn’t surprise Claire; Margo had always possessed the ability to switch from one emotion to another in an instant. Unsettling to many, it worked wonders in a courtroom, keeping opposing counsel and defendants off balance and Margo on the front foot.
“Actually, I was referring to the rumour that you may soon become a Sheriff.”
Margo’s posture relaxed, her tone softening. “Ah yes, the Judicial Appointments Board has made the recommendation.”
Claire knew this would be the next step for Margo on her way to her ultimate goal—a judgeship in Scotland’s supreme courts and the grand title of The Right Honourable Lady Blair-Scott. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” Margo replaced the framed photograph that sat proudly on Claire’s desk. “He’s a very handsome young man.”
“He is more grown up every time I see him,” Claire responded, her voice tinged with sadness.
“Is he coming home for Christmas?” Margo’s voice conveyed a hint of empathy.
“He arrives this evening, then on Boxing Day he flies out to Val-d’Isere to meet up with friends. He does love to ski.”
“You don’t see much of him?”
“Not nearly enough. He’s enjoying university life to the fullest, rarely making the journey back from York. I shouldn’t complain, but I do miss him.”
“One down, one to go. What will you do with yourself when Zoe leaves for university after the summer?”
Claire’s chest fell as she released a long breath. There was the question she had been refusing to consider for the last few months. With both her children away from home, that left her and Roger to rattle around in a house that only found them together in the bedroom. Most of the time when they were both home, they were in their respective offices. They hadn’t been intimate in months, and even then it was never of Claire’s initiating.
“You need some passion in your life.” Margo took a step towards Claire, her voice becoming more animated. “Have an affair. There must be plenty of students who would jump at the chance.”
Claire’s eyes grew wide. “Good God, Margo, I would never be intimate with a student. It’s thoroughly inappropriate.”
Margo shrugged, seemingly unconcerned by Claire’s admonishment. “Of course it is, but that doesn’t stop it from going on all the time.”
Claire folded her arms across her chest. “Not with me.”
Throwing a dismissive hand in the air, Margo continued, “You need something in your life or it’s just going to fizzle out into mind numbing obscurity. Get laid, have an affair, go skydiving. You need to find an outlet for all that passion burning inside you.”
Margo shuddered, and Claire knew she was thinking about their first time together.
A dark night in the Swiss Alps, tension that had been building between the two of them for months. The excuses they both made, feigning fatigue after a day on the slopes, both aware of what they wanted. Margo tasting Claire for the first time as her cries of passion filled the wooden structure while their friends partied in the main room below.
Lightheaded, Claire took a deep breath; aware she had been silent, caught up in the memory. Arousal pulsed as strongly as the heartbeat that pounded in her chest.
“You said that you are content with your life?” Margo rasped. “Content is just not good enough for the woman I remember.”
“I shall take that under advisement.”
Running a trembling hand through her hair, Claire swallowed hard. She wanted to change the subject. Anything would be better than having her life put under a microscope, especially one in the hands of someone as sharply focussed as Margo. “Where are the girls?”
Margo rolled her eyes. “Christmas shopping. I can’t imagine anything I would like to do less than that. I hate Christmas. It was tolerable when the children were young. At least they showed delight when unwrapping their gifts. But teenagers, they appreciate very little and are utterly self-absorbed. The only things that really make them happy are a blank cheque and being able to stay out late.”
Claire couldn’t argue with that. Matthew was always calling home to ask that money be put into his bank account, and Zoe was always pushing to stay out late. “You make a valid point.”
Margo dismissed the endorsement with a swat of an elegant hand. “Of course I do.”
Claire smiled at her response. Margo had always been full of confidence splashed with a fair dollop of arrogance. Once her mind was made up, it was almost impossible to change it. No one believed in Margo more than Margo herself, and she didn’t need anyone else to believe in her. It was both utterly beguiling and infuriating. For a young Claire, it had been intoxicating. In full flow, Margo was magnificent.
“What? Do you find me amusing?” A shapely eyebrow raised in challenge.
“No. I was remembering what it was about you that I found so attractive.”
“Oh, I see. My charm, I assume.” Margo smiled.
Claire enjoyed the rare glint of humour from her old friend. Margo had never felt comfortable being funny, especially when the humour was directed at herself. A full smile blossomed on Claire’s generous lips. There were parts of Margo she would always miss.
Standing staring openly at each other, a moment of understanding passed between the pair, an acknowledgement of something that went deeper. It was not a spark, rather more a memory of what once was.
Breaking the connection, Margo glanced at her watch. “I should get going, I have a Christmas hamper to collect and the traffic is terrible. May I use your bathroom?”
* * *
From the corner of her eye, Claire glimpsed Margo, hands in the pockets of her slacks, leaning in the open doorway of the drawing room, observing her as she made adjustments to the Christmas tree decorations.
“It’s perfect,” Margo said as she stepped into the room.
Claire stepped back from the tree, folded her arms over her chest and reviewed her work. She glanced over her shoulder. “Thank you.” Turning back to the tree, she added, “We haven’t come to an agreement about the girls.”
Margo’s breath shot out through her nose. “Fine. I’ll leave them alone, for now.”
Arms still folded, Claire turned to face her. “No.”
“No?”
“Promise me you will not interfere in any way.”
Frowning, Margo shook her head. “But—”
Claire cut off any objection. “They are sev
enteen. The chances are they will go to separate universities, and this will fizzle out.”
“What if it doesn’t?”
Claire shrugged. “Then it doesn’t. The girls carry on without any interference.”
“So, you are asking me to do nothing?” Margo asked, her disbelief obvious.
“Yes.”
“This can’t be what you want for Zoe!”
Anticipating the outburst, Claire had planned her next argument while Margo had been planning a quick exit. “It’s not about what you or I want.”
Margo began to pace in front of the large fireplace. “What about marriage, grandchildren?” Her hands emphasised each point, years of practice behind each gesture.
“They are not excluded from having either.”
Coming to an abrupt stop, Margo dropped her courtroom façade. “Don’t be flippant, Claire! You know exactly what I mean.”
In calm, modulated tones, Claire replied, “I do. You are worried about yourself and your reputation. You need to get over it and stop being concerned with what other people think.”
“That doesn’t concern you?”
Claire shook her head, a patient smile gracing her elegant features. “No, Margo, not in the least. If my daughter is a lesbian and someone has an issue with that, the problem lies with them. I hope for your sake you can find a way to reconcile that within yourself. Christ knows you have slept with half the female faculty.”
Margo’s head snapped up. “That is a gross exaggeration.”
“The numbers aren’t important, my point remains the same.”
“Which is?”
“You’re a lesbian.”
“So are you!”
“I know.” The look of intensity in Claire’s eyes made the lawyer take a step back. “And if our daughters turn out to be lesbians, I do not want them living behind a veneer of acceptability concocted out of fear about what people might think about you!”
Unwrap these Presents Page 5
