Repeating the action until all the tablets had gone, she downed the last of her pop and laid her head back against the headboard.
This was it.
No going back.
Again, the niggle of doubt sounded in her mind. Pathetic – killing yourself over a boy. You’re an idiot.
And suddenly, completely out of the blue, she realised her mind was right. If she killed herself, then Janelle won. She was stronger than that – she couldn’t let something like this ruin everything. That would be pathetic.
Jumping up from the bed, she sped to the bathroom, knelt down and stuck her fingers down her throat. It took several goes, but finally she vomited. The pills she’d swallowed were now floating in the toilet bowl. She had no way of knowing if she’d got them all up – didn’t even know how many she’d swallowed. But there was a lot now swirling around the loo. She forced herself to be sick again and a few stragglers made their appearance. Then she rinsed her mouth and stood.
She was surprised to find herself shaking, a mixture of adrenaline and relief no doubt.
What an idiot – thank god she’d come to her senses before anyone had found her.
Leaving the bathroom, she jumped as she came face to face with Edina, who had obviously just finished reading the note on her open laptop.
Immediately her anger billowed to the surface, she just couldn’t seem to help it when Edina was around. ‘What’re you doing in here? Get out!’
27th September, 1815 hours – Heather’s residence
Edina didn’t listen – her own eyes flashing with the obvious anger she felt. OK, she got how people could feel so low they might want to end it all, hell she’d been there herself after her injury. But she had come to her senses, worried for how it would impact on her family.
When she’d read the note off her baby sister, her first thought had been despair – what could have been so bad her sister would want to do something so awful to herself. Then she’d heard Heather throwing up in the bathroom and her thoughts had changed. Whatever it was, it was bad. She was so angry, and scared, that she knew she’d have to tread carefully or risk alienating her already obstinate sister forever. But she also knew it needed a firm hand. Heather needed to understand that no matter how bad things got, she had people who loved her and taking her own life was never an option.
Crossing the bedroom, she took Heather’s shoulders, wanting to shake sense into her so hard but managing to resist. Through gritted teeth, she said, ‘Sit down.’
She felt Heather resist slightly, then relax and allow Edina to lead her to the bed.
Sitting beside her sister, she used her finger to tilt Heather’s head up so they had full eye contact.
‘Heath, listen. Whatever you’re going through, you have to know you’re not alone. What did you take?’
Heather dropped her head to her chest and started crying, great heaving sobs that broke Edina’s heart in two. She knew Heather had her issues, she’d tried to talk to her about them loads of times but the kid never wanted to open up, seeing her as the enemy. And Edina had allowed it, believing that if she let Heather take it out on her, then at least she might talk to their mum. She placed her arms around Heather, pulled her tight to her, and held her while she cried.
‘Shh, whatever it is, it’s OK. It’s all going to be OK. You need to tell me what you’ve taken though, hon.’
Shaking, Heather pulled back slightly. ‘Why are you being nice to me? I’ve been nothing but a bitch to you, and you’re being nice. Why?’
‘You’re my sister, and I love you. We all love you. Do you think I come home every day just to see Mum? I don’t, hon, I come to see you too. Even when you hate me, I’m still here.’
Ed’s heartfelt words resulted in a fresh stream of tears from her sister, which was all well and good, but her health was at risk.
‘Heath, you need to tell me what you’ve taken. Please.’
‘These,’ said Heather, handing her the empty bottles. ‘But I threw them back up. I don’t want to die, Ed. I just didn’t know what else to do.’
‘Are you sure they all came back up when you were sick?’
Heather shook her head. ‘I think they did. There was loads in the loo and I threw them up only a few seconds after I’d taken them. But I don’t know.’
‘I’m going to have to phone an ambulance, Heath, you need checking over.’
‘No! Please! I don’t want Mum to know. Please, Edina. I’ll come to hospital with you but please don’t tell Mum. She’d be so disappointed in me, I can’t handle anymore – please Ed.’
‘OK, I’ll take you. We’ll tell Mum we’re popping to mine for something – a book for uni. Get your coat, and close down your laptop.’
Nodding, Heather threw her arms round Edina – shocking her. It had been so long since her sister had come anywhere near her, for a moment she felt a lump in her throat. Edina wanted to hold her and shake her all at the same time. Sighing, she knew she’d feel bad for lying to her mum though. She’d tell her later: she couldn’t keep something like this secret. But for now, she’d go along with Heather’s wishes.
27th September, 2155 hours – Heather’s residence
Ed pulled up outside her mum’s house. Heather still looked green – the charcoal they’d given her in A&E had made her nauseous and caused her to throw up – and her hand was properly set and plastered. Then they’d had to wait around for what felt like forever for the crisis team to show up. They’d put a plan in place, but had agreed with Ed that Heather didn’t need admitting to the hospital psych unit, that it had been a slip more than anything else.
Heather had agreed to speak to her GP the next day, see if she could get some form of counselling to help her cope. And she’d finally opened up to Ed – that was the most important thing. Ed now knew what was going on – it had broken her heart hearing her sister sob about being bullied – she wanted to attend the uni and punch Janelle herself, but she knew she wouldn’t. She would however, be attending the uni with Heather and speaking to the lecturers there, seeing what the university would do about it all.
Ed felt her heart crack all over again when Heather turned in the seat and stared at her, her eyes glassy with tears. ‘I’m so sorry, Ed. I’m sorry I was so horrible to you. I’m sorry I took those stupid pills, I never meant for any of this to happen.’
‘I know you didn’t, hon. Listen, stop worrying and stop apologising. We are going to deal with this together – I don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t come to me again. I get why you don’t want to tell Mum, but she’s going to ask anyway – the bright pink cast on your arm is a dead giveaway that we’ve been to hospital. Just tell her – Mum’s not daft, she knows something’s been bugging you for months. It’ll give her some peace of mind if you tell her what’s gone on. Even if you don’t mention the overdose.’
Heather nodded slowly, ‘I guess I could tell her about the bullying, and my hand. You promise you won’t tell her I took the pills though? I don’t want to disappoint her. I know it was stupid, and I swear to god, I’ll never do it again.’
‘Heath, I’ve already promised four times – that’s something for you to tell or not tell – your choice, love. I’ll not betray you – you’re an adult and you’re quite capable of making the decision to speak to Mum. Or not as the case may be. But you’re not alone, Heath. You never were. You can always come to me with anything.’
‘I know that now. I’m sorry for being such a bitch to you, Ed. Truly. I’d better get in – Mum will be wondering why the hell I’m sitting in the car outside. I’ll talk to her as soon as I go in.’
‘OK, and give me a ring tomorrow when you’ve spoken to the GP. If I don’t answer leave me a voicemail and I’ll ring you straight back.’
‘OK, Sis. Thank you.’ Tears threatened to fall from Heather’s eyes again, but she brushed her hand over her face, took a deep breath and opened the car door.
Ed watched as Heather straightened her shoulders – the exact same way
Ed did when she needed to portray her strength – and made her way into the house. Her mother had a short fuse – no doubt when Heather told her what had happened she’d blow her top. She was fiercely protective of her young – always had been. Ed wouldn’t be surprised if she went into the lectures with Heather and confronted this Janelle personally. Ruefully she grinned, realising that her own thoughts about dealing with it stemmed from her mother. Like mother, like daughter. Grinning, she started the engine and left, ignoring the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach at the thought of going back home.
7
28th September, 0810 hours – Kevin Lang’s residence, Larches Road, Durham
Kevin took a long slurp of coffee, and opened the folded newspaper he’d picked up from the door mat. The murder of the kid had made front page news, and he focused on the picture, taking in what the lad had looked like when he was alive. His smile, his tanned skin, his dark hair, and the small dimple on his cheek. This was who the kid had been – this happy chap with a hint of cheeky about him. Kevin grinned to himself – Glen Peacock was by no means a kid, but in his mind, anyone younger than him would always be a kid. Moving his gaze, he looked at the picture beside Glen’s: A picture of his parents, his dad holding his mum as she wept into his shoulder. Kev felt his heart tug slightly – he and Madge had never had the chance for kids: it had been ripped away from their future by cancer. But he could only imagine how he’d feel in the same situation – in his line of work he often saw the devastation of death, the raw grief that came to the surface, sometimes in the oddest of ways. It had been so hard losing Madge, losing a child, well, that didn’t even bear thinking about. He knew one thing, though: if it had happened to his son, he’d be out for blood.
Absently, he flicked through the pages of the paper, not really reading or looking. When a motor bike appeared before him on the page, his thoughts turned to Edina. He felt the blush rise up his neck to his cheeks and shook his head. He felt out of his depth. With Madge, they’d been friends forever and had fallen naturally into a relationship. She’d been his best friend – that was part of what he missed so much. But with Edina he was conscious that he felt like he was in the middle of a whirlwind – not quite sure where he was going to end up. And the more time he spent with her, the more he realised he was starting to have feelings for her.
Not sure whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, he closed the newspaper with a snap and got up to go in the shower. He was due at work at noon, but hadn’t wanted to waste the morning by lazing in bed all day, despite feeling shattered. After the strategy meeting the night before, he’d spent some time writing statements, and doing the staff evaluations. The only one struggling really was Faith. He knew he’d have to sit and have a chat with her when she got back off the sick. The team already felt like they were swimming through mud half the time and the last thing he needed was someone who was regarded as not pulling their weight. No-one had said anything specific, but he’d seen her sat in the office when the others were out doing jobs on a few occasions now. Granted, she said she’d been doing statements, but he hadn’t seen any evidence of court case notifications coming up to coincide. He sighed: this was the stuff he didn’t like about his job.
After his shower, he felt a little better. It was how it was, and it was the life he’d made. He’d speak to Faith, and work on bringing the team closer together. He had a friend who ran team-building events, had already been offered something on the cheap. She’d worked at his side as a CSI for years then left to start her own business. Maybe that would be worth looking into.
Glancing at the clock he realised it wasn’t yet 9am. Picking up his phone, he hit dial on Edina’s number before he could change his mind.
‘Ed? It’s Kevin. Just wondered if you were at home – I’m off this morning and thought I could have another look round yours, see if we can’t stop this nut-job getting in and leaving the notes.’
Feeling like a schoolboy, he stopped himself grinning as she agreed, telling him the kettle was already on.
28th September, 0945 hours – Edina’s residence
Kevin had arrived at her house half an hour ago – he’d proceeded to have another look around, tugging at windows and checking seals. He’d been silent whilst he looked around – even checking the wall behind her built-in wardrobe just in case it concealed an entrance. Bit over the top in her opinion, but she appreciated what he was doing.
In return, she’d kept the coffee flowing – they’d had two cups already and she found herself in the kitchen brewing cup number three. Opting for decaf this time was easy – she already felt jittery and on edge, and two cups of full strength had done nothing to alleviate that feeling. She’d barely slept – her overactive mind imagining shadows on the landing and noises from downstairs.
No one had been in, though. Not last night. Not that she knew of, any way.
She’d managed to reschedule her half day from yesterday to today, and so far, the control room had left her alone. She had planned to try and get some sleep, but her insomnia had put paid to that. At 4am she’d relented and got up, putting some mindless American TV show on to watch.
Having Kev in her house again also had her a little on edge. Not invasive, just… different. The only man who’d been in her house really had been Cam. He’d moved stuff in after their first date, just stupid stuff - a toothbrush, some deodorant. But it had become the norm for him to stay over. And at first, it had been great. The ‘honeymoon’ phase well and truly in force. But doubt had seeped into their daily lives. It had started with him furtively looking at his phone, retreating to the loo to take calls. She’d known he was cheating for ages before she caught him in bed with the bimbo from the fire brigade headquarters. That had been it, though – she wasn’t one for giving second chances where cheating was concerned.
So she’d bagged his stuff up, and thrown it out into the front yard in bin bags, and told him to pick it up, and to never darken her doorstep again. Except that hadn’t worked either – he’d followed her around at work, slated her to their colleagues, broken into her locker and thrown her lady products all over the changing room – like it wasn’t embarrassing enough to have periods in a mostly male environment. She’d put up with it for months, ignoring it, praying it would improve. When she heard he had a new girlfriend, she’d let her guard down, believing that meant he had finally moved on and would stop acting like a tit.
But she’d been wrong. She felt her chest tighten at the thought of that day. The day she’d rather forget had ever happened. Ed frowned, she knew in her heart she’d never forget. There was no way. That had been the day Cam had ruined her.
Hearing a clatter in the bedroom, she pushed Cam to the back of her mind and turned to see Kevin coming out of the room.
‘Sorry, Ed. I caught the edge of the shoe rack with my fat backside. I’ve picked them up though.’
‘It’s fine don’t worry. Find anything?’ she tried her hardest to sound nonchalant, and knew she’d failed miserably as Kevin shook his head slowly.
‘No. I can honestly say I don’t have a clue how he’s getting in. You sure you don’t have any idea who it could be?’
‘Other than my ex, no. Cam was a prat but I don’t think even he’d stoop to this.’
‘No one giving you bad vibes, invading your personal space and the like? No one who makes the hairs on your neck stand up?’
‘I just said no,’ she snapped – then shook her head, ‘Sorry. I’ve been asked that before, a ton of times by the cops. Every time I say no, they shake their heads and look at me like I’m lying. Like I must know something. But I don’t. Honestly, I have no idea who it could be. The cops spoke to Cam after the first couple of notes – he alibied out, substantial alibis. I haven’t heard from him in months now. Last I heard, his new bit of skirt was pregnant.’
Seeing Kev’s amused smile, she shook her head. ‘Sorry, I know I’m a little insensitive. I’m sure there’s more to her than just a skirt.’
‘Hey, you don’t have to explain to me. Arseholes like him usually end up with a bit of skirt. Personally, I like my women in leathers.’ Kev blushed a little as the innuendo settled between them.
Not quite knowing how to respond to the banter, Ed smiled and handed him his coffee. Witty retort? No? She almost groaned as a silence began to stretch between them, all thanks to her not being quick enough for the first time ever. Normally she could banter with the best of them: she worked for the fire brigade, for goodness’ sake. In a male-dominated environment you either bantered or ended up miserable with no one talking to you.
Kev’s blush faded and he had the grace to look embarrassed – now she felt awful!
‘I’m sorry,’ she said simply, glancing up at him. ‘I’m not used to… flirting. My mind froze and I couldn’t speak. But thank you.’
‘Flirting? Is that the dance we’re doing? Must admit I’m more than a little rusty. Don’t even remember the last time I flirted. You’re the first woman I’ve been with since –’ breaking off, he fell silent, his eyes filling with emotion.
‘Since?’ prodded Ed. Since what? Since he found out he was straight? Since he moved out of his mother’s address? A sudden thought entered her mind – Does he still live with his mum? Oh god.
His reply was so quiet she almost missed it. ‘Since my wife died.’
Since his… wait, he’s married? Then she registered what he’d said, saw the sadness surface from deep inside him.
‘I’m sorry. What happened?’
‘Cancer. It was sudden, came on without warning. One minute I was arranging a surprise holiday, the next I was arranging a funeral.’
‘Oh Kev, that’s awful. I can’t imagine how you must have felt.’
He looked up. ‘Thank you. For not saying you understand. Everyone always thinks they understand, but they don’t. Unless you’ve been through it you can’t possibly know what it feels like to have your whole world ripped apart. It took me a long time to get past the hurt, and start thinking about living again. I know it’s sad, and you’ll probably think I’m a complete idiot, but when I saw you in the bar, lost in your own little world, I felt something connect us. I think that’s why I came home with you – it wasn’t the drink. I’d only had a few.’
Watch You Burn Page 7
