Or was it focused to Janelle and her posse of followers?
She’d struggled last night – it had been so hard not to reach for the razor blades, so hard not to think about just ending it all. She’d tried everything to distract herself – being in the house alone had made her worse. She knew her mum and Ed were trying to understand, be supportive, and she was glad they were. If it hadn’t been for Ed, she’d have finished it all last week. And as everyone kept telling her, there was no overnight solution.
Her GP had put her on antidepressant medication, but told her they could take a couple of weeks to enter the system. The crisis team referred her to the community outreach programme at West Park Hospital, but the nurse dealing with that had yet to ring her. She’d been given a direct number for the crisis team and told to ring if she was feeling particularly low, but she’d felt like they didn’t want to talk to her. They’d literally only stayed a couple of minutes in A&E with her, filled out a form, handed her a few leaflets and sent her home.
Now she had to go in and speak to the police.
Her heart beat faster at the mere thought, her hands felt clammy and her breathing was shallow. If she wasn’t having a panic attack now, she soon would be.
How was she supposed to answer the questions when they asked how well she’d known Glen? Kelly-Ann didn’t matter – Heather barely knew her. But did she tell the police about her relationship with Glen, or make like there’d never been a relationship? And if she told them, would it get out? Would everyone be staring at her and thinking she’d killed him?
She felt faint now, her heart pounding like a drum beat in her ears. The room was blurring, she couldn’t focus. It was getting harder to draw in any oxygen to her lungs. Heather let her body pull her into unconsciousness and slumped forward with a soft sigh, her head impacting on the desk with a thud that echoed around the lecture hall.
4th October, 1120 hours – Darlington University Campus
Heather didn’t want to wake up. She felt like she was floating, strong arms under shoulders and knees, guiding her somewhere.
The hard carpeted floor beneath her back as the arms were removed pushed the last dregs of unconsciousness from her mind and her eyes flew open.
‘What the…’ she muttered, seeing four faces staring down at her from above.
‘You fainted, Heather,’ said Dr Bury, the lecturer, giving her a smile. ‘Do we need to call you an ambulance? Your head took a bit of a knock on the desk.’
‘No, I erm, I’m fine.’ Heather blushed, pushing herself up into the sitting position. ‘I didn’t feel too well this morning and didn’t eat breakfast, I guess you should never miss breakfast.’
She knew she was about to start either babbling senselessly, or bawling like a baby any second. She needed to get out of this room.
The cop who’d been speaking on the podium pushed an arm towards her, indicating for her take it and pull herself up.
‘Come on, love. Let’s go get you a nice cuppa with a couple of sugars to get your energy levels back up.’
Unable to think of any reason to protest, Heather took his hand and stood.
She was mortified.
She’d never passed out in her life. And now she’d done it, not only embarrassingly enough in front of her whole class, but in front of the cops too.
The cop, she couldn’t remember his name, had his arm tucked under her elbow as he guided her out of the room.
‘Café?’ he asked, flashing her a smile.
He was too nice – he was trying to knock her off guard so he could pounce surely.
‘Erm, it’s down there and to the right,’ she replied.
He didn’t let her arm go, but his touch was gentle and not threatening. He led her to a table and left her sitting whilst he ordered.
‘Didn’t know what you drank, got a tea and a hot chocolate. Take your pick.’
‘Hot chocolate, please.’ Her voice sounded a million miles away from her body – he had to know she was nervous.
He pushed the cup towards her with a small packet of biscuits.
‘You need to get something on your tum. So, no brekkie? I’m like that. Can’t face food first thing.’
Not knowing how to respond, Heather opened the biscuits, pulled one out and took a nibble.
‘Was it the news about Kelly-Ann? We were under the impression most of you guys had been told. I’m sorry if I shocked you.’
‘No, it wasn’t that, I just… sorry. I knew Glen. I mean, we were, you know, together. But no one else knew. It was… I just…’ the words blurted from her mouth like she had verbal diarrhoea, but the detective didn’t appear to judge.
‘It’s OK, take a breath, love. Calm yourself down and then you can tell me what you want me to know. You’re not in any bother, don’t worry.’
Heather felt her eyes turn glassy. Whoever this cop was, he was nice. Too nice – there was a good chance she might actually cry on his shoulder if it was offered.
Taking a deep breath, she explained their relationship, all about Janelle and the rest of the group, and why they’d had to hide it. All of which took longer than she’d thought it would. But as soon as she’d finished, she felt about ten stone lighter.
Maybe talking to the cops wasn’t such a bad thing.
16
Ed hadn’t moved from the couch since PC Bell had left, telling her that the CSI would be with her at some point that morning. She’d tried ringing Kevin to let him know, but he hadn’t answered. The cup of tea she’d made when the officer had been sitting taking her statement had long since gone cold, and a layer of skin had formed on the top.
Her couch was positioned to face the door, not on purpose – it just happened that the TV aerial connection had been on the wall with the door on so her couch had ended up opposite. But it meant she could see into the hall, and the staircase with the door open. So she’d sat there and not moved. Apart from texting her mum, she’d been sat on the edge with her mobile phone in her hand, ready to dial 999 if she heard anything.
She hated feeling so vulnerable in her own home – hated that the whole situation made her feel like she was crazy, and losing her marbles, but most of all, she hated that this person could come and go at will, without leaving a trace. She’d tried to put things in place to cope better with it – the clear shower curtain, leaving the landing light on. But how did you cope with a ghost who could appear and disappear at will? She’d had enough.
Hearing a knock at the door, she stood, her muscles stiffening from being still for so long. Pain rippled across her back and she realised she hadn’t taken her painkillers yet. Cursing, she limped to the front door.
Stepping back instinctively the instant she realised Cam was stood on her doorstep.
‘What the hell are you doing here?’ she knew she was snapping, knew she sounded like a complete bitch, but she didn’t care. Her nerves were already worn thin, she didn’t need this right now.
‘I was just coming to see if you were OK. One of the lads mentioned they’d seen cops here this morning.’
He sounded almost as though he gave a shit.
‘I’m fine. Like I told you the other day in the restaurant. Nothing you need to worry about. It’s really none of your business whether I am or not OK, Cam. What do you really want?’
‘Fine – to the point it is. You gunna invite me in or what?’
‘Or what,’ said Ed, folding her arms over her chest and pointedly leaning on the door frame, blocking access.
‘For god’s sake. Fine – you wanna do this on the doorstep no problem. Look, I’ve been thinking. That fire over Coniscliffe, the one where you hurt your back. I admit that I wasn’t paying attention. I was in a shit mood and I took it out on you by leaving your side when I shouldn’t have. If I hadn’t gone off to search on my own, I’d have been with you when the ceiling collapsed, could’ve grabbed you and pulled you back up. I heard you shout for help, but I dillydallied on purpose, thinking you were over-exaggerating. I was an arsehole. Now, I’ll
never go on record saying that, and you know if you ever tell I’ll deny it till kingdom comes – but I’m sick of all this animosity between us. I acted like a cock when we split up, but it’s all ancient history, right? We can get past it all and at least be civil to each other. Can’t we?’
‘Are you taking the piss? You turn up at my door and admit, after eighteen months, that the accident that knackered my back so badly I couldn’t fight fires anymore was your fault, despite me already knowing this and trying to put this across to the powers that be and failing, and you expect us to what, be friends?’ Ed’s voice raised in pitch – she knew it was a good job her arms were folded or she’d have lamped Cam across his smug face.
‘I don’t think so, now get the hell away from my door, and don’t come back.’
‘Ed,’ said Cam, menacing now as he took a step towards her.
‘I think it’s time you left,’ came Kev’s voice from behind Cam. Ed had never been more grateful to see anyone step into view from behind the neighbours six foot hedge.
Cam swung around, glaring at Kevin. ‘How long have you been stood there?’
‘Long enough to hear you’re the reason my girlfriend will always have back problems. You need to get the hell away from here before I do something we’ll both regret. Anything else you have to say to her, you can damn well do it through a solicitor.’
‘I’d like to see you prove it,’ sneered Cam, advancing towards Kevin with his fists clenched.
‘Mobile phones are wonderful things: they have a voice recorder now.’ Kev’s voice was deadpan, and Ed saw Cam pause, then he pushed past Kevin and practically ran to his car.
‘You recorded him saying that?’ Ed asked, watching Cam pull out and race off.
‘I wish I’d had the forethought. Truth be told, I can barely text – don’t even know if my phone has a voice recorder. But he didn’t need to know that.’
Ed smiled, ‘You’re a bloody genius.’
‘Listen, I’ll happily knock up a statement if you need it for your chief to reopen the case against Cam.’
Ed shook her head, ‘Wouldn’t do any good. We’re in a relationship, you and me I mean. Cam would just say you were doing it to cause trouble for him. It’d be his word against ours, which is always the way.’
‘Well if you change your mind, the offer’s there. I’m sorry you had to go through all that and are now going through all this. I recognised your address when the shout came in over the radios. When I’m done examining, you’re coming to stay at mine. No arguments, I’ll give you a key. But until we know how this guy is getting in and why, it’s stupid for you to stay here. I want you safe.’
Stepping down onto the path, Ed put her arms around Kev’s neck. She knew he hadn’t seen her tears, but her muffled ‘thank you’ into the crook of his neck gave the game away.
He held her tightly, kissing her hair just above her ear, and whispered, ‘It’s going to be OK.’
4th October, 1305 hours – Darlington University Campus
Heather was waiting for her friends at the table near the bike racks outside of the front entrance to the uni – they’d agreed earlier to go for lunch at a new place that had opened nearby. But as Susie and Chloe approached, she felt a prickle of unease. They looked angry.
‘Were you grilled as well?’ said Chloe, not even waiting until she was seated before she started ranting. ‘Stupid fucking cops accused us of bullying Janelle. Somehow that bitch has managed to turn it all around and make us the bad guys.’
‘Seriously, you’d think we were serial killers or something the way they went on. They didn’t even do bad cop good cop – it was just all bad cop. As if we would bully Janelle. Stupid bitch deserves way more than a bit of bullying,’ Susie’s tone was just as scathing.
‘Fucking hate pigs me,’ muttered Chloe with a nod of her head.
‘Um, no. The one I spoke to was quite nice actually, he didn’t mention Janelle really, just kinda wanted to know about Glen and Kelly-Ann.’ Heather paused, wondering how much to tell her friends. In truth, she’d told the officer everything, blurted it all out like a blabbermouth.
And, she’d felt better for it. She knew her friends needed to know the truth: she’d always hated lying to them. Maybe telling them would calm them down and make them see the police weren’t accusing them of anything. ‘He was nice to me. Maybe he felt sorry for me after I passed out.’ She rubbed at her arm above the line of the cast, wishing she had a long needle to scratch inside too.
‘If you did pass out,’ said Chloe slyly, ‘It was awfully convenient timing if you ask me.’
‘Eh? You think I made up passing out? Why would I do that?’
Heather was hurt. Why would they think that?
‘So you would get to speak to the nice copper, the one that took you out. Friends with your sister, is he? Funny how you got to speak to him, and he didn’t accuse you of anything, yet we both got raked over the coals by some Luther wannabe.’
‘I’d never met him before. He was being nice to me ’cos I passed out. I just talked to him, is all, told him about the bullying, how bad it had been, and said it hadn’t been as bad since –’
‘Hadn’t been as bad since what?’ Susie’s voice had turned cold – both of them were standing staring at Heather expectantly.
Pausing to take a breath, Heather answered honestly, ‘Since I started seeing Glen.’
‘Hold on, what? You’ve been shagging Peacock? Why on earth would you wanna fuck that little cock-weasel? He was with Janelle – why would he wanna fuck you?’
Heather stood silently, and turned to leave. They’re right, though, why would he want to fuck me over Janelle? The voice niggled in her mind but she tried not to listen.
‘Oi, I asked you a question,’ snapped Chloe, grabbing Heather’s arm and gripping it tightly.
‘Gerroff,’ said Heather, pulling free from Chloe’s grasp. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys, it was… awkward. But me and Glen had been together for a couple of months. He was planning on telling Janelle about us, and he hadn’t shagged her for ages.’
‘And when were you planning on telling us?’ asked Susie.
‘Soon. I just… didn’t know how you’d react. I was scared I guess.’
‘So you bloody well should be. I can’t believe you kept something like that a secret. You’re as bad as Janelle.’
The words cut through Heather like a knife – was she really as bad as Janelle just because she hadn’t told her friends?
Turning, she walked away from them without responding. She couldn’t have spoken anyway, not without the lump in her throat threatening to choke her. Maybe they were right.
4th October, 1520 hours – Darlington Police Station
Janelle hadn’t left the house all day, and now she was sat in the police station front office waiting for the cops to deign to come down and speak to her. She wanted to believe she felt so shit because of her sadness over Kelly-Ann’s death, but the truth was she just couldn’t face speaking to anyone. She was on the verge of walking out of the station, had been for the last ten minutes.
It would have been Glen’s birthday tomorrow – just thinking about it sent stabbing pains through her chest and into her heart. And then the anger would arrive – anger that he had gone, anger that she’d been denied the right to go to the funeral, anger that her friend would miss his twenty-first birthday, and anger that she didn’t know who’d done it.
She frowned as she thought about who could be responsible – it wasn’t her, she knew that. Sighing, she also knew the suspect pool must be pretty big. Glen always thought she didn’t know about the stolen bikes, but she did. She’d followed him one day, wondering if he had a warm bed he was leaving her at home for, but she’d never called him on it. He didn’t even know she knew. She just figured he’d tell her in his own time – which wasn’t a grace she often offered to anyone, but Glen had always been different.
The tears that filled her eyes came more easily now than ever b
efore. It was like Glen had taken the part of her that didn’t give a shit with him when he died, leaving behind this blubbering, paranoid mess.
Janelle had got up about ten times through the night, checking out of the window, convinced someone was watching her. But, nothing had stirred in the street, no cars had started suddenly and there’d been no eyes peering back through her windows. Finally, at about 5am, she’d wandered downstairs, wondering if she could bag a swig of her mother’s cheap vodka to help her sleep. But she was out of luck with even that – her mother had been asleep on the sofa as usual; the glass that had held the vodka was on its side beside her hand and the bottle was empty.
She’d tried everything to sleep after that – reading, counting sheep, hell she’d even done some work on an assignment that was due in a couple of weeks. But sleep had been elusive.
So now she was knackered as well as grumpy. And afraid – all the way to the station, she’d been convinced someone had been following her, certain whoever it was, was coming for her next. Sighing, she stood, turning towards the front door, just as the CID officer opened the door at the back of the office and called her name.
4th October, 1525 hours – Darlington Police Station
Susie shrank back into the shadow behind the thick tree branch as she saw Janelle stand to leave in the front office of the police station. It made her smile – poor little Janelle was paranoid. And rightly so.
She knew if that bitch had any idea what was in store for her, she’d have packed her bags and run a mile. She was confident she hadn’t been seen: the trunk of the tree beside her was thick enough to hide her completely. The only thing she had to watch out for at this time of year was the conkers. And the stupid squirrel that hid in the branches and threw the conkers down.
The first couple of times it had happened, she’d stared up in disbelief – she’d had no idea squirrels could do that, or that they had such good aim. The several times it had happened since had been less amusing – Susie knew if she ever got her hands on the little creature she’d wring its bloody neck.
Watch You Burn Page 17
