by D Gourlay
“Wow.” I hear as my head slides onto Tad’s shoulder. I’m not even sure who said it as this point in time. I can barely see straight, let alone use any of my other senses.
“What was that?” Tad asks, sounding surprised, as he kisses my head.
“Don’t know.” I mumble into his shoulder.
“You’ve never-”
“Nope.” I interrupt.
“Well we’re going to have to get a new sofa now aren’t we?” Tad laughs.
“Hmm yeah.” I can feel my eyes starting to close, when I suddenly comprehend what he just said. “Wait, new sofa?” With great difficulty I manage to pull myself off of his chest and look down, where now I can clearly see Tad’s stomach, legs and most of the sofa under him are soaking wet.
My eyes widen and I can feel the redness creeping on to my face at the realisation of what I must have done.
I risk a glance at Tad and his face is an absolute picture. Amusement mixed with something that almost looks like pride, have ended up as some stupid lop sided smile which just makes me cover my face in total embarrassment.
“Oh my God!” I squeak through my fingers. “Well, that’s new.”
Chapter Nine
The sweat is dripping off of me as I leap out of bed, and I’m struggling to catch my breath. I practically run to the bathroom and barely make it before I am throwing up into the toilet.
Every night since I went to visit Kevin I have ended up having awful nightmares again. I can’t help but be furious with myself. I had finally got to a point where I was sleeping well, where I could go for most of the day without sparing him a thought. And now I feel like I am right back where I started. I’m not entirely sure if it’s what he said, or the guilt from lying to Tad, or I suppose quite possibly a mixture of both; but these dreams are more vivid, more terrifying than I remember. And just to put the cherry on top, now they are making me vomit. Great.
There’s a soft tap on the door and Tad walks in as I close the lid of the toilet before pulling myself up to sit on it.
“I got you some water.” He says through a yawn, and my guilt intensifies at disturbing his sleep, again.
“Thanks babe, go back to sleep.” He looks as though he is about to say something, but instead backs out of the room and a few seconds later I hear him flop on to the mattress.
After splashing my face with cold water and giving my teeth a quick brush, I creep back into bed.
“Hey.” Tad says as he pulls me into him.
“Sorry I woke you, again.” I whisper.
“You don’t have to apologise. What’s going on?” He asks as he gently strokes my arms, the soft contact doing a good job of relaxing me.
“I don’t know.” I lie and start to chew at my bottom lip.
“You know you can talk to me, don’t you?”
“Of course I do. I promise I’m fine.” He takes a deep breath in, and it sounds as though he is going to keep pushing, but luckily, he softly kisses the back of my neck and falls silent.
“Come on Ami, we’re going to be late!” I call up the stairs for what feels like the hundredth time this morning.
I head back into the kitchen and pick up my mug of coffee, but when I take a sip, the feeling of calm that usually washes over me is replaced by the need to spit it straight back out. It tastes rancid and almost burnt in my mouth and I have to take a deep breath to stop myself heaving.
“Did I just see you spit out coffee?” Tad says, mock horror in his voice.
“It tastes vile. Has it gone off?” I say as he takes the mug from me.
He takes a long sip. “Tastes fine to me. Are you feeling okay?” He says sarcastically as he puts his hand on my forehead.
“Maybe I’m coming down with something?” I wonder out loud, and then inwardly start to panic that maybe this is my punishment for going behind Tad’s back and lying to him. Maybe I won’t be able to stomach coffee anymore.
“Seriously, are you sure you’re okay? You look really pale?” Tad strokes the hair from my face, all trace of humour has vanished from his face and he looks concerned. “Why don’t you go back to bed and I’ll take Ami to school?”
“I’m supposed to be meeting up with one of the mums from school, she wants a cake and apparently she has some very specific ideas.”
“So rearrange, or get her to e-mail you. You’ve not slept properly for days now and I’m putting my foot down and making sure you have a day to rest.” He gently kisses me on the cheek and pushes me towards the stairs where Ami has finally appeared and is putting her shoes on.
“Mum, you look awful!” She says, so innocently that it makes Tad and I both laugh.
“Well thank you! Tad is sending me back to bed and is going to take you to school is that okay?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. Feel better. Don’t kiss me, I don’t want your germs.” She says as she grabs her bag and heads to the front door.
Tad pulls me close to him and softly kisses me. “I don’t mind about the germs.” He laughs. “Go to bed, I’ll see you this afternoon.”
I head straight for the shower, hoping the hot water will help ease away some of the stress. As I open the cupboard to get a towel, I feel a plastic bag brush against my hand. I laugh softly to myself at the memory of Tad bringing home an entire bag filled with pregnancy- Wait.
I grab the bag and pick a test at random before rushing over to turn off the shower.
A minute or so later, I’m sitting staring at the test, one pink line staring back at me. Then slowly a second pink line starts to come in to view. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest and I look away then look back at the test, just to check it’s not my eyes playing tricks on me. But it’s still there when I look back again, two bright pink lines.
Five tests later, it finally sinks in that I’m pregnant.
I’m having Tad’s baby. This feeling could not be any more different to when I found out I was pregnant with Ami. I’ve never known anything quite like it. I can picture the look on Tad’s face when I tell him and it makes my heart swell.
I quickly stand up and start putting a plan together for the best way to tell Tad.
Tad
When I get home, a lot later than anticipated, Ami and Rachel are laying on the sofa, Gilmore Girls is playing on the TV and there is an empty pizza box on the coffee table in front of them.
“Good evening ladies.” Rachel looks a million times better than she did this morning and I smile to myself as I realise the day in bed must have done her a lot of good.
“Hey Tad, Mum said you wouldn’t mind if we watched some without you.” Ami gestures towards the TV without her eyes leaving the screen. This show has been on every day, and I’ve had to feign interest for the last week, so I am categorically not upset that she has got through a few episodes without me.
“Don’t worry, I’ll catch Tad up on what he’s missed later.” Rach winks at me from her spot on the sofa and starts to sit up.
“Don’t move on my account, I have to shoot off a couple of emails before I’m done for the day.” I start heading towards my office but see Rachel jumping quickly off the sofa and rushing over to me.
“Something came for you while you were out, I put it in your office.” She says, eyes wide and grinning at me.
“Okay… Did you get me something?” I ask confused as I turn the handle.
“Mmm, something like that.” She is practically bouncing up and down with excitement as I flip the light switch and search my office. I’m wracking my brains for things she could have bought me as my eyes find a large box next to my desk.
I glance back at Rachel and she looks like she might explode if I don’t open the box soon.
I get some scissors and slice through the tape. As I lift the first flap, I can see that there is another box immediately underneath this one. Rachel has closed the door and is leaning against it, smile almost reaching from ear to ear.
I sigh and shake my head at her, while returning her smile, and go to lift the se
cond box out. On the box Rachel has written Time for a new chapter. I glance at her curiously and open the box to find a shoe box inside. Written on the lid is Time for a new start. I quickly pull the lid from the shoe box and see a small box that looks like it is for a watch. Rachel has walked closer to me, and she leans next to me.
“Read the tag.” She whispers in my ear.
Time to make space for someone new in your heart.
In the space of about half a second, I start to get worried that this is some elaborate way to break up with me. I look at Rach, confusion etched on my face, but she nudges me. “Open the box!”
I look from her back to the box and lift it up. Nervously, I lift the top flap of the box and can see, not a watch, but a long, white plastic- thing.
Wait-
“You’re-” I look up at her face, open mouthed smile and eyes glistening before looking back at the positive pregnancy test in front of me. “We’re?!”
I can barely get any words out, my heart is racing and my eyes feel embarrassingly hot and wet.
“I’m going to be a dad?” I whisper before I feel arms wrapping around me and hot tears falling into my shoulder.
We sit in silence, limbs entwined for a few minutes, just utterly contented.
I’m going to be a Dad. The thought just repeats over and over in my head until the words barely make any sense. This beautiful woman is mine, soon to be my wife, there is a wonderful little girl in the next room who I adore in a way I never thought possible, and now, in a few months, I am going to have my own child.
“Who else knows?” I finally break the silence, while pulling back and stoking the hair from Rachel’s beautiful face.
“I wanted to tell you first.” She smiles at me, and the amount of love I feel for this woman right in this moment, is just impossible. “Plus I think we should keep it quiet, just for now, until we know everything is okay?”
Out of nowhere, panic suddenly grips at my insides. “Okay? Why would everything not be okay?”
“Everything is fine! People just tend to wat until twelve weeks before they say anything don’t they?”
“Oh, yeah, I suppose… Twelve weeks is a long time!”
“You can tell Scott, and Susan, if you want.”
“What about Ami?”
“I’d rather wait until we know everything is totally fine, and before you get your knickers in a twist, I’m sure it is! But let’s wait for a scan so we can show her a picture.”
I nod and smile softly.
♦ ♦ ♦
“Anyway, you’ve all been brilliant, keep up the good work, and again, thank you for not grumbling too much about all the extra work you’ve had to do over the last few weeks.” The low laugh fills the room of staff members that I’ve called in for a meeting. Thankfully the backlash from our data leak has been nowhere near as bad as I thought. And so far, nothing has happened in regards to the personal files, so I am doing my upmost to forget about them.
I had planned on telling Rachel everything, as awful as it would be, I should be honest with her. But then things started getting in the way, and now- Well I’m not going to tell her that I offered a woman a shit load of money to turn around with my son and never come back, while she is carrying my child. It will have to wait.
“Scott, Susan, could you stay a minute please.” The rest of my staff are exiting the room and I see Scott roll his eyes as he sits back down. I close the door behind the last person and head back to the table.
I smile nervously at them and they exchange a glance with one another, obviously wondering what is going on.
“I have news.” I say as I sit in front of them. “Rachel’s pregnant.” Their faces could not be any different. Susan’s face lights up and her smile mirrors mine, while Scott looks as though I have told him someone has died.
“Shit, man, are you okay?” He says grimly, and although I feel like I should be a little pissed off with him, I can’t help but bark a laugh at him.
“Of course I am, you twat! Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well, a baby. I mean-” He scratches his head. “-It’s a bloody big thing isn’t it?”
“Actually no, currently it’s about the size of a sesame seed.” I smirk at him.
He looks confused for a second. “That’s not what I mean. Are you sure you’re, uh, ready?”
“Oh for goodness sake Scott. Just because the idea of any real commitment terrifies you to the core, does not mean that Tad feels the same way. Unlike some people, Tad has matured immeasurably over the last year, and a baby was just the next logical step.”
“Well, not quite how I would have put it, but, yes. I mean, we are engaged, she and Ami already live with me, and I couldn’t imagine my life without either of them in it. And now I get to have my own little mini Turner.” Susan’s smile mirrors mine, and I try to reel it in for a second, before deciding I don’t care what I look like. I’ve never been happier in my life.
“Well, if you’re happy… I guess...” Scott’s bemused face is nothing but comical.
“I am. Disgustingly.” I confirm.
“And I’m incredibly happy for you!” Suze stands and gently squeezes my shoulder. “Now, when is the wedding? Can’t be having this baby out of wedlock now can we?”
“Well, uh, we still have to wait for the decree absolute. We can apply for it in a few weeks-”
“I was only joking Tad. But that’s good news about the divorce. Anyway, I have things to do, and apparently a rather nice bouquet of flowers to buy. What are her favourites?”
“Sunflowers, thanks Suze.” I smile at her as she goes to leave the room. “Oh, and Suze, we aren’t telling anyone yet, so-”
“Telling anyone what?” She winks at me and I turn to look at Scott, whose face is still scrunched up in confusion.
“Seriously, this is a good thing. I’m happy.” I reassure him.
He gives his head a slight shake, and finally his lips turn up into something resembling an uncomfortable half grin. “I’m happy for you too mate. Just, uh, don’t forget me, okay?”
“Forget you?!”
“Well, it’s just, and trust me, I know how stupid this is even going to sound before I’ve even said it; but since you and Rachel got together, I only ever really see you if it’s work related. We don’t go out anymore, and now you’re having a kid and getting married…”
“You’re right. I’ve been a shitty friend the last year, I promise, as long as I don’t get stalked, or shot again, I’ll make more time for you, okay?” We both laugh and Scott slaps me, possibly slightly harder than intended on the back.
“I am happy for you though, you’ve got a good one there.”
“I know, talking about good ones, how many have you got now then?”
“Actually, I think you will be rather proud of me. I ditched them all, except Francesca. I like her, she let me stick it up her arse.” Pride quickly turns to mock disgust and we both laugh loudly.
“Well, I guess that’s, uh, something…” I laugh.
Rachel
The coffee Celine has made me is lovely, I’m sure, but I just haven’t been able to stomach it since I found out I was pregnant. I have tried, countless times in fact, to just force some down, in the hopes my body remembers it and suddenly lets me drink it again. But here we are, me sitting, holding my mug at an arm’s length, trying not to breathe in the steam.
“What’s the matter with you?” Celine interrupts my train of thought.
“Nothing, why?”
“Well you’re holding that coffee like it has personally offended you! It’s a bit like me with-” She suddenly stops and looks at me. “Wait? You’re pregnant!” She half screams as she grabs the cup from my hands and almost throws it on the table, before leaping over to the sofa I’m sitting on and hugging me so tightly, it almost hurts.
“Jeez woman, calm down! And thank you for letting me tell you!”
“So you are then?!” She sits next to me, and grabs my hand in hers.
“I am, about five weeks.”
“Eeek Rachel!! We are going to have babies together! I’m so happy!” She wraps her arm around my shoulder and pulls me in close. “Is Tad happy?”
“He is, so happy.”
“And I bet Ami can’t wait to be a big sister!” Celine almost squeals.
“We haven’t actually told her yet. We are going to wait until our scan, just in case.” I say guiltily. I feel bad about not telling her, but she has gone through ridiculous amounts over the last year and a bit, and the last thing I want to do is put her through anything else, if something bad was to happen.
“That’s fair enough.” She nods, as if she could hear exactly what I was thinking. “When are you due?”
“15th July.” I beam and I can feel her bouncing around next to me.
“That’s only three weeks after me!! I’ll make you a deal, I’ll hold on as long as I can, and you squeeze yours out a teensy bit early, then they can share a birthday!”
“Well, I can’t promise anything!” We both laugh.
“No coffee then hey?” She says, almost looking concerned.
“No!” I cry out, louder than I intended and both of us jump slightly. “Sorry, it’s something I haven’t quite come to terms with yet!”
“Well, you might want to start thinking of an excuse now, because I’m not going to be the only one that puts two and two together when they see you heaving just at the smell of something you usually can’t go an hour without!”
“Shit, hadn’t thought about that!”
♦ ♦ ♦
“She must have been exhausted. Snoring away almost as soon as her head touched the pillow!” I laugh as I fall back into the sofa, feeling pretty tired myself.
“I’m not surprised, I could barely keep up with her today. Speeding round the shops, picking up every single bloody decoration on sale!” Tad chuckles as he pulls my head onto his lap and starts to stroke my hair softly.
“You know, you could have said no, right?” I laugh back and he suddenly looks a little sheepish.
