by Emma Miller
She nodded. “Joshua told me you forbid him to marry Phoebe because of her past.”
“It was my pride that set me on that path of thinking,” Joshua’s father said, speaking to him and Rosemary. “I...I was worried about what others might say. About my son. About our family.”
“Anyone who’s right with God, who knows God’s word, would say good for you, Benjamin Miller.” Rosemary drew her finger back and forth, pointing at him.
Joshua’s father reached out and took his wife’s hand. Then he turned to Joshua. “You were right, and I was wrong, son. We can’t just say the words. We have to live them. God’s word does tell us that we are forgiven for our sins. It was His son who made that possible.” He shook his head slowly. “I don’t know why God finds it so easy to forgive us and we find it so hard to forgive others.”
“And sometimes ourselves,” Rosemary put in gently.
“It’s easy to quote God’s word,” Benjamin mused. “But not always easy to practice it.”
Rosemary squeezed her husband’s hand. “It’s what makes us human.”
“Ya, I suppose you’re right.” Joshua’s father looked at Rosemary and then at Joshua again. “I was going to come to you, sohn. The minute you walked out of here, I realized how wrong I was. You should marry the woman you love. She’s a good girl, your Phoebe. And she’ll make a good wife to you. Her past is her past, and no matter how that little boy got here, he’s still a gift from God. I truly believe that. I’m so sorry I’ve caused you pain. You have my blessing to wed Phoebe. I want you to marry the woman you love.” Releasing his wife’s hand, he took a step toward Joshua. “I’m sorry for this quarrel. I’m sorry for not being a better father to you, a better man.” He glanced at Rosemary. “A better husband to you. And I hope that not only you two can forgive me, but Phoebe, too.”
“Atch,” Rosemary said, giving a wave of her hand. “No need for Phoebe to even know about this. A little disagreement between father and son. It happens in a household full of men sometimes.”
Joshua drew his hand across his eyes, overwhelmed with relief. His father had given him his approval to marry the woman he loved. Now all he had to do was tell Phoebe. “She already knows. I went right to her.”
“Then go find her.” Rosemary shooed him with a flutter of her hand. “And we’ll talk about a wedding tonight at supper.”
Just then, Bay walked into the shop. “Dat, Andy Byler wants to know if—” She halted and looked from one of them to the next and made a face. “What’s going on? What are the three of you doing in here?”
“Mind your knitting,” Rosemary warned.
“I’m going to find Phoebe,” Joshua said, making for the door. “She’s probably working on supper.”
“Nope,” Bay called after him.
Joshua turned back to his sister. “Then where is she?”
Bay pressed her lips together. She seemed to realize something serious was going on and her answer wasn’t going to be one he wanted to hear. “Taken a buggy and gone.”
“Gone where?” Joshua asked.
“Eli’s,” Bay said softly.
“No!” Joshua closed his eyes.
“What?” Benjamin asked. “What’s the problem?”
“Eli,” Joshua said, his stomach suddenly in his throat. He opened his eyes. “She’s gone to accept Eli’s marriage proposal.”
“I thought she wanted to marry you,” Rosemary said.
“She did. Does,” Joshua managed. “But when I told her that Dat was against it, she said she wouldn’t come between us and...I guess she decided to accept Eli’s offer.” His hands fell to his sides. “I’ve lost her,” he whispered.
“Stuff and nonsense!” Rosemary declared. “You haven’t lost the girl until she stands before the bishop on her wedding day. Go, son. Go get her.”
Joshua turned and strode through the door.
“Wait, sohn!” Benjamin declared. “I caused this mess. I’ll go with you.”
Rosemary watched her husband and son go out the shop door and then threw up her hands. “Looks like I may as well go, too!”
Chapter Twelve
Phoebe turned off the road into the driveway. Eli lived just off Route 8, a couple of roads over from the Miller harness shop. Phoebe had never been there, but they’d driven by his place. It was a small farm, maybe twenty-five acres with a neat little two-story square bungalow and a series of typical Amish outbuildings: a dairy barn, a lean-to shed for farm equipment, a windmill, a chicken house and a woodshed. Everything was painted, neat and orderly, but what was interesting was that unlike most Amish houses that were painted white, his was a spruce green. There was a place to tie up in front of the enclosed porch.
A woolly black-and-white mixed-breed dog followed her buggy up the lane, and as she climbed out of the buggy, it greeted her with a wagging tail as it tried to nuzzle her hand. “Hello there,” she said to the dog, giving him a pet.
When she spoke, her voice sounded strange in her ears. She was nervous and scared. She was thinking that maybe this had been a bit impulsive, to come right to Eli. But the door she had thought had opened to a life with Joshua had closed, and she was determined not to let that destroy her the way John’s death had nearly destroyed her. She was determined not to let her emotions get the best of her. She would not come between Joshua and his father. She wouldn’t do it. So she wouldn’t marry him and that was that. The good news was, she did not have to go back to Edom’s home.
Eli wanted to marry her. He’d been straightforward about that. And, truthfully, a man like Eli was who she’d had in mind when she’d come to Hickory Grove in search of a husband. He was a man older than her, with children. He would make a good father to John-John and a good husband to her. And while there would probably never be the love between them that she had felt for John or Joshua, maybe she would come to love him in a different way. Women married for different reasons, especially Amish women. Not everyone found true love in the Englisher sense of the word, but a woman who married a good man, who had children with him, who had a good life trying to live God’s words, could never ask for more.
“What’s your name?” she asked the dog. “Are you a good boy?” She leaned one way and the other, trying to figure out if it was a boy or a girl. “Or are you a good girl?” she asked. Not able to tell, she walked up to the hitching post.
“A good girl,” she heard a male voice say.
Phoebe looked up to see Eli standing on the porch steps, his hands in his pants pockets. He was wearing denim trousers and a faded green shirt that made his eyes seem bluer. His red beard was neatly trimmed, as was his hair. He smiled at her. “Her name is Molly. Found her in the parking lot at Byler’s as a pup. Someone had dumped her.” He came down the steps and walked over to take the leather strap from Phoebe and tie up her horse. “She was skinny and covered in fleas. But Lizzy wanted her.” He shrugged. “So we took home from Byler’s that day three pounds of lunch meat, a gallon of orange juice, a bag of peppermints and a puppy.” He ticked the list off as he counted on his fingers.
Despite her nervousness, Phoebe couldn’t help but smile. Eli was the kind of man who could put you at ease in a moment’s time. She’d seen that the first night she had met him at the harvest supper at the Fishers’. “She seems like a nice dog. She followed me all the way in. She barked, but she wasn’t mean about it.”
“Just letting me know you had arrived.” He smiled again. With the horse tied up, he turned to her. “I was waiting for you.”
“You were?” She pulled her black wool cloak tighter and looked up at him. She’d not bothered to fetch her good hat. She really wasn’t dressed properly to be visiting a man. She was just wearing her blue scarf tied at the nape of her neck and a heavy black wool one tied under her chin. She’d left the Miller house in haste, half afraid she would back out if she let herself think on the matter too long. By the time she had reached
his driveway, she’d been worried she had made a mistake in coming. But now that he was standing here, she thought maybe she wasn’t; maybe he could help her forget about her love for Joshua. Of course, she could never forget it or forget him, but maybe the pain she felt right now could be eased with time the way the pain of her loss of John had eased over time.
“Well,” Eli said, glancing out into the pretty little barnyard. “I guess what I mean is, I was hoping you would come. I was hoping you would change your mind about marrying me.”
She’d had this plan to come here and tell him she would marry him, but she’d not thought about how she would say it. He was making it easy for her, bless him. “How do you know that’s why I’m here?” she heard herself say. She wasn’t sure why she was delaying. “I might have been coming to bring you some of Rosemary’s cranberry-nut bread. She drizzles an orange icing over the top.”
He studied her with his blue eyes that were a different shade than her own. He had nice eyelashes. She could see that standing so close to him. And freckles.
“Did you bring me some of Rosemary’s cranberry bread?” he asked.
She shook her head.
“Then why—”
Molly suddenly shot into the driveway, barking, and headed down the lane.
Phoebe turned to look to see what she had gone after and heard the familiar sound of hoofbeats and the creak of a buggy. Someone was coming up Eli’s lane and fast. “Who would be—”
“It’s Benjamin’s buggy,” Eli said.
Phoebe couldn’t help but hear a sound of disappointment in his voice. Of sadness. “Benjamin is here?” she asked, confused. Benjamin never drove like that. He always drove slowly and cautiously, as if he had all the time in the world.
“Not Benjamin,” Eli said with a sigh. “Your Joshua, I suspect.”
Phoebe didn’t know what to say. She didn’t really need to say anything. The buggy came to an abrupt stop in the middle of the barnyard, and the driver’s door slid open and Benjamin heaved himself to the ground. He was wearing the same kind of knit hat Joshua and all of his brothers wore, but Benjamin couldn’t be mistaken for anyone else with his stocky frame and rusty-colored graying beard.
“Benjamin,” Eli said, seeming as surprised to see him as Phoebe was.
Molly bounded around the buggy, continuing to bark. Benjamin’s gelding, Toby, danced in his traces but remained in place.
As Benjamin hurried toward them, the passenger-side door slid open and Rosemary leaped out.
“Rosemary?” Phoebe said. What was going on? Had Rosemary and Benjamin figured out what she was doing and come to warn Eli that he shouldn’t take her as his wife?
Instead of following Rosemary and Benjamin, Molly moved to the rear of the buggy and began to bark even louder.
Two little boys who looked like miniature versions of Eli appeared on the porch steps. Both were wearing knitted slippers. Neither was wearing a coat.
“Who has come?” asked the taller of the two boys in Pennsylvania Deutsch. He looked to be six or seven and had hair the same color as Eli’s. The smaller boy’s was more of a strawberry blonde.
“You shouldn’t be outside without coats,” Eli told his sons above the din of Molly’s barking. He clapped his hands. “Molly, come, girl!”
But the dog didn’t budge. She just kept barking at the back of the buggy. Then the door swung open and Phoebe’s heart felt as if it skipped a beat. It was Joshua. Her Joshua!
“Neighbor,” Benjamin said, striding toward them. “I am sorry to kick up such a fuss in your yard, but I’ve... We need to speak to—”
“Phoebe,” Eli finished for him. He smiled what seemed like a sad smile to her and glanced her way. “I wish you nothing but happiness, Phoebe,” he said.
“But...” Phoebe didn’t know what say. She didn’t know what was going on.
“Life’s funny sometimes, isn’t it?” Eli said softly to her. There was a twinkle in his blue eyes now. “You think life is going to go one way and then it takes a turn like a bend in a river, and all of sudden you’re floating in that direction. It’s not a bad place to be, just different than you thought. Sometimes different than you thought you wanted.” He turned toward the house just as Joshua reached her side. “I’ll leave you all to your family business,” he said. Then he opened his arms and herded his boys toward the door. “Who wants hot chocolate with big, fat marshmallows?”
“Me! Me!” the little boys cried, bouncing up and down as they followed their father into the house.
“Phoebe,” Joshua said.
She turned to him, pressing her lips together. She wanted so badly to think Benjamin had had a change of heart, but what if that wasn’t why he was here?
“My vadder has given us his blessing. To marry,” Joshua said in a rush as he reached for her hands. “Please tell me you didn’t tell Eli you would marry him.”
“I want to apologize to you, Phoebe,” Benjamin interrupted, walking up to them.
Rosemary moved to her husband’s side.
“I want to apologize for my failings. I like to say I know God’s word. I try to follow it each and every day, but the truth is, I fall short sometimes. A lot of times,” he said.
To Phoebe’s surprise, she could see that the older man’s eyes were tearing up. And as with Joshua when he had done the same down in the cellar earlier in the day, she found herself liking Benjamin even more. Maybe loving him in a way that she had never loved a man before, the way a woman loved her father. “It’s all right,” she whispered.
“Ne, it’s not,” he told her firmly. “As the head of my household, I’m supposed to be the one to set a good example. I’ve been preaching to my boys since they were babes the merits of forgiveness. It’s easy to forgive someone for spilled milk or a misplaced word, but the true test comes at times like this. And—” The older man looked away for a moment, seeming to be overcome by emotion. But when he looked at her again, he didn’t seem weak the way Phoebe thought emotion could make a person—he seemed stronger. Stronger than before. “All I can do is say I’m sorry and hope you can forgive me. Hope that with the Lord’s help, I can be a better man tomorrow.”
Phoebe nodded to Benjamin. “Of course I forgive you.”
“Then you’ll do me the honor of being my daughter-in-law?”
“Benjamin!” Rosemary cried. “You’re not supposed to ask her that.” She gave Joshua a little push. “That’s for him to ask.” She looped her arms through her husband’s. “Now let’s go inside and make a proper apology to Eli and leave these two alone. I imagine Eli has an extra hot chocolate or two.”
Benjamin looked to his son. “I want to say thank you,” he said.
“For what?” Joshua asked.
“For being my son. For being the man you are. You know, a father’s greatest wish is that his sons will be better men than he is.”
Joshua started to say something, but Phoebe caught his eye and he stayed silent. Then he slipped her hand into his and they watched Rosemary and Benjamin, hand in hand, go up the steps and into the house. Then he turned to her. “So...” he said.
“So,” Phoebe echoed. Something brushed her leg, and she looked down to see the black-and-white dog plop herself down and lean against her. She looked up into Joshua’s eyes again.
He wrapped his arms around her waist. “I’ll ask again. Did you tell Eli you would marry him?”
She shook her head, thinking how good his touch felt.
“Did you come here to do that?” Joshua pressed.
She nodded.
“Would you have told him, had we not arrived when we did?”
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly.
Joshua gazed into her eyes, his brown eyes warm with caring. With love for her. “I guess I’d better make haste then.” He drew the back of his hand against her cheek. “Will you marry me, Phoeb
e Miller?”
“I will, Joshua Miller.”
The corner of his mouth turned up in a smile. “Well, this will be convenient.”
She smiled at him, not sure what he meant. “What?”
“You won’t have to change your name. When we wed.”
She laughed. “I hadn’t thought about that. It is convenient.”
“It is,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her and drew her tightly against him. “Don’t suppose I can have that kiss now?” he whispered in her ear.
“Not until we’re married,” she whispered back.
He laughed softly, and as Phoebe slid her arms around Joshua’s neck and hugged him tightly, she realized that God had more than answered her prayers because she had not only found a father for her son, but a man to love.
Epilogue
Miller’s Greenhouse
One year later
Joshua carried a huge white poinsettia in an eight-inch pot in each arm. “Here you go,” he said, walking up to the front counter where Phoebe had been stationed all day. With only four days before Christmas, they had been busy since early morning. Thanks to Bay’s idea of giving away a few poinsettias to stores around Dover, she’d generated more business than they could handle. Everyone was coming to Miller’s Greenhouse to buy the healthy, beautiful poinsettias Joshua Miller was growing.
“This is the last of the big white ones,” he told Phoebe as he set them on the counter. “We’ll have to be sure to grow more next year.” He pulled off his knit cap and scratched his head. “I never thought they would sell so well.”
“The customer will be right back in to get them,” she said, using a red pen to add to the tally they were keeping on a notepad beside the register. Joshua wanted to know how many of each color and in which sizes they sold so they would be better prepared the following Christmas season. It had been Phoebe’s idea to keep a paper tally because the cash register only recorded the size of the plants they sold, not the color.
“One,” John-John said, pushing a tiny white poinsettia onto the counter. “For Mam.”
