by Lisa Kleypas
Self-consciously Lily raised a hand to her short, curly locks and grinned. “Is it too dreadful, Mama?”
“It suits you,” Totty admitted. “Rather becoming, actually.”
Lily saw her father and hurried to him. “Papa!”
Awkwardly George patted her slender back, and pushed her away gently. “There, there, no need to carry on. Gad, such scenes you cause, Lily. And in front of Lord Raiford. Are you in some sort of trouble? Why have you come here of all places? And now of all times?”
“I’m in no trouble at all,” Lily said, smiling at her father. They were of similarly small stature, standing nearly face-to-face. “I would have come sooner, but I was uncertain of my reception. I want to share in the joy of Penny’s wedding. Naturally if my presence displeases the earl, I will leave immediately. I’ve no wish to cause trouble for anyone. I just thought that I might be allowed to stay for a week or so.” She glanced at Alex and added cautiously, “I would be on my best behavior. I would be a veritable saint.”
Alex’s gaze bore through her like an icicle. He was tempted to shove her back into the ornate carriage and tell the driver to head straight for London. Or a far hotter place.
Confronted with his silence, Lily appeared to be perturbed. “But perhaps there isn’t enough room for me here?” She craned her neck up to stare at the towering mansion, letting her gaze travel across the endless rows of windows and balconies.
Alex gritted his teeth together. It would have been the greatest pleasure of his life to throttle her. He understood what she was doing. To refuse her now would paint him as an inhospitable blackguard in her family’s eyes. Penelope was already regarding him with anxious dismay.
“Alex,” Penelope beseeched, coming up to him and placing a hand on his arm. It was the first time she had ever voluntarily touched him. “Alex, there is enough room here for my sister, isn’t there? If she says she will conduct herself well, I am certain that she will.”
Lily clucked affectionately. “Now, Penny, let us not embarrass his lordship. I will find some other occasion to see you, I promise.”
“No, I wish you to stay,” Penelope cried, her fingers tightening on Alex’s arm. “Please, my lord, please allow her to remain here!”
“There’s no need to beg,” Alex muttered. How could he refuse his fiancée when she was pleading with him in front of her family, the butler, and every servant within earshot? He glared at Lily, expecting to see a gleam of triumph in her eyes, a smug tilt to her lips. But she wore a forbearing expression that would have become Joan of Arc. Damn her! “Do whatever you want,” he said to Penelope. “Just keep her out of my sight.”
“Oh, thank you!” Penelope whirled in delight, hugged Lily and then Totty. “Mama, isn’t it wonderful?”
In the midst of Penelope’s torrent of gratitude, Lily approached Alex calmly. “Raiford, I’m afraid you and I have got off to a bad start,” she said. “It was entirely my fault. Can’t we forget the bloody hunt and begin again?”
She was so sincere, so frank and appealing. Alex didn’t believe any of it. “Miss Lawson,” he said with deliberate slowness, “if you do anything to undermine my interests…”
“You’ll what?” Lily smiled at him provocatively. There was nothing he could do to hurt her. The worst had been done to her long ago. She wasn’t afraid of him.
“I’ll make you regret it for the rest of your life,” he said softly.
Lily’s smile faded as he strode away. Suddenly Derek’s warning came to her ears…Listen to me, gypsy. Let it be…Stay clear ow ’is path…Lily pushed the words out of her mind, shrugging impatiently. Lord Raiford was only a man, and she could run circles around him. Hadn’t she just gained herself an invitation to stay right underneath his roof for the next few weeks? She looked at her mother and sister and laughed quietly.
“I asked Raiford if he loved you.”
Lily had taken the first opportunity to steer Penelope to a private room where they could have, as she put it, a “sisterly chat.” Immediately she had launched into an account of the Middleton hunt, determined to make Penny understand what manner of man she was engaged to.
“Oh, Lily, you didn’t!” Penelope put her hands over her eyes and moaned. “But why would you do such a thing?” Suddenly she surprised Lily by bursting into giggles. “I can’t imagine how his lordship replied!”
“I don’t see what is so amusing,” Lily said with perplexed dignity. “I am trying to have a serious conversation with you about your future, Penny.”
“My future is well in hand! Or was, rather.” Choking with dismayed laughter, Penelope covered her mouth with her hand.
Indignantly Lily wondered why the story of her meeting with Raiford at the hunt was causing her sister amusement, instead of making her properly alarmed. “In response to my perfectly straightforward question, Raiford was rude, evasive, and insulting. In my opinion, he is not a gentleman, and is far from worthy of you.”
Penelope shrugged helplessly. “All of London recognizes him as a splendid catch.”
“I beg to differ.” Lily paced back and forth in front of the canopied bed, repeatedly slapping a kid glove in her palm. “What are the qualities that make him a good catch? His looks? Well, I admit he could be considered handsome—but only in a bland, cold, unremarkable sort of way.”
“I…I suppose that is a matter of taste…”
“And as to his fortune,” Lily continued vigorously. “There are many other men who have the means to take care of you and keep you in a fine style. His title? You could easily land someone with even bluer blood and more impressive lineage. And you can’t claim you have any great liking for Raiford, Penny!”
“The arrangement has been made and settled between Papa and Lord Raiford,” Penelope replied softly. “And while it is true that I do not love him, I never expected to. If I am fortunate, that sort of feeling may come later. That is the way of things. I am not like you, Lily. I have always been very conventional.”
Lily uttered a garbled curse and stared at her in frustration. Something about her sister’s prosaic manner was making Lily feel much as she had during her rebellious youth, when everyone had seemed to have an understanding of the world that she could not share in. What was their secret? Why did a loveless arranged marriage make sense to everyone else and not to her? Clearly she’d enjoyed too much freedom for too long. She sat on the bed next to Penelope. “I don’t see why you’re so agreeable to the prospect of marrying a man you don’t care for.” Lily tried to sound brisk, but her voice came out plaintive.
“I am not agreeable, just resigned. Do forgive me for saying it, Lily, but you are a romantic, in the worst sense of the word.”
Lily scowled. “Not at all! I have quite a hard-bitten, practical nature. I’ve been dealt enough knocks to develop a realistic understanding of the world and its workings, and therefore I know—”
“Dearest Lily.” Penelope took her hand and pressed it between her own. “Since I was a little girl, I’ve always thought of you as the most beautiful, most courageous, most everything. But not practical. Never practical.”
Lily withdrew her hand and regarded her younger sister in amazement. It seemed that Penelope wasn’t going to be as cooperative as she had expected. Well, the plan still had to be carried out. It was for Penny’s own good, whether or not she admitted that she needed to be rescued. “I don’t want to talk about myself,” she said abruptly. “I want to talk about you. Of all the swains in London, there must have been someone you preferred over Raiford.” She arched her brows meaningfully. “Such as Lord Stamford. Hmm?”
Penelope was quiet for a long time, her thoughts seeming to drift to some faraway place. A wistful smile appeared on her face. “Dear Zachary,” she whispered. Then she shook her head. “My situation is settled. Lily, you know that I have never asked you for anything. But I am asking you now, from the depths of my heart, please do not take it into your head to ‘help’ me. I am going to abide by Papa and Mama’s decision and m
arry Lord Raiford. It is my obligation.” She snapped her fingers as if a new idea had occurred to her. “Why don’t we direct our attention toward finding a husband for you?”
“Good God.” Lily wrinkled her nose. “I have no use for men. Of course, they can be great fun on the hunting field and in the gaming room. But other times…oh, men are too bloody inconvenient. Greedy, demanding creatures. I can’t abide the thought of being at someone’s beck and call, and being treated as a forward child instead of a woman with her own opinions.”
“Men are useful if one desires a family.” Like all proper young girls of her station, Penelope had been taught that bearing children was a woman’s most laudable role.
The words gave Lily an unpleasant sensation, stirring up painful emotions. “Yes,” she said bitterly. “They’re certainly helpful in producing children.”
“You don’t wish to be alone forever, do you?”
“Better that than to be some man’s pawn!” Lily didn’t realize she had spoken aloud until she saw the confusion on Penelope’s face. Giving her a quick smile, Lily fumbled for a shawl draped over a chair. “May I borrow this? I believe I’ll go exploring, perhaps take a stroll outside. It’s rather stuffy in here.”
“But Lily—”
“We’ll talk more later. I promise. I-I’ll see you at supper, dear.” Hurriedly Lily left and strode through the hall and down the ornate staircase, not caring where she was going. Ignoring her sumptuous surroundings, she kept her head down. “My God, I’ve got to be careful,” she whispered. Lately her self-control had been stretched to its limits, and she wasn’t guarding her words carefully enough. Wandering through the great hall, she found herself in a gallery at least one hundred feet long, illuminated with the light from a row of glass doors. Through the well-polished glass she could see a formal garden with smooth green lawns and bordered paths. A brisk walk was just what she needed. Flinging the shawl around her shoulders, Lily went outside, relishing the cool bite of the breeze.
The garden was magnificent, dignified and lush, divided into many sections by precisely trimmed yew hedges. There was a chapel garden with a tiny stream and a small round pool filled with white lilies. It opened into the rose garden, a multitude of flowers surrounding a large and rare Ayrshire rose bush. Lily walked along a garden wall covered with vines and climbing roses. She ascended a series of weathered steps that led to a terrace overlooking an artificial lake. Nearby was a fountain surrounded by a pride of a dozen strutting peacocks. There was an aura of absolute serenity in the garden. It seemed like an enchanted place, where nothing bad could ever happen.
Her attention was drawn by a planting of fruit trees on the east side of the estate. The sight of them reminded Lily of the lemon garden of the Italian villa where she had lived for two years. She and Nicole had spent most of their time in the garden or in the many-columned loggia at the back of the little house. Sometimes she had taken Nicole for walks in the shady wooded bosco nearby.
“Don’t think of it,” she whispered fiercely. “Don’t.” But the memory was as clear as if it had happened yesterday. She sat on the rim of the fountain and gathered the shawl more closely around her body. Blindly she turned her face toward the distant woods beyond the lake, remembering…
“Domina! Domina, I’ve brought the most wonderful things from the market—bread and soft cheese and good wine. Help me gather some fruit from the garden, and for lunch we’ll…”
Lily stopped as she became aware of the unnatural silence in the casetta. Her cheerful smile faded. She set the basket down by the door and ventured into the little house. Like the local women, she was dressed in a cotton skirt and a full-sleeved blouse, her hair covered with a large kerchief. With her dark curls and her flawless accent, she was often mistaken for a native Italian. “Domina?” she asked cautiously.
Suddenly the housekeeper appeared, her wrinkled, sun-weathered face covered with tears. She was in disarray, her gray hair escaping from the narrow braid coiled around her head.“Signorina,” she gasped, and began to speak so incoherently that Lily couldn’t understand her.
She put her arm around the elderly woman’s round shoulders and tried to soothe her. “Domina, tell me what’s happened. Is it Nicole? Where is she?”
The housekeeper began to sob. Something had happened, something too dreadful for words. Was her baby ill? Had she been hurt? Terrified, Lily let go of Domina and raced toward the stairs that led to the nursery. “Nicole?” she called. “Nicole, Mama’s here, it’s all—”
“ Signorina, she is gone!”
Lily froze with her foot on the first step, her hand gripping the banister. She looked at Domina, who was trembling visibly. “What do you mean?” she asked hoarsely. “Where is she?”
“It was two men. I could not stop them. I tried, Dio mio…but they took the baby away. She is gone.”
Lily felt as if she were in the middle of a nightmare. Nothing was making sense. “What did they say?” she asked in a queer, thick voice. Domina began to sob, and Lily swore at her, rushing forward. “Damn you, don’t cry, just tell me what they said!”
Domina stepped back, frightened by Lily’s contorted face. “They said nothing.”
“Where did they take her?”
“I do not know.”
“Did they leave a note, a message?”
“No, signorina.”
Lily stared into the elderly woman’s streaming eyes. “Oh, it’s not happening, it’s not…” Frantically she ran to the nursery, stumbling to her knees and bumping her shins, not feeling the pain. The little room looked the same as usual, toys scattered on the floor, a ruffled dress draped over the arm of a rocking chair. The crib was empty. Lily pressed one hand over her stomach and the other up to her mouth. She was too frightened to cry, but she heard her own voice in a wrenching scream. “No! Nicole…Nooo…”
With a start, Lily recalled herself to the present. It had been more than two years since then. Two years. Bleakly she wondered if Nicole still remembered her. If Nicole were even still alive. The thought caused her throat to tighten until she could hardly breathe. Perhaps, she thought miserably, this was to be the punishment for her sins, to have her baby taken from her forever. But the Lord had to be merciful—Nicole was so innocent, so blameless. Lily knew that if it took the rest of her life, she would find her daughter.
Alex had never seen one small woman eat so heartily. Perhaps that was the source of her unflagging energy. With dainty precision, Lily downed a plateful of ham and madeira sauce, several spoonfuls of potatoes and boiled vegetables, pastry, and fresh fruit. She laughed and chattered all the while, the warm light casting a glow over her animated face. Several times Alex was chagrined to find himself staring at her. It bothered him greatly, his fascination with her and the puzzle she presented.
No matter what the subject of conversation, Lily had something to add to it. Her knowledge of hunting, horses, and other masculine subjects gave her a certain rough-and-tumble appeal. But when she exchanged society gossip with Totty, she sounded as sophisticated as any woman in the beau monde could ever hope to be. Most perplexing of all, there were moments—brief, to be sure—when she displayed an artless charm that far eclipsed her younger sister.
“Penny will be the most exquisite bride London has ever seen!” Lily exclaimed, causing her sister to giggle modestly. Then she glanced at Totty wryly. “I’m glad that you’ll finally have the grand wedding you dreamed of giving, Mama. Especially after the years of torment I’ve caused you.”
“You haven’t been completely tormenting, dear. And I still haven’t relinquished my hopes of giving you a wedding someday.”
Lily kept her expression bland, but inwardly she laughed. May the devil take me before I become someone’s wife, she thought grimly. She glanced at Alex, who appeared to be absorbed in the plate of lukewarm food before him. “The kind of man I would consent to marry is difficult to find.”
Penelope regarded her curiously. “What kind is that, Lily?”
&n
bsp; “I don’t know if there’s a particular word to describe him,” Lily said thoughtfully.
“Milksop?” Alex suggested.
Lily glared at him. “From what I’ve observed, this business of marriage is far more advantageous for the man. The husband always has the whip hand, legally and financially, whereas the poor wife spends her best years bearing his children and seeing to his welfare, and then discovers herself to be as burnt out as an old candle.”
“Wilhemina, that is not so,” Totty exclaimed. “Every woman requires a man’s protection and guidance.”
“I don’t!”
“Really,” Alex remarked, his steady gaze pinning her to the chair. Lily writhed in discomfort as she returned his stare. Apparently he had heard about her relationship with Derek Craven. Well, his opinion of her didn’t matter a damned bit. And it was none of his business whether she had an “arrangement” with someone or not!
“Yes, really,” she said coolly. “But were I to marry, my lord, I would only have a man who doesn’t equate strength with brutality. Someone who considers a wife a companion rather than a glorified slave. Someone—”
“Lily, that is enough!” her father said, his face darkening. “Above all I desire peace, and you are creating a disturbance. You will keep your silence now.”
“I’d like her to continue,” Alex said calmly. “Tell us, Miss Lawson, what else do you want in a man?”
Lily felt her cheeks begin to burn. There was a strange sensation in her chest—tautness and warmth and turbulence. “I don’t wish to continue,” she muttered. “I’m sure you all have the general idea.” She put a bite of chicken in her mouth, but the succulent morsel suddenly had the texture of sawdust, and it was difficult to swallow. All seated at the table were silent, while Penelope’s distressed gaze flickered back and forth between her financé and her sister.
“Although,” Lily said after a moment, lifting her gaze to Totty’s pink face, “I’m becoming more settled in my advanced age, Mother. It’s possible that I could find someone willing to make certain allowances for me. Someone tolerant enough to endure my wild ways.” She paused significantly. “In fact, I think I may have found him.”
