He shouldn’t want her to. He shouldn’t want anyone to know him that intimately. It left him too vulnerable, and he’d spent the past ten years trying not to be vulnerable again.
But he still wanted everything he saw in Olivia, no matter what it meant to his emotional safety.
He finally forced himself to get to his feet so he wouldn’t reach out for her again. “I guess we should get something to eat. It’s still snowing, so we’re not getting out of here until morning at the earliest.”
She cleared her throat. “Yeah. I guess so. There’s stuff in the refrigerator that doesn’t take any cooking, so at least we won’t have to try to cook on an open fire.”
They both went into the kitchen to peer into the refrigerator, pulling out the prepared sandwiches and salads and pulling out plates and utensils. They poured more wine and brought their food over to the couch to eat.
It was really good, and Scott enjoyed both the food and Olivia’s company, even though they only made a few random comments as they ate. When they’d finished, Scott took the dishes back to the kitchen, rinsed them in the sink, and stuck them in the dishwasher, even though there was no power to run it.
Eventually the electricity would come back on.
Eventually he’d have to return to the real world from this intimate, intense firelit world he was stranded in with Olivia.
When he came back to the fire, Olivia was pulling her socks on. “They’re finally dry. It feels like your T-shirt is too but not your jeans.”
“I’ll sleep in my shirt and underwear.” He was still wearing his boxer briefs under his robe since they’d never gotten wet.
“Yeah. My tank is dry, and my leggings feel like they’ll be dry in another hour or two, so I can sleep in them.” She returned to the corner of the couch and stretched out, pulling the blanket up over her. “I wish we had a TV to watch.”
“There are books over there.” Scott lowered himself onto the other corner of the couch, extending his legs and covering up the way she was. The couch was oversized, so there was room for both of them to recline without more than the occasional brush of their thighs.
“I don’t feel like reading.”
“Me either.”
Olivia closed her eyes, causing her dark eyelashes to fan out against her skin. “Maybe I’ll just sleep away the rest of the day and when I wake up the power will be back on.”
“You can give it a try.”
She kept her eyes closed, but he knew she wasn’t sleeping. He was relaxed now after the food and the wine. He wasn’t aroused anymore since the confrontation that had followed their embrace had disturbed him enough that he’d lost his erection.
It could come back at any moment if given even the slightest provocation, but he would rather it didn’t.
He didn’t like that Olivia assumed he treated women as disposable. And he didn’t like that a little part of him wondered if she might be right.
He also didn’t like that kissing Olivia had cracked the foundations of his world.
There had been nothing casual about it, no matter how he’d tried to cover it afterward.
Kissing her had been... everything.
She hadn’t felt the same way though. She’d been into it physically, but it had upset her. She didn’t want to do it again. She didn’t like casual sex, and evidently all she’d ever feel for him was casual.
He’d never believed she’d want him in any way, so he should probably be gratified that she even wanted him physically.
But he wasn’t.
He hated it.
He wanted her to want him the way he wanted her.
But all she saw—all she knew of him—was what was on the surface, and that wasn’t him at all.
Brushing the thought away, he made himself blow out the feelings with his breath.
“You remember when we were in sixth grade?” Olivia asked out of the blue. Her face was relaxed, and her eyes were still closed.
“I remember some of sixth grade.”
“That field trip to the zoo.”
The memories came rushing back to him with a swell of conflicted emotions. “Oh. Yeah. I remember that.”
“I was watching the sea lions and loved them so much I didn’t want to leave them. So I was trailing behind and then went back to look at them one more time.” She was smiling now, as if enjoying the memories. “Then I got left behind by the class.”
“It was your own fault. The teacher told you three times to come.”
“I know that. She thought I was following them, but I went back to give the sea lions one more look.” She opened her eyes and smiled at him. “You were the one to come back to get me.”
“I saw you weren’t with us.”
The truth was he’d always been hyperaware of her presence, even when they’d been kids, so he’d known immediately she wasn’t with the rest of the class. He’d been conscientious back then. He’d been worried about her—more that she’d get into trouble than that something would happen to her.
She was still smiling, and her face had softened to that special, tender, shining look that felt like it was only for him. “And you wouldn’t even talk to me!”
“I told you to hurry up.”
“I know you did. You said hurry up. Hurry up. And that was it. Even when I tried to talk to you as we were catching up with the others, you wouldn’t say anything to me. I assumed you thought I was an annoying, silly girl who couldn’t follow directions and wasn’t worth your time.”
He huffed in amusement at how wrong she was. “That wasn’t it at all.”
“Then what was it? I tried to talk to you, and you wouldn’t say a word to me but hurry up.”
He shook his head, wondering if he should tell her the truth. It felt wrong to lie to her right now, to make a story up to protect himself. So he ended up admitting, “I was scared.”
“Scared?”
“Scared.”
“Of what?”
“Of you.” He shook his head, smiling but avoiding her eyes. “Remember what I told you about thinking you were the prettiest girl in the world?”
“Yeah, but you said that was when we were nine. This was years later.”
“So? You think anything had changed? You were the prettiest girl in the world, and everyone loved you and wanted to hang out with you. I was... clueless with people, particularly girls. I knew I would say the wrong thing if I tried to talk to you, so I didn’t say anything.”
She slanted him an adorable, laughing look. “You were shy.” She said it as if making a brand new discovery.
“Yes, I was shy. I was petrified of girls. I was petrified of you.”
“I had no idea. I just assumed you never really liked me and thought I was silly because I wasn’t good at math and didn’t care about all your model cars and everything.”
“I never thought you were silly.”
“Oh. I didn’t know.”
Scott was briefly uncomfortable, afraid he’d said too much, but she wasn’t looking at him differently. She seemed as into the conversation as ever, so he hadn’t revealed too much.
“So what changed?” she asked after a minute.
“With what?”
“With girls. How did you go from that shy little boy to...”
He arched his eyebrows. “To what?”
“To... who you are now.” She waved her hand in his general direction, as if to take in everything about him. “How did that happen?”
“I don’t know. I guess I just... grew up. Figured out I could be... I could be someone that women might want.” He didn’t like the stilted nature of his words, but he was doing his best to tell her the truth without telling her everything.
It was important to him that he not tell her everything. There were limits to how vulnerable he would allow himself to be.
“Oh. I guess that makes sense.”
“Does it?”
“Yeah. I still think I like that boy better.” She wasn’t looking at him now. She’
d closed her eyes again. “He was nice even if he wouldn’t talk to me.”
“That boy is long gone. And no matter what you say now, you never would have given him the time of day.”
She frowned, meeting his eyes. “You have no way of knowing that.”
“Yes, I do. I know him. And I know you. You barely even noticed he was alive.”
She didn’t argue. She couldn’t argue. But the truth was perfectly clear.
Olivia was never going to give herself to him—not back then and not today. But at least she wanted to kiss the man he was today.
She never would have wanted to do even that if he hadn’t changed from the boy he used to be.
She got up off the couch abruptly.
“What are you doing?” he asked, surprised by her sudden move.
“I’m going to make s’mores.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. We have all the stuff here, and I’m not going to waste this fire.”
Scott got up too. “Okay. Sounds good to me.”
“You’re going to make them too?”
He frowned at her. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“I don’t know. I just thought you’d be too cool for them or something.”
“Weren’t we just talking about how I’m not really cool at heart.”
She laughed softly. “I guess so.”
So they went to the kitchen, got chocolate, graham crackers, and marshmallows as well as metal skewers and dessert plates and brought everything over to the hearth. There, they sat down, skewered their large marshmallows, and toasted them over the fire before putting the s’mores together.
Olivia was giggling as she put her treat together, and she moaned in pleasure as she ate it. Scott couldn’t tear his eyes away from her pink lips and her tongue sliding along her full mouth as she licked away melted chocolate and marshmallow.
He wondered if her face would look similarly when she was making love, that glow of pleasure and laughter and pure joy.
He did enjoy eating his s’mores, but he enjoyed watching her even more.
When they were through, they had another glass of wine to finish off the bottle, and then Scott went into the bedroom to build a fire in the fireplace there.
While he was doing that, Olivia went into the bathroom and emerged wearing her leggings, socks, and little white tank top.
She was obviously planning to sleep in the outfit, and it left nothing about her body to his imagination. He could see all of it. Her long legs. Her firm flesh. The curves of her thighs, her hips, her breasts. The way her stomach curved out just slightly with the most delicious softness.
He could see how soft it was. How soft she was. He wanted to touch her so much he had to tighten his hands into fists.
“What?” Olivia demanded. “I know it’s kind of early, but what else do we have to do? I’m tired. I’m going to go to bed as soon as the bedroom warms up.”
“That’s fine with me. I can sleep on the couch. It’s plenty big.”
“You don’t have to sleep on the couch.” She looked surprised, almost offended by the idea.
“I don’t?”
“No. Of course you don’t. It’s a king-sized bed, for God’s sake. We’re adults. It’s cold outside, and there’s no reason to keep both fires going all night. We can put a couple of pillows between us if you’re worried I’m going to try to snuggle with you or something. We can both use the bed.”
“Okay. That’s fine with me.”
She nodded, checking his face as if she couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
That was just as well because what he was thinking was basically just a silent scream about sharing a bed with Olivia.
She wasn’t inviting him to have sex. That much was clear.
He would need to make sure not to turn it into something it wasn’t.
“I might take a shower first,” he said, deciding he’d need to make a few preparations before he got into bed with her.
“A shower? But it’s going to be dark and cold.”
“There should be enough hot water in the water heater for a quick shower. I won’t be long.”
“I don’t care if you’re long or not. You can do anything you want.” She tugged her tank top down over her waistband, but it did nothing to hide the outline of her belly, her firm breasts.
Scott gulped.
He was definitely taking a shower.
THE WARMISH WATER LASTED the ten minutes it took for him to get under the spray, jerk off as quickly and silently as possible, and then soap up and rinse off. The bathroom was eerie with just the light of the flashlight, but it didn’t bother him. He dried off, pulled on his white T-shirt and gray boxer briefs, and saw that Olivia had found a little sample tube of toothpaste.
There wasn’t a toothbrush, but he squeezed some out and used his finger before rinsing out his mouth the way she must have done.
It was better than nothing.
When he came out into the bedroom, Olivia was already in bed, lying on her side, facing the fire which was blazing nicely now.
Her eyes were open, and she’d taken the braids out of her hair.
“Was the water still warm?” she asked.
“Yeah. It was fine.”
He went to the other side of the bed and climbed under the covers beside her. “Did you want to use pillows?”
She rolled over to face him. “No. I don’t really care. I know you’re not going to make a move on me uninvited.”
“Okay. Good.” He rolled onto his side the way she was so he could see her.
They stared at each other for a minute.
“I feel weird,” she said at last.
“About what?”
“I don’t know. Just weird. Like my stomach is... uptight about something. But I don’t know what about.”
Her eyes were wide open. She was telling him the truth. She was a lot more honest about her feelings with him than he’d ever been with her.
“I feel kind of weird too,” he admitted.
“I don’t like the sound of the wind out there. And I don’t like that it’s so dark and quiet in here. It feels like we’re alone in the world right now.”
“I know. I feel that way too.”
“I don’t like it. It makes me feel... weird.”
He wished she’d use a more specific word than weird. He was getting excited again—not physically but that pulsing in his chest he’d felt before.
She took a deep inhale and then let it out. “Do you mind if I...”
He frowned when she trailed off. “If you what?”
“If I get... closer to you? I don’t like feeling like this.”
The pulsing in his chest was totally out of control now. His voice was hoarse when he replied, “Sure. Sure you can. Get as close as you want. I promise not to make a move on you.”
He moved toward her, and she scooted even closer until she was up against him. He wrapped his arms around her since there was no other way to make the position work. “Thank you,” she murmured, nestling against him the way she had on the couch.
“Is this okay?” he asked, reminding his body that he’d just given it release in the shower earlier and it wasn’t to get excited about the feel of Olivia against him.
“Yes. It’s good.” She took another deep breath. “I feel a little better.”
“Good. Me too.”
He was speaking the truth. His heart was still pounding out an intense staccato, and his body was really liking the softness and warmth and curves of hers.
But something else inside him was relaxing, softening, settling into comfort, security. Something he’d never realized had been out of sorts for a really long time.
“I’m glad I’m not alone in the snowstorm,” she said after a few minutes.
One of his hands had moved up to stroke her hair, but he wouldn’t let it move any lower than that. “Me too.”
“Good night, Scott.” Her body was relaxing even more. She was must have closed her eyes, get
ting ready for sleep.
“Good night, Olivia.”
She was asleep in about ten minutes, but Scott didn’t go to sleep.
He stayed awake for a long time, listening to the fire and the wind howling outside and holding Olivia in his arms.
Seven
OLIVIA WOKE UP THE next morning and didn’t want to get up. She was warm and cozy under the covers, and the fire was still burning so Scott must have gotten up a couple of times during the night to tend it.
She wasn’t cuddled up against Scott anymore, but she could feel his hot presence in bed beside her. When she turned her head, she saw he was asleep, one of his arms out from under the covers and stretched out toward the opposite end of the bed.
The power still wasn’t working, but daylight was peeking in around the blinds.
She watched him sleep for a moment. Then she made herself get out of bed, no matter how shocking the cold air of the room. She needed to pee, and it wouldn’t be smart to gaze at Scott sleeping for much longer.
She shouldn’t feel so close to him.
She really shouldn’t.
When she’d gone to the bathroom, she dug her brush out of her purse so she could comb her hair. It had dried in messy waves and flips, but there was nothing she could do about that.
She went to the big windows in the living room and looked out, relieved when she saw that the sun was out. It had stopped snowing sometime during the night. But everything in sight was covered with a thick layer of snow.
They weren’t going to be getting out of this cottage very early today.
She’d kill for some coffee, but it wasn’t worth the trouble of trying to boil water in the fireplace so she could use the french press. She settled for a bottle of premixed, sweetened iced coffee from the wine cooler.
She was freezing now, so she hurried back into the bedroom to discover that Scott was awake. He was still stretched out under the covers, but his eyes were open. “You want one of these?” she asked, showing him the iced coffee.
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