“Hey,” Dominic bobbed his head in my direction.
“Good evening, Gentlemen,” I pinched a smile between my lips. This was met by more than a couple weird looks.
Jayla and the other guy started into a quick conversation and I pulled out my phone, hoping to find some sort of solace in it — or at least parlance from the current century.
My thumb hovered over the text icon while I stood mere inches from the person I first thought about texting. For a thought and a bit I considered just turning and conversing with him. I even glanced in his direction, hopeful that words would follow. They didn’t.
I just stood like an awkward duck, observing him, and the guy whose name I should have known, compare biceps. Other guy’s were way bigger, but both agreed that Dominic was a faster runner. This segued into how Dominic took 3rd in state for track — something else I didn’t know! Why didn’t I know this? Easy, it’s because I’m a terrible friend. And also because Dominic basically never talked about it. At least, he never talked about it to either version of me. By that, I mean phone me and school me, not regular me and crazy me. Still, I wonder why he never talked about it. Was it me? Both me’s? Is this how split personalities start?
Maybe I should have just stayed a Julian’s. Oh! Perhaps I could text Julian, or call, or just get in my car and drive to his place. Assuming he was home. Eh, what did that even matter, he’d be home at some point, right? And he was really the most obvious choice; my standard go-to for, well, everything. But then I’d have to explain stuff and I’d already decided I didn’t want to tell Julian all the bruised and battered details, and besides I was trying to forget, not rehash.
Was this karma?
“Oh, hey,” Dominic hooked his hand around my elbow and pulled me a couple steps away. “Quick question, have you ever stopped to think about how a capital M looks like a V with crutches?”
Every thought I was having stopped as I turned to look at him. “What?” I asked trying to comprehend why he thought this question was even worth asking, let alone singling me out to ask. “No.”
“Yeah, me neither,” he shook his head.
“Uhm…” my brain stuttered. “Why did you even ask me then?”
“So you’d think about something else,” he offered half a smile, his expression asking for one in return.
I half obliged. “So, is it really that obvious that I’m freaking out right now?”
“Nah,” Dominic lifted a shoulder. “I just know the look. But listen, you got happy thoughts too, right? Whenever I have something I don’t want to be thinking about trying to take up brain space, I say to myself, ‘I don’t need to think about that’ and then I try to think about something else, something good, something happy. It helps.”
“Okay,” I nodded. “What if that doesn’t work?”
“Start up a conversation with someone.” He pointed to himself then to my phone. “Or you could text a stranger,” he chuckled. “I’ve had some pretty decent results doing that.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Do you do that often?”
Dominic’s cheeks flushed. “No. Just the once,” he said softly. “That’s how Kat and I met. You know, the girl you guys like to think doesn’t exist.”
Now my face was flush. “I know who she is,” I said as I shoved my phone back into my pocket. “And for the record, I’ve never said that. I know she exists. I know… all sorts of—” I stopped talking. In part because I had no idea where I was going with that line of thought, but mostly because of the look on Dominic’s face. Like I’d just admitted to reading his diary or something. We were looking right at each other, and I felt both seen and totally invisible and then I looked at our feet and blurted “Where did you park?” in a poor attempt to change the subject.
“At Trey’s” he pointed to the neighbors house.
The other guy turned toward Dominic, as if on cue and said, “What?”
“Oh, nothing,” Dominic replied. “She was just asking where I parked.”
And then my brain clicked the scraps together, this other guy was Trey Wallace. Now I had a face to go with the name and a name to go with the face and it was just weird that I’d known him for so long and heard his name mentioned and was only now putting the two together. And by known him I mean I saw him around. He was one of the regulars that sat on the table with Ryan and Dominic during lunch. We had that kind of relationship where we’d drop each other a head bob and maybe a “S’up?” If we happened to make eyes contact, but that was about it. I bobbed my head in Trey’s direction, and he bobbed back and threw out a “S’up.”
“Nada.” I shrugged. “Party in the USA.”
“Yeah it is,” Trey agreed, and then Jayla asked him something and his attention turned back to her.
I wondered what it was going to be like for Dominic when my true identity was finally revealed. The girl he thinks he loves, trapped in the body of the girl he’d reluctantly become friends with because she just couldn’t take a hint.
Ryan came bounding outside just then. “What the hell is this? You guys starting your own party out here? Rude.” He stopped between Ambree and Mika wrapping his arms around their shoulders. “It’s cold as fuck out here and your party sucks. You should all come to my party instead. It’s inside, and it’s awesome, and I was just about to order takeout.” Then he nodded at me. “Hey you, you look like girlfriend material. You want a PB and J?”
I chuckled. “Sure.”
“Cool. I’ll meet you in the kitchen,” he winked. “I’m taking these two with me,” he tightened his grip around Ambree and Mika causing them to giggle as they stumbled toward him. As they walked away Ryan said something else to them that I couldn’t make out but it made Ambree laughed so hard she snorted through her nose. “Be jealous,” Ryan called over his shoulder.
“Of who?” I called back.
Ryan turned back. “Of me,” he motioned to the girl on each arm and scoffed. “Obviously.”
I wish I could say that was where my anxiety ended, but there were definitely a few more agitated moments throughout the evening. Dominic was there to steer me away from a couple of them, and Ryan caught me in a kiss or ten. Not all of them meant to disrupt my anxiety. Ryan’s just a kissy kind of guy.
Dancing happened, which always makes me feel better. At some point, someone — I’m pretty sure it was Kayley — had the idea to play some game that was a combination of seven minutes in heaven, spin the bottle, and truth or dare. The rules were weird and confusing, but I was assured the system was sound. All I know was that I agreed to play and about a minute later I found myself in a pitch black closet under the stairs with Trey Wallace. Glad I’d learned his name earlier or it might have been even more awkward than it already was.
There was much oohing and ahhing and giggling and Ryan pretending to be completely broken up and Dominic glaring at Trey as the door shut, leaving us alone in the dark. Trey pulled out his phone and turned on the flashlight. “Sorry,” was the first thing out of his mouth. “I hate games like this. But I figured seven minutes in the dark was the better option than asking some dumb question about your private life or daring you to do something stupid.”
“I appreciate that. Besides I feel like I’m overdue for a party break.”
Trey chuckled. “Me too. You wanna sit?” he lowered himself to the floor, his back against the wall.
I took the space opposite. “Usually, I like parties,” I said, but it sounded weak.
Trey shook his head. “Me too,” then he took a breath. “I’m glad you’re with Ryan. I think you’re good for him.”
“Thanks,” I managed.
“You seem...” He paused searching for just the right word. He settled on, “close.”
“We are.”
“You know he has brothers?” he tested.
“Yeah, Luke and Alec, AKA, the ones who got out.”
Trey chuckled. “Something like that, I guess. Luke and I were basically best friends since my family moved in next door,
second grade. I don’t know what you know about it, but I’m basically the reason Luke doesn’t live here anymore, so I sort of hate it over here.”
“I know enough to know that’s not true. And I’d be willing to bet that you and I hate being over here for the exact same reason. Were you two—?”
“Nah,” Trey answered, anticipating where the question was headed. “We were just friends.” He sighed. “But I was always encouraging him to be himself. Who’d have thought that was bad advice?” he huffed.
“I so wish I didn’t know what you were talking about. But you can’t blame yourself for any of that. Their parents are…” I shook my head, sighing back the nausea inducing imagery.
“Evil?” Trey supplied.
“I was leaning toward sociopaths, but evil works too, evil sociopaths. Do you and Luke still talk?”
Trey shook his head. “Not really. We’re still friends on Facebook so I kind of know what he’s up to but he doesn’t really post much and I never post anything or say anything really so…”
“You should. If he’s anything like Ryan, and I’mma go out on a limb and say, as his twin, he probably is; I think he’d really like to know you’re still his friend.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
I shrugged. “You should talk to Ryan about it.”
Trey made a grumbly thinking noise. “I don’t know. Ryan’s cool and all, but I’m not sure he really get’s it.”
“It’s his brother,” I defended. “He gets it. Wait.” I pulled out my phone and texted Ryan.
KF: Do you think Trey should get in touch with Luke? He’s not sure.
RM: Yes! They were best friends until Luke moved away. He’d fucking love it. But wait, if you two are talking — does this mean you’re NOT making out in there!? Scandalous!
I showed Trey Ryan’s reply. He chuckled. “Okay. Now I just got to figure out what to say. I mean, we haven’t talked at all, so it’s weird. I kind of feel like an ass.”
“I don’t think what you say matters as much as what’s behind it. Despite their hell-spawned parent’s, the Mather’s boys have very big hearts.”
“That’s true,” Trey smiled.
・❀・❀・❀・
Sunday morning, 7am, Kimber nudged me in the back with her knee as she climbed onto my bed. “Up and at ‘em, Kat-miss Ever-bean. These miles aren’t going to jog themselves.”
Clearly I had underestimated her need to know what had me at Dominic’s in the middle of the night. She was dressed in black leggings, running shoes and an oversized sweatshirt that had LOCAL printed on the front of it. Her hair was pulled up in a fashion forward messy bun, and her mascara was undoubtably waterproof.
“What is wrong with you two?” Kayley grumbled from her bed.
“I need extra credit in PE.” Kimber lied. She wasn’t even taking PE this semester.
“You can’t run after 10am, like a normal person?” Kayley tossed back her covers and stormed out of the room. “I’m not going with you,” she informed. “I just have to pee.”
Twenty minutes later we were on our way. Our first stop was coffee. Our second stop was the park across the street from the school. It was completely empty. Exactly what you’d expect on a cold Sunday morning. I sipped my vanilla latte, turned up the heat, and held up crossed fingers.
Kimber gasped. “Oh my what? Is this seriously that serious?” She crossed her own fingers and held them up next to mine.
“Kims, if there was anything stronger than the Crossed Fingers Secret Keeper Code, I’d be using it. I’m not even telling Julian about this and I basically tell him everything.”
Kims uncrossed her fingers. “Okay, that’s a little bit terrifying. Jules knows your monthly cycle and buys you underwear and this is something you’re not going to talk to him about? Maybe…” she took a breath. “I don’t want to know?” she asked, tentative.
“Probably not,” I shrugged.
“Yes I do,” she crossed her fingers again. “Wait. Did you kill someone?”
“No.”
“Okay. Tell me. Wait. Is this something illegal?”
“Uh, well, technically—”
“Omigawd. What? Okay. Wait. If you tell me does that make me, like, an accomplice or something?”
“No.”
“Okay. Good,” she looked relieved. “I mean, I’d still be cool if you wanted to tell me and whatever. Am I a bad person if I really don’t want to, like, take a bullet for you? I mean I love you so much Kat, but I, like, have my whole life ahead of me still. You know what I’m saying?”
“Kims. Nobody is taking a bullet for anyone. That’s crazy.”
“Am I being crazy right now? I feel like I’m being a little crazy right now, I’m just totally not good with criminal crime kinds of things. I still get yeezed about taking drugs, even though that was basically not my fault and I got a boyfriend out of it, which is super weird, right?”
“Little bit, but don’t worry about it,” I held my crossed fingers up. “I won’t tell anybody about it.”
“Cool. Cool,” Kimber closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay. Go,” she said, not opening her eyes.
I gave her the shortened, condensed, version. “Ryan’s parents were being classist pricks, so I went queen B and name dropped Erik. His mom didn’t believe I even knew Erik. So I proved it, and they were both way embarrassed, and his dad was super ticked.”
“That was Valentine’s day, before we went out,” Kimber concluded.
“Yeah. So here’s the thing about Ryan’s family, when someone in the family does something that they think is wrong the punishment is—” my stomach turned. “Violent.”
Kimber gasped and then she became really quiet. “What does that mean?”
“It means Mr. Mathers beat the ever living crap out of Mrs. Mathers.”
Kimber’s mouth dropped open and she just stared at me, not even blinking. Eventually she shook herself out of it and said, “Wait. How did you know that’s what happened?”
“I saw the aftermath when I dropped Ryan off, because she wanted to apologize. It was like she wanted me to see what had been done to her, Kims.”
It was quiet between us for a long time, eventually Kimber spoke. “That’s so fucked up, Kat. It seriously makes me wonder if you should be going out with Ryan, I mean, did you know he has a twin brother who mysteriously disappeared a couple of years ago? I mean, I’ve heard that he just moved away, but there was this rumor that his parents killed him and just told everybody he moved away.”
“I know all about Luke; he ran away actually. He lives in California with their oldest brother Alec. And Ryan’s nothing like his parents, Kims.”
“So, how did you end up at Dominic’s?”
“I freaked and knew he was a safe place to go to. You know if I told Jules any of this he’d probably freak out so hard he’d pull me out of school and move me out of state.”
“Probably,” Kimber agreed. “So did anything, you know, happen between you and Dominic?”
“No. He doesn’t see me like that. At all. I did use his toothbrush though.”
“Ah, that’s kind of sweet and also gross.” Kimber smiled.
“Oh,” I put my hand over my face. “And I peed in front of him.”
“What!?” Kimber screeched.
“Not my finest moment. I was just really stressed out and really needed to pee.”
Laughter filled the car for the next few minutes. Mostly Kimber’s but mine too after a bit. It was freeing to finally be able to talk about it. To have someone listen and talk it through with. And even find ways to laugh about it. Laughter is super healing.
I’d had zero intentions of going for a run in the freezing cold, until Kimber started to suspect that Julian and I weren’t working out when we went out on Sunday mornings. I couldn’t let her know that secret, so I made her do sprints with me. She did three, I did five. The exercise endorphins were just what I needed at the moment. Who knew?
・❀・❀・❀・
<
br /> My birthday present from Mom arrived, it was pictures from our trip that she’d printed and framed. I kept pictures of us around, but it was nice to have new ones. Nada from The Kyle, I blame Mom’s pregnancy brain. And I was actually kind of relieved she’d forgotten to try and make it look like he cared when I’ve known for years that he totally doesn’t.
Ryan came over for dinner, as per Aunt Josie’s insistence. Ryan called Uncle Tate ‘Sir,’ which was kind of weird. Uncle Tate told him to relax, and that while he’d most definitely not tolerate any kind of mistreatment of me, the person he really needed to worry about was Julian. And then everybody proceeded to tell their overprotective Julian stories. Like the time he made me wear a belt on the swings when I was six, or the time he insisted I hold his hand in Disneyland when I was 10, or the fact that I am not allowed to wear high heels like ever, because they’re not safe.
Ryan seemed thoroughly amused by it all, and at the end of the evening asked if he could come over again some time. Uncle Tate told him he was welcome any time, so Ryan was over pretty often after that.
We’d hang out in the garage most often, he’d help me with stretches and spot me on the lyra if I asked. He was also teaching himself to dance by watching YouTube instructional videos, while charging his parents $200 a lesson.
Zack came over even more than Ryan, and sometimes we would all hang out and watch a movie or make food or just chat in our room, or the family room, or the garage.
It was so nice when things felt routine and normal-ish again.
Kit Kat & Katie Did Page 40
