Chapter 37
I went back to my room to get dressed for the day, and contemplated just moving my stuff over to Ryan’s room for the rest of the weekend. There was some frantic knocking and then Kimber came bursting into the room in a man’s dress shirt, wide-eyed. “Kat, I forgot to pack pants.” I waved her toward my bag. She went straight for the black leggings she borrowed at least once a week. “You are a life saver!” She wrapped me in a hug. “How was your night?”
“Memorable,” I admitted.
“Mine too!” She squealed. “Omigawd, I can’t believe we both lost it to our high school sweetheart’s on prom.” I didn’t respond. And yet, somehow, she knew. “Wait. Wait. Wait. Omigawd. Wait. Wait. Wait. Omi—”
I nudged her shoulder. “You’re looping, Kims.”
“I’m just — I mean — If Ryan wasn’t your first, who was?”
I held my fingers up, crossed.
Kimber gasped and almost lost her balance. “Are you kidding me right now?” she hissed.
“Nope.”
She held her hand up, considering. “Does Julian know?”
I didn’t answer.
“Oooh,” she growled and crossed her fingers.
“It was Julian.” I uncrossed my fingers.
Kimber’s mouth fell so far open I thought she was going to unhinge her jaw. She reached out and re-crossed my fingers for me. “Oh. My. What!?”
“Kims it’s not that big a deal, but obviously not something either of us want made public.”
“Oh yeah. No no no no no no no, yeah. I get it. I get it. I just—” she took a breath. “Was he like—” she was blushing. “I mean,” she giggled. “Like, how amazing was it?”
I wouldn’t have used a scale that involved amazing. “It was… It was Jules.”
“Omigawd, I knew it!” she squealed with delight. “Of course you’d be lucky enough to have your first time be with a total sex god.”
“Okay,” I laughed. “Are we done with these?” I held up my crossed fingers. “I was going to ask you how your night went.”
Kimber considered her fingers, and kept them crossed. “Not that it’s like scandalous or anything, but mostly because our secret keeping is feeling a little one-sided. Eh, it was not as great as I expected. I mean, it was good and amazing and sweet and all that, but it wasn’t like… epic. I think because we were both kind of nervous and awkward and stuff. And I kind of had this like… I don’t know… idea, hope maybe, that I’d be all sore the next day or something, but I’m totally not.”
“Wait. Why would you want to be sore the next day?”
“You know, because you were having, like, triathlon sex.”
“Swimming, running and cycling?”
She huffed a laugh.“You know what I mean.”
“Marathon?”
“Exactly. But it was just kind of sweet and simple and over. And I can’t believe I’m complaining about it. Omigawd, I think I might be being the worst person ever right now.” She put her hands over her face and whined. “Who complains about their first time because it was sweet?”
“Somebody with different expectations.”
Kimber frowned at me. “Yeah. That makes sense. I mean, I did just read the sexiest of the sex scenes between Blake and — serious spoiler?”
“No, don’t tell me.”
“Okay, fine, but girl, you seriously need to catch up. Books aren’t going to read themselves to you — I mean, unless it’s an audio book,” she shrugged. “Are you hungry?” She changed the subject, again. “Because I am freaking starving.”
・❀・❀・❀・
Ryan and Zack were in the hallway chatting when we came out of my room. Zack’s entire being lit up, when he saw Kimber, and I’d never seen him grin so wide. Her either. “Hey,” he motioned to his shirt, the one she was still wearing, and had tied in a knot at her waist. “You look awesome.”
Kimber giggled out a “Thanks.” It was cute. They were cute.
I looked at Ryan. Based on his smile, I think he thought they were cute too. But it didn’t make it to his eyes. Something was bothering him. If I had three guesses, they’d all be Dominic related. And then I saw my phone in his hand. I’d been ignoring it since last night. I’d sort of hoped the battery wouldn’t make it through the night, but Ryan’s expression wasn’t one of: I found your phone, and it’s dead. It was more like: I found your phone, and every notification is from Dominic.
“Oh, my phone,” I pushed a smile. “It’s probably dead, right?” I pushed a laugh. “You guy’s go ahead, I’m going to go put that on a charger.” I held my hand out for my phone. Ryan didn’t hand it over.
Kimber and Zack happily nodded and giggled and went on their way, all smitten and taken with each other. And I swear, birds were singing, and if I’d seen butterflies flitting about between them it would have seemed perfectly natural.
“I’ll go with you,” Ryan slipped his hand into mine. When we were out of earshot he added, “I’m kind of hoping I could persuade you not to look at your phone for the rest of the weekend.”
“That bad?”
“He called. Like five times.”
“Shit. That’s not good. He only calls if it’s really bad. Do you know where he is right now?”
Ryan shook his head. “Define ‘really bad.’”
I reached for my phone. He’d texted a bunch of times since last night, called 5 and the battery was at 2%. “Damn it.” I retrieved my charger and plugged it in. Another text popped up on my screen:
DW: I’m so tired of fucking up.
“Go find him. He needs a friend. I’ll catch him on this end,” I held my phone up.
Ryan left and I called Dominic.
“Kat,” he sounded so relieved. “Sorry if I’m bugging you.” He sounded like he’d been — or was — crying.
“No. I misplaced my phone and it’s almost dead, so I hope I don’t lose you.” I got the most urgent things out of the way.
“Eh, par for the course,” he pushed a laugh. “Did you read my texts?”
“Not yet. I just saw that I’d missed a bunch of calls from you.”
“Oh. Kay. Cool. Well uh… Yeah. You should get caught up, let your battery juice up and then call me back.” And then he hung up.
“Oh, Dominic, you infuriating butthole!” I mutter growled.
I went to voicemail first. He’d only left two messages. The first one said, “Hey, it’s Dominic. Uhm… I’m sort of having a shit day, and I could really use a friend… if we could…” and then there was a shuffling noise and I could hear swearing in the distance.
Second message said, “Sorry. I dropped my phone. But uhm, second call in I realized that just hearing your voice is nice, makes me feel better, so I’m probably going to call a few more times just to hear it. I know I’m totally risking looking like a complete creeper — but since that’s pretty much what I am, I’m just going to own it.”
He wants to hear my voice because it makes him feel better!? Oh my heart. And he think’s that isn’t completely romantic and endearing!? Crazy person! I mean, I kind of saw his point. If I didn’t know him like I do, it’d be completely creep-tacular.
I switched over to texts. My battery had climbed itself all the way up to 3%. I quickly went through and closed out every other app I had open. It felt like there were a hundred of them open. And back to texts, I scrolled up to the one he’d sent the night before while we were talking to each other.
DW: I think I might have foot in mouth disease. I make one stupid comment, and suddenly I’ve confessed to my first time having sex being the back seat of a car. And I’m doing it again, now, with you. Can you believe I haven’t even been drinking? Lol. This is prom.
The next was sent after I’d ran off.
DW: Fuck. My. Life. Katie basically confessed her love for me. I told her I didn’t see her that way and she ran off in tears. I feel horrible about it. She can’t help the way her heart feels anymore than I can. I know you think we’re destine
d for a whole lot of nothing, and I hope you’re wrong because I never want to feel as heartbroken as she looked. But who knows, maybe I deserve it. Maybe I’m as clueless about you as she is about me…
DW: 1:15am and I’m sitting alone in a hot tub, listening to tomorrow’s bright young future fulfill their wildest fantasies of having sex behind some bushes. Yes. I’m judging having sex in shrubbery. There are plenty of soft, private, bug-free, dirt-free places to bump against each other in this place; why pick there?
And, I just recognized who it is. And I didn’t look away soon enough and now I know what that guy looks like when he blows his wad — and he knows I know because there was eye-contact. I’d like to think he feels worse about this than I do, but he was literally having sex in the dirt, I doubt he cares about anything.
And he just called out to me, and gave me a thumbs up. I had no choice but to threaten to kick his ass.
And now they’re in the hot tub and I’m on my way to bed.
The next text came in a little after 3:30am
DW: I can’t sleep. This place has too many weird noises. My half asleep brain kept waking me up sure I was going to see a ghost or something. Awake me knows it’s people banging. And I’m used to being up this early, so it’s hard to go back to sleep. And now someone’s showering...
More than a little mortified that he might have been hearing me and Ryan, but I wasn’t going to let that thought torment me more than a lot — and probably for forever. I read on, through my hand on my face.
DW: I’m not complaining about the fact that they’re showering. Just everything else. Lol. I need a nap.
That made nothing better.
His next text was sent at 10:30am. It was almost 11am. How in the hell did it get so late in the day?
DW: Well, I fucked up again. Katie’s friend showed up and was looking for her, and nobody had seen her, I went to ask Ryan if he’d seen her and found them in bed together. Their relationship is supposed to be fake — long story — but it looked to be pretty damned real to me! And I can’t help but feel she’s making all these stupid choices — like sleeping with Ryan — because of me. I push her away and she runs to him. And then, Ryan accuses me of using her as a back-up in case you and I don’t end up going anywhere. And that’s not what’s happening! Yes, I want to protect her. Yes, I care about her. But I can never love her back the way she wants me. I can’t see her that way because I’m in love with you. She’s more like, I don’t know, a sister? Not like Maddison though, because she’s a joke, but like an awesome sister who gives a shit and looks up to you, and brings you cake on your birthday.
DW: I’m such and asshole.
He’d tried calling after that, and then finally, he texted:
DW: I’m so tired of fucking up.
I texted Ryan.
KF: Have you found him?
RM: I think he’s in his room. Nobody else has seen him, and it’s locked.
KF: Think this place has a ladder?
RM: …or a spare key?
KF: No. Too expected, not dramatic enough.
RM: I’m on it.
My phone battery had climbed all the way up to 8%. I called Dominic.
“Hey,” his voice sounded froggy when he answered, tired.
“Okay, I’m up to speed.”
“So be honest with me, how bad did I fuck things up?”
“You didn’t fuck anything up, Dominic, things are just fucked up.”
“How do I make things right?”
I horked a laugh. “How do I make things right?” I asked him back.
“I don’t know, by telling me what to do, how to fix this, if there’s even a way to fix this. I’m asking the impossible aren’t I?”
“No, Dominic, I mean, I fucked up. I fucked up with you.”
“How?”
“Well, uh, where do I start? I’ve been lying to you. Lies of omission. Lot’s of them. Or maybe it’s just one big one, but either way, I know it’s something that will break us—”
“What like, you have a boyfriend?”
My brain tripped. Yes or no, I’d be lying. “Uh…”
“Come on, don’t lie to me when I ask you directly.”
I could see my boyfriend not boyfriend making his way across the back lawn with a ladder. “It’s complicated.”
“So, that’s a yes,” he concluded.
“And no. Technically, I have a boyfriend. But it’s not a thing. We’re not in love with each other, it’s not serious, it’s just… a thing.” Okay, that made no sense.
“Are you sleeping with him?” His tone was so flat, calm, emotionless.
“What kind of question is that?”
“One that tells me if you’re lying or not,” he oozed composure. It was unnerving.
“No it doesn’t,” I defended. “We’ve got like a friends with benefits thing, that’s it.”
“Does he know that?”
“Yes, he does.”
“So what does he have to do with you and me?”
“Nothing,” I sighed. “You and me are you and me and the only thing that’s going to come between you and me, is you and me.”
“Then I don’t see the problem.”
“Oh. Well. You will,” I said on a breath. But I don’t think he heard me.
“Ah, what the fuck is happening now?” he huffed. “Ryan is standing on a ladder outside my window.”
I could hear Ryan yelling both outside and through the phone. “Dominic! It’s lunchtime. We have to go out! And get lunch! I need sandwiches, Dominic! I need them! Help me! Please! I don’t know how to lunch by myself!”
“Oh my hell,” Dominic chuckled. “What a douchebag. Can you hear that?”
“Yeah. I think you guys are just fine, Dominic. Go have fun with your friends and get Ryan a sandwich, poor guy.”
“What about you and me?”
“That’s a next week thing, have some patience, yeah?”
“I don’t want to lose you Kat. Tell me I’m not going to lose you.”
I couldn’t say it, because I didn’t believe it. “I love you Dominic, and I don’t see any way around that.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means… I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere you won’t be able to reach me.” I felt like maybe I’d said those exact same words to him before, and then I remembered, I had. While we were talking at the dance. But Ryan had started up his wails for lunch again and there was at least a small chance he hadn’t heard me. And couldn’t also hear Ryan through the phone. “Sounds like you’ve got to go and so do I,” I said.
“Wait. There’s an after graduation party, Friday. Will you meet me?”
“I’ll be there.”
“Really?” he sounded doubtful.
“Really.”
“I’ll text you the address.”
“It’s at the school, right? I know how to get there.”
“Yeah. Cool. Then I guess I’ll see you there.”
“Yep.”
We both hung up.
I buried my head in a pillow and screamed.
・❀・❀・❀・
The rest of the weekend sorted itself out. It was fun even, except for Dominic basically ignoring me and the looming cloud of gloom that was following me everywhere.
Sometime Monday, 8:05am, 1st period, AP Psychology with Dr. Murphy, I realized the gloom cloud was concealing the countdown to the end of my relationship with Dominic. Or, as everyone else was calling it: Graduation.
I come from a wide group of people who didn’t do high school graduation. My mom got her GED when she was 16, Aunt Josie got her’s when she was 17, Julian just didn’t feel like going to his, Linda went to the ceremony, and several after parties, but never actually graduated. So if I didn’t go to mine, especially since it was basically a technicality that I had the option to walk at all, I doubted I’d take too much heat.
Except for from Jules, because he’s sort of notorious for insisting I participate and
do normal-ish type things. And from Mom, who wanted to fly in for the occasion but couldn’t because she was about to pop out a couple of babies. And Kimber would be pissed for sure since she was already planning our outfits — the ones no one would ever see because they were going to be under graduation robes, but whatever.
And Ryan had already gotten some sort of psychic vibe I was thinking about ditching and flat out told it me it wasn’t an option. Especially since Dominic would most definitely mind, and he’d probably lose his damned mind and take it personally.
So basically, I’m going to graduation — completely and utterly against my own better judgement. Now all I had to do was make it through one last week of something that sort of resembled school and then all of this angst and gloom would be over and done and I could get on with my heartache, and tour, and— why had only one freaking minute passed since I last looked at the clock? Ugh, this was gonna be a long and utterly suck-tastic week.
The last week of school always sucks, because it’s not really an actual school week. It’s a busy work, and cleaning, and returning books, and scrambling to get in that last bit of extra credit, and class parties, and movies that you really only get to see part of because classes aren’t as long as movies. It’s bullshit really. Just like my mood.
Monday after school I discovered Kimber sprawled across my car in the parking lot. “Kims, you know I have work today, yeah?”
Kit Kat & Katie Did Page 47
