“Colby Ryerson…” And the final countdown had begun.
“Emily Atwood…”
“Aimee Millington…”
“Some Other Person…”
“Somebody Else…”
“Ryan Mathers…”
As soon as Ryan was off the stage he came over to where I was sitting and crouched down in front of me. “Front row huh?” he made a face. “I don’t want to be a total enabler, but if you want, I can grab our guy and ditch before it’s over.”
“Nah. I’ll be okay.”
“Everybody’s going to be asleep by then anyway,” Kimber griped. “It’s not so bad now, but give it a hundred or so names.”
“Text me if you change your mind.”
I gave him a thumbs up and a nod. He kissed the tip of his finger and set it on my nose. And then he snuck back into the line of people returning to their seats.
More names were called. And more and more… hundreds… Most of whom I knew, surprisingly. It’s weird how hanging out with people 30 at a time quickly becomes knowing hundreds of people. I caught sight of Dominic as his row neared the stage. He was turned away from me, deep in conversation with Katlynn Reyes. I could only barely tell it was her because of her hair. I was glad he’d been sitting with friends. Until half a second later when I saw a scrawny little hellcat pixie with amazing hair step out from behind him and whip her hair over her shoulder as she handed Mr. Wendell her card.
“Annabelle Granger…” Radio voice called. Annabelle flipped everybody off as she walked across the stage. There was a clear divide between people who knew Annabelle and ignored her, and those who didn’t know her and were shocked.
“Isn’t she the chick that beat up a teacher?” Kimber leaned over to ask.
“Nah, that was just a rumor,” I replied.
“Katlynn Reyes…” Radio voice announced.
That was when I noticed, she and Dominic had been holding hands. And it occurred to me, that while I’d always accepted that he and Katlynn were friends, other than the fact that they were friendly to each other, often sat near each other, and she didn’t make him nervous, their relationship was a complete mystery to me.
Katlynn was shaking, her eyes wet and red from crying. Not like she was touched by graduation crying though. She looked like something was seriously wrong. She hurried across the stage, grabbed her diploma, looked away as she forced a smile and they snapped a picture of it, and rushed off the other side. Normally, everybody kept on walking back to a seat, but Katlynn stopped at the bottom of the stairs. I half contemplated going over and asking her if she was okay, because she was clearly not okay, but she had her hand over her face like she wished she were invisible, so I stayed where I was.
“Dominic Weedon…” Dominic gave a wave and a smile as he walked across the stage in front of gigantic pictures of him in various uniforms, next to various trophies. I had my phone out and snapped a picture or seven.
Dominic met up with Katlynn, wrapped an arm around her shoulders and they continued on their way.
“What was that all about?” Kimber leaned in to ask.
“No idea,” I shrugged.
Mika leaned forward, she was sitting right behind us. “Her grandma died this morning.”
“Oh no,” Kimber frowned.
Suddenly my own situation paled. I have no idea the circumstances that saw Katlynn walking for graduation while she was experiencing so much grief, but it couldn’t have been easy, no matter the reason. And here I was fretting over my friend that I’m in love with, who doesn’t love me back, becoming my friend that I’m in love with who doesn’t love me back, but who now realizes he’s had my phone number all along. I mean, basically.
Sometimes perspective is a bitch. This time though, the bitch was totally me.
Seven hundred and something names later, my moment had arrived. I handed my card to Mr. Wendell to scan. He handed it back, and radio voice guy called out my name: “Katarina Franks.”
I only took half a glance at the larger than life images of me that flashed onto the screen. Right next to my yearbook photo and one of Ryan asking me to prom was a picture of me dressed like a bird, being kissed on the cheek by Julian.
I smiled and waved at the audience. “I love you, Kit-Kat!” I heard Kayley holler from the bleachers — now I knew where the Emerson’s were sitting.
I almost tripped over this super overly optimistic idea that maybe Dominic had missed the big reveal. But as I stepped off the other side of the stage, I saw him. I probably wouldn’t have if he’d gone back to his seat, but he was standing at the other end of the room, his arm still around Katlynn, his expression confused, stunned, disappointed. I pretended I hadn’t seen him and continued back to my seat.
“Kimber Emerson…”
There were only about a dozen more names to call, and then Vice Principal Stephens would have a few more things to say, ‘thanks and drive safe’ kind of stuff. As soon as Kimber’s butt hit the seat I was pointing in the direction of a side door escape and asking, “So, should we go?”
“No,” she huffed at me. “Kats, there’s only like five more people to go, and then we all toss our caps in the air, and then we have to find them again,” she sighed, “because there’s pictures, which is why we wore these awesome dresses, duh. Besides, it’s not like you’re the only one who needs to pee right now.”
I didn’t need to pee. I needed to run away, because drama avoidance — still totally my thing.
And the rest of graduation went pretty much just as Kimber had called it: ‘Blah blah thanks for coming’ from Vice Principal Stephens, tossed hats, collecting tossed hats, ridiculously long lines to the bathroom, people taking pictures — lots and lots and lots of pictures. All the pictures. So many pictures.
About a dozen different people came up to me after, proclaiming they had no idea I was the bird girl. “Well, costumes will do that,” I’d say and shrug them off with a smile. And every time I felt like a complete and utter jerk.
Ryan and his parents found me. His parents wanted pictures. They were being surprisingly normal, so I did my best to be cordial. Ryan swooped me up into his arms while Mr. Mathers snapped a couple of photos — with a camera. It was a very nice camera, that it didn’t look like he knew how to use very well. I judge this way because it was on auto-focus and every other time I’ve had my photo taken with a camera of that calibre, the photographer was doing the focusing.
And then — because there is some good in the world — they told us to have a good time, shook hands with Ryan — yep, shook hands — and left.
Ryan wrapped me in a huge hug and kissed me.
In sharp juxtaposition, Aunt Josie and Uncle Tate gave us all hugs. And I do mean all. Me, Ryan, all of Kimber’s friends, some of their parents, a couple of kids they probably thought were Kimber’s friends but were just kids standing close by.
I kept an eye out for Dominic, but never saw him. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but at least it wasn’t a dramatic thing.
Chapter 39
Graduation Bonfire is basically an all-day over-night event with Graduation happening sometime in the middle. It’s kind of like a career day. Venders line the edge of the South field, marketing local colleges, and summer courses, and foods, and insurance, and stuff. I’ve never been able to figure out why the insurance people are at every event ever, maybe insurance agents just like to be outside? I don’t know.
Even AIM had a booth set up. Our banner reads: Find Your Passion @ Arts In Motion. The left side has a picture of me and Julian spinning on a Cyr and the right side has a picture of 6-8 year olds lined up in tutus, following along with Alaina.
Linda and Royce were manning the booth and told me that earlier in the day some hunky broad shouldered guy had stopped by asking about me. Sounded like Dominic. Linda had followed her standard safety first protocol and told him she didn’t know if I was planning to be there or not, but not to count on it.
Maybe he believed h
er and went home? Maybe he was still with Katlynn? I could have texted him, but he could have texted me too, and maybe he needed space, and time to think, and I couldn’t really blame him if he never wanted to see me or talk to me again.
Kimber and I changed out of our Graduation get-up and slipped in to comfy jeans, shoes with socks, and going out tops. We got a couple of huge fried bread tacos and climbed to the top row of the stadium to eat them. We had the best view of everything, and the climb maybe helped us burn off a few extra calories, because seriously, those fried bread tacos were huge. Huge! We’re talking 1200 calories each, huge. And yes, I ate the whole thing.
The bonfire was roaring in the teachers parking lot, a couple people were roasting hot dogs and marshmallows, and one guy was warming a rotisserie chicken. Music was playing and a few people were dancing but most were chatting, and eating and taking pictures.
Most of the parents and other family who’d come for the graduation ceremony had left not long after, some of the more zealous hung around until around 10, when the majority of the vendors decided to call it quits. Only a couple of the more popular food sellers hung out any later than that.
Alumni hosted the all-nighter portion of the party so it was basically adult monitored without it ever having to be ‘Mom, why are you trying to ruin my life?’ weird. Though I’d heard that had happened in the past. For our year the worst it got was, a few older siblings in varying degrees of coolness.
Ryan had set up a huge ‘multiple room, sleeps 20 with room to spare, tent’ directly between two huge bounce houses he’d bought for the party. Yes, bought, with plans to open a bounce house rental business on the side.
Kimber and I set up our ‘simple, four people can sleep snuggly side by side in here, tent’ on the other side of the field, because Kimber couldn’t be convinced that the bounce houses wouldn’t deflate and crush her during the night if her tent was anywhere near either of them. I say our tent but I should say, the tent Kimber brought. She hadn’t decided yet if it was going to be for me and her, or her and Zack, and I could crash with Ryan in his humungous ‘all are welcome’ tent — or his car where he was more likely to be sleeping. Or, I could sleep in my car — or at home, in my nice warm comfy bed that’s not on the ground, and come back in the morning. I had plenty of options.
I hadn’t seen Dominic since before graduation ended and I was kind of grateful, kind of ‘hello darkness my old friend, I’ll probably never see Dominic again’ woe is me, about it. Could I blame him? I could only imagine what went through his thoughts as I waltzed across the stage grinning and waving in front of huge pictures of the girl he loves and the girl he most definitely doesn’t. I imagined it went something like — ‘What the fuck is happening right now — this is basically like my worst nightmare.’ And then later, as he had time to think about it he would come to the only conclusion he could — ‘Holy fuck, this girl is basically a complete psycho.’ And I was probably never going to hear from him again. Or, I don’t know… maybe I would. I probably would, and it’d be something like: It all makes sense now, You’re a crazy person and the biggest liar of them all. Please never talk to me again. Also, I’m blocking you.
The whole thing — that was mostly in my head, but whatever — was making me really sad. But whatever. I’ve been sad about it for ages now. I knew this day was coming. I just wanted it to be already over with. I wanted to be unpacking my bags in my new home in Vegas and refocusing all my energy back on my work and returning to a version of me who didn’t believe in falling in love — but older, and wiser now, because I had fallen in love and now I knew, first hand, all the things that made it suck so hard.
And also made it so damned gut-wrenchingly beautiful and heartbreaking.
I’m sure this whole thing would have been made a ton easier if Dominic had been the jerk, instead of it being me. I even tried to grab onto all the times he’d declared he could never love me, and be angry about that, but ultimately, I couldn’t do it. Because it really doesn’t make him a jerk, it just makes me sad that he doesn’t feel the same — even though he thinks he does — but with phone me, so he’s really just lying to himself.
That was kind of infuriating, but ultimately that’s my fault too, so all the mad just comes right back to me, again. Argh!
Basically if I’d told him who I was like a billion years ago, he probably would have been like: ‘What? No… That’s so fucked up and weird… Please don’t talk about me okay?’ And then everything else would be basically the same. Or not the same because he wouldn’t have kept texting me probably, and so we probably wouldn’t be as close and who knows what else might be different? Would Ryan and Alexa still be together? Would Ryan have punched a wall and broke his hand? Would Dominic be in jail for stealing his own truck? Would it be raining in Spain right now?
Kayley was right, time travel is confusing.
Kimber and I had just finished putting in the last of the tent stakes when I got a text from Dominic.
DW: Hey, where are you?
I quickly typed up, ‘Right where I said I’d be.’ But then I deleted it, because I remembered that just because I felt like a jerk, didn’t mean I had to act like one.
Instead, I sent:
KF: I’m helping Kimber set up her tent.
DW: You’re not staying?
I hadn’t decided. The only thing I was really sure about was:
KF: I’m not sleeping on the ground.
DW: Can we talk?
I put my hands over my face and pouted so hard it didn’t even matter that no one could see my expression, Kimber said, “Uh-oh. What’s wrong?”
I just shrugged. “Nothing? Everything? Dominic wants to talk. Now that he knows I’m a total lying liar, he probably just wants to tell me to my face what an asshole I am before he blocks my number. I don’t know.”
Kimber scrunched her face up at me and stuck her hand on her hip. “Okay, who are you and what have you done with my cousin?”
“I know. I know. I’m freaking out over a guy, totally not my thing.”
“Uh no.” Kimber huffed. “I always knew you had that in you, we read the same books. It’s the negativity thing, actually. One thing the real Kat never does is catastrophe. Huh. Kat- tastrophy,” she smiled as she put the sounds together, a newly discovered play on my name I’m sure I’d be hearing again in the future. “Anyway,“ she brushed it away with her hand and a disapproving look. “It’s one thing to know bad shit happens, it’s another thing entirely to freak out about it and let it bring you down. Kat never does that. You never do that, Kat. So why start now?”
She had a point. As I was shaking my head and shrugging and trying to find the words to adequately explain myself, or at the very least warn her that if she called me optimistic I was so outta here, I heard a casual, “Hey,” from behind me.
“Oh, hi there, Dominic.” Kimber waved. And then she looked back and forth between the two of us and said, “Well, I’m going to go get the sleeping bags. Pretty sure I left them in the car.” Total lie. She stepped over one of them as she hurried away.
“Thanks Kims,” I called after her. “Not awkward at all…” My voice trailed.
“Sorry,” Dominic said.
I turned around and seeing him was every bit as devastating as I’d thought it was going to be. It was like he’d actually gotten better looking in the couple hours since I seen him. “Why are you apologizing?” I tried to keep my tone neutral, curious.
“You didn’t say yes,” he pointed toward my phone. “But I saw you, and I really want to talk. I’m really not trying to make things awkward”
“No, you didn’t make anything awkward. Kims just…” what was I gonna say? I was thinking, she didn’t have to lie but then — neither did I for the past nine months! I went with, “I don’t know. It’s… whatever.” And then I stopped talking because I was a liar and a jerk and probably just making things worse. Best thing might have been just to wish him a nice life, hop in my car and keep on driving ’til I
hit Vegas, but Dominic had proven himself several times over to be the one true exception to my run away from drama rule, so I just stood there instead, waiting for the worst.
“So… This is weird.” Dominic said. He wasn’t really looking at me, but at least he wasn’t fidgeting, at least not that I could tell, his hands were in his pockets.
I nodded. “How’s Katlynn?”
“She’s sad, but she’ll be okay. Her grandma died today.”
“I heard that. I can’t imagine how hard today must have been for her.”
“Yeah,” he agreed, then shrugged. “They were close. So uhm,” he changed the subject. “Can we talk? I mean, we’re talking now but I mean really talk, just you and me?”
“Yeah. Okay. Sure. Let’s do that.” I motioned toward him, because I really just wanted him to just get out everything he wanted to say and then I could tell him I understood and then I could go somewhere else and cry.
Dominic looked around at the nearby people, then back to me, and nodded, like he got the idea that my feet were planted. And then there was a long pause were we just stood there, looking at each other. Eventually he said. “I don’t know what to do here. What to say. I sort of feel like I’ve lost something, but I don’t know, Maybe I never had anything to begin with?”
I nodded, tears pressing at the edges of my eyes. “I understand.”
“So… what do we do now?”
“I don’t know.”
He looked sad when he asked, “What do you want to do?”
I shook my head and shrugged. “Nothing’s changed for me—”
A sharp cluster of laughter cut through our conversation because, you know, other people were around.
Dominic took a breath, looked at the sky, and let it out. “This isn’t working,” he waved his hand at the area in general. “Can we go talk in my truck or something?”
Kit Kat & Katie Did Page 49
