by C. A. Harms
“No,” I shook it off, “I need to get in there.”
Mikey joined us, and I could hear him and my father talking, my head still hazy and unclear.
“Damn.” Mikey reached out to steady me, and I allowed him to lead me toward a chair only a few feet away. It was either that or fall flat on my ass in the center of the waiting area. “Have a seat, brother.”
I braced myself on either side of the chair and stared at the floor before me. “You won’t be much help to your girl if you’re flat on your ass,” my dad chuckled this time. It would seem the two of them were just loving the show.
“I’m good. I think I’ve just been on a high since the moment you called that I haven’t taken the time to actually breathe.” I took in one calming breath followed by another and slowly began to feel a little less unsettled. I’m gonna be a father,” I whispered again, then another deep breath as I looked to my left to find my dad watching me with a grin.
“You are,” he nodded. “And I have no doubt in my mind that you’re gonna kick ass at the job.”
I couldn’t understand why I’d felt so damned emotional.
“You ready to go see your girl?” I nodded. “Then let’s get you in there where you belong.”
***
AJ
I closed my eyes tight, concentrating on my breathing as my stomach tightened, indicating yet another contraction. Rhett’s hand pushed back the hair from my face, and he whispered his love in my ear over and over.
Things were happening so fast, the doctor was positioned before me coaching me along, a nurse near him, and a second one at my side. I bore down and gave it everything I had.
“You’ve got this,” Rhett told me.
I rested back against the mattress behind me, panting to regain my strength. I knew it would be no time at all before I was pushing once again. Looking to my right, I saw Rhett staring down at me, almost in awe. “You’re so amazing.”
“I feel like hell.”
“You look beautiful,” he confessed.
“You’ve gone and lost your mind,” I laughed. Before I could say more, or he could argue, that intense tightening in my stomach returned and the doctor began to coach me along once more.
“Give me a good push, AJ.” I fisted Rhett’s hand and the nurse’s on the opposite side and gave it everything I had. “Okay, we’ve got a full head of dark hair here.”
I looked to Rhett and could see the excitement in his eyes.
“On your next contraction, I need a good hard push, AJ.” I nodded at the doctor and watched the monitor for indication. “Here we go.”
With one big breath, I rose up and bore down, a loud groan escaping me, and at that point, I was surprised at the noise that ripped through me.
“One more.” I looked at the doctor and felt the exhaustion threatening to take over. “We just need one more good push, and that’s all.”
“You can do this,” Rhett assured me, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
“Here we go, AJ,” my doctor encouraged, “one, two and—”
His words faded as I moved forward, giving every ounce of strength I had left inside of me to this final push. My head throbbed, my hands ached from the force of my grip, and then I collapsed back onto the bed. Suddenly the sound of one pissed off baby filled the air around me, and I was alert once again.
“Would you like to cut the cord, Daddy?”
I looked at Rhett to find him staring down at the doctor, no words escaping him, only a simple nod. He moved cautiously, and when he reached out to take the tool from the nurse, his hands shook.
Rhett seemed torn looking between our son and me, almost as if he wasn’t sure where to go or what to do. His eyes glistened with tears that broke me, as my own began to fall.
A full-grown man, so confident and sure had been brought to his knees in a matter of minutes. I had never in my life witnessed anything more beautiful. “I can’t,” he paused, and I nodded, because I knew what he was feeling. “He’s…” again the words faded as he watched the nurses clean and position our son in a blue blanket with a little blue hat.
Once he was ready and cleared he was placed upon my chest and Rhett moved in quickly to my side. “He looks just like you,” I whispered to Rhett but unable to remove my gaze from our son. “He’s perfect.” Tears fell heavy and hard. My heart ached with such an extreme love that I felt dizzy from it.
“Hello, Blake,” I whispered as I traced the contour of his nose with the tip of my finger. “We’re so glad you’re here, little guy.” I was a mess, a complete and total mess as I looked at our son, and suddenly he was lost in my tears. My vision blurred as I pulled him in closer and pressed my lips to his forehead.
Just when I thought I would be able to pull myself together, I felt Rhett lean in and press his forehead to my own as his own tears dripped onto my cheek. “Thank you,” he whispered hoarsely, “for loving me and for giving me my son.”
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“I looked at him and saw a friend, until I realized it was so much more. Until I knew that I truly loved him.”
~ Author Unknown
Prologue
Mike
Two years earlier
I hugged my mother to my chest a little harder as her body shook with an overflow of emotions. My shirt was stained with her tears, the moisture already seeping through the material and onto my chest beneath.
Knowing that she was sad, knowing I couldn’t stay with her and make it all better, was heartbreaking. No man, a real man, at least, liked to know that his mother was hurting.
A few feet away, leaning against the porch, stood my father and my brother, watching the exchange with solemn looks upon their faces. We’d done this before; we’d been here before. It may have been a different time, but the feelings were the same. It was never easy.
I’d just finished my leave of coming home to see my family, and in two-and-a-half weeks, I would be deploying once more to do what I was trained to do: protect our country and the people I loved. Twenty-four hours from now, I had to be back on post. I knew I had to go. If I didn’t leave soon, I’d miss my flight. But it was impossible to deny Maria, my mom, this time she needed to say goodbye. So, instead, I let her hug me, and in return, I hugged her too, rocking from side to side, telling her I’d be back.
“You’d better,” she said again as she always did, whether I’d said it face to face or over the phone, “without a scratch.” I smiled at her protective nature toward me, though I was a grown man now. I knew her need to keep me unharmed, as well as her need to protect me from my father, would always be a thing for us. There weren’t two people anywhere I was more thankful for than Gavin and Maria. They gave me a life when the one I’d been born to fell apart so quickly. And in turn, they'd done their best to ensure that my biological parents remained a part of my life, even if only in spirit.
“You be safe,” she whispered, and I closed my eyes, taking in one last deep breath to hold back my own tears that had been threatening to spill over.
“Always.” At least I tried to be.
Stepping back, I offered her a forced smile when I saw the red puffiness of her eyes. It tugged at me deep inside, because all I ever wanted was to see her smile.
My dad stepped forward, placing his arm around her waist to pull her body back against his, and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. They’d always been that way—at least as far back as I could remember—loving and affectionate. It was one of the many things I’d admired about them both.
My little brother stood back and offered me a nod. He was already trying to act so grown up, and I knew the next time I returned, most likely, he would be. Visiting had grown harder over the years, and I’d missed so much already. I didn’t want to miss any more, which was why this would probably be my last deployment. I wasn’t planning on reenlisting when the time came. I hadn’t shared this with my fa
mily yet, but I knew they’d be happy to know I’d be coming home soon to stay.
I stepped back a little further and offered my father a nod, getting the same in return, before turning around to find my two best friends waiting for me.
Rhett and Maddison. My people. My family.
We were and had been a trio for as long as I could remember, riding horses and ATVs through the fields and swimming down by the lake behind Reed and Kori’s house. We’d tease Mad with worms while fishing in that same lake, and after a while, she no longer feared them. Hell, she’d pick up a snake now out of the field, as long as it wasn’t a poisonous kind, and hold it out for us to see. The girl was a trooper.
Rhett climbed up into the front seat of his truck, and I threw my arm over Maddison’s shoulder and dragged her around to the opposite side with me. I didn’t try to help her when she climbed up through the passenger side because Mad didn’t like to be treated like a girl. The thing was, she was a woman now, and, yeah, I’d noticed the changes in her.
She’d grown into her own, finding it harder to blend in with the guys because she was a beauty. Men noticed—damn, I noticed—and it felt wrong but also right. The long, dark hair, killer dark brown eyes, and big beautiful smile…I was a guy, and that shit triggered something. I also hid it well because, again, it was Mad.
She slid in and positioned herself in the center of the bench seat, buckling herself in as I joined them.
Through the front windshield, I offered my family another wave as Rhett began to back down the driveway.
“I hate this,” Maddison mumbled as she crossed her arms over her chest. Rhett and I exchanged a look before I placed my arm behind her and hugged her to my chest. She didn’t fight but came with ease, resting her head on my shoulder. “You’ve been here for five days, and I guess I just forgot to remind myself over and over that it wouldn’t last.”
I took in a slow breath, fighting the urge to tell her I’d be coming home to stay before she knew it. I wanted to save that surprise until the time came closer. The news would only make the time drag on slower in my opinion, at least for them. For me, it was already fucking crawling along in slow motion.
“I’ll be okay,” I assured her, and she turned her face into my shoulder, tears blending with those of my mother’s.
The rest of the drive to the airport was done in silence with only the radio playing so low, it was almost nonexistent.
Our goodbyes were quick since I’d given my mother more time than I’d allowed. Rhett and I didn’t get all brotherly and affectionate; it wasn’t our style. Instead, we shared a quick, over the shoulder pat and bro hug salute before I turned to face Maddison. I could sense the hesitation in her, like she thought if she remained distant, she’d be able to hold it together, only I wouldn’t allow it.
I wrapped my arms around her tightly, lifted her in the air, and just held her there, with her arms dangling freely. She laughed. “You big brute. Put me down.” Trying to act as though she truly wanted me to, she wiggled in my hold, giving my back a few gentle taps. When she knew I wasn’t going to give in, she hugged me in return. “I love you, ya big knucklehead.”
Her words made my chest tighten. “I love you too,” I said before kissing her temple. “You’d better email me and send some of those goodie boxes like you did before.”
“Oreos?”
“And Reese’s,” I added, and she laughed.
“You and your peanut butter.”
We remained like that for a few short minutes, then I lowered her to the ground. Seeing her smile now was much better than the tears of earlier.
“I’ll miss you guys.” I’d miss everyone, just as I had every single day since I joined the army. And with that, I turned around and left them staring after me. I couldn’t look back. It was too hard. I knew if I did, I would break.
Chapter One
Mike
Present Day
“A party,” I said as we pulled up the driveway of my grandparents’ big farmhouse, and I smiled. “Was this really necessary?”
“You know this family. Everything gets a party.” My father chuckled as we drove up the lane.
“Yeah,” Garrett’s voice chimed in from behind me, and I looked back over my shoulder. Two years since the last time I saw him, and he’d changed so damn much. He looked more and more like our father every day with his dark hair and eyes the color of the ocean. He was still training, but his arms were beginning to fill out a little more.
“Gran threw a party when Grace finally got her backflip in gymnastics class, one when Chloe got her braces off, and another one when Rhett hit a homer during his first college ball game.” He rolled his eyes, making me smile.
“Do you feel left out, bud? You haven’t gotten your party yet?” I loved to tease Garrett. He got worked up so easily. I looked over at our father to see him smiling, though he was attempting to hide it from my brother. The age difference between us was a big one, and I really should have cut the kid a break, but I couldn’t seem to control the urge.
“I get a birthday every year.”
“I’m talking about to celebrate an actual achievement.”
“Don’t need a celebratory party,” he grumbled as he lounged back in the seat. Attitude rolled off him in waves, and I’d heard stories of how our mother had laid into him a time or two. I was so sad I had missed those times, but now that I was back, I’d be sure to catch a few.
I looked out the passenger window as we got even closer and found all the guys standing near the barn, I assumed finishing a round of horseshoes and doing their best to avoid the women. Whenever a feast was being prepared, it had always been best to just stay out of their way. They took that shit seriously. Always had. One thing out of place, one dish unprepared, and it was almost like the world was ending.
I glanced toward the big tree that Rhett and I had climbed more than a dozen times over the years and couldn’t control the grin that took over when I saw Maddison sitting beneath it. She was leaning up against the big trunk of the tree, and before her sat Chloe and Grace.
Usually, Rhett’s girlfriend would be in the mix, but since Harley moved away and left my boy heartbroken, it was almost like something was missing there. I was sure he felt that way every day, and I felt even worse for not being here to help him through that loss. But I was here now.
Before I was even out of the truck, the women were moving our way. My mother practically threw herself at me as I reached out to accept her hug. Instantly, she began to cry, tears of joy this time, but the woman was a faucet no less.
One by one, they all offered me a hug before the guys reached out to shake my hand. Gramps didn’t hesitate, though. He pulled me in for a hug, and I chuckled. “Good to have you home, boy,” he said, then stepped back and shook his head. “I guess I should be calling you a man now. You’re the size of a gorilla, boy. What’d they feed you?”
A few other comments were made around me, and they all went back and forth about how I’d filled out even more than the last time I was home. Fact was, when you were single, living in an unfamiliar place, and training all the time, it changed you. I worked out often even when I didn’t have to in order to pass the time that brought me closer to my return home.
I looked through the crowd that still stood around me and felt like the wind had been momentarily knocked out of my lungs. Maddison stood back, but she stood out too. Our gazes locked on one another, and though I heard the words being spoken around me, I honestly couldn’t tell you what they said.
She had her hair piled up on top of her head, a massive mess that showed she’d done nothing to style it. The tank top she wore made her brown eyes stand out even more than they normally did.
“You do look like a gorilla,” she finally said, and I smiled widely, reaching out for her. She looked between my eyes and my hand, almost like she was unsure of what to do. Then, stepping forward, she placed her hand in mine, and I pulled her against me hard and fast. She laughed, and it echoed around us be
fore I lifted her up, much like I did the last day I’d seen her before I walked into the airport.
She smelled of flowers, like those in the field behind Gram’s house. “I missed you.” That didn't even begin to describe it, but it’d have to do. “When did you turn into such a beauty, Mad?”
I lowered her to the ground, and she ducked her head to hide her blush before looking back up at me. Something passed between us, only for a second, before she regrouped and called me the name she’d used while we were growing up.
Knucklehead.
Or I believed her exact words were, “I’ve always been this beautiful, you knucklehead.”
There was no reason for me to argue, because she wasn’t lying, though I’d have to admit, until now, I may not have noticed it as much.
When I found Rhett lingering back like he’d been waiting for everyone else to finish before he greeted me, I stepped away from Maddison and grabbed for him myself. “Damn, look at you,” I said as I hugged him tightly. “Where’d that little guy I left behind go?”
“Me?” he mocked, pulling back to place some distance between us. “What about you?”
We carried on a little longer as everyone started to part and get back to what they were doing prior to my arrival. Once it was announced that it was time to eat, everyone was like a hungry pack of wolves swarming their prey.
Rhett and I found a spot on the front porch and sat back, watching everyone. The silence between us was unsettling, and I hated that this distance was placed between us. We’d kept in touch while I was gone, but it wasn’t the same as being here. I needed him to know I was here, to stay this time. I was here for him.
