The Doctor's Engagement

by Sarah Morgan

  ‘She’s had earache for two days already,’ Holly told him, trying not to dwell on how much she’d hate to leave the practice. ‘Her ear drum is red and bulging. I thought maybe she should have a course of amoxicillin?’

  He nodded briefly. ‘I’ll take a quick look myself, although I’m sure you’re right. Hello, trouble.’ He crouched down and touched Helen’s face gently. ‘What have you been up to, then?’

  Gently and skilfully he checked the ear and then nodded. ‘Yes, I agree.’ He straightened and slipped the auriscope into his pocket. ‘Have you run off a prescription for me?’

  Holly nodded and handed it to him to sign.

  ‘Keep up the Calpol,’ Ian advised, handing Alison the prescription, ‘and you can try wrapping a warm hot-water bottle in a towel and holding it next to her ear. She might find that soothing. If she’s no better in two days, bring her back.’

  Alison nodded gratefully. ‘Thanks so much, Dr Hughes.’

  Holly showed them out, aware that Ian seemed in no hurry to leave the room.

  Closing the door carefully, she turned back to face him and looked at him warily, wondering what he wanted.

  ‘You look pale,’ he said gruffly, his heavy, dark brows locked in a frown. ‘Are you going to tell me what’s going on?’

  Holly blushed. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’

  Ian hesitated and thrust his hands in his pockets, his eyes gentle. ‘Holly, why do you need the day off on Thursday?’

  Holly hesitated. How could she not tell him the truth? He was the senior partner. ‘I’m sorry to do this to you but I’m going for an interview.’

  ‘I see.’ Ian rubbed his chin. ‘And does Mark know?’

  Holly shook her head. ‘No. Not yet.’

  ‘Have the two of you got problems? I didn’t want to interfere, but I’ve noticed things have been strained between you for a while now.’

  Holly took a deep breath and nodded, not trusting herself to speak in case she burst into tears.

  Ian sighed. ‘Do you still love him?’

  ‘With all my heart,’ Holly said simply, her voice choked and her eyes brimming despite her efforts to control her emotions.

  ‘And when did you last tell him that?’ Ian’s voice was soft and she stared at him, blinking back the tears.

  The answer was never, of course, but, then, Ian didn’t know the whole story.

  ‘Holly, I don’t know what’s happened between the two of you,’ Ian said quietly, ‘but one thing I do know, by virtue of my age, is that nothing is ever gained by running away. Whatever is wrong, tell Mark how you feel. Tell him exactly how you feel. That way there can be no misunderstandings between you. If things can’t be mended then so be it, but at least you will both be clear about how each of you feels.’

  Holly stared at him. Tell Mark how she felt?

  To tell Mark how she felt would mean admitting that she loved him—something that she’d been hiding from him from the first day he’d kissed her.

  But why shouldn’t she tell him? She’d been protecting their friendship, but their friendship was history now, so maybe honesty on her part would at least clear the air between them.

  What did she have to lose?

  * * *

  Holly knew something was wrong the moment Mark walked into the house that evening.

  For a start he was early, and since the night they’d spent together Mark had never been home before she was in bed. And if that hadn’t been enough of a clue, the look on his face when he walked through the door would have been.

  ‘What the hell is going on?’ He strode onto the deck, his dark eyes so stormy that Holly took a step backwards.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Oh, come on, Holly!’ He lifted his hands in an impatient gesture. ‘Ian tells me you’re leaving. You’ve got an interview at another practice!’

  ‘Oh.’ Holly’s chin lifted and she frowned slightly. ‘Ian had no right to tell you that.’

  ‘Holly, you’re supposed to be my fiancée,’ Mark reminded her grimly. ‘He had every right.’

  ‘Well, I thought the time had come to end the pretence,’ Holly said quietly, and he gave a humourless laugh.

  ‘Ironic, isn’t it?’ He paced across the deck, his broad shoulders tense. ‘We were so convincing that they’re all but sending us to marriage guidance. Ian’s reading me the Riot Act, asking how I can let a girl like you slip through my fingers. So why are you doing it? Why are you taking another job?’

  Holly swallowed and gave him what she hoped was a casual smile. ‘I thought I was making it easier for you. You don’t need a fiancée any more.’ She shrugged slightly and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear in a nervous gesture. ‘As you said, we were convincing. But we achieved what we set out to achieve. It’s over now.’

  There was a long silence and he stopped pacing, a muscle working in his dark jaw.

  ‘We still need a practice nurse.’ His tone was flat and she turned to stare out across the bay, catching her hair in her palm as the wind tossed it against her face.

  ‘But you don’t need me. Practice nurses are two a penny, Mark.’ She pinned her gaze on a small passenger ferry rather than look at him. ‘You’ll find someone else.’

  ‘I don’t want to find anyone else.’ Suddenly he sounded incredibly tired and she wondered why having to find a new practice nurse should bother him so much. It didn’t make sense.

  ‘I can’t stay,’ she said finally, moistening dry lips with the tip of her tongue. His recruitment problems weren’t her concern. ‘It’s out of the question. You must know that.’

  There was a long silence and with a low curse he closed the distance between them, putting his hands on her arms and turning her to face him. ‘Because of the night we spent together?’

  She swallowed and looked away, blinking back tears. So, did she tell him the truth or not? Did she take this opportunity to open her heart to him for the last time, or did she hold back her feelings?

  ‘No,’ she said finally, ‘not just because of that.’

  His fingers tightened on her arms. ‘Why, then?’

  ‘Because things have totally changed between us and I can’t bear it!’ She lifted her hands helplessly and gritted her teeth. She wasn’t going to cry. She wasn’t. ‘We’ve been friends for so many years, Mark, and suddenly you can’t even bear to be in the same room as me.’

  His hands dropped to his sides and his eyes were wary. ‘That’s not true—’

  ‘It is true!’ She turned on her heel and walked away from him, wrapping her arms round her body in a protective gesture. ‘I walk into a room, you leave it. You stay late in the surgery. You sail whenever you have a spare five minutes. We never go out together. You name it, we don’t do it any more. I can’t carry on like this.’

  There was a long silence and she could sense his gaze on her as she waited for his reaction.

  ‘So what happens to our friendship?’ His voice was hoarse and she turned to face him, her green eyes full of sadness.

  ‘I don’t know. I thought that what we had would last for ever. I thought that nothing could ever damage our friendship.’ She forced the words past the enormous lump in her throat. ‘But I was wrong.’

  He exhaled sharply. ‘Holly—’

  ‘Answer me one question Mark.’ She lifted her chin bravely and stared him straight in the eye. ‘Why did one night of sex kill a lifetime of friendship? I’ve asked myself the question over and over again and I can’t come up with a reasonable answer.’

  His flinched visibly and when he spoke his voice was rough. ‘Sex always changes things, Holly.’

  ‘No.’ She shook her head vigorously. ‘I know that’s not true. You’ve slept with plenty of women and stayed friends with them.’

  The skin darkened over his angular cheekbones. ‘Holly, for goodness’ sake...’

  ‘Well, it’s true,’ she said awkwardly, blushing furiously. ‘And you’ve definitely been to bed with women you haven’t been in
love with because you’ve told me so.’

  ‘I obviously talk too much,’ Mark muttered, raking long fingers through his dark hair and looking decidedly uncomfortable. ‘Is there a point to this character assassination?’

  ‘It isn’t a character assassination.’ She swallowed hard, thoroughly embarrassed. ‘I just thought that men were supposed to be different from women. I thought that men could have sex without emotional involvement. I thought they could separate the physical from the emotional.’

  Mark took a deep breath. ‘Well, I suppose that’s true sometimes, but I don’t see—’

  ‘So why did one night of sex ruin our friendship?’ Holly took a deep breath and faced him bravely. ‘Why weren’t you able to just treat it as a one off physical experience? Was it because I was the one who seduced you? Were you angry because you didn’t really want to—’

  His hand dropped to his side and he stared at her in stunned amazement. ‘You seduced me?’ He looked dazed and shook his head slightly. ‘You think you seduced me?’

  She bit her lip, her cheeks scarlet as she remembered her own behaviour. How she’d touched him, reached for him, tempted him when he’d hesitated... ‘Of course I seduced you. I was the one who kissed you.’

  ‘Only after I’d kissed you a hundred times first,’ Mark muttered, his breathing slightly uneven.

  ‘That was different,’ she said quietly. ‘You were kissing me because we had an audience.’

  ‘Like hell I was.’ There was a long pause and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly. When he opened them his expression was calm and resigned. ‘I didn’t kiss you because we had an audience, Holly. I kissed you because I was dying to kiss you. I kissed you because I couldn’t stop myself.’

  She stared at him, her eyes wide, her heart suddenly pounding wildly in her chest.

  What was he saying?

  ‘I don’t understand...’

  ‘No, I know you don’t, but it’s time you did. It’s time I told you the truth.’ Mark gave a long sigh and walked across the deck, the breeze touching his dark hair. ‘Do you remember the conversation we had when I told you that I was in love with someone?’

  Remember? She’d thought of very little else since.

  ‘Of course.’ She waited expectantly but he seemed to be struggling to find the right words. ‘And I’m waiting for you to tell me about it. You’re the one who’s always saying that we don’t have secrets.’

  ‘Oh, I but I do have a secret, Holly.’ He gave a wry smile that was loaded with self-mockery. ‘I have a massive secret. But you haven’t wanted to share it with me.’

  Holly felt a flash of guilt. It was true. She hadn’t wanted to hear about the woman he loved.

  She lifted her chin and met his eyes bravely. ‘I’ve already said that I’m sorry about that. I want to share it now. I want you to tell me about the woman you’re in love with.’

  There was a long silence as he stared down at her, a muscle flickering in his hard jaw.

  ‘Do you? Well, maybe I should do just that. As you’re leaving and our friendship appears to be in tatters, I’ve got nothing to lose, have I?’

  ‘Nothing.’ She nodded agreement and swallowed hard. ‘So, go on, then. From the beginning.’

  ‘From the beginning?’ Mark took a deep breath and moved away from her, leaning on the balcony and staring out across the estuary, his expression unreadable. ‘The beginning was a long time ago.’

  She felt a twist of jealousy that he’d been in love with someone for a long time and she’d never even guessed. ‘How long?’

  There was a long pause. ‘I first met her when I was four and she was two.’

  Holly froze and the blood thundered in her ears. What was he saying?

  ‘We played together constantly. She was like my shadow.’ Mark kept his gaze on the estuary, only his vice-like grip on the balcony betraying how tense he was. ‘And it didn’t matter what I did, she still loved me. I put sand down her nappy, a snake round her neck, and I even cut off her pigtail to try out my new Swiss army knife. But none of that seemed to make a difference. As we grew up we just became closer. I didn’t realise that I loved her then, but I knew that what we had was special.’

  Her mouth dried and her voice was little more than a croak. ‘Mark?’

  ‘We had the best friendship that two people could possibly have,’ he said softly, finally turning to face her. ‘Over the years I had numerous other relationships—tried really hard to find that special someone—but I never succeeded and I couldn’t work out why. Until the first time I kissed her. And then I realised that the reason I’d never found the right woman was because I was looking in the wrong place. The right woman had been under my nose for most of my life—I just hadn’t noticed her before.’

  Her breathing was ragged. ‘I thought you kissed me because Caroline was watching—because you were trying to prove to her that we were together.’

  ‘I did,’ he muttered softly, the expression in his dark eyes revealing his feelings even more clearly than his words had. ‘That was exactly why I kissed you the first time. But I kissed you twice that evening, Holly, and the second time was because I couldn’t stop myself. Not because we had an audience. And the time after that. And after that...’

  She felt hot and cold together and her knees started to tremble. ‘Mark...’

  ‘And I blew it.’ He walked across to her and cupped her face in his hands, his face showing signs of tiredness and strain as he stared down at her. ‘I ruined our friendship Holly, not you. The moment I kissed you, I wanted more. Suddenly our friendship wasn’t enough—I wanted you as my lover. As my partner in life. But that wasn’t what you wanted. You wanted to maintain what we had at all costs and I tried to respect that, but I failed dismally.’

  Her heart started to thump erratically. ‘I was so sure you only kissed me because of Caroline.’

  ‘As I said, just the once. Just that first time.’ He shook his head with a wry smile. ‘I saw Greg remove her some time during that first kiss. But I found I didn’t want to stop kissing you.’ He lifted a hand and cupped her cheek gently. ‘I realised that I was in love with you and probably had been for ever. If you’d been anyone else I would have just dived right in and had my wicked way with you straight away, but I couldn’t do that because it was you.’

  She couldn’t believe she was hearing this. ‘Wh-what was different about me?’

  ‘Our friendship.’ He gave a wry smile. ‘I was playing for high stakes. You were my best friend. If I’d told you how I felt and you didn’t feel the same way, I might have ruined the best friendship I’d ever had. You kept telling me that you were immune, remember?’

  She still couldn’t allow herself to believe what she was hearing. ‘You—you wanted to kiss me? Really?’

  ‘Holly,’ he murmured softly, ‘I was desperate to kiss you.’

  ‘Oh.’ She blushed frantically and bit her lip. ‘But you never seemed very affected when we kissed. You didn’t look affected.’

  He gave a wry smile. ‘Maybe you weren’t looking in the right place—believe me, I felt a lot.’

  There was a long silence and she stared at him, her heart pounding away in her chest. ‘That night we—’ She broke off, blushing slightly. ‘You didn’t really want to—I mean, you hesitated.’

  ‘Because I wasn’t sure how you really felt about me,’ he confessed softly. ‘You turned to me for comfort and that’s what I should have given you, but we got carried away. I was so upset about what happened to you—about what you’d been through. I tried to be just a friend to you that night but I wanted you so much, and suddenly you seemed to want me.’

  ‘So if you wanted to...make love—’ she stumbled over the words ‘Why were you so cross afterwards?’

  ‘Several reasons.’ His eyes held hers. ‘I was angry with myself for not having more control. I was angry with you for not collapsing in my arms and declaring undying love. I was hurt that you still wanted to be friends when I wanted s
o much more than that. And I was angry because you described it as sex. As if what had happened between us could have happened between anyone. It wasn’t just sex Holly,’ he said softly. ‘Not for me. That night I made love for the first time in my life.’

  ‘Oh, Mark!’ Her eyes filled and she shook her head, unable to believe what she was hearing.

  ‘And to make matters worse, you made it clear that you wished it had never happened.’ Mark brushed away a stray tear from her cheek with a gentle finger.

  ‘I was trying to make things easier for you,’ she whispered. ‘I thought that you were regretting it.’

  ‘The only thing I regretted was making love to you when you were emotionally vulnerable,’ he murmured, his mouth tilting into a wry smile. ‘I took advantage and I felt hideously guilty afterwards.’

  Suddenly Holly felt an incredible lightness in her chest. ‘So the woman that you told me you were in love with...’ She gazed at him steadily. ‘You’re saying it’s me?’

  ‘Haven’t I made myself clear? I’d better spell it out.’ His strong fingers bit into her shoulders. ‘Holly Foster, I love you. I love you with all my heart. Not as a friend loves a friend, but as a man loves a woman. I know that isn’t what you want, but that’s the way it is.’

  ‘It is what I want,’ she said softly, reaching up and touching his face with shaking fingers. ‘I want you to love me the way that a man loves a woman.’

  He went completely still and his eyes blazed into hers. ‘But you wanted our friendship to stay the same. You were adamant about that.’

  ‘Because that’s what I thought you wanted,’ she confessed. ‘You hate it when women drool over you. I thought if you knew how I felt then our friendship would have been over.’

  ‘And how do you feel?’ His voice was hoarse and his fingers tightened. ‘You still haven’t told me.’

  Her smile was soft and womanly. ‘Mark, it was the same for me. The moment you kissed me that night in the cave, I knew I loved you. The truth is I’ve probably loved you for ever.’ Her fingers slid over his broad shoulders and curled into the front of his shirt. ‘You were the reason I never had a proper boyfriend. Until that night with you, I’d never felt comfortable enough with a man to—to...’