by Cole Price
There.
Like a diamond of great price, a book of ancient lore, a melody of heart-breaking beauty.
Shepard.
The core of what made him the man he was.
I want that. I want to be more like that. I want . . .
I want that for my children.
A daughter, his and mine. Blue skin, crystal-blue eyes, sharp intellect, dauntless courage, compassion overflowing for all life. The best of both of us.
Goddess. Can I . . .
I reached out for it. Touched it.
But when I tried to read it, I failed. Something within me could not respond. Was not ready.
I fell back into my body, screaming in ecstasy and loss.
When I came to, I found myself lying in Shepard’s bed. How I had gotten there, dry and warm under the sheets, I couldn’t quite recall.
I opened my eyes. It seemed to take quite a lot of effort.
“Welcome back,” said Shepard.
He lay close by, propped up on one elbow, watching me. When he saw me awake, he reached out and caressed my body gently with his free hand.
“What happened?” I murmured.
“Not sure. That was very intense. Might be a good idea to try it in the bed next time.” He chuckled. “I nearly dropped you. That would not have been easy to explain to Dr. Chakwas.”
“I’m sorry, Shepard. I didn’t expect whatever that was.” A thought flashed through my mind, and my eyes widened in chagrin. “Oh Goddess, I think I do know what it was. I tried to record you.”
“You tried to conceive a child?”
“I’m so sorry, Shepard. I lost control. I should never have done it without talking to you first.”
He smiled gently at me. “It didn’t exactly seem like a cold, calculated decision.”
“No. It wasn’t.”
“I’m not angry with you, Liara.” He leaned in and slipped an arm around me, pulling me close. “I am a little surprised. You told me you were probably too young to have children.”
“It appears that I am.” I heard a trace of bitterness in my voice. “It didn’t work.”
“This time,” he said gently.
“Shepard?”
He kissed my forehead. “Liara, this is a terrible time for us to think about having children. There’s no guarantee either of us will live out the year. No guarantee anyone will live out the year.”
“I know.”
“But if you want to try, go ahead.”
I reached up to touch his face, looked up to stare into his eyes. “Do you mean that?”
“The two of us do seem to have a habit of beating the odds. By rights we shouldn’t have survived today. Why not push our luck? Assuming we find a way to beat the Reapers, nothing would make me happier than a daughter of yours and mine.” His smile broadened, became a wicked grin. “Besides, that was even more mind-blowing than sex with you usually is.”
I rolled my eyes in exasperation. “Shepard!”
“Blue goddess,” he murmured, and bent to nibble at the folds of flesh behind my neck.
This time our lovemaking was gentler, less demanding. Despite our agreement, I didn’t make any new attempt to record his essence. Our minds merged as smoothly and easily as silk over bare skin.
That was when, for the first time, I saw something not quite right, deep in Shepard’s mind.
* * *
5 May 2186, Noveria Orbit
The day after Tuchanka, Normandy joined an Alliance assault force to liberate Noveria.
Cerberus had taken the planet about three weeks before, using it as a staging point for further attacks into Alliance space. They had also mustered and directed the raids on Sur’Kesh and Tuchanka from there. Since then – with Normandy and her crew in the vanguard – Alliance forces had stopped the Cerberus offensive cold, and then begun to roll it back.
Admiral Hackett had planned his attack on Noveria for the fifth of May in any case. With the Tuchanka campaign over, a decisive allied victory on the books, he was quite happy to give us a role. Shepard took Garrus, Javik, and all of his Marines down to the surface to assault a critical Cerberus fighter base.
While he was away, I went to see Karin Chakwas.
The doctor was one of my earliest human friends. When I first came aboard Normandy, even before Shepard decided what to do with me, Karin treated me with courtesy and kindness. That had meant a great deal to a lost young asari, who had just learned of her own mother’s monstrous treason. Since then I had grown and changed, not always for the better, but I still trusted Dr. Chakwas implicitly.
As I crossed the crew deck, I saw her through the windows of her workspace, sitting at her desk and working on crew readiness reports. I waved to catch her attention, and saw her smile and begin to rise as I approached the door.
“Liara, what brings you to the med bay? Here, let’s have a look at you.”
I smiled. “No need for that, Karin. I’m fine.”
“After the day you had yesterday?” Gently but irresistibly, she shepherded me across the room to sit on a bed. Out came a medical scanner.
“That was quite a workout, I must admit. Lots of running, jumping, ducking into cover, shooting at things, flinging creatures about with my biotics, almost getting smashed into paste by a Reaper . . .”
She snorted in derision. “I see the Commander has been a bad influence on you. He also has a habit of deflecting the stress of life-threatening situations with dry humor.”
“I would say he has been a very good influence on me,” I objected.
“Perhaps so.” Karin closed the scanner. “Well, you’re certainly the picture of fitness and health. No sign of long-term complications from your injuries on Sur’Kesh.”
“Good. But that wasn’t what I came to talk to you about.”
Concern shone in her silver eyes. “What’s the matter, Liara?”
“Shepard and I were intimate last night . . .” I trailed off, finding it difficult to describe in words what I had seen.
“Well, there’s certainly nothing wrong with that.” Karin smiled warmly. “I can always tell when you and the Commander have had the opportunity to take some time for yourselves. His stress levels drop off the next day. Which is all to the good. They’ve been running much too high, ever since this war began.”
“I know. Normally I only begin to worry when he loses interest. It’s not that.” I took a deep breath. “It’s something I saw, when our minds merged fully. Something I’ve never noticed before.”
“What was it?” she asked, fully serious now.
“It’s very difficult to describe.” I reached up and toyed nervously with my fringe. “For a moment, it seemed as if someone else was in the link with us. A third mind.”
Karin frowned. “Is that even possible?”
“Oh, certainly. The joining can involve more than two people, though it becomes more difficult the more individuals try to take part at once.” I felt my face color with embarrassment. “I understand humans sometimes enjoy intimacy in larger groups. We asari are similar in this respect, but I’ve never . . .”
“I understand.” The doctor’s face grew thoughtful. “As I understand it, what you’re describing would require physical contact among all participants. Or at least physical presence.”
“That’s correct. I’m quite sure the Commander and I were alone last night. But that’s not the strangest part.” I took a deep breath. “Karin, it seemed as if the third mind in the link was also Shepard. Like an echo.”
“You’ve never sensed anything like this before?”
I shook my head. “No, never. Unfortunately, my lack of experience handicaps me here. Shepard is the only lover I’ve ever had. For all I know this is normal for him, or normal for humans. I’m not even sure if it’s something to be concerned about. But there’s one possibility that frightens me.”
Her eyes went wide. “Indoctrination.”
“Yes. He’s been in proximity to the Reapers and their technology, more oft
en than anyone I can think of who has not been indoctrinated. He’s the only one who goes on every – single – mission. What if this is how it begins, with a voice in the back of your mind, whispering to you?”
Karin frowned, thinking hard, and then shook her head. “No, I don’t see it. He hasn’t reported hearing any voices. He also hasn’t reported or exhibited any of the other symptoms: headaches, hallucinations, a sensation of being watched, or paranoia.”
“That’s true.” I closed my eyes, tried to remember and analyze what I had sensed. “It didn’t feel like a foreign presence in his mind. It tasted exactly like Shepard, if that makes any sense. If not for the duplication, both threads of awareness present at the same time, I don’t think I would have been able to tell the difference.”
“That doesn’t sound like indoctrination in any of its stages. Nor does it sound like any known form of mental illness. Which, I might add, I have absolutely no diagnostic reason to suspect is present in the Commander.”
“I agree.” I shook my head in bewilderment. “Karin, I’m intimately familiar with one human mind, but I don’t have your expertise in general human psychology. What do you advise?”
“Have you spoken to the Commander about this?”
“Not yet. I’m almost afraid to.”
“Have you seen any other evidence of a problem?”
“No.” I felt my jaw set in determination. “He’s still the same man. Whatever this is, it’s not affecting his conscious thoughts or his decisions.”
“Hmm. Then I don’t see any cause for alarm for now. I would advise you to talk to your husband about it, when he returns to the ship. Let him know what you saw, and let him know you and I have spoken. It does him good in any case, to know you’re concerned about his well-being.”
I nodded in agreement. “I will.”
“In the meantime, I’ll do some research. There’s a great deal of literature by now, on the medical and psychological effects of asari-human bonding. Perhaps, as you say, this is something uncommon but quite normal.”
“Goddess, I hope so.” I smiled and gave her a quick hug. “Thank you, Karin. I appreciate your help.”
“Any time, Liara.”
* * *
Shepard returned to Normandy victorious, Cerberus driven away from its base and no more than a few bumps and scrapes for our people. It was a pleasant change of pace from the nightmare of Tuchanka.
Over dinner in his cabin, I explained what I had seen in our joining, and the result of my discussion with Dr. Chakwas. He listened with close attention while he ate his beef and potatoes, washing it down with coffee.
“Very strange,” was his only comment. “I haven’t noticed anything amiss, and you know I’ve kept watch for any signs of indoctrination. You’ve never noticed this before?”
“No.” I sighed. “I’m beginning to think I was imagining the whole thing.”
“I don’t believe that. Here.” He extended his hand across the table for me to take. “Take a moment and look now.”
“All right.” I held his hand, centered myself, slipped into a light trance. Almost at once, I felt the edges of my identity begin to blur. Our bonding, and repeated practice, had made it much easier for me to slip into his mind on short notice. “Embrace eternity.”
Memories flooded across the link, his experiences on Noveria during that day, a few associated images from our visit to the planet three years before. I moved past that, avoiding his memories of my mother, into the deeper reaches of his mind.
“Nothing,” I said at last, breaking the link. “No sign of it.”
“Hmm.” He didn’t release my hand. “Well, T’Soni, it seems this thing of ours develops new facets every day.”
I smiled, grateful for his humor. “It’s a thing now?”
“Yes. A very fine thing, which I’m glad we have.” He squeezed my hand. “You know, there’s someone else we might ask about this.”
“Who?”
“The one who reassembled my mind in the first place. Miranda.”
“That might be difficult. She’s gone deep underground since the last time you saw her, just before the war summit. I don’t know if any of my contact codes for her will work.”
“Give it a try when you get the chance,” he said, a gentle command.
I nodded in agreement.
Just then the comm buzzed softly, and a sultry voice came over the channel. “Commander?”
“What is it, EDI?”
“I apologize for interrupting your meal, but a priority message is coming in from the Citadel. Councilor Valern wishes to speak with you.”
Shepard and I exchanged a glance.
“What is he after?” I wondered.
“He probably wants to bitch at me some more over the krogan. We’ll take it in my office, EDI.”
“Acknowledged.”
We rose from the table and made our way up into the office space, where Shepard keyed acceptance of the incoming message. The surface of his model case shimmered, turned opaque, and then we could see the salarian Councilor sitting in his private office.
“Commander. Dr. T’Soni. There is something we should discuss, if you are quite finished rewriting history?”
“We made our decision, Councilor,” said Shepard firmly. “There’s not much anyone can do about it now.”
“Yes. We’re going to have billions more krogan in the galaxy. It’s a good thing you saved my life once, Shepard. Otherwise, well. I believe you humans have a saying about ‘water under the bridge.’ It seems appropriate.”
“Your point, Councilor?”
“I have concerns about humanity’s representative, Councilor Udina.”
I frowned, opened my omni-tool and punched in a query to my databases.
“What about him?” asked Shepard.
“My agents have discovered that he’s using his authority to move vast sums of money. For what purpose, we’re not sure.”
Shepard folded his arms and leaned back slightly, a skeptical expression on his face. “That’s not surprising, Councilor. Udina is coordinating the largest civilian relief effort in my people’s history. Naturally a lot of money is going to change hands.”
“We’ve allowed for that. We’ve established that a great deal of that relief money is not moving in the directions announced to the public. What we haven’t been able to establish is where it’s ending up.”
Shepard glanced over to me. “Liara?”
I glanced up from my omni-tool, where I had been flash-reading reports from my own network. “I would have to do some work to verify, but yes, I’m seeing it too.”
“Hmm. Well, I can’t say I’ve always been impressed with Udina’s honesty. If he’s dirty, we had better get to the bottom of it fast.”
“Agreed. Come to the Citadel as soon as you can. We can review the evidence and discuss this in private. Valern out.”
The salarian’s image faded into nothingness.
“Shepard to bridge.”
“Bridge here.”
“Joker, don’t you ever go off-duty?”
“Actually, I was about to go for dinner and some rack time. However, due to my amazing psychic powers, I sense that you have another task for me.”
“Put us on a course for the Citadel. I want to be there first thing tomorrow morning.”
“Ah. A milk run. Not a problem, Commander.”
“Good night, Joker.”
“What could Councilor Udina be up to?” I mused. “Shepard, I think I had better go down to my office for an hour or two. It disturbs me that the Broker network didn’t bring this to my attention. I should have plenty of visibility on all four of the Councilors.”
“Okay. Don’t stay up too late.”
I stepped close to brush his lips with mine. “No promises.”
Chapter 21 : Coup
6 May 2186, Interstellar Space
I leaned down to gently shake my bondmate’s shoulder. “Shepard.”
He opened his eyes at once,
blinking up at me for a moment, and then glancing to the side to check his bedside clock.
“Liara, have you been up all night?”
“I’m afraid so.” I sat down on the bed beside him, while he pushed himself up to a half-sitting position against the headboard. “Something is terribly wrong.”
“Tell me about it.”
“I went down to my office to investigate what Councilor Udina might be up to. I hoped it would take no more than a couple of hours, but I’ve been busy all night, and I still haven’t gotten to the bottom of it.” I sighed, rubbing fatigue out of my eyes. “I can verify one thing. He is moving enormous sums of money, and a lot of it is vanishing into the ether. That worries me a great deal.”
“It’s not going to civilian relief?”
“No. It isn’t going to any of Admiral Hackett’s funding lines for the Crucible, either. Shepard, there just aren’t that many places he could hide that much money. Not from the Broker’s network. In fact, there’s only one organization I can think of that could hide it from me, and could also use so many billions of credits.”
He saw it then. A frown like a thundercloud spread across his face. “Cerberus.”
“I have almost no visibility into Cerberus, since just before the war began. Do you suppose Udina might have thrown in with the Illusive Man?”
“I don’t know.” He cocked his head, rubbing his chin with one hand, thinking hard. “He’s certainly a human chauvinist, and he’s always butting heads with the other Councilors. Since the war started, he’s gone almost out of his mind with frustration at the lack of support from the rest of the Council. On the other hand, he’s always seemed like a stickler for the rule of law.”
“Which would suggest he’s not likely to work willingly with a terrorist group.” I took Shepard’s hand and held it gently, just for the comfort. “My psych profile on him would tend to agree. It’s just that all of the data supporting that profile date back to before the Reapers arrived. Stress changes people.”
