At the time, I had assumed he’d talked me through it to teach me and empower me, not because he’d had no choice. When I’d visualized him wearing my favorite outfit, the one with polka dots and stripes that he’d teased me about, he hadn’t redressed himself in his tweed suit. Possibly because I was the one in control.
For months I had feared that I had been used and violated in his fear chair. I thought he’d invaded my meditations. I now suspected it was actually the other way around. I had tapped into his subconscious and exploited his secret desires. Dreaming about someone wasn’t a crime.
The idea made me sick that I was the one who had invaded someone’s mind. I felt even worse at the idea that I’d thought he would have wittingly done that to me. I had blamed him for something I’d done.
I reread Lucid Dreams and Subconscious Messages. Ironically, I had never marred the pages by dog-earing them or writing notes in the margins like the others, and this was the book he had never asked for me to return.
After reading the book again, my opinion solidified. I should never have told Elric that I thought Thatch was touching me or invading my subconscious. I should have gone to Thatch and talked to him. He would have given me reading and homework so I could come to this conclusion on my own.
On Saturday while Vega was away, Josie and I sat on my bed in the dorm room, and I told her about the dream.
“You kissed him in the dream? Barf!” She made a face.
“You’re missing the point. I don’t think he manipulated me or did anything inappropriate. I’ve been the one doing something inappropriate.”
She crossed her arms skeptically. “Right.”
Her bias against him needled under my skin. “I might have cost him his job and his reputation. I’ve hurt him, and I need to fix this, but I don’t know how.”
“Whatev.” She shrugged indifferently.
“No, not whatever.” I took her by the shoulders, staring into her eyes. “What if you had a dream about Khaba and some Fae accused you of invading Khaba’s mind? You wouldn’t know if it were true or not. It wouldn’t be fair. You couldn’t protect yourself if a Fae was involved and his word was worth more than yours.”
Josie frowned. A spider descended on a thread of silk from the brim of her lavender witch hat.
“Can’t you imagine how horrible it would feel to be accused of something you didn’t do when you were trying to help someone? That’s what I did to him.” Tears blurred my vision. I blinked them away before I started crying.
“Yeah, I can imagine what that would be like.” Josie’s voice came out raw and rough.
The spider ascending from Josie’s witch hat was gaining speed toward my arm. I drew back.
I pointed at the spider. “Not that I have anything against spiders, but I really don’t want that little guy on my bed.”
She pushed herself up off my bed and plopped onto Vega’s. “No problem.” She winked at me.
The spider continued the downward journey, falling onto the smooth surface of Vega’s blankets and scurrying under the pillow. I couldn’t help laughing. Josie could be horrible.
“I’ve never seen this many spiders at Womby’s.”
“It’s just the cold. It’s that time of year when they like to come indoors,” she said quickly. “What were you saying about Professor Jerkface?”
Wow. She really did want to change the subject if she was bringing Thatch up.
“I want to do something for Thatch to atone for what I’ve done, but I don’t know what would help at this point.” He’d been a sucker for pastries in the past. Somehow I doubted baked goods would do the trick this time.
Josie remained silent, lost in thought.
“Maybe at a staff meeting I can stand up and apologize. I can tell everyone that I made a mistake, and they need to stop treating Thatch like a criminal.” It would be humiliating, but if it were necessary, I would do it.
“You could try, but I bet everyone would think he just blackmailed you into saying that. That’s what I would think.” She actually seemed to be giving this some serious thought now.
“It was a rumor that got everyone thinking he’d done something horrible. Can’t you start a rumor that he’s innocent?”
“Rumors don’t work that way. People exploit the weaknesses and vices of others. They like information that is shocking or affirms their negative beliefs in someone.” She tossed her hat onto Vega’s bed and sat back.
“What if we say I’m a lying witch just like my biological mother? The staff might like to exploit that.”
Josie made a face. “I’m not going to start a rumor that my best friend is a pathological liar.”
People knew my mother had used Thatch and treated him badly. It wasn’t such a far stretch to believe I might have done the same thing. And in a way I had. He’d trusted me with his secrets and been kind enough to teach me. In return, I had betrayed him. I was wicked like Alouette Loraline.
The door burst open with such force it slammed against the wall. I jumped. Vega stood in the frame, her eyes narrowed to slits. Her every step was stiff with tension. Already I could tell that whatever Vega was about to say wouldn’t be good.
She pointed a finger at Josie. “What are you doing in my bed?”
Josie stood up. “Nothing. We were just talking.”
“Like hell you were. Probably you were conspiring about planting your nasty little friends in my bed.” Vega strode deeper into the room. She flicked her hand in a dismissive gesture at Josie. “Get out.”
Josie remained rooted to the spot. “It wouldn’t be your bed if you just traded me for the tower. For two years you’ve been complaining how it should have gone to you. Now you’ve suddenly changed your mind?”
“It’s what you want, isn’t it?” I stood up, placing some distance between myself and Vega. “For me and everything annoying about me to be out of your hair? If that room were yours, you wouldn’t have to put up with me or Josie visiting.” A spider scurried out from under Vega’s pillow and under the mattress. “Or Josie’s friends.”
Vega turned to Josie. She pushed at the air with her hands, a ripple of energy traveling from her. Josie toppled over into the nightstand, knocking books and a candle in its brass holder onto the floor with a clatter. I tried to rush over to Josie to help her up, but my feet were glued to the floor. I fell into the bed as my upper body and lower body came into conflict over which direction I was going.
Vega lifted Josie by the arm and dragged her to the door. “Get up off your ass and leave. I need to have a private conversation with my roommate.”
She didn’t give Josie a chance to comply. She shoved her out and slammed the door in her face. Loathing filled Vega’s eyes as she turned to me.
“Whoa. What’s all this about?” My feet were under my control once again. I picked myself up and sat on the bed.
“Elric has given me permission to stop spying on you. He has suggested I let you choose another roommate.”
I could already see why this wasn’t going to go well. I held up my hands in a placating gesture. “I don’t like it when Elric acts condescending and bosses me around either. He did that to me yesterday too.”
“I explained to him the truth of the matter. He must have been mistaken.” She leaned in close, her eyes sharp slivers that threatened to cut me with malice. “You and I are close. We’re inseparable. You would never choose another roommate over me.”
“Yes, I would.” I stood up. “You’re nasty to me. You’ve hexed me more times than I can count. You glued my mouth closed and tried to bury me in a coffin.”
She raised an eyebrow. “That’s right. You prefer that bosom buddy who taught you domestic magic like cleaning spells and how to glue the posters to the walls. You choose the idiot who erased your mouth completely. The supposed friend you won’t even tell your darkest secrets to. The friend you lie to on a daily basis.”
“What secrets? I don’t have secrets. Mayb
e a few. But I don’t lie. I just don’t tell the complete truth.” I laughed in nervousness.
Vega leaned in closer. “Do you know why I truly want to keep you close?”
I had a feeling I wouldn’t like the answer.
“You bring out the magic in me. And you’re going to turn me into a Red like you.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You are. And you’re going to start right now.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Every Witch Way But Vega
I edged away from Vega. “I can’t turn you into a Red affinity. You never actually did the spell.”
“I did. And just as I said before, I didn’t need all the ingredients. One only needs a dragon egg for resurrection. This spell is for transformation. It will work without it. I made the potion and drank it the night of the meteor shower.” A smile curled to her lips. “You even saw me drinking it.”
During the star party, Vega had been sipping something with a little umbrella and a straw coming out if it. That hadn’t been booze? She could have gotten in trouble for drinking on the job. Then again, when wasn’t Jeb drinking on the job? I supposed pretending to drink alcohol was less risky than being caught practicing forbidden magic.
“But you have to get struck by lightning by a Red affinity,” I said. “You weren’t, so it didn’t activate the spell.” Vega had said she’d been struck at the staff meeting, but no one had seen it. It wouldn’t have surprised me if she’d said that to get attention.
“As usual, you’re incorrect.” Vega smirked. “You just didn’t see the arc of light travel out of you and into me. You were too busy convulsing. And everyone else was too busy pandering to you that they didn’t pay me any mind. That actually worked to my benefit.” She strolled over to her bed and sat, reminding me of a cat lounging just before it pounced. “I don’t think anyone noticed except for Thatch, and he gave me some restorative elixirs. I threw them away.”
A chill settled over me. There wasn’t anything worse than a wicked witch, except one who knew too much.
She leaned forward. “You need to complete the process so we can test the spell to see if it works. Elric told me you agreed to give him what he wants. You better ensure you can deliver. You’ll need me as evidence.”
I could see why she’d stormed into the room so angry now. She thought I’d made a deal with him blindly, not knowing if I could keep up my end of the bargain.
“I didn’t agree to anything officially,” I said. “I only said I would ally with him because I wanted him to tell the truth about what had happened with Thatch—or at least the truth that Thatch hadn’t forced himself on me.” I knew he couldn’t tell the truth about him teaching me forbidden magic.
Vega’s jaw clenched. “You should have waited for me. He expects something from you in return. You can’t back out now.”
I swallowed. “I think he would help me figure a way out of this if I needed to.”
“In some matters, certainly. He might help you if he thought it would benefit him in other ways. But this is more than a matter of the heart.” Disdain laced her words as she spoke. “This is about the survival of his entire race. This is about succeeding for his family where others have failed.”
“So you think I don’t need to marry him?” I asked hopefully.
“I’m certain Elric would love for you to marry him, but no. It isn’t necessary. He has his hopes set on a bigger prize.” She looked more pleased than ever, her eyes sparkling with cunning. “You do realize you’re only a pawn in his plot. He’d let you believe this auction is all about you. But it isn’t.”
She cackled. “The promise of solving the Fae Fertility Paradox is how he’s gotten other Fae to agree to donate and to come to this auction. His family knows about you, and they’re using their influence to help him persuade you. They want to show you all the wonderful things you can do if you align yourself with them rather than the Raven Court. ‘Look how kind and generous we are to Witchkin,’ they’ll say. ‘We would never hurt or torture you,’ they’ll claim. ‘Join us, and you’ll be taken care of.’ Do you get it yet?”
I had known nothing came without strings attached. I just didn’t realize all good deeds led back to me solving the Fae Fertility Paradox.
“You aren’t allowed to open your mouth again with Elric unless I’m present. And neither of us are going to be speaking with him until we’ve got this Red affinity figured out. Once you prove you can make a Red affinity, you can use this to help Elric conceive a child with his choice of mistress or bride.” Vega scooted to the edge of the bed. “You’re going to start by giving me an inoculation of your magic.”
Everything she said made sense. Even so, I couldn’t help wondering about her always dubious motivations. “Do you realize what a burden my affinity is? I’m always hiding it so no one will use it against me. And people do. I can’t even tell if someone loves me or they just want my magic.”
Vega shrugged. “It sucks to be you.”
“Do you really want this kind of life for yourself? I don’t even know when I love someone because my magic turns my will to mush. You don’t know how it’s going to weaken you.” Thatch didn’t have the same problems I did with touch, though it did seem like pleasant touch weakened his powers, and that was just as much of a problem as it being intoxicating to me.
“Yeah, yeah. Spare me the pity parade. I’m a Merlin-class Celestor. I’m not going to be a pawn like you. I’m going to be a queen in this game.”
“This isn’t a game!”
“It’s always a game to the Fae, and Witchkin are forced to play. This time, we make the rules.” She stood and grabbed me by the front of my shirt, yanking me to my feet.
I could see there was no changing her mind. “Do you understand what I need to do to give you another dose?”
“Duh. You need to shock me with your electricity. Less than a bolt of lightning, if you please.” She patted the edge of her short bob. “It took weeks before my hair returned to normal.”
I tried not to laugh at her vanity. I scooted closer to the edge of the bed. “I haven’t done a whole lot of this. I usually try to conceal my magic.”
“Except when you use it to recharge your cell phone, that music player, and your other gadgets. Don’t act surprised that I noticed. I’m far smarter than Josephine Kimura and more observant.”
Josie wasn’t dumb. She just wasn’t suspicious and snooping like Vega, another reason to want her as a roommate.
“I don’t have a lot of experience. I’m going to try not to drain you,” I said. “Give me your hands.”
She sat on her bed across from me, her knees touching mine. She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. It looked uncomfortable. I held her hands in mine. I closed my eyes, trying to reach inside myself and draw out the magic stored in my affinity. Even touching her, which was how my magic usually worked, nothing happened.
Maybe it was nerves. I imagined I was recharging my cell phone. A pulse of energy tingled up my arms and into her palms.
“Come on, Clarissa. Stop holding back.”
I released her hands. “I’m not holding back. I’m just not able to project the quantity of energy you want without a little bit of a start.” I stood up and shifted my weight from foot to foot before smoothing out my skirt.
“Maybe you’re like Josephine Kimura and you need rituals and incantations as a crutch.” She raised an eyebrow. “Where’s your phallic rod to help you focus?”
I wasn’t sure if she was making a reference to Coach Kutchi and Jackie Frost with their feminist rants on wands, or she meant an actual penis. She would have been more correct with the latter helping me than the former.
“There are things that help with this. Usually . . . well. . . . I haven’t used my magic with another woman.” My cheeks flushed with heat as I said it. I wasn’t embarrassed to talk about this.
Maybe I was, a little.
“What did Elric do to bring
out your magic? We could call him here. I’m sure he’d be happy to give you a magical orgasm, for research purposes, of course.” She rolled her eyes.
I sat down on the bed beside her. “It helps if there’s movement. Friction. But it has to feel nice.” The last thing I wanted was for her to slap me. I held her hand and stroked her forearm. The entire time I could feel myself blushing.
“Do you always need someone else to help you with your magic? How pitiful. How did you do this when I nailed you into the coffin?”
I thought back to what I’d done. “Um. . . .”
“Right.” She snorted. “You make magic happen when you get off? No wonder you can’t do this in public.”
“It isn’t about sexuality, necessarily,” I said quickly. “It just has to feel nice. When I think about kissing someone I like, and I touch my face, I can make it happen.”
I closed my eyes as I said it, imagining my lips pressed to Thatch’s. A red spark fizzled to life inside me before quickly dying away.
“Who did you imagine when you were in the coffin?”
“Derrick?” the words came out rushed, a question. I had thought about him, but it hadn’t worked. It was when I’d remembered the almost-kiss of Thatch’s lips brushing mine as he’d used a healing spell to cure my frostbite that my affinity went into overdrive.
“Is Derrick the one who sent you the heart by post?” A longing smile curled her mouth upward. “He was the cute one? An inch taller than me and usually invisible?”
“Yeah. That was him.”
Vega placed an arm around my shoulder, the gesture uncomfortably friendly. “Imagine I’m that hottie.” She stroked my arm and squeezed me to her side.
Thinking of Derrick would probably just make me sad. My affinity would implode rather than grow stronger. I closed my eyes, trying to relax as her fingers stroked my arm, but I was too nervous and distracted. Everything about this moment felt forced. I visualized Elric’s perfect face, a vision of unearthly beauty that would inspire any artist to paint him. I pretended it was him sitting next to me instead.
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