Eslin made a grim smile. “I knew you’d come. As soon as I saw the new software, I said to myself, ‘Aha, not the usual clumsy human effort, this.’ An Andalite corrected this software. An Andalite who wanted to use the radio telescope as a Z-Space transmitter. I’ve been waiting for you. I knew you’d come.”
“My Derane . . . we came from the same pool. We went through training together. She and I . . . we had been together for a long time. We were very close. She understood me. But I had this important post at the observatory, while Derane was given a minor post. When you Andalite bandits destroyed the ground-based Kandrona, Visser Three moved quickly. He said everyone would survive. He said he had found a way. But he lied. Too many Yeerks, not enough Kandrona rays. It was simple division. So he shuttled so-called important Controllers up to the mother ship. And the rest . . .”
Eslin seemed to notice the bloody gashes on his arm for the first time. He touched them gingerly. “You Andalites must love this planet. So many nasty species for you to morph.”
“She was ‘expendable,’” Eslin said. Then he smiled. “I’ve had some small revenge already. The Visser’s favorites are shuttled up to the mother ship every three days to feed. I sabotaged one of the shuttles. That threw off the feeding schedule. Now some of the Visser’s friends are starving and dying. Like my Derane died.”
“Ah. You want the point of the story. Yes, of course. The point. The point is this: Visser Three inhabits an Andalite body. And sometimes he feeds like an Andalite.”
“He feeds like an Andalite, almost alone. He has guards of course, but they stay back. He is vulnerable. Vulnerable. And I know the place where he feeds.”
“Why?” He bared his human teeth in a grimace of rage. “Because I want him dead. I want Visser Three dead! He killed my Derane. He killed the only one in the galaxy I have ever had feelings for. He did it. And I want him to pay with his life, the foul, half-Andalite scum. I want him DEAD!”
He calmed himself down, at least a little. He pulled a small piece of paper from his pocket. He placed it on the desk. “Time and place,” he said. “You have a day to prepare.”
Eslin sneered. “I could have killed you here. You have your duty, Andalite. The burden of revenge. Your brother’s killer. Your greatest enemy. You Andalites are great ones for duty. So do your duty, Andalite.”
It is very difficult to be in human morph and remember that you are not one of them. That their pain is not your pain. It is hard to remain apart. Sometimes very hard.
— From the Earth Diary of Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill
That same evening, Prince Jake called a meeting in Cassie’s barn.
My first thought was that Tobias had told the others about my trip to the observatory. I did not know how much Tobias had figured out about the “touching conversation” the Yeerk spoke of. But he did know all about Eslin’s plan to kill Visser Three.
Cassie’s barn is also called the Wildlife Rehabilitation Clinic. She and her father use it to rescue wild animals who are injured or sick. There are always dozens of animals in cages: skunks, foxes, raccoons, birds of all types. Many are bandaged.
It’s strange, the relationship humans have to the other animals on Earth. Some animals they seem to have an enormous amount of emotion for. Others they hate. I think it has to do with the thing called “cuteness.” But I’ve never understood the concept.
And now, I was sure, I never would.
I was not foolish enough to believe that I could take on Visser Three and survive. Maybe if I planned well, and was lucky, I might get him. But I would never live to brag about it.
Probably it was just as well. I had no future.
Lirem had “forgiven” me for breaking the law. But I could never be a warrior now, let alone a prince. I would never be another Elfangor. He would go down in history as a great hero. I would be remembered as the young, stupid little brother who gave the humans the ability to morph.
I had to morph into a human to go to the barn. There was always the chance that Cassie’s father or mother might walk in.
But I felt bad assuming the human body. As the human skin replaced my own fur, and human eyes took over for my Andalite eyes, I kept remembering Lirem talking about how he had been an advisor to the Hork-Bajir.
The Hork-Bajir had lost. The Yeerks had enslaved them. But Lirem had been true to the laws and the customs.
What if he hadn’t? What if he had given the Hork-Bajir advanced technologies? What if he had taught the Hork-Bajir to build spaceships? Would the Hork-Bajir still be a free people today?
It wasn’t for me to decide. I was just an aristh. I would never be anything more. At least if I destroyed Visser Three, people would say,
Somehow that was not a great comfort.
I found the others already waiting inside the barn. Prince Jake was sitting on a bale of hay. Marco leaned against a stall, standing with arms crossed. Cassie, as usual, kept busy, feeding an injured baby goose with an eyedropper. Rachel paced back and forth, her cool eyes narrowing as she noticed me.
And Tobias . . . Tobias perched in the rafters overhead. I met his intense, intimidating hawk’s gaze. And I saw that from his talons there hung a strip of bloody cloth. I knew where it had come from. And now I knew the reason for this meeting.
“Hi, Ax,” Prince Jake said. “How’s it going?”
“I’m fine,” I answered.
“I figured we should all get together,” Prince Jake said wearily. He seemed to be averting his eyes from me. “We need to think about what this thing with the Controllers means. We saw the guy at the mall. Then there was Mr. Pardue. And in the paper this morning there was a story about some guy, some business guy, who’s in a meeting and freaks out. The paper made it seem like he just went nuts. I’m pretty sure he was another Controller losing it.”
He looked at me. I said nothing.
“See, it’s like this, Ax,” Marco said suddenly. “We’re tired of you giving us a runaround. Tobias shows up and he’s dragging around some bloody shirt. I ask him what it is, and he won’t tell me. Why won’t Tobias tell me? Simple. He must have promised someone he wouldn’t. And who would that someone be?”
There was no point denying it. “I made Tobias promise. Puh-romise. It is my fault.”
“So now you’re not just keeping secrets from us, you’re getting us to keep secrets from ourselves!” Rachel yelled. “You need to get something straight, Ax. We’re not your little action figures here. We’re not toy soldiers. This is our planet. And this is our fight. You don’t control us, just because you’re some mighty Andalite.”
“I am not trying to control anyone,” I said.
“Yeah, right!” Rachel snapped. “The information all goes one way. We tell you everything, you tell us squat. Oh, you sound like you’re being straight sometimes, but you never tell us anything useful.”
“You said you knew the Yeerks would probably destroy any Controller that went bad on them,” Marco pressed. “How did you know that? Has all this happened before, on some other planet?”
Rachel took over. “We show you our world. We take you in. You see our families, you read our books, you even go to our school. And then you keep secrets from us.”
I felt battered by their words. They were all true. But I had my orders. I had the laws of my people.
“We’re inferior, aren’t we?” Marco said. “That’s it, right? We’re not good enough. Backward little humans. We don’t deserve to be treated like equals.”
“That’s not it,” I said.
“Sure it is!” Marco yelled. “Sure it is! We’re just some bunch of cavemen, aren’t we? That’s what we look like to you.”
Maybe I would have done better if I had been in my own body. My human body was awash in adrenaline. I was frustrated and afraid and guilty. “I can’t answer your questions!” I yelled. “I can’t!”
“You mean, you won’t!” Marco yelled. “Rachel’s right. We’re just pawns in the big game. It’s Andalites versus Yeerks in the big game, and we’re what? The towel boys?”
“Look . . . look . . . I have to follow the rules.”
“Do you?” Cassie asked. It was the first time she had spoken. Her voice was soft and reasonable. “Did Elfangor follow the rules when he gave us the power to morph?”
“I’m not Elfangor!” I yelled. “Can’t you see that? I’m not some big hero. I’m just a young Andalite, all right? You want the truth? Here’s some truth for you: I’m not a warrior. I’m an aristh. A . . . a trainee. A cadet. A nobody.”
“Yeah, yeah, boo-hoo,” Marco sneered. “I’m not impressed. We don’t want your sad story, we want the truth. What were you and Tobias doing? Why did you swear him to secrecy? What’s going on?”
“I can’t tell you,” I said softly. “There’s a law against giving aliens . . . I mean, any non-Andalite . . . our technology. And part of that law is we can’t explain why. Can’t. Tuh. Can’t.”
“I am sick of this from —” Rachel started to raise her voice to me again, but Prince Jake stood up and took her arm. I saw him look at Cassie. Cassie nodded.
“I can almost understand the part about not giving us advanced technology,” Prince Jake said. “But why all the other secrets? Why can’t you tell us other things, like how you knew what the Yeerks would do? Okay, so you don’t want to give us megaweapons or whatever. Fair enough. But to refuse even to tell us how we fit into this whole Yeerk–Andalite war? I mean, what’s that about?”
“It’s about keeping control of us,” Marco said.
“It’s about power,” Rachel agreed.
Cassie was looking at me strangely. “No,” she said. “That’s not it. It’s not about control. It’s about guilt. Shame. That’s it, isn’t it? That’s what you said the other night. You said every species carries some guilt.”
“Guilt? Shame?” Marco asked, looking at Cassie like she was foolish.
But Cassie had found the truth.
“What did you guys do to be ashamed of?” Prince Jake asked me.
“Once we were kind when we should not have been kind,” I answered.
“And that’s all you’re going to tell us?” Prince Jake asked.
I nodded, the way humans do.
“I can’t accept that, Ax,” Prince Jake said sadly. “If you’re with us, you have to be honest with us. Otherwise . . . I guess you’ll have to be on your own. I hate to do that. But you can’t be one of us and then lie to us.”
“I understand,” I said. “You have been . . .” Once again, I was feeling that strange choking in my throat. “You’ve been very wonderful to me. I will always be grateful. Wonderful. Grateful. Ful. The truth is . . . the truth is we would not have been together much longer, anyway.”
I looked up at Tobias. Only he knew what I meant.
Slowly, feeling as if my clumsy human legs were made of a heavy Earth material called “concrete,” I turned and walked away from my human friends.
“You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.” A famous human named Rolling Stones said that. I thought it was very wise, for a human.
— From the Earth Diary of Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill
The morning ritual is for normal times. The next morning was not a normal time.
This was the day I would die.
I said, and bowed my head low.
The people! The people were trillions of miles away.
I said, and raised my stalk eyes to the sky.
My prince? Elfangor had been my prince. He was dead. Now a human, Jake, was my prince, and he had discharged me. I wasn’t even telling him what I was doing.
The ritual was a lie.
I said, and raised my face to look at the rising sun.
Honor. To die avenging my brother. I felt my insides quiver. It was fear. I know fear. I’ve felt it often enough in battle. But I’d never gone into a fight I knew I would lose.
This wasn’t honor. It was running into the hands of death.
Couldn’t I ask the others for help? Couldn’t I go to Prince Jake and tell him?
No. Not without telling them that I had called my home world. Not without agreeing to tell them everything.
It was time for the last words of the ritual.
I drew up my tail blade and pressed it against my throat in the symbol of self-sacrifice. I was breathing hard, as if I’d just been running. My hearts were beating fast.
I didn’t answer. The truth was, I couldn’t stand to talk about it. I was afraid. Sickly afraid. If I could achieve surprise, maybe I could kill the Visser. But he had the body of an Andalite adult. A full-grown male. The Visser was also more experienced than I was. And he would have guards. There would be Hork-Bajir nearby.
Tobias said.
&
nbsp; Tobias said nothing for a while. he said at last.
Tobias said.
I ran then. I ran and ran and ran.
It was miles to the secret place where I would find Visser Three. I wanted to run the whole way, to run away from my own fear by heading straight toward it.
It’s what Elfangor would have done. Elfangor, the great hero.
Elfangor would live on in everyone’s memory as the perfect warrior. The shining prince. If I was lucky, someday people would say,
I would get points for that. People would say I had done well in the end. Others would say,
And still others would say,
I ran and ran till my chest ached from breathing the heavy air of Earth. I ran through dried leaves and rustling pine needles. I jumped fallen, rotting logs, and skirted patches of brambles. I ran past trees that did not speak, like the trees of my own world.
Each time I pictured being face-to-face with Visser Three, I went even faster, trying to outrun the fear.
I was far from any human homes now. Far from human roads. Deep within the forest. Old forest full of shadows and gloom.
But at last I saw the sun shining on green grass, just ahead. A meadow. Right where Eslin’s note had said it would be.
I stopped running and gasped for breath. I leaned against a tree and tried to recover my wind. My legs were shaking from a mixture of exhaustion and fear.
The meadow was beautiful. Green grass and tiny flowers in yellow and purple. I would have liked to feed there myself.
The Alien Page 8
