by Olivia Myers
My Beloved Gabrielle,
I’m truly sorry for the last note I left. I was angry and hurt. Although I think I was scared most of all. I was scared that I’d lost you, that you’d chosen to stay with him. I’m still scared, Gabby. I can’t lose you, but more than that, I’m scared for you. I don’t want to see you get hurt anymore. I don’t know if I can bear it. I can’t even bear to think of you sharing a bed with him, letting him touch you, feeling your perfect skin. It tears me apart, but even worse is the thought of you with another bruise, or cut, or cracked rib. Gabrielle, don’t do this. Please come back to me. I’m here. Waiting. Hoping.
Yours eternally,
L.
Now Gabby was sure that the letter was an L. And she suspected that these letters were fairly new. She pulled out the last letter in the box. This one was written on a crumpled yellow piece of paper with water marks blurring some of the writing.
Gabrielle,
This will be my last letter to you. I want you to know I’m done. I’m done waiting for you to leave that asshole. How you’ve stayed with him for this long, I’ll never understand. He abuses you, Gabby! He hits you and throws you around. Then he apologizes, and you swoon. I don’t give a damn how charming or sincere he might have been tonight; you should have left that bastard. You deserve so much more, and I’m willing to give that to you.
Maybe it’s the money. I know I’ll never be as wealthy as him with his crooked ways. If you’d chosen me, you would have given up the lavish lifestyle you obviously can’t stand to lose. But you would have been safe, and loved.
I can’t keep waiting for you to stop being a fool. I can’t see the woman I love willingly put herself in harm’s way for a nice house or car or whatever. You broke my heart tonight, Gabby. I waited at the airport for you. I waited all night. But I can’t wait any longer.
A tear rolled down Gabby’s cheek and onto her lips. She was shaking. Cory was the one who hit her, who abused her repeatedly. After what he did last night, she was sure it was him, and that this L person knew what had been happening. More than that, L loved her and wanted to protect her. In that instant, Gabby knew she had to get away from Cory, but how could she? She didn’t remember anyone or anything. She didn’t know her friends’ names or if she could even trust them. But more than anything, she wanted to find out who L was.
Suddenly, a roaring noise erupted from her yard, bringing her back to reality. It was just a lawnmower starting up; the lawn care guys must have arrived. Gabby had been so caught up with her disturbing revelations that she hadn’t realized how long she’d lingered outside. She wiped her face dry on her t-shirt, put the notes back in the box, and hid it under the moss again. Then she headed back into the house to take a shower and sort through her thoughts.
Gabby turned on the hot water and let steam fill the bathroom. She stood in the shower, listlessly washing her body, when she noticed scars on her arms and legs. It looked like she had endured several cuts and maybe even a few broken bones. She began examining the rest of her body to see if there were more scars. Some of them seemed so bizarre that they couldn’t possibly be from her car accident, like the ones on the inside of her arm that resembled cigarette burns.
Then it hit her. Seven months ago, she’d been in a car accident. That must have been on the same night she was going to meet L.
Gabby turned off the shower and slowly dried herself as the wheels in her head began turning. She needed proof. Proof that these scars were caused by her husband’s abuse. If L was right about that, maybe he was real—real and waiting for her still. She decided to see the doctors who took care of her after her car accident. Maybe they could show her X-rays and help explain some of her scars. But before that, she had to write L back, just in case he was real.
What am I going to say? I don’t even remember this man.
Gabby grabbed a pen and paper from Cory’s nightstand and sat down to write her note, tapping her pen on her teeth trying to think of what she could write. Saying that she lost her memory seemed absurd even though it was true. Gabby touched the pen to her paper several times before she finally wrote,
I am deeply sorry that I hurt you—I never intended to. A lot has happened this past seven months, but I don’t want to excuse the pain I’ve caused you. If you’re still there, please write me again.
The lawn care guys had moved toward the front of the house, so Gabby quickly went back to the rock to place her note in the box. She took out the rest of the notes to show that she had been there and went back inside to hide the old letters with the novels in her nightstand. Then she started searching for her car keys.
“Raja? Do you know where my car keys are? Raja? Are you still here?”
Raja appeared, holding a purse and keys out to Gabby.
“Oh, thank you, Raja! You are wonderful!” Gabby hollered as she dashed outside to her car.
Gabby set her purse down on the passenger seat when she noticed the car was a manual; she wasn’t sure if she remembered how to drive stick shift. But she turned the car on and her muscles seemed to know what they were doing. More than that, she realized that she didn’t even need directions to the hospital. Her memory was slowly coming back.
***
The drive back from the hospital was a blur. Gabby couldn’t believe what the doctors had told her. They had her whole medical file there, and it took the doctor an hour and half to go over all of the injuries Gabby had sustained in the last eight years. Broken fingers, cracked ribs, several concussions… The doctor explained that she usually came in after a boxing match with her coach and husband, Cory. But on the night of the car accident, the doctors began wondering what was really going on when they determined that the injuries Gabby had sustained from the car accident were inconsistent with typical car accident injuries. Even the EMTs who arrived on the scene that night didn’t believe that Gabby had been in a car accident. The whole thing looked staged, with Gabby lying outside of her car in her own driveway smelling like someone had doused her with alcohol. Her car was damaged, but it was likely from a baseball bat or maybe a golf club.
Gabby felt sick when she turned into her driveway, but she had planned to search the house for any golf clubs or blunt objects that could have been used to damage her car, even though she knew it wouldn’t be enough evidence to prove her theory of Cory staging the whole accident. It would at least be something. She walked into the foyer with determination that swiftly abandoned her once she heard Cory in his office.
“Hello, Gabrielle. Will you come here for a minute, please?”
“Hey, Cory. Sure. Let me just set my…”
“Now!” Cory demanded.
Gabby shuddered at the anger in his voice. She stepped inside his study, clutching her purse.
“Would you sit down, please?”
Gabby slowly moved to the chair in front of Cory’s desk. She held her purse in front of her stomach, as if the little bag would somehow protect her from Cory’s wrath. Little beads of sweat formed on her neck and forehead as memories of past abuse started flashing before her eyes.
“Where were you today, Gabrielle?”
“Uh, I just drove around trying to get acquainted with the neighborhood. Is everything all right?”
“You don’t expect me to believe that, now, do you?” Cory stood up and walked over to the study’s door and quietly shut it. He turned to face Gabby, but she rigidly faced his desk for fear of turning her head toward an open palm.
“I know that you went to the hospital, Gabrielle.” Cory walked to the front of his desk to lean against it and stare down at Gabby with an intensity that she could feel penetrating her skull. He flashed his phone, showing her the navigation system tracking Gabby’s cell phone. “You see this little dot? That’s your phone. I know exactly where you went today.”
Gabby didn’t know what to say. She felt cold and detached from her body. Was this how she survived eight years with Cory? By distancing herself mentally from everything that he did? If she just floa
ted away every time something happened, she could get through it.
“So, why would you lie to me? To my face?” He leaned down to level his face with hers, and she could smell bitter scotch and cigarettes on his breath. “You remember what I do with liars like you, right, Gabrielle?” He lifted her chin up, forcing her to meet his gaze.
Gabby tried to look away, but Cory held her chin and smacked her with his other hand. Then he put his foot on the edge of her chair and violently shoved it, tipping the chair back and spilling Gabby against the bookcase behind her.
He swaggered around the chair as he lit up another cigarette. “You don’t really think I’ve bought this bullshit about you losing your memory, do you?” He cocked his head back, blowing out the smoke, and quickly took another drag. “I know you’re faking it. I mean bravo, woman. You nailed that little act of yours; I should award you an Oscar. I was almost convinced myself, but I know you remember that night. When you tried to leave me? Is it coming back to you now? How I caught you running off to that piece of shit lover of yours? Obviously, I couldn’t have that. I just wish I didn’t waste my twenty-year-old scotch pouring it all over your pathetically limp body to make you look wasted.”
Gabby slowly sat up straight, pressing her back against the bookshelf. She looked frantically around the room for some sort of weapon and tried to plan her escape route. Cory squatted down in front of her and blew smoke into her face.
“You lie to me again, and I will ruin that pretty face of yours. Your precious Logan won’t even be able to recognize you.” Cory stood up and took one last drag of his cigarette before flicking it toward Gabby, just missing her shoulder.
The cigarette burned a hole in Cory’s rug before dying out. Gabby just sat there, paralyzed with fear. She could remember thinking Cory was the whole package when they met and how excited she was when he asked her out on a date. She also remembered the first time Cory hit her. She left without batting an eye, but he tracked her down and sweet-talked her into giving him another chance. The second chance was going well; everything was fine until their wedding night. Cory had too much celebratory champagne when he had the bright idea of having sex in the hotel elevator. Gabby laughed, thinking that Cory was joking, but he suddenly became eerily reticent. When they got to their hotel room, Cory walked straight inside and poured himself some scotch, leaving Gabby waiting at the threshold. After downing his scotch he asked, “So, you wanna do it, or what?”
“Are you kidding me? It’s our wedding night, and that’s how you want to start our marriage off? What’s wrong with you?”
Cory threw his glass at the wall. He stumbled over to Gabby and started kissing her. She told him she didn’t want to have sex with him drunk and acting so crudely. But he didn’t stop. Cory ripped Gabby’s wedding dress off, completely ruining it, and had his way with her.
Sitting against the bookcase, Gabby put her head in hands and sobbed, only finding solace in finally knowing the name of her secret admirer. “Logan,” she whispered to herself, just to hear the name again.
***
The rest of the evening, Cory stayed downstairs in the entertainment room, playing video games. Gabby wanted to be as far away from him as possible, so she stayed in the upstairs living room and attempted read one of her novels. But she couldn’t focus on anything. Every little sound caused her to shrink further into her fear.
Around 10:00 pm, Gabby was going to try to get some sleep when Cory materialized from his man cave. Without saying a word, he grabbed his keys and left. Gabby tiptoed to the window as Cory sped down their driveway.
Gabby didn’t waste any time. She ran out back to see if Logan had left her a note in their box. It was already pretty dark out as Gabby stumbled through the trees and bushes that scratched up her legs and arms. She groped around in the dark until her fingers finally reached the square shape she was searching for.
It was too dark to read the letter outside. She wasn’t even sure it wasn’t the one she’d left for Logan earlier that day. She stuck the note in her pocket and made her way back through the trees. As she reached the patio, Gabby anxiously pulled out the note, bracing herself for whatever it said.
My Beloved Gabrielle,
I was astonished to see your note tonight. I was beginning to think I’d lost you forever, but I’m so glad to hear from you--even just to know that you're alive.
And there’s no need to apologize. I know this must be very difficult and frightening for you to face, but I believe you’re strong. I understand if you don’t want to tell me why you didn’t show up at the airport that night, but anything you can tell me about the last seven months would help me piece things together. Whatever you tell me, I’ll listen and be as supportive as I can.
Yours Eternally,
L
Gabby was overjoyed. She turned the paper over and immediately began writing her next letter, detailing everything she knew or could remember from the last seven months, including what she learned from her recent trip to the hospital. She didn’t detail what Cory had done to her afterward. Instead she just wrote that she was scared and wanted to leave her home for good.
By the time Gabby had finished her letter to Logan, it was after midnight, with no sign of Cory. She snuck back out to the rock, placed the note inside the box, and wearily trudged up the stairs to go to bed.
***
She woke up the next morning unsure if Cory had ever come home. He undoubtedly dabbled in shady business deals if he was out all night; either that or he had some mistress in the city. Gabby didn’t care, though. All she was concerned about at this point was escaping this nightmare.
She went down to the kitchen to make some coffee but stopped in her tracks when she saw Cory sitting at the breakfast table casually reading the newspaper. He glanced at Gabby’s frozen figure and calmly folded the newspaper and set it on the table.
“Won’t you sit down with me to have some breakfast?” he asked, taking a sip of coffee.
His eyes didn’t leave her as she grabbed a coffee mug and poured herself a cup. “I was thinking of having my breakfast out on the patio today.”
“What a lovely idea. I’ll join you.”
Cory picked up his newspaper and coffee and went out to the patio before Gabby had even finished adding cream to her coffee. She contemplated going upstairs and getting dressed or even skipping that and getting in her car to get the hell out of there. But she needed a plan first. If she wasn’t careful, Cory would find her. Seven months ago, she learned what happened when she tried to leave him. She grabbed a steak knife from one of the kitchen drawers and tried to carefully tuck it up her sleeve before joining Cory.
“How was your night, baby? I’m sorry I didn’t get home until so late.”
“Well, you did leave pretty late for work.” Gabby regretted saying that and quickly moved on, “I didn’t ever hear you come in. What time did you get home?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Work went really late, and a couple of guys and I went to the bar to blow off some steam with a few brewskis.”
“Well, good. I’m glad you were able to blow off some steam.”
“Yes, well, as you know my work can be very stressful, but I do it for you. I want you to have the lavish lifestyle you’ve always dreamed of.”
“Well, thank you, but I don’t really need…”
“I wasn’t finished,” Cory firmly interrupted. Gabby noticed he was clenching his fist on the table. Her heart was pounding in her ears. Gabby started fishing for a good hold on the knife without letting Cory see her fidgeting.
“As I was saying, I work as hard as I do to provide for you, to make sure you never go without. And in turn, there are things that I desire, things that a husband is entitled to.”
Cory stood up and walked around the table behind where Gabby was sitting. He put his hands firmly on Gabby’s shoulders, digging his fingernails into her plush robe. “Gabby, it’s been a very long time since I’ve been able to exercise my rights as your husband. I’ve been p
atient and more than understanding, but I think it’s time for you to do something for me.”
He started pushing Gabby’s robe off of her shoulders. The cool morning air bit into her skin.
“Oh. Okay. We can do that.” Gabby held the front of her robe closed. “Why don’t we plan on tonight? I haven’t showered or shaved yet, and I know you probably need to go to work soon.”
Gabby tried to stand up and shake off his hold, but he gripped her shoulders more tightly and pushed her back down into the chair.
“I have time. Right. Now.” Cory ripped Gabby’s robe open and slid his hand into her bra. “What’s the matter, baby? You don’t want it?”
Tears welled in her eyes and her heart felt like it would pound right out of her chest, as Gabby tried to wriggle out of his grasp. Cory kept one hand firmly pressing down on Gabby’s shoulder as he scooted around the chair and started undoing his belt.
She felt herself detaching again, pretending like this wasn’t happening to her. If she could just endure it, she could survive.
There was nothing wrong with that, she decided. But where had it gotten her? Stuck here, being raped and abused by this sadistic man. No, she wasn’t going to detach and just take it anymore.
Gabby stood up and tried pushing past him, but Cory grabbed both of her wrists. His pressure pushed the knife into her forearm. Gabby shrieked at the pain, and Cory looked into her sleeve to see what his hand was on.
“Oh, I see how it is. You want to play rough, do you?” He squeezed his hand tighter around her wrist, pushing the knife deeper into her skin. His eyes were wild with rage and lust.
Gabby screamed as the sharp pain grew into cold shocks that traveled up her arm. Tears now flooded her vision as he relished in causing her pain, having this kind of control over her.
He turned around, dragging Gabby behind him. It sent another bolt up Gabby’s arm as the knife tore into her flesh. He dragged her into the house, Gabby stumbling behind him and trying to keep up so the knife wouldn’t go any further.
He pushed her into the kitchen and bent her over the counter with his hand still squeezing the knife into her arm. With his free hand, he ripped her underwear down to her knees and lifted up her robe.
