by Brisa Starr
Mr. Benter looks like he did ten years ago, wearing his usual khaki pants and polo golf shirt. He hasn’t even lost any hair. It’s like stepping back in time.
“Of course, Luke. Please! Come in.” He opens the door all the way and gestures for me to enter. Welcoming me.
Mr. Benter calls out to his wife, “Honey, you’ll never guess who’s here! Come on down.”
A second later, Mrs. Benter descends the stairs, and she, too, doesn’t look like a day has passed in ten years. Though her brown hair is longer and touches her shoulders now. I’m engulfed in familiar scents anchored to memories of my childhood. I’m overwhelmed with sensory overload. Being in this house, smelling these smells, seeing these people, hearing their voices. I close my eyes to process it.
Mrs. Benter sees me, and her face lights up. “Oh! Luke,” she exclaims, and she rushes to me with her arms out. I’m surprised, and I automatically open my arms to catch her as she crashes into me, giving me an enormous hug.
She pulls back, and her eyes are wet with tears, matching my own now. I don’t know if she’s thinking about Jeremy, or what’s going through her mind, but there’s an emotional tightness surrounding us all, and bonding us together.
“Hello, Mrs. Benter,” I don’t even know what to say. I had nothing planned. I just knew I had to come over, and maybe that’s where I should start. I look at them both and say what just went through my mind. “Um. I don’t know what to say. I just knew I had to come over here and see the two of you. I… want to apologize. For everything.”
I drop my head, looking at the floor, and Mrs. Benter grabs my hand and tugs on it. “Oh Luke, we are so happy you came by.” She glances at Mr. Benter, and he nods affirmatively.
“Luke, son. I’m just gonna get this off my chest,” Mr. Benter says.
Oh boy, here it goes. He deserves to say whatever he has to say or yell or scream at me. Whatever it is, I deserve it.
“You were like a son to us, Luke, and when we lost Jeremy, and you never came around... well, it was like losing you, too,” he says and pauses, swallowing the heaviness I see inside him.
My throat is thick, and I take another deep breath. “Mr. Benter, Mrs. Benter, I’m so sorry for everything.” I want to say more, but I can’t seem to say anything other than that. My words fail me.
“Get over here!” Mr. Benter says, and he grabs me in a hug, and it’s like that last splinter, the one deep under my skin, the one hiding the last bits of shame and guilt, comes out, evaporating any residual darkness.
Mr. Benter releases me and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Luke, you don’t have to apologize for anything. We never blamed you. We never blamed anybody. We’d give anything to have him back, but that’s just not how things were meant to be.”
Mrs. Benter smiles at me, and it’s a genuine smile of joy. It warms my heart, just like a mother’s smile would. “We’ve missed you, Luke. We’re so glad you’re here. Tell us what’s going on with you. How are you? We’ve heard things around town, and we know that you’re seeing Ashleigh Markson. We couldn’t be more pleased. She’s a wonderful girl.” Her questions are like rapid fire, eager to bridge the gap in time we’ve lost.
And everything shines bright and clear in my world. There’s no darkness, not even a hint, and I want to fall to my knees in gratitude. Freedom explodes in my soul. I even sense my dad smiling down on me, and he’s glad that his passing finally brought me home.
We talk for forty-five minutes, catching each other up on our lives, and I make promises to come by again, bringing Ash.
We say our goodbyes, and I walk out of their house. They close the door behind me, and I stop and look to the left. That bench is still there. The green bench, paint faded from years of weathering, and you can see it worn off from our butt prints. That’s where Jeremy and I used to sit whenever he would get grounded. He wasn’t allowed to leave the porch, but his parents would let me come over, and we would sit on that bench, talking all day.
I sit down on it for a minute.
“Jeremy, dude,” I whisper. “I miss you, man. I like to think you’re floating around here in Prescott somewhere. Keeping an eye on things. I’m sorry I stayed away so long, but I’m glad to be back.”
I walk to my car, and my steps are both lighter and stronger.
Then, I head into town for the second item on my to-do list.
The big item.
“Nope. Bigger,” I say.
The jeweler puts the ring back into the display case, his lips pursing, excitement flashing in his dark brown eyes.
He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Let me see what else we have, sir,” and he’s about to walk over to another display case, when I point to something in the case next to me.
“What’s that gorgeous thing?” I ask.
The jeweler looks at it. “You have good taste, sir, it’s a total of seven carats. It’s not an engagement ring, however. This style is used for wedding bands or for anniversary rings.”
“No problem. What do you call it?”
The jeweler tells me what it’s called, and he shows me the price.
I look at him with a smile, and I nod one time, decisively.
“Done.”
It’s time.
Ash and I walk along the trail. It’s the same trail we took the day I opened up to her about things in my life, about the darkness, and my adrenaline-junkie habits. The sun is lower in the sky, and we’re walking east, with the sun warming our backs. There aren’t many people running on the trail now, but there are a fair number of couples walking hand-in-hand. Including us.
Her hand is right in mine, and I still can’t believe how different I feel now, versus when I first arrived. I’ve never smiled so much, and it’s like extra muscles are taking shape in my face.
I look over at her, and her beauty takes my breath away. She has her hair in a long braid, and the crisscross of brown and blond strands remind me of a chocolate caramel candy bar. She has on sexy camo shorts that hug her tight ass, and a black tank top that shows off her shapely arms and chest. She’s a total Lara Croft-looking badass, and it makes me proud. I’m one lucky son-of-a-bitch.
“I’m so glad everything went well at Jeremy’s house,” she says and gives my hand a squeeze.
“I felt guilty, at first,” I admit, “because they took me in with loving arms so quickly. They didn’t judge or show even a hint of sadness. I don’t know why I expected anything else. I mean, they were like parents to me. But when they told me I had nothing to apologize for — it was different than when everybody else says it… because he was their son. And at that moment, I felt absolved, and I could let it go, and finally forgive myself completely.”
We walk quietly through the trees, and we see two squirrels chasing each other, and a bright red cardinal darting through the pine branches.
My steps slow, as it’s now time for the next important event of my day.
Of my life, actually.
Time to start a new chapter. A chapter full of love and next steps. A chapter where I’m no longer alone.
I’m deeply calm and relaxed. Confidence hums deep in my gut. Nothing has ever been more crystal clear to me… we are meant to be together. The dried pine needles crunch under my shoes, and I glance up to the sky and send a mental salute to both my dad and Jeremy, who I know are watching me, egging me on.
I pull Ash to a stop and guide her off the path, so we’re standing next to a massive ponderosa pine tree. She inhales, like she’s smelling something special, and amusement dances in her eyes. I had planned on diving right in, but she starts talking.
“Did you know, the first time you came into the clinic,” she giggles, “I thought you smelled like pine, snow, and stardust? I don’t even know what snow and stardust smell like, but I’m sure it’s like magic, and every time I’m with you, that’s what I smell.”
She stands on her toes and sticks her nose where my neck connects to my shoulder, and she breathes in. When she steps back, she
exaggerates a dreamy expression on her face, and I laugh.
I pull my sexy woman into my arms and plant a big, wet kiss on her lips. Then I release her, and facing her, I hold both of her hands. I reply, “Well, I thought you smelled like lavender and the moon, so there. Who knows what the hell the moon smells like, but I’m sure it smells like magic, just like you.” I wink at her.
She grins, pleased. “I love you, Luke.”
This conversation is going in a good direction, but I’d planned a different one. I need to ask her something.
“And I love you,” I reply, “But we need to talk, Ash.” It comes out sounding more serious than I intended, and she shifts and looks at me nervously.
“Talk?” The amusement that was dancing in her eyes darkens.
“It’s all good,” I assure her, and her beautiful face relaxes. A little.
“You know,” I start, “I remember how clumsy you were those first times I would visit you. I’d get a kick out of you squirming and sweating around me all the time. It was cute. I only had half a mind to pay attention to you, though, because I was consumed with all the shit I was dealing with.”
I focus my eyes on her, hoping to share the intensity coursing through my body, as I do what I’m about to do.
“Ash, you’ve been a lifeline to me. You’re the light that guided me out of my blackness.” I squeeze her hands tighter and pull her closer. “Do you remember that time I came into the clinic wanting you to use that ‘laser thing’ on me again?” We both laugh, remembering that visit. It seems so long ago.
I continue, “I lied. It wasn’t because I wanted to heal faster, it was so I could be close to you.”
She smiles, seeming to enjoy replaying the memories of those early days in her mind.
“And now,” I continue, “I want to be around you forever.”
I reach into my pocket and pull out the little black velvet box.
I get down on my knee.
“Yes!!” she gasps.
“I didn’t ask yet.” Am I ever going to get to my question?
“You’re going to… so, yes!” she repeats, nodding her head like a dashboard bobblehead.
“Wait,” I laugh, trying to get the question out, and her smile blinds me. “Will you marry m-?”
“Yes yes yes yes!” she squeals her interruption and grabs the box from my hand, but she’s all thumbs as she tries to open it, and it flings out of her hands. As I stand up, my ninja-like reflexes reach out, and I catch the box just before it falls to the ground.
“Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” she says, holding out her hand for the velvet box.
“Ha, you’re nervous, and you’re fucking adorable.”
“OK, gimme gimme gimme!”
“Allow me,” I say, and I open the little box. I pull out the diamond ring I chose for her.
Her eyes go as wide as saucers and she gasps, “Oh my god, Luke, it’s so beautiful! Is it really mine?”
I nod. “If you’ll have me.”
“Yes! I’ll marry you!” The words tumble out of her mouth all at once as she slides the ring onto her delicate finger. She jumps into my arms and kisses me, running her hands through my hair and pulling it.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” she whispers into my mouth, and then she kisses me again.
I grab her hands, and I look at the ring, which has a circle of seventeen emerald-cut diamonds that wrap all the way around the ring. Even with the sun hanging low in the sky, the ring catches the rays and splits them into a dazzling array of glittering sparkles. It looks absolutely stunning on her.
“I chose an eternity band because, every time you look at it, I want you to know that I will love you for eternity. No matter what, I’m never leaving, ever. I will never abandon you. I will always be here for you. You are the song in my blood, Ash. You are the guiding star in my night, and you’re the shimmering sun in my every blue sky.”
She grabs my face between her hands, and she regards the ring for a moment before turning her gorgeous hazel eyes to mine. “I love you.”
She jumps into my arms and smothers me with kisses as she rakes her fingers through my hair. Then she slides down my body, and I wrap my arms around her for another tight hug.
After a minute, we turn and resume our walk, and she’s walking with her typical bounce in her step, punctuated by brief moments of jumping up and down, and fits of giddy laughter.
I do believe she’s happy.
She switches places with me, so I can hold her right hand, and she can hold her left hand out in front of her to look at the ring.
“We can have as long an engagement as you want, but I want that ring on your finger because you’re mine,” I say and nudge her with my elbow.
“Oh, I want to make it official ASAP,” she says and nudges me back.
I look over at her, and I take in the view of her divine loveliness, and the look of love she holds for me in her eyes, and with her sweet smile.
Everything is just perfect.
Epilogue — Ash
I chose the best month for our wedding, October. Autumn in Prescott is the most beautiful, like a painting come to life. It’s when the aspen trees change their colors and blanket the area in brilliant, shimmering gold. It’s like sunshine in the trees against the always-blue sky.
When I told Reese we’d be getting married a few months after he proposed, she did what good best friends do, and wanted to know if I was rushing into it. I told her it’s hardly rushing in when you’ve been crazy for someone your whole life.
She conceded and said I had a point. Then she switched right into Maid-of-Honor mode, helping me plan every last detail with gusto.
I also wanted to have my ceremony and wedding night at the Hassayampa Inn, where we stayed that one sexy night. It might sound silly, but I felt a bizarre urge to bring happiness to Faith, the ghost whom I believe still lives there. And although Luke also thinks it’s silly, there’s a part of him that wants to believe in it. Who wouldn’t want to imagine that, when your loved one passes to the other side, they’re still around, watching?
My dad stayed true to his word and gave me the boot out of the house… and then made sure to let me know my old room would always be there. Which I took to mean, we’re always welcome… to visit. His brain and overall health continue to excel, and he’s been agreeable, following all of my recommendations for diet, exercise, and taking the supplements. And he’s wearing his new smartwatch. It looks quite stylish on him, and he likes to tell people at the café, it makes him “one of the cool kids.”
Sally is his date for our wedding, and they started their own sweet romance, which melts my heart like warm chocolate chip cookies straight from the oven. He spends most of his days working with her at the café, and at night, they go back to his house and binge on Netflix.
Sally made our wedding cake, which is chocolate and butterscotch swirl, per Luke’s request. It’s covered in white vanilla frosting with dark chocolate shavings. Sally says she might have to start a side business making wedding cakes because she enjoyed doing this one so much.
I took a week off work, and Luke and I drove to California. We packed up everything in his apartment and shipped it in a container to a storage place in Prescott. He took me surfing at Seal Beach. It was thrilling, and everything I’d hoped it would be. Yes, it was scary, especially when I saw a shadow coming toward me in the water, and I thought it was Jaws, but it was just a seal. Despite my fear, I followed my dad’s advice and did it anyway, because that’s what courage is.
Speaking of... being courageous with my heart has been the best thing I ever did. It got me Luke. The love of my life.
Today is the big day. Our beautiful wedding ceremony is small and intimate. We invited our immediate families, my friends from work, and Reese. We all have rooms at the Hassayampa Inn, and everybody’s taking bets on whether Faith will pay us a spooky visit. I hope she does. I’m going to leave out an extra toothbrush for her.
When Luke and I went
house hunting, we tried like crazy to find something in the neighborhood near our parents, but nothing was available, so we decided on a beautiful, two-story brick house closer to the town square. The neat thing is I can now walk to work if I want, or Sally’s café.
Luke opened up a wealth management office here, and with a quick trip to California each quarter, he can maintain his current clients, as well as tapping into all that unmanaged wealth in the retirement communities here in the high desert of Arizona.
But the most exciting thing is his success with the investment he made in LyfeSense. The firm has received an offer to be acquired by a publicly-traded electronic components company that sells into every major smartphone manufacturer in the world. Luke’s share for his investment in the company will be worth a little over four million dollars, and his dream of seeing alcohol breathalyzer capabilities come standard on smart phones is going to become a reality soon.
Honey and Blitz are still learning to respect each other’s space, but they’re making progress. Honey only swats at Blitz ten times a day now, instead of a hundred. I keep reminding Honey that Blitz just wants to be friends. But she’s not having it. I think she knows what happened when Luke and I tried that.
And now it’s time. Time to marry my friend, my lover, and my partner. Reese is with me in our balcony suite at the Hassayampa, helping me get dressed. I chose a long-sleeved, white wedding gown that skims my body from my shoulders to my ankles, where the small train extends behind me. Ivory lace overlays the satin with patterns of infinity chains nestled among flowers. The back is wide open in a V-shape, wider at my shoulders and tapering as it goes down, ending in a sexy, stylish point at the small of my back.
I look at myself in the mirror and swipe on my peach lip gloss. Reese straightens my veil and fluffs out my train, so I can see the full effect. Then, she hands me my bouquet of peach roses. I stand there and take a moment to give gratitude for everything.
