Nathan told me he’d served in the army, and anyone can see he’s tough and trained. If Flint did turn up, he wouldn’t have a chance up against the taller more muscular prospect. His presence is what enables me to sleep at night—until I wake up screaming. Even there, Nathan’s been a great help, waking me gently and making me a cup of hot chocolate. All part of his job, he tells me, when I apologise for disturbing his rest.
I’m hoping when I leave Phoenix and I no longer have to keep an eye out for Flint, maybe the memories will be easier to bear and the nightmares will ease up.
Drew tried to tell me I don’t need to be concerned about the man who ruined my life, but he wouldn’t explain how he could tell me that with such sincerity. It’s probably just that he’d disappeared—maybe he got wind that the Devils were after him? He’s out there somewhere, so my worries are only eased slightly. I wish he were dead, then I wouldn’t have to worry. But I keep that to myself, remembering that while he’s my Drew, the club named him Wizard because he can find out information that even eludes Mouse. If he knew what I wanted, he’d probably discover his whereabouts and kill him, and I don’t want blood on the hands of the club. Heaven forbid Drew be arrested for murder. No, I shudder. Drew can’t be responsible for taking Flint’s life, so I’m not going to tell him I’d prefer the ultimate solution.
Once again, I think back to Xander’s call. After he’d told me about Flint, I asked him a question.
“Are you doing alright, Xander?” Hearing his voice makes me feel guilty. “I owe you so much, yet I left you after I promised I’d be with you.”
There’s a sigh. “Let’s get this straight, Amy. You weren’t the love of my life, but I could see us together because we fit, and I have a lot of affection for you. I’m the type of Dom you want, and you’re my ideal submissive. Of course, not how you are now, but before… when I saw you playing in the club. As a dungeon monitor I watched your scenes, seeing the reactions I like. Yes, I think we would have made a go of it, but love?”
He goes quiet for a moment, as if he’s gathering his thoughts, then he continues, “I was born dominant, learned to have tight control over myself. I don’t allow myself to feel emotions, I’d never strike out in anger, and everything I do I give consideration to first, assessing the pros and cons, the best way to go about it, and what could go right, or wrong. I don’t think I’m capable of feeling the unconditional love I know Drew has for you. That’s why I left and didn’t fight for you. I’d have been kind, respectful, given you everything you wanted, but I couldn’t have given you the depth of emotion Drew clearly has to offer. If you want more than a Dom in your life, for you, he’s the right choice.”
“Will you find someone else?”
There’s a pause. “Amy, you know how tightly I’m tied to the club. Yes, I’ll play with the submissives, and maybe eventually find one I want in my life.”
“I hope you do, Xander.”
His voice deepens, becomes the tone used by Doms when they instruct. “Delete my number, Amy.”
“You don’t want to hear from me again?” He’d been my friend. Or perhaps, that concept is equally as alien to him as love.
“You’ve got Drew, Amy. Wipe the slate clean and explore what you have with him. Don’t give him a moment of doubt.”
I hadn’t thought about it that way, that Drew might be jealous if I kept Xander’s number on my phone.
“Thank you,” I say, quickly to get it in before he ends the call. “I couldn’t have gotten through those months without you by my side.” He did so much for me, giving up a lot of his life. Giving up his precious club because going there would test me. Holding me at night but never pushing me to give something I wasn’t ready to bestow.
“You were a sub in need, Amy. As a Dom, I needed to provide comfort and support. If I hear any more about Flint, I will let you know.”
“What do you think happened to him?”
“With luck, he’s left town.” Xander might not allow himself to get angry, but I’m certain I hear a touch of that in his voice.
“Goodbye,” he says.
When I try to say it back, he’s already gone.
I’d deleted his number and had then cried.
“Well that’s the last of your shit boxed up.”
Startled out my reverie, I look up and smile. “Thanks, Nathan. You’ve been such a help.” Having gotten to know the man over the past four weeks, it’s not unexpected when he shrugs off the fact he’s dismantled furniture, taken it to storage, and helped get everything in order, patiently waiting for me to decide what to take and what to store or what to give away. When it comes down to it, I won’t be taking a lot.
“Have you finished in here?”
I’m in my living room. The walls are bare except for the boxes stacked against the wall. In my hand is the picture of Drew and I when I was a kid, and he’d taken me yet again to one of my favourite places, the Desert Museum. It’s one I cherish. I slide it into the ‘to take’ box.
“That’s it, I think.” Looking around as I make one last check. I’m not particularly attached to this place, it was a two-bedroom apartment that I could afford to rent, but not one I’d have chosen if I had a choice. But I’ve lived here three years and have mostly good memories except for the last four months.
Nathan’s moved to the window. “Good timing.” He looks around and grins. “Prez is here with the truck.”
As always, my stomach fills with butterflies fluttering around. It’s not nerves, but anticipation. We’ve been apart for a week. But from now on, we’ll be together, forever. It’s a heady thought.
If I hadn’t had the last month to consider what a fool I’d be to turn Drew down, I might have asked myself whether I was doing the right thing. But the time has only strengthened my original yearning to say yes.
A pounding on the door signals his arrival. I run across the room, throwing the door open with no caution.
“Babe,” he admonishes. “Did you even check?”
I roll my eyes. “Nathan saw you arriving, so it was a safe enough bet.”
He peers around me, seeing the place empty and bare. “Fuck, I’m glad you’re coming home. I’ll be able to sleep easier in my bed. Been worried as fuck about you.”
I just shake my head. He’d assigned Nathan to me, he’d done all he could to keep me safe. Nothing was going to happen to me with that big man around. But that’s Drew, and I doubt I’ll ever change him, and don’t believe I want to.
Then, at last, he kisses me deeply, with all the emotion he possesses. I lose myself in him, his lips moving across mine making me feel loved and cherished, even without hearing the words. I’ve missed him.
Nathan gives us a moment, then coughs. I pull away and swing around to see him smirking.
“Just wanted to know whether you want me to start loading up.”
Drew plants a kiss to the tip of my nose before he answers the prospect, “Yeah. Just give me a moment and I’ll help.”
“I will too,” I tell them, being quite capable of carrying boxes myself.
It’s over quickly with the three of us pitching in. Soon the apartment is bare and empty, and in some ways it feels anti-climactic, with no sign that I ever lived here.
Drew interprets my expression as one of regret. Walking over, he smooths my hair back over my shoulders and his stare into my eyes is intense. “I’ll spend my life making you happy, Amy. I won’t allow you any regrets.”
“I don’t have any,” I tell him, “and I don’t expect to. I know what I’m doing is right. It’s just that I’ve been in Phoenix for nine years, and now it’s all gone in a flash.”
He pulls me into him and holds me close. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” I give back completely and utterly. But then, I always have.
Then, with one last glance back at my old life, I step into my future.
Nathan’s driving my car behind us, and I’m in the truck with Drew. It seems he can’t bear to be apart from
me, even if it will only take two hours.
“Anything new happen on the compound?”
He barks a laugh. “Fuck, yeah. Hawk’s gone and knocked up Olivia.”
“Oh, that’s great.” I’m really happy for Eli and his old lady.
He chuckles. “Tell that to Wraith and Drummer. They’re horrified at the thought of being grandparents. Wraith even marched into the clubroom armed with a shotgun. Well, you can imagine what Drum thought when he saw him threatening his son. Thought there was going to be a throwdown right there and then until they came to their senses and realised they were on the same side. Hound took the shotgun away from Wraith, just in case. Fuck, everyone was doubled up laughing. Two F.O.Gs circling each other with their fists up.”
I can actually imagine that, and the picture in my head makes me giggle. “F.O.Gs?”
“In the services a green recruit is called a Fuckin’ New Guy, or F.N.G. So,” he waggles his hand, “Fuckin’ Old Guys seems to fit. They’re like a bunch of unruly kids at times.”
Even at Christmas I’d seen he was right. Drummer, Wraith, Peg, and Blade have had their responsibilities taken away, on their own account, as no one forced them out. But lightening their load means there’s more time for their mischief.
“They give me fuckin’ hell.” He’s shaking his head, as if there’s something in particular he’s recalling.
“Are you going to tell me what just went through your head?”
“Club business.”
He turns and sees me raising an eyebrow, and grins.
“Anyway, Wraith got his way. Olivia and Eli are planning a wedding in just a few weeks.”
“I’ll have to ask Olivia for tips.”
His head spins in my direction, and his hand reaches over to clutch mine. “Yeah?” He clears his throat and repeats firmly, “Yeah?”
“It was your idea,” I remind him. “You said I had to be ready to plan a wedding when I moved back.”
“Too fuckin’ right.”
He’s beaming from ear to ear.
Chapter Seventeen
Wizard
Until Amy was sat next to me, her belongings piled up behind her, and we were heading to Tucson, I’d found it was hard to believe this day would arrive when I’d be taking her home for good.
She’d been right to insist on giving us this month, not just so she could wrap up her old life in an orderly fashion, but it had also allowed me to fortify my impulsive decision in my head. But each day we were apart, I only wanted her more. I hadn’t been wrong in anything I’d said. She’s the only woman I have ever wanted.
I’m in an MC, I lived at the compound since I was fifteen. I wasn’t quite seventeen when I lost my virginity to a sweet butt. The influences in my life showed there was nothing wrong in sleeping around, as long as both partners had the same expectation. The sweet butts, well they knew the score, but I made sure to be careful with the occasional women I had in town, moving on when they started talking about kids or a future. As far as I know, I may have caused regret but no hurt. None of them had tempted me to stay around longer, and I hadn’t seen myself committing to them.
Amy? Well, I suppose it’s a story of a friendship changing to be something more. Had I fucked up when I’d so blatantly pushed her away from me? Many times I’ve regretted it over the years, but not enough to rectify it. I was married to my club, had no room for anything else until I’d reached the position I have. I’d have been unable to give her all of me if I’d gone to her sooner.
Not that the club means anything less to me now, but rather than thinking an old lady would distract me, now that I’m the prez, I know I need her to balance me. It’s fucking hard being president of the Satan’s Devils MC, and I know I’d give it my soul if nothing stopped me. Amy will remind me I’m a man at the times when I forget, and not just prez. The fact that we’re more than compatible in bed is only the icing on the cake. I grin to myself as I think of the handcuffs I’ve bought for her especially, and will use when she’s in the right headspace. My dick twitches as I imagine the woman beside me tied to my bed.
I adjust myself slightly and try to concentrate on driving, but thoughts keep invading my head as she seems happy to watch the passing scenery.
She’s perfect, I adored her as a kid in her pigtails, admired her when she was in her teens. I was fucking terrified of her when she developed a crush on me, which was why I’d played my part in making her leave. I’ve missed her, all these years. Missed her easy company and simply knowing she was around.
I hate how it happened, that such dire events brought us together. But have to admit it was seeing her with Xander and realising I risked losing her to another man that made me pull my head out of my ass. It was her I wanted and needed by my side.
Now I’m bringing her home for good. Christ, I’m the luckiest motherfucker alive.
“Any news on Flint? Have you been looking for him?”
I’m still holding her hand, I squeeze it tighter. “You don’t need to worry about him anymore.”
“I know. Even if he knows where I’ve gone, he wouldn’t be able to get on the compound. I’ll be safe there.”
She still worries about him coming after her. Should I tell her he’s gone somewhere he’ll never return from? The problem with that, and why I haven’t told her, is that it comes under the heading of club business. If she doesn’t know, she can never slip up and tell anyone, even if questioned by the cops in the unlikely event that they connect us with his disappearance. Just her knowing he was dead could bring trouble to our door. If I’d told her while she was still in Phoenix, it would have changed her behaviour, even if she hadn’t opened her mouth. Even now she’s coming home with me, she’s still better off not knowing the truth. So I give her the only thing that I can.
“You don’t need to worry about him anymore,” I repeat, stressing each word.
Her body stills, and she looks quickly at me. I keep my eyes on the road ahead, and give her nothing more, not a twitch, not a flicker of my eyes.
“Oh.”
She knows nothing. But she suspects. She’s grown up in the club and while we keep the women out of most shit, that someone is there one day and gone the next doesn’t need to be explained. My own father was killed and buried under Road’s track. God damn his fucking soul. Well, in his case, God has little to do with it, he’ll be Satan’s problem instead.
Proving she’ll make a good old lady, she changes the subject. “Are we going to live in your suite, Drew?”
“For now. But I’ve been thinking ahead, babe. Shooter’s waiting for you to come up with ideas of the sort of house that you want, and we’ll have it built at the top of the compound.” I purse my lips, wondering if she had other ideas. “I’m the prez, babe. I’m afraid I can’t live in town.”
“I know that.” She turns and lances me with that megawatt smile. “I was just thinking how perfect it sounds. I’ll be living among friends. I had the best childhood, Drew, playing with all the other kids. There were so many aunts and uncles, and I want that for my own children.”
Did I say she’d make a perfect old lady? Fuck, yes. For the second time, I’m discreetly adjusting myself as my mind goes to what I’d have to do to put my baby inside her.
As we draw closer to the compound, she sits up straighter, seeming to check out the distinctive saguaro that signals we’re getting close.
“Happy?”
“Ecstatic,” she replies. “This feels so right.” She bites her lip, then expands, “It was also right for me to go away Drew, to experience life. I’ve got all my yearning for something different in my rearview now. While I loved the compound when I was young, as I grew up, with Dad and all his club brothers, I had no freedom to explore and be me.” She pauses, and chuckles. “I’d probably still be a virgin if I’d stayed.”
I think she’s probably right. With her close, I might have been tempted to go after her earlier, and Heart would have never seen her as grown up. Probably would have earned
myself a beatdown for going after a member’s kid.
I turn onto the track and drive up it, the gates open automatically at my approach. I nod toward Butcher, and park outside the auto-shop.
“Wait, I’ll come round. Hey, Butch. Get Rascal down here to start moving Amy’s shit.”
A sharp nod is all I get back from the prospect as I go to the passenger side, helping her to step down.
“Ready?”
Her cheeks flush. “So ready.”
With my arm around her, I walk up to the clubhouse, trying to keep the grin off my face, knowing she doesn’t suspect.
“Surprise! Welcome home!”
A huge banner stretches over the bar welcoming her back, balloons seem to have bred in the five hours I’ve been gone and spawned numerous offspring. All the old ladies, members, and the kids she’d grown up with are here.
Her reaction shows she hadn’t expected it as she stands stunned, needing my hand to push her inside. That they’d spent so much time preparing for her to come home shows how much she’s loved.
But Amy being Amy turns to look behind her, peering around me. Then she turns back. “Who are we expecting?” she asks with a big grin.
“You, you fuckin’ idiot.” Hawk walks up and gives her a hug. That she allows him to shows how much she’s improved over the past month. “Had to celebrate Prez bringing back his bitch.”
Amy’s chest inflates as she pokes her finger into his chest. “That’s the last time you call me bitch, Eli. Or I’ll tell everyone that I’ve seen you naked and playing with your dick in the bath.”
Now it’s my turn to bristle, until my VP says, “I was three, Amy. Three.” He turns around to face the assembled crowd, all of whom are chortling. “Three. What kid doesn’t play with his dick?”
Amy's Santa: Satan's Devils MC Second Generation #1 Page 17
