A long sigh escaped him as the warmth soothed his tired muscles. Perhaps he should stay another week or two to get Louisa completely out of his mind. Then he might be able to return to town and focus on finding an appropriate wife. He shook his head as his hand tightened around the crystal brandy snifter.
He swallowed down the drink and placed the glass on the nearby stool. After washing, he grabbed the towel and dried himself.
“Your Grace, might I have a quick word?”
“Come in, Andrews.” His valet arrived a day after Harry left.
The door opened, and a short man with very little hair entered the room. “Begging your pardon, Your Grace. I only just found out you had returned. Do you need my assistance?”
“I ate in the village and believe I will retire after my bath. Mr. Fernwood has worn me out today.”
“As you wish,” Andrews said and then cleared his throat. “Excuse me, sir, but Cook was wondering how long your guest would be staying with us and if she should expect more company. She should like to know if she needs to order more food.”
Harry stopped drying his hair and stared over at Lewis. “My guest? I was not informed I had a guest.”
“She arrived near on seven, sir. Mrs. White wasn’t certain the lady should be allowed to stay, but she arrived in a large barouche and marched right inside.”
“Her name?” Dread filled him. He didn’t need Andrews to tell him her name. There was only one woman who would travel alone to see him.
“Miss Drake.”
Damnation! “Tell Cook that Miss Drake will be leaving in the morning.” He could not have her here if he were to forget about her.
“Of course, Your Grace.”
“Andrews?”
“Yes?”
“Where is Miss Drake now?”
“First door on the left in the east wing, Your Grace.”
“Thank you,” he bit out. Damn her! He left for a few days of peace to get away from her, and she followed him. Who the bloody hell told her where he was? Daphne would never let Louisa know where he’d gone. Charlotte didn’t know. Jenkins knew better.
He pulled on a pair of buff trousers and grabbed his dressing gown before striding down the hall in his bare feet. This obsession had to stop. Being here without her had made him believe it was possible to live his life without her. His life would be different without her...dreadfully boring. But he could manage. He had to.
Maybe having it out with her would finally get her out of his mind.
He pushed the door open and walked into the room. It took his eyes a moment to adjust to the dim light of the fire. He’d expected to find Louisa wide-awake, waiting for him. He closed the door and leaned back against it as he discovered her fast asleep in one of his bedchambers. Seeing her sleeping form with a hand tucked under her cheek and a bare shoulder sticking out from the coverlet, every sane thought disappeared.
Slowly, he slid down the length of the door until he sat on the floor against the hard wood. He was a fool to believe he could live without her. She kept him stable and made him feel insane all at the same time. How could he ever have thought he could forget her? His life was nothing without her.
He was nothing without her.
For a few moments, he could only stare at her as she slept. Chestnut hair had come loose from her plait and fell across her face. His fingers itched to brush the tendrils off her cheeks to see her better.
Dear God, he was mad.
Three days away from her and with one look, he was utterly disoriented...again. He tucked his legs up and let his head rest on his knees. What the bloody hell was he going to do? She bewitched him. If he closed his eyes, he saw her face, her sparkling blue eyes, her pert nose with freckles and her perfect body.
He wanted to do the right thing for her. Influence her to marry a man who would help her reputation, not possibly tear it to shreds.
She’d turned his life upside down from the first time he’d seen her. It always came back to Louisa. She was the only one who ever made him feel this way.
A part of him didn’t want to feel this way any longer. He wanted to be a better man and let her go...but he never seemed to be able to do that. He couldn’t let her go...ever again.
“Damn you, Louisa,” he whispered.
Soft hands caressed his head. “Why are you cursing me again?” she asked in a soft tone.
He looked up into her face and knew he was never leaving this room tonight. “Why are you here? I left to get you out of my mind, and now here you are alone in one of my bedchambers.”
“Not quite alone, I believe you are here too,” she retorted with an impish grin.
He wanted to put his hands around her neck and strangle her...or kiss her senseless. “Louisa, I can’t do this any longer.”
She pulled back slightly with a frown. “Do what?”
“Pretend that I can resist you. Pretend that I don’t want to drag you to that bed and make love to you all night.”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Yes, what?”
“Drag me to the bed and make love to me, Harry. You are not the only one trying to pretend. Do you think I don’t feel this excitement every time we are close? You asked me why I am here. It’s because I can’t stay away from you. Even when you’re not with me, I cannot get you out of my mind.”
He lunged forward to kneel before her and then kissed her before she said any more. Her lips softened and slowly opened for him. He felt as if he were drowning and she the only one who could save him.
“I can’t stop thinking of you either,” he whispered before trailing kisses down her neck. “I tried to get you out of my mind, but it never worked. Every day I’ve worked myself to the bone, so I would be too tired to think of you. And every night, there you were, invading my dreams again.”
She smiled slowly. “You dreamed of me?”
“Hmm,” he said, moving his lips toward her earlobe. “I dream of doing unspeakable things to you, my darling. Indecent things. Wild things.”
“Please,” she whispered.
“Please what?”
“Do indecent things to me, Harry.”
A low laugh escaped him. “I have every intention of doing just that.”
Chapter 20
LOUISA STARED AT HARRY and saw the passion in his light gray eyes. Before she could ponder the wisdom of her decision, his lips returned to hers, and all thoughts vanished. Needing to be closer, she wrapped her arms around his neck. He rose slowly, taking her with him, as he deepened his kiss.
He broke away from her and gazed down at her. “If we move to that bed, there will be no stopping what happens, Louisa. You either stop me now or...”
She took his hand and led him to the bed. “We are not stopping now.”
“I thought you didn’t want me,” he whispered before sliding the night rail off her shoulders. “You only wanted to be friends.”
“That was years ago, you fool.”
“Louisa,” he whispered, pushing the night rail over her hips. “You are so beautiful.” He pressed her to his hard body and kissed her again.
She clung to his dressing gown as his tongue caressed hers. She’d never felt beautiful compared to her sisters, but those thoughts no longer mattered because Harry made her feel adored with every kiss, every touch. Her hands slipped under the burgundy silk fabric of his dressing gown and skimmed the hard warmth of his chest. When her fingers brushed across his nipples, he groaned softly. The heat of his hands against her back sent waves of desire flooding through her body.
“Harry, I want to touch you again.”
He rested his forehead against hers. His breathing was almost as ragged as her own. “Not now, my love. I want to make this perfect for you. If you touch me, I will be done for.”
She pushed the dressing gown off his shoulders, finally allowing her to see his chest. Hard muscles covered by light brown hairs that formed a thin line disappearing into his trousers. She traced the contours of his chest and stomac
h until she reached his trousers. Sliding a glance up at him, she unbuttoned the offending breeches and slid them over his hips. She giggled lightly.
“No drawers, Your Grace?”
“I was in too much of a rush to have it out with you,” he murmured before nuzzling her neck. “This is not what I intended when I left my bedchamber.”
Her hands paused on his chest. “You entered my room at night and did not think this would happen?”
“Expect? No. Desperately hope it would? Yes.”
He kicked off his trousers and then laid her back against the soft mattress. Covering her with his warm body, she felt the hard thickness pressing between them and couldn’t help but lift her hips slightly toward him. She could not believe how bold she was with him. It was as if her body was not under her control any longer.
“Louisa, please don’t do that. You are driving me mad.”
Spreading kisses down her neck, he didn’t stop until he found a hard peak. He plucked and flicked her nipple with his mouth and tongue, making it impossible for her not to wriggle her hips. She wanted him to touch her, sear her with his passion.
He moved to the other nipple and lavished just as much attention until she was moaning in frustration. “Tell me what you want, Louisa.”
“I don’t know.” But her body knew. “Touch me, Harry.”
He smiled against her stomach and kissed a path down until he reached her legs. “Open for me, love.”
Louisa relaxed her legs and let them slip apart. His index finger trailed between her private hairs and then split her folds. She started as his thumb found her nub, but she almost jumped when his tongue replaced it. The idea of his tongue brushing against her so intimately was madness. The sensation was pure wickedness. Arching her back, she tried desperately to get even closer to him.
She’d wanted this since he re-entered her life. With his touch, she felt alive, safe...loved. Emotions she only realized when he was near.
She moaned as he slipped a finger inside her wetness.
A second finger soon joined the first, sliding in and out of her. She felt as if her entire body was afire. Nothing had ever felt this incredible until suddenly she cried out as her climax shook her whole body.
“Oh God,” she groaned. “Harry.”
He kissed her softly, and she tasted herself on his lips. She could still barely get a good breath in her lungs, but he had returned his attention to her breast. Unable to deny him the same pleasure, she slid her hand between until she felt his hard shaft.
“Louisa, I am about to burst. If you touch me, it will all be over before I’ve even had the chance to enjoy you.” He clasped both her hands and pinned them above her head. Staring down at her, he whispered, “I am sorry, love, but this may hurt.”
“I know.” She felt his cock pressing against her to gain entrance.
Louisa knew Harry would never consciously hurt her. She inhaled deeply and tried to relax her muscles. As she did, he slipped in further before stopping. She felt him pull out and then pushed himself in all the way. After the horror stories she’d overheard in the ladies retiring room, she’d expected far more than the slight sensation of pain, which dissipated rather quickly.
An odd sense of fullness quickly replaced the sting of her lost virginity. The experience of Harry deep inside her was a sensation she rather enjoyed. Was this all to it then? Her mother had never told her what happened after the man impaled her as Mamma liked to say.
“You’ve gone very quiet,” he whispered as he lifted his head to look down at her.
She smiled shyly. “Is that all there is to it, then?”
He laughed. “No, but I thought you might need a minute or two to come to terms with me being inside you.”
“But my curiosity is getting the best of me.” She stroked his brown hair back away from his face. “I need to know what happens next.”
HARRY GROANED SOFTLY as her hips moved slightly. He was already so close to the edge he was not certain he would be able to do much for her now. “Wrap your legs around my hips,” he said before nipping her shoulder. He released her wrists from above her head as her legs curled around his hips, bringing him deeper inside her softness.
Hearing her gasp, he asked, “Are you well?”
“Yes, that felt...” her voice trailed off as if she had no words to describe the sensation.
“Just wait.” He prayed he could make her see how wonderful this could be for them both. Slowly, he slid out of her and smiled at her groan of impatience. He slipped back in and noticed how her hips instinctively arched toward him.
He repeated the motion without leaving her altogether and loved how she reacted with such abandon. “Yes, love,” he whispered as her hips met his lunges. “Just like that.”
He felt her inner muscles press against his hard cock, and he was lost in ecstasy. Her body quaked and trembled as he lunged one last time inside before releasing his seed in a wave of passion. He let his body fall onto her warm softness as he returned to normalcy. Nothing with Louisa was ever normal. He should be condemning himself for taking her virtue. Instead, he couldn’t wait to make love to her again.
He lifted off her and looked down at her face. Smiling up at him, she caressed his right cheek. He kissed her softly as he moved off her and then brought her close to him. She wrapped her arm around his chest and rested her head on his shoulder.
For once, he prayed she wouldn’t speak just yet. He needed time to process what happened between them and determine what to do next. Oh, he knew what to do next, but exactly how to marry her with the least amount of talk was the issue.
“You are very quiet,” she whispered.
“I suppose I have no idea what to say or do just yet. I hadn’t counted on making love to my dearest friend.” He skimmed a finger down her arm.
“I had thought it might be uncomfortable for us,” she commented as if speaking of a dance and not what had just happened between them.
“Oh? Uncomfortable, how?”
She lifted her head and stared at him with a mischievous grin. “Why, Your Grace, I have seen you without your clothing. I should be most scandalized.”
He smiled. “You don’t seem appallingly shocked.”
“That’s the odd thing indeed. I rather like seeing you naked.” She pressed a kiss to his chest before moving to a nipple. She flicked the flat nipple with her tongue until he groaned.
“Stop,” he rasped. “I need a few minutes more. Besides, aren’t you sore?”
She shrugged. “Not much at all.”
Only Louisa could have her virginity taken and still be ready for more. “It was not as easy with Sabita.” He shook his head. “I must apologize. I should not be speaking of her while you are in my arms.”
“You never speak of her,” she replied. “I always assumed you must have loved her deeply to be so affected by her passing.”
How did he explain this to her without looking like the cad he’d been? “I came to care for her.”
“That’s a very staid answer.” She reached up and kissed the tip of his nose. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“I cannot, Louisa.” Harry looked away from her. “You would think me a scoundrel.”
“I already know you were a scoundrel, Harry.”
The time had come to admit the truth to her. He prayed she’d understand what he’d done, even if he still couldn’t accept his actions. “I met her after I arrived at the estate. Her father was the steward on the plantation, and the family lived in a small house on the lands. She was barely eighteen and still unmarried, which is rather late in Indian culture. I knew she was an innocent, but she took to following me about the estate.”
“Oh,” Louisa said in a soft knowing voice.
“One night, I was dreadfully homesick after reading one of your letters. I missed you so much, Louisa. I couldn’t get you out of my mind.”
“What did you do?”
“Drank too much brandy and went for a walk where I found her bath
ing in the pond, naked.” He stared at the ceiling, unable to look at her and see the disgust in her eyes.
“And you made love to her.”
“Yes,” he whispered. “It was horrible. Sabita made such a fuss about the pain that her father caught us.”
“Is that it? Many men have done as you did, Harry.”
“I refused to marry her,” he admitted slowly. “I was callous about the issue, brutally so, and blamed her. She was so young, and I treated her like a harlot. It wasn’t until her father told me his daughter was with child that I finally agreed to marry her.”
“I guarantee your father would have told you not to marry her or accept that Charlotte was your child. You did the right thing.”
“She was a good mother.” Emotion stuck in his throat as he pictured her dying in their bed. “I thought it would be better for them both to get away from the poverty and illnesses of her homeland. I forced her to leave her family and move thousands of miles away. I didn’t even offer to have them come with us. Then she arrived here, in a foreign culture, with no friends, no family—save Charlotte and me—and in the span of a fortnight is killed. Murdered by my own father.”
She tightened her grip around him. “I’m so sorry, Harry.”
“I failed them both,” he mumbled. “I am as much to blame as my father for her death. By bringing her here, I inadvertently caused my darling Charlotte to lose her mother.”
A warm hand brushed away a tear he hadn’t realized had fallen.
“It is not your fault, Harry. You did what any man would do who cared about his family. England is far safer than India, especially for women. Bringing them here should have given them opportunities they might not have there. And it will, for Charlotte. Your father is to blame, not you.”
It still felt like his fault. He’d spent two years trying to get past his guilt and the feelings of hatred toward his father.
“Do you blame Tessa?” she uttered so softly he almost didn’t hear her.
Harry released a long breath. “I did for months, but slowly, I came to realize that she was not truly at fault. My father loved her but in a very odd manner. If he loved her as much as he professed in his suicide letter, he should have married her and not tried to marry her off to various men to increase her station first.”
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