by Wendy Nickel
Back home that night, Josie shucked off her jacket just after closing and locking her door.
A new planner system, she mused. Thank goodness it wasn’t going to be a digital thing. She could do some online work, but she really didn’t trust it.
There was too much at stake if something got lost or the power went out. The internet service out at the barn was really poor. Usually the phones worked, but not always, especially over the winter.
Plus, she went on talking herself through it as she undressed and got the water running for a hot soapy shower, I love writing it all out and seeing it. Out of my brain and onto the paper… where I can look at it.
She smiled as she ran her fingers under the spray, testing the temperature. More pens, she thought, and she sighed as she stepped in, her muscles melting under the heat, her sinuses opening in the steam, the water washing away the dirt and sweat of the day.
7
Cam
There were way more horses in Washington State than he thought there would be. He knew there were more, but didn’t know that the north, east and southern parts of of the greater Seattle area had pockets of farms sprinkled throughout.
The more he sat at the library doing local internet research, the more he was uncovering.
County fairs, rodeos, farms, rescues, and more kept coming forward. He let go of the mouse and had both elbows on the desk, trying to keep from laughing into his hands.
He even found a donkey rescue in the area. There was so much opportunity! So much to do!
The library was pretty cool, even if the hours weren’t all that convenient. Usually he was out early and back late, but Cam had managed to get some computer time in just before a lunch break these last 2 days.
His yellow legal pad was packed with notes, names, sites, and numbers. It was way easier than looking at a tiny screen between farms.
How was he going to meet more neighbors? Get the word out?
Was there some kind of Ranch and Farm Chamber of Commerce or something? Maybe he’d check in with Ewan this week to ask about how he grew his practice. Maybe he could even make a few introductions to some of the folks that were outside of Knox’s service range.
Sure, farms were more spread out, but there were plenty to be had and Cam didn’t want to elbow in on Knox’s client roster.
Still, maybe there were a few farms in or close to Maple Valley that weren’t yet working with Knox? That’s another potential question for the vet.
Maybe Ewan knew a few other vets to the north, too. Sammish? Sammamish? It wasn’t all that far. As long as my truck holds out, he thought with a wince.
“Car mechanic” was also added to the legal pad in the margin… that was more of a personal area. But it felt good to just get it out of his head and onto paper so he could look at it, instead of just thinking about it and trying not to forget it.
He had time for one more online check in. He’d been meaning to look up Serenity Stables to see what they had going on there. Maybe see about the staff page.
Cam had missed seeing Josie the last two days, arriving later in the day due to client load and other farms needs, making it out after sunset and working mostly with Pammy.
He was checking in on Enzo a few times each week, but it seemed that the mini still wasn’t all that interested in food. He wasn’t putting on much weight at all. Concerning.
Cam stared off into space, thinking of Enzo, wondering about him. It was so strange to work with a horse that wasn’t interested in food. Sure, they went off their grain sometimes, but not usually in minis. He needed to hear the story behind that if he could.
Abruptly, he came back to the present, noticing a quote and photo from Josie on a social media page. She was smiling and standing with that tall red horse he’d worked with... Amra? Armanie? No…that wasn’t it. He had to find a way to remember names better. Ahra, that was it.
“Being around horses just helps me know and understand myself. She’s about 1600 pounds of healing, this girl.”
Cam smiled and pushed himself back from the desk. Signing off and making a plan to get to Serenity before Josie left for the day.
A photo and a quote was just not enough. He’d gotten a lot of great information and was ready for more good stuff to end the day.
He touched his ball cap to the librarian on his way out the door with a closed-mouth smile…he was saving his bigger smiles for that smart, beautiful barn manager who he just couldn’t wait to see.
8
Josie
It had been a busy day and Josie had been on the run nonstop. Two volunteers from the morning shift called out at the last minute, and the new planner system was kicking her butt.
Despite the book being safety-orange colored, gathering all the process and system details into its pages was giving her a headache. So. Many. Exceptions.
When it wasn’t the “what ifs,” it was the “only whens.” How was she ever going to get it all down, much less organize it?
It was hard enough to get all of the details from her own brain into systems, and now somehow she had to systematize everything that had been cookin’ in Pammy’s brain over for the last nine or so years, too.
Most of which came in little snatches here and there, mostly in passing.
At first it was, “Hey, Josie, get this down…” or, “I forgot to tell you about the…” or, “did I mention that…?”
But now, in Pammy’s drive to be complete—and probably helpful, Josie reminded herself—the verbal notifications were starting to get duplicated, making the whole thing even more overwhelming.
“Did you get the part about weekly grain orders?”
“Yep, got it!”
“How about where the backup grooming supplies are kept?”
“That, too. We’ve got that down on paper, Pammy.”
“Great. And let’s not forget…”
Josie sighed. She tried hard not to sound placating or patronizing, but it was challenging to reassure Pammy again and again about the same details.
It wasn’t that Pammy was forgetful, really, she’d just been carrying around the same details for years without a barn manager. It must be hard to let the details go and trust that they would be captured somewhere.
But the big day-to-day stuff had been accounted for. It had taken time, but Josie suspected she now had about 87 percent of the stables processes sectioned out. It certainly wasn’t complete, but at least there was a place for everything to go now.
It was the unknown still percolating in Pammy’s mind—and that could come out at any minute—that kept Josie hopping.
Fundraising debrief notes, Day-of-Caring corporate volunteer day notes, donor notes, new ideas on social media scheduling, Wounded Warrior details and programming notes. Stuff like that.
And, of course, there was the looming 501c3 nonprofit status and the maintenance of all that. Josie didn’t know a lick of anything about that, or about grants.
The Board of Directors? There were infrequent meetings, she knew, but not much more than that. Those parts felt like a longer conversation with Pammy, but it never seemed to be the right time with so many emergencies popping up on the random.
All in all, today had felt like another “whack-a-mole” day.
And it had started with her needing to pitch in on cleaning out the barn.
This morning’s steady stream of making plans and going through the lists in her head happened while she’d been shoveling, picking, and sweeping stalls and while she’d been scrubbing out water buckets and refilling them with the hose.
Once the stall mats were cleaned and had fresh shavings down and the paddocks were picked of rocks and poo, Josie let Carrie, David, and Rachel finish up so she could salvage what was left of her morning with the work she still needed to get done.
Of course, she loved the farm and had no shame in picking up a shovel, fork, or broom to get the job-at-hand done. It just felt like more lately…
Plus, there was Enzo. Something still wasn�
�t right. He didn’t want to eat and the crew was having a hard time keeping him warm enough in the stall.
When was the vet coming again? She tried to remember the last time she’d seen Dr. Grier. The days were starting to run together a little bit. She looked left, to the wall facing the desk and scanned for new updates from the almost wall-to-wall whiteboard.
Maybe she’d transfer the vet and farrier notes from the whiteboard in the lounge to a log sheet in the planner? More work, she just had more and more work, every time she turned around.
It’ll pay off this time next year, she assured herself. Even if the whole thing is a pain in my butt right now.
And she hadn’t seen Cam in a few days. As time went by, texting or messaging just felt more awkward, but she felt antsy for the contact. She just couldn’t think of what to say after “Hi,” or “Hey.”
Her belly gave a low rumble. She’d only had coffee so far this morning. And it was… what? After 1 p.m. now? Crap.
Where was the day going? Had she done anything since putting the shovel down?
“Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away,” Josie reminded herself quietly. A whole day of getting ready to eat while eating. And then, surprise, surprise, sitting down to eat. She felt bad that she hadn’t checked in with Pammy about Thanksgiving Day dinner yet. The stables usually had low-key turnout each year, with folks showing up with random dishes and drinks throughout the day. Every year was a bit different, but it was usually a good time, and she would enjoy it once it got here.
Got a lot to do before Turkey Day, though. Her belly groaned again in protest, reminding her that Thanksgiving was not the only day for eating. But she ignored it and picked up her phone to return a few calls about weekly orders and to confirm holiday schedules instead. Horses first.
Lost in her notes and calls, she barely heard the feet shuffling toward the barn and the pair of low voices coming closer. Pammy’s voice was one of them, for sure, but she tuned out the voices when Reno from HayHay picked up on the other end of the line to talk hay and the next delivery.
The voices passed by as Josie finished her notes and hung up with Reno. Without hesitating, she got ready to place another call, this one to GrainGuys about special ordering a supplement But then she heard what sounded like Cam’s voice.
Heart aflutter like a bee set loose in a spring garden of blooming tiger lilies, Josie’s breath caught. And then he was standing there.
He was all shoulders, topped with a faded black ball cap and big smile. That smile looked…minty. A fire-and-ice shiver rippled through her core as the fine hairs on the back of her neck stood up and waved with pleasure. She stood up quickly to meet his smile.
And collapsed.
9
Cam
She looked me right in the eye and then she wasn’t there anymore. Her body went all ragdoll, and she was completely out of it.
Cam had called out to Pammy the second Josie passed out. I think she knew who I was before she lost consciousness…
He had caught Josie’s upper body, making sure she didn’t hit her head on the desk or on the concrete slab floor, though he wasn’t exactly sure how he’d managed to do it.
He looked around and balled up the extra flannel shirt on the back of her chair to cushion her head while Pammy repeated her name a few times.
“Josie? Josie, honey, come back now.” Pammy’s voice was somehow soothing and commanding at the same time.
It must’ve been less than a minute, though with the worry and panic coursing through Cam’s body time slowed to what seemed like cold molasses dripping through a frozen strainer.
He got a woolen blanket from the locker to cover her up. That floor had to be cold. As he was leaning over her to tuck her in around her shoulders, talking through his movements in a murmur, Josie opened her eyes.
A not-so-subtle mix of confusion and embarrassment sailed in to her features and she moved to scramble up.
“Hold up now,” directed Pammy with a firmness that Josie instinctively obeyed. “Just give it a minute, Josie, you passed out.”
Josie sighed and settled back down, protesting that all was fine and she just stood up too quickly... and that she had a lot to do.
Cam kept his eyes on Pammy for direction, his insides bathed in worry and concern. Pammy was the clear-headed one at the moment. His pointed gaze begged Pammy for a job to do where he could be of assistance.
Pammy’s eyes were only on Josie when she said, “Cam, let’s help her up. And Josie, you’re gonna let us do it.”
Compliant, but still embarrassed, Josie reached out her arms and felt Pammy and Cam at each side. Her arms went around their shoulders and they lifted her lightly into her chair.
“Cam, take a look in that little fridge for some water or juice for me?” Pammy was all business, and Cam was grateful for some direction.
He pulled open the door with force and grabbed a bottle of water from inside, unscrewing the cap in the two strides it took to get back to Josie’s side. Keeping his eyes on Pammy so he wouldn’t make Josie more uncomfortable, he asked, “What else?”
Pammy scanned the desk for the seeds and dried fruit that she sometimes saw Josie nibble at. Nothing on the desk.
“Josie,” stated Pammy, her voice still loaded with a potent combination of firmness and gentle understanding, “You’ve been running real hard today. Did you get a chance to get some food down this morning?”
Josie sipped at the water and shook her head. “Just haven’t had time yet,” she mumbled, her voice tiny and low.
“Cam? Y’wanna head up to the house and grab some snacks for us?” Pammy asked, “There’s some string cheese in the fridge. Please bring a handful of those, and the crackers from the counter. Door’s unlocked.” Cam had already started for the house when he saw Josie shake her head “no.”
10
Josie
Geez! No!
Josie wanted to shrink down to nothing. She hated being on the spot. Although she was still feeling pretty weak and a little shaky, a new layer of shame and mortification flooded through her for passing out not only in front of her boss, but in front of Cam, too.
At least she had a minute with Pammy before Cam came back. She took another sip of the cold water in front of her, the shakiness lifting out as she continued to take water in.
“Has this happened before?” Pammy asked, still pointed, but also kind.
“No, I haven’t passed out before,” answered Josie plainly. “I’ve gotten a bit dizzy before but just figured it was dehydration, so got some water in me. I’m already starting to feel better since drinking this,” she waved her water bottle and took another little swig.
“And what about eating?” pressed Pammy, clearly still not done probing.
Suppressing an eye roll—Josie just hated people asking about her eating and not eating—Josie said, “I just didn’t get to it yet. Forgot my seeds at home, then the volunteers needed help to stay on schedule this morning. You’ve seen me eating, Pammy, you know I eat,” she tried to deflect.
“I’ve seen you eat a little bit, from time to time, yes. And we are too busy here to add this to my own list. Josie, this is serious. If you’re not eating regularly and daily, it’s not safe for you or others to be working this job. I won’t have it. Am I clear?” Pammy’s no-nonsense tone felt like a shake, a wake-up call.
Josie nodded, the words seeping in feeling heavy and dark.
The sound of Cam’s footsteps approaching changed the subject for everyone. He’d brought down some grapes as well as the cheese and plain crackers. Pammy reached for the hand sanitizer, gave a little squirt into her own hand, and passed it off to Josie.
Ugh, this is the worst, Josie thought as she realized they were apparently all going to have a snack together. She couldn’t look Cam in the face.
“Snack, Cam?” invited Pammy.
“I ate just before I came, but thanks Pammy. ‘Preciate it.” Cam tried to make his voice sound easy, but Josie could tell it w
as still at about 60 percent concern. “Can I get you ladies anything else? I’ve got one or two other stops today, but can go get... uh, anything.” He was looking at Josie directly, but she still wouldn’t look at him.
Josie sideswiped a glance and flashed a half smile, “Thanks Cam. I’m good.” She reached for a wrapped piece of string cheese and started pulling back the plastic casing.
Pammy and Cam looked at each other briefly. Pammy gave a short nod and Cam said, ”All right then, I’ll be back tomorrow to check on Enzo.” He flashed a last glance Josie’s way. “Let me know if there’s anything you need between now and then.”
Pammy nodded her head and smiled, “See you tomorrow, Cam.”
Then, with a warm smile, he was gone.
Josie felt her gut fall and wither inside as a sourness reached up her throat. She clamped her mouth shut and swallowed hard.
11
Josie
Josie couldn’t wait to leave and go home.
It was a very rare thing for Josie to feel like she wanted to bolt from the barn. She could count on one hand the days she’d felt this bad.
Not only professionally deflated, she was also personally horrified that she had fainted very nearly into Cam’s arms. While it could have been kind of nice to replay that with a fantasy around it, it was… awful in reality.
Looking back, she felt it was a pretty thoughtless thing to do, to push off eating. But still, she got so caught up in the million things that needed doing that she didn’t know exactly how to balance actually taking the time to get the food into her body.
Water seemed okay to drink on the go, but stop to eat? She didn’t think she could afford the time.
