No-one and I do mean not one single person, was speaking to me. Not even Sarah from track. She was walking up ahead, speaking to Landon and Darren and a few other boys, but she didn’t look back. Blake was certainly not speaking to me. In fact, he was refusing to acknowledge me altogether.
He walked into the library, made his way to a desk on the far side of the room and had his earbuds in by the time I reached him. He continued to ignore me and when we told to split into our research groups, he ignored that too and just spent his time with his back to me. I wanted to ask what he was doing for our project, but he refused to even turn around when I tapped him on the back. So, I continued mapping out the eyewitness accounts on the liberation of the Nazi death camps.
I plotted out the slides with images I found online and told of the harrowing sight of starving, naked bodies, left in the cold to freeze by fleeing war criminals. I told of the officers, upon finding those prisoners, who went further and found bodies, mass graves and the piles of belongings. I explained their heartbreak and devastation, on how they helped those left behind and saved their lives. My slides were all coming together, and it was harrowing work. I had to stop a few times because the images I was finding were distressing, but I knew their stories had to be told, so I continued. As the bell rang, I was wrung out emotionally because of the research I’d done and the stories I’d read. When I pushed up from my seat, stretching as I put all of my belongings into my backpack, I didn’t see Blake and I accidentally hit his chest. He glared at me and I froze with my apology on my tongue.
“Watch it, freak.” His hissed words and glacial stare made me shrink into myself. I wanted to cry, not because he was being a douche, but because my emotions were stretched by the harrowing account’s I’d witnessed. He barged by me, banging into me and I caught his arm.
“Blake. No need to be a dick to me.” I told him in a low voice, he spun around and tugged his arm from my grasp.
“I don’t care enough about you to be a dick to you. You mean nothing to me. Got it?”
His viscous words and expression startled me, and I backed up a step from him. He just glowered at me with a furious expression on his face, so I shrugged at him, snatching up my backpack and making sure to whack him on the chest with it as I passed by.
“Fine,” I spat out as I stormed by him. “Have it your way.”
My next class was study hall and I managed to complete my notes for my English paper, because I worked through lunch. Eating sandwiches at my desk and not moving until the bell signaled my next class, which was gym.
Great, I thought, just fucking great.
I went to gym and changed into my sports gear, surrounded by my classmates. Everyone was buzzing about something and I caught a few words here and there, but I couldn’t make sense of it. Apparently, there had been some kind of altercation in the dining hall between Chase and someone else, but I didn’t know who. That was, until I stepped out into the gym hall and saw Blake with a split lip and a bruise on his cheek. I opened my mouth to ask, when Chase and Principal Welton walked by and went straight to Marty and Blake. Marty met my stare with wide horrified eyes, and I knew exactly what he was thinking. All his prep for Harvard would be ruined if he was suspended in his final year. Blake stood like he didn’t care, but his arms were tight across his chest. He started at Principal Welton like he wanted to rip his head off, until he caught me staring and then his gaze softened for a beat, before hardening again.
Miss June took our gym class and led us all outside to run track as Principal Welton, Coach Danvers and Ms. Christie spoke in the gym hall. Within a few minutes, Marty and Chase were out on the field but ignoring each other completely. Chase still hadn’t spoken to Marty or listened to his side of what happened. I wondered where Blake was, then realized that I shouldn’t really care.
He’d been a total dick to me all day and I’d done nothing to deserve his wrath. I wasn’t going to be a doormat for him or for anyone else, but I was curious as to where he was. My eyes constantly looked around for him during gym class and I was completely distracted, sending a pitched ball straight at Klaire, which she avoided, but which hit Kurt right in the nuts.
He doubled over and began to cough and cry as I stood trying not to laugh on the Homeplate. Ms. Christie came over and ushered me from there, as Kurt was helped up by a few of the guys. I couldn’t look at him because the desire to laugh was too much.
Guess it didn’t pay to be a douche after all. She put me out to catch and I spent the rest of the class standing at the back of the field, only running occasionally, and glancing around to see if Blake had arrived for class yet. When it was finally over, I was one of the first people in the changing rooms. Luckily my stuff was all still in my locker, thanks to my glittery, new padlock that Josh had given me during study hall. I made my way along to Mr. Dennis’s classroom an hour early for detention in my own little bubble. As I tried to plan out my English paper on the use of misogyny in Jane Eyre and how females were represented in eighteenth century literature. I reached the door and walked slowly inside, freezing when I saw Blake sitting at a table, with his earbuds in, working on something.
Mr. Dennis pointed to Blake and told me to take a seat and find something to work on. I quietly followed his instructions, sitting down beside him and quickly taking out my notebook, my copy of Jane Eyre and my new cell. I hadn’t even set it up properly yet, but I needed some music to get me through the class. So, I popped the earbuds in, cranked up, Fall Out Boy and began to work on my paper, without looking at Blake at all.
Chapter Thirteen
Fuck-Up
Blake
Cara sitting beside me was messing with my head. I’d been a dick to her earlier, but I was embarrassed about crying all over her yesterday and I didn’t know how to handle it, so I tried to ignore her. I tried to stay away from her, but she couldn’t hide the hurt quickly enough, when I was mean to her. I didn’t mean it. I just wanted to punish someone, to hurt someone else like I was hurting, but I knew that it wasn’t Cara’s fault. None of this was; I needed to blame someone and since I couldn’t really blame my dad for dying, I blamed her for letting me be vulnerable with her.
I sat through our history class working on the project, but I didn’t know what angle we were taking, so I began to make notes on Anne Frank. I’d ignored her completely, then when she didn’t show up for me to apologize to her at lunch, I went into a mood, because she was one of the only people who knew what I was going through. When Marty came over to speak to me and asked if I was okay, I lashed out at him too and his ex-boyfriend had stepped in. Chase told me to back the fuck off him and I swung for him before I realized what I was doing, I’d clocked him on the jaw. Chase stepped back with the force of the hit and then stepped forwards, hitting me once on the cheek and once on the mouth, splitting my lip. I spat blood onto the floor at his feet, lifted my hand and let my fists fly, only I didn’t hit Chase. Marty stepped between us and I hit him square on the shoulder and he winced, but then he spun around and turned on Chase.
“Enough, Chase. I can handle this.”
“Like fuck you can?” He hissed and pushed towards me when Josh, Darren, and Landon all came over and shoved Chase away. My heart pounded in my chest and my fists were still raised, as Marty stepped towards me.
“Walk it off, Blake. They are your teammates, so fucking walk it off.”
His words penetrated and I spun around, snatching my backpack off the table, and storming out towards the gym hall, for the last twenty minutes of lunch. I spent the rest of the time hitting the punching bag, which helped me feel more in control. By the time the bell rang, I was feeling like shit again. I wanted to call Ollie and I’d tried a few times, but she kept brushing me off and Kellie wasn’t answering her cell at all. My grandma had told me that she hadn’t spoken to my mom yet, but she was trying to get a hold of her and would call me back afterschool to see how I was and that was it. I was so fucking lost and so alone, that it was killing me.
; When I got to gym class, I tried to avoid speaking to anyone, but Principal Welton came and dragged me, Chase, and Marty away from the class to speak to us. I refused to say why the fight started and they were minutes from expelling me, when Marty broke.
“His dad died yesterday. That’s why he was angry with me. I said something to him about it and he lost it. He doesn’t want to talk about it yet.”
“Is this true?” Principal Welton asked and I glared at Marty for opening his mouth and then nodded.
Chase shifted guiltily from foot to foot, before he stepped in front of me.
“Shit. I’m sorry man. I shouldn’t have whaled on you like that.”
He paused for a beat and then spoke again in an even lower voice, that I had to strain to hear as he put his fingers into his red curls and brushed them back from his forehead.
“My cousin died last year, and I struggled like fuck with it, so I’m here if you wanna talk, man.”
Principal Welton dismissed Chase and Marty, then motioned to the benches for us to sit down on. The coaches had left, and Ms. Christie was working outside with some of the class. I could see them through the open doorway. I wondered for a beat if Cara was there and then I shook the thought off as I sat on the bench beside the Principal.
“Blake, I know you are new here and you won’t have had much time to make many friends but hitting people because you are hurting isn’t the right way to deal with your anger. Now, normally, I’d suspend you for this, but with all you’re going through, I don’t think that would be fair. What I’m gonna do is suggest that you seek out some counselling with Mrs. Mathews. She’s there to help you work through your issues in a non-violent manner. As long as you do that within the next few weeks, then there will be no comeback from today, but you have to give me your word, that you’ll make an appointment with her.”
I nodded slowly and he stood up, brushing his trousers down, before he looked down at me, still sitting there. His dark blue eyes crinkled as he smiled gently at me.
“It’s hard enough being the new kid, without having to face losing a parent too. Why don’t you take the next hour off and call your mom or someone, then you can start fresh tomorrow?”
I went and spoke to Coach about practice and he said it was fine, but that he was there if I needed to talk and that I could miss the practices if I needed to. He understood that losing a parent could put me off my game, but he also warned me that if I ever got into it with a teammate again, I’d be off the team. I’d gone along to detention and asked Mr. Dennis if I could use his empty classroom to make some calls.
“Sure, you can, just don’t be too long and make sure you’re finished before the last bell goes.”
He left the room and returned after the final bell, when I was sitting down to try and write my English paper on an aspect of Jane Eyre. I hadn’t finished the book, so I opened it and began making notes, writing out quotes and I was doing it when Cara entered. Guilt swooped low in my gut as she walked in and stopped, looking surprised to see me, sitting there. She was an hour early, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk to her. I kept snapping at her and being mean to her, when I knew logically, it wasn’t her fault, but I couldn’t help how I felt. She sat beside me for the best part of an hour, with her arm around her work and her head resting on it beside me. I forced myself to concentrate and with Cara beside me it was easier. She soothed some of the tension and made me forget about the clouds that were hovering just out of sight. With her there, I almost forgot about the pain, the grief, the ache in my chest and it was a little easier to bear. As we neared the end of the hour, I shifted and turned to speak to her.
“Cara,” I began, she sat up, looking at me with guarded eyes. “I’m sorry about earlier, but you know we aren’t friends. Not really, anyways.”
That wasn’t what I meant to say at all. Her face darkened and she stiffened as I stumbled over my words. I was usually much better than that. I had to be. I was a front man. A performer, but her gaze seemed to cut all the bullshit from me, until I was bare in front of her and just me without the act of Blake Daniels, singer, songwriter, and guitarist.
“No, I didn’t…” I began, but she held her hand up.
“Enough. I know what you meant and it’s fine. You’re right, we’re not friends, but I get the message and I won’t try to be your friend anymore.”
She turned back to her work and I leaned back on my chair, running my fingers through my hair, and wanting to punch myself in the face. I turned towards her to try again, when Mr. Daniels came towards us handing out a pop quiz. He met my wide eyes and grinned an evil looking grin.
“In this school, detention with me means pop quiz and if you get less than sixty percent, then you get the pleasure of my company for another night.”
He moved on and I snatched up the quiz and began answering questions. They were all general knowledge questions, with a few complicated algebraic equations, some comprehension, and questions about literature, all thrown in together.
There were four other people in detention and two of them were in our morning class, but I didn’t know the other two and I didn’t care to get to know them. My eyes strayed back to Cara again and I watched as the sunlight hit her hair and the back of her neck. My guilt at how I’d treated her earlier was eating at me and I wanted to apologize, but she was right. We weren’t friends.
I forced myself to focus on my pop quiz and eventually got caught up in answering the questions in front of me, but I couldn’t stop the compulsion to check on Cara every few minutes. She didn’t look at me once, which hurt my ego a little. Once Mr. Daniels stood and rang a little bell on his desk everyone stopped, and he moved around the classroom collecting them in. He quickly marked them at his desk and dismissed each student as he did. Cara and I were last, and he nodded at us both and told us we were free to leave.
“See you tomorrow, Cara. Blake, wait a moment please?” he asked, and Cara bolted from the room, as I turned back to face him.
“Now I want you to know, I heard about what went down at lunch time. My door is always open if you need a chat, but I will not be so kind if you end up with a reputation for violence. You hear?”
“Yes, sir,” because I did hear him. I didn’t want to be known as a problem kid. I just wanted to get through the next few months of this school and go home. That was it.
“You are dismissed then, and Blake, try and be nicer to those who are trying to be kind to you. It doesn’t take much to hurt someone’s feelings, so try to be more considerate in your dealings with others.”
His words echoed in my head as I walked towards the school parking lot. I hoped Marty would be waiting on me because I couldn’t deal with Don today. As I walked out, I decided to appease my mom; I’d apply to school in Georgia, go there and then drop out to play in my band. She couldn’t complain if I went to school there. My eyes blinked a few times in the bright light outside and I saw Cara leaning into the car, speaking to Marty. I prayed he wasn’t going to be giving her a ride home, but my hopes were in vain. Once I reached it, Cara climbed into the back and buckled in, I climbed into the front beside Marty and he smiled over at me, before gunning it out of the lot. His soft top was down, and his silver Mercedes gleamed in the bright, Autumn sunlight as he drove quickly back from school. Once we reached our homes, he stopped on the road outside and I moved out and opened up the seat to let Cara climb out.
“Bye, Marty,” she called and then lifted her backpack higher on her shoulder, before she turned around and marched away from me.
She didn’t look back as I climbed back into the car, without taking my eyes from her. She didn’t look back, as Marty gunned the engine and shot down the driveway and slammed the breaks on, outside the garage. He didn’t speak to me as he parked the car and went inside, but I was glad because Ollie finally called me back.
“Hey kiddo, how’re you holding up?” Her words opened the floodgates and I began to spill my guts to her.
“Not great. I want to be at home
. I miss you and Kels, Grandma and my friends and uh, I even miss the heat…”
“But not the snakes, right?” Ollie asked and I began to laugh, because she knew how much I hated snakes and when we went to Grandma’s house, there were always Copperheads around.
“No. Definitely not the snakes.”
I paused for a moment as Ollie sniffed and it reminded me of my dad scooping up the Copperhead and putting it in a tub on our last visit.
“Are you okay, Ollie?” I asked her and she breathed deeply for a few minutes.
“I’m trying to be, but I’m not. I want dad back. I want our family back and I know it’s stupid. I promised I wasn’t going to get like this with you, but I can’t help it. I miss you, mom and our whole life.”
She began to cry softly, and I wished more than anything that I could hug her, but she spoke again before I could say anything to her, breathing harshly as she did.
“I’m so sorry you weren’t home.”
“Me too,” I whispered, feeling her words hit my chest. I tried to swallow back the tears that threatened, but I couldn’t stop them all from falling as I realized exactly what I’d missed.
“I wanted you here and so did dad. He begged… never mind. When are you coming out?”
Her voice changed from pained to business like and I knew that our heart to heart was over, but I wanted to know what my dad had begged for. Who he’d begged and why? I had an inkling that it was my mom, but without proof, I had nothing.
Nothing but The Sheets Page 11
