I filled in my account details, address and social security number and signed it. My heartbeat sounded in my ears as I stood, placing the signed documents and the pen onto the desk. I left my driver’s license on the desk since Drew didn’t give me it back and dug around in my purse for my cell. I pulled the camera up and checked my appearance.
My lipstick was still intact, and my eyes were okay with no smudge’s underneath. I knew I was being vain, but I didn’t want the first time Blake saw me in five years, to have lipstick on my teeth. I took a few bobby pins from my purse and pushed my hair over my shoulder, pinning it in place.
Once I had done that, I scooped my purse up and walked to the door, taking a fortifying breath and turned the handle. My footsteps echoed in the empty corridor and I wondered what kind of reaction I’d get from Blake.
Would he be surprised to see me?
Would he be annoyed?
Irritated or cold and aloof?
I didn’t know and when I reached the end of the corridor, I could see them all sitting around the oval table. They were all talking, and the noise was deafening, but it was the guy sitting with his back to me, that stopped me opening the door for a beat. His shoulders were as broad as I remembered and his hair, peeking out from under the blue, baseball cap, was still curled. His neck was tanned, and his body looked more sculpted than it did when we were in high school. My eyes stayed on his back for a moment until he shifted. I gave my head a wobble, then opened the door and stepped into the room.
Ryder, with his blond hair, bright, blue eyes, and gorgeous smile, spotted me first and his mouth popped open. He muttered, almost, but not quite under his breath.
“Fuck me.”
Doug turned and his soulful dark eyes crawled leisurely up my body, before he grinned at me and nodded once, in what seemed like appreciation. I tried to ignore the stares as I moved towards Drew with my back to Kerr and Blake. I heard them whispering as I neared him, where he was sitting at the opposite end of the table with a group of people I didn’t know. He gave me a smile and nodded to a seat on his left, which I gratefully took. My face was burning, I set my bag down on the floor and I could feel every eye on me as I sat down on the chair. Drew spoke and every eye went to him, including mine. I hadn’t been brave enough to look towards the bottom of the table yet. I was so scared about what I was going to see, that I couldn’t pluck up the courage to look. Drew, however, ignored my interruption and continued what he was speaking about when I entered.
He spoke about gate sales and ideas for merchandise and everyone nodded, chipped in ideas, and began to chat amongst themselves. My eyes drifted almost of their own accord to the bottom of where Blake was sitting, but he didn’t even look up. He was staring at his hands and he seemed completely disinterested in what was going on around him. A few more minutes passed, and Kerr gave me a brief nod and smile when I met his eyes, but Blake refusing to even look at me, hurt me deeper than I ever imagined it would. His eyes stayed on his hands, on the papers in front of him or on Kerr. At least, I assumed that was where they stayed, since he had a pair of Ray-bans on. I clenched my fists underneath the table and smiled at a few of the people around the table, as Drew cleared his voice and spoke again.
“Everyone, this is Cara. Cara will be our tour publicist. She’ll be in the bus with Janie and the girls and will be with us for most of the tour.”
He met everyone’s eyes and smiled at them, as they all took me in. Blake’s head snapped up at his words and his lips were in a thin line. His sunglasses masked his eyes and he didn’t take them off, or even look in my direction, when Drew had introduced me to everyone. The only reaction he had was his jaw clenching, but I wasn’t sure if that was in relation to me or not. Drew glanced at me again and started to introduce everyone around the table.
“Cara, this is Pete, the sound engineer, Jack, the tour designer, Uri, the head roadie, Janie, the tour manager, Christine, the head caterer and Lincoln, the lighting guru.”
He pointed out each person in turn, they all smiled and said hello.
“Then you have Doug, the bass player of Discord, Kerr the drummer and Ryder the piano wizard and the grumpy sod at the bottom, is Blake.”
The guys all met my eyes and grinned at me, which had my lady parts dancing a conga, all except Blake, who gave me a vacant smile and then went back to staring at his hands. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to speak to him, but I couldn’t, because he was acting as if he didn’t know me at all. There was no way I could call him out in front of everyone, so instead, I sat back as they continued their meeting, I felt like an interloper in a private group. As soon as it was over, Janie came over to speak with me and the band went back to the stage. My eyes followed Blake, but he didn’t look back, or show any outward sign of emotion, so I tuned him out and listened to what Janie was saying.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Blast From The Past
Blake
What the fuck?
What. The. Actual. Fuck?
My brain was screaming at me as she walked out and calmly walked towards Drew. That’s Cara, oh my God, that’s Cara, but I didn’t expect the rush of emotion to hit me when I saw her face. I’d known it was her the instant she passed me by, and I sat stunned. Kerr also knew who she was, since I’d shown him the only picture, I had of her when I came home. I watched her from under my glasses as her eyes darted around the table and arousal like I’d never known before, stirred inside me. Her eyes seemed brighter, her lips fuller and her body had more curves, but fuck me, she was smoking hot. I had to lower my eyes before I made a complete show of myself. What the fuck was she doing here? I thought as I dropped my eyes to my hands.
She sat and glanced at me, but I kept my eyes on my hands, feeling her gaze burning into my soul, but I couldn’t look her way. I couldn’t bring myself to meet her eyes, because she would wreck my façade of ‘don’t give a shit, don’t care about anything apart from making music, fucking and drinking.’
Her eyes followed me as I walked to the stage and I picked up my guitar with shaking hands.
“Fuck me, she’s smoking,” Ryder muttered as he scoped out Cara in her red dress, black heels, and dark jacket.
My mouth watered as my eyes roamed over her, but I knew I wasn’t going there, not again. She ruined me for years after her, but I watched as she chatted with Janie and I wanted to go over and ask her what the fuck she was doing here on my tour, with my band.
Kerr nudged my shoulder and I glanced at him, shaking my head to clear thoughts of her from it, but it was harder to do when she was standing four feet from me.
“Dude, get your head outta your ass.” Kerr muttered as he passed me to the drum kit.
He began the countdown and I tried to block her out and play, but my fingers were all over the place. Ryder came over after the fourth bad start and knocked into me.
“Dude, the fuck is wrong with you? Did you take too much blow at the Jester’s party last night?”
He knew I didn’t touch the stuff, not after what happened with my uncle. I gave him a glare and glanced over, breathing a sigh of relief to see Cara was gone. I didn’t care where she was, as long as she wasn’t near me. I gave Kerr a nod and he glanced at me, before starting Autumn Dreams. I began to play and sang in a low voice, just so we could get the acoustics right. My fingers knew the chords by heart, and I sang the words without thinking, finally getting lost in the melody, until another memory surfaced of Cara.
I remembered the text message a few years ago, while we were on our first stadium tour. I’d avoided texting her for over a year, but the temptation was always there, and I kept the same number, giving out a different number for music things. I had two cells and I always kept my old cell close, because it had her picture on it and her number, but that night I’d been exhausted. The tour was long, and I missed home comforts like an actual bed and home cooked food. We had four US dates left and then we had a six-month break, but we had a new album to record, so three months were to
be in the studio.
I was the first one back on the tour bus, too damn tired of all the groupies, parties, and fakes. I’d ran straight there and was sitting reading a book, when my cell chimed. I picked it up, wondering if it was my grandma and then my breath caught in my chest, when I saw I had a message from Cara.
Cara - Hey, Blake, I know it’s been a while, but I wanted to say how proud I am of you. I was at your concert in LA tonight and I was blown away by you and the band. You guys are amazing, and Autumn Dreams was absolutely incredible live. Anyway, I know you asked me not to message again, but I just wanted to message to tell you this. Hope you enjoy the rest of your tour. Cara xx
My fingers itched to reply and three times I began a message back, only to delete it. She was at my concert. Why didn’t she tell me? I’d have given her tickets or brought her backstage. God, the thought of seeing her again, did things to my insides, but I knew she was better off without me. I wasn’t good enough for her, not that I ever was. I’d been caught a few weeks ago screwing around with one of the groupies by the paparazzi, when my current girlfriend, Jules Jackson, was filming in location in the Cayman Islands.
She’d called me up screaming and I laughed it off, hanging up on her and texting her to tell her we were over. I was a douche and I always had been. Doug came over and broke me from my thoughts and I turned to see my bandmates all staring at me, as if I’d grown three heads. Kerr gave me a worried look, Ryder looked confused and Doug perplexed.
“Guys, I drank way too much last night, can we just call it a day?” I asked and they all shrugged in agreement.
I never did this, but I needed to get my head outta my ass like Kerr said and to do that, I needed to talk to her. I had to ask her not to come on my tour. To ask her to leave and I felt like a total shit about it, but her being here, was fucking with my head and not in a good way. I wasn’t ready to face up to the fact I took her virginity and left her behind. I wasn’t prepared to be faced with my muse in person. I had to damn well make sure she didn’t come on tour with us, because I’d be fucked if I let her ruin me. I took my guitar off, handing it to Mitch, our roadie and he asked me if I was okay.
“Sure I am. Just overdid it last night, my brain and fingers aren’t communicating.” I told him and he gave me a skeptical look, because he’d seen me in worse messes at after parties and I always managed to play the next day, regardless.
My legs wobbled a little as I climbed down from the stage and Kerr hopped down beside me.
“Blake, what are you going to do?” he asked me in a low guarded voice. “Is that really her? The chick you hooked up with in Idaho?”
I gave him a brief nod and he shook his head at me.
“Don’t do anything rash man.” He muttered and I ran my fingers through my hair, wincing as they caught on my curls.
Fucking hell, seeing her had knocked me for six. He must have known from my facial expression that I was going to try to sort this out. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I just knew I needed her gone. I had to get her away, because she was still the only person, I’d ever been vulnerable with and it made me nervous just seeing her again.
“I need her gone. Fuck, I can’t concentrate with her here. She’s gotta go. No fucking way is she coming on our tour.” I spat the words at him in a low fierce whisper and he put his hand on my shoulder.
“Fuck, Blake. Calm down. She’s only a chick that you banged years ago. Isn’t that what you told me? Why has she got your head in such a fucking mess?”
His confusion wasn’t surprising, not at all because I hadn’t told him that I thought I loved her when I left. I could barely explain it to myself, never mind anyone else. He didn’t understand because I downplayed every moment of our relationship, guys didn’t share shit like soul altering, earth shattering, shit.
“Yeah, you’re right. I just need some air.” I breathed, spun around and marched away from him, leaving him standing behind me.
I glanced around looking for Drew and spotted him talking with Janie in the corner. I nodded towards the door and he gave me a quick thumbs up, before turning back to his conversation. My legs were like jelly as they carried me across the room. I walked towards the corridor and slowly down it, until I reached the back door into the undercover smoking area. My eyes were downcast, and my heart was pounding rapidly in my chest, as I thought about what I would say to her. I really, really, wanted her gone, but I needed a minute before I could face her. As soon as I pushed my way through the door, I knew I’d made a mistake, because standing there, talking to Crystal Charmers, our support act, was Cara. Fuck, I thought to myself. I really need a fucking drink. What stupid fuck banned alcohol at rehearsal? Oh yeah that was me. I was a total fucking idiot, but then again, I never expected to come face to face with Cara on one of my tour rehearsals.
I’d wanted to track her down, but I’d convinced myself I wasn’t good enough for her, even though my grandma tried to convince me I was. Her and Kerr were the only two people I ever told about her. Although Ryder was my best friend, he had a big mouth and I knew I could trust Kerr to be discreet.
I moved across the space, ignoring both Crystal and Cara and stood holding onto the fence, breathing through my nose. After a few seconds, Crystal sidled up beside me and began talking, but she had no chance. None whatsoever, because I didn’t shit where I slept, which meant I didn’t sleep with anyone connected to the tour. Ever.
After a few minutes Yani, came over, gave me a brief smirk over her head and ushered her inside, leaving me alone with only Cara in the outside space. As the door closed at their retreating backs, I wanted them to come back because the silence was too loud. For a minute, the silence was filled with all the words unsaid. Then she moved towards me and I heard her heels click, clacking on the stone floor beneath her feet. She reached the fence and stopped beside me.
“Blake,” she muttered in a low uncertain voice, that sent a jolt of desire right through me, but I ignored her. I tightened my grip on the railing and stared out as the first raindrop fell on the ground ahead of me.
“Blake,” she whispered again and reached out to touch my hand, which set off a cacophony of alarms in my head, my heart flamed and began to beat faster. I pulled my hand out of her touch as though she was burning me, which she kind of was and turned towards her.
“I’m sorry, do I know you?” I asked her in my harshest voice, and she sucked in a deep breath. I watched as hurt, pain, sorrow and anguish shot across her face, but I wasn’t sorry, not really anyway. I wanted her gone. In fact, I needed her gone because having her show up in my life, showed me what a fuck up I was.
“No. I guess you don’t,” she answered in a low voice and I watched as she blinked back tears from her eyes.
Cara had always worn her heart on her sleeve and now was no different, but I couldn’t look at her anymore. It was like looking too long at the sun. It was beautiful, bright, and hurt your eyes, if you stared too long. I turned back to the fence and she stood watching me for a moment. I desperately wanted to turn around and tell her to fuck off, but I couldn’t be that cruel to her. A part of me wanted to turn around and find out everything about her.
What did she end up studying?
Where had she gone to school?
How she’d survived senior year?
Did she miss me as much as I missed her?
I made myself stand firm and after a moment, she took a deep breath and turned, walking away from me. I listened as her heels clicked against the stone, but then there was nothing, so I turned back to watch as she turned the handle of the door, but she just held it without opening it. When I’d seen her last, she was a girl, but she was all woman now. Her curves were perfect, her body was smoking hot in that red dress and with her hair over her neck like that... Fuck, seeing her neck exposed, did things to me. I remembered the night I tried desperately not to kiss her, but I shook it off and turned back to stare at the now, heavier rain drops. I was also listening for the sound of the door opening and her
going inside, when she marched back over to me.
“Blake…” she began.
I turned to her, with what I hoped was a deadly serious look on my face because people didn’t go off on me and from the tone of her voice, I knew that was exactly what was about to happen.
“Yes?” I hissed and watched as she chewed on her perfect pink lip.
Her eyes were popping in her understated makeup. She was even prettier than I ever remembered, but I couldn’t let myself get sucked in. I had a tour to run, responsibilities to my bandmates and our staff, I needed to get her to fuck right off, so I could concentrate.
“Why are you acting like this?”
Her low throaty words caught me off guard and I began to laugh at her. I watched as her eyes narrowed and a flush rose up from her neck to color her cheeks.
“Like what, darlin’?” I pushed. She stepped closer to me, invading my space. Alarm bells went off in my head because my body was responding to her. I breathed in and caught a taste of her sweet perfume in the air.
“Like you don’t even know me?” She challenged and I liked the fact she didn’t back down. Her fire turned me on. The fact she was calling me out on my bullshit, made my heart sing, but I couldn’t let her win. So, I stepped right into her space until we were chest to chest and stared down at her.
“Because I fucking don’t.” My words were spat at her and she pushed against my chest, breathing hard.
“Ugh, fine. Fine, Blake, have it your way. You don’t know me, but I’m gonna be working with you for the next two months...” she started, I smirked at her and then cut her off.
Nothing but The Sheets Page 20
