Because I think I’m ready for a change.
“What is going on with you?” Ford says, eyes narrowed.
“What do you mean?”
“The tight pants,” he says, nodding at the garment in question. “Inviting Julia to supper. That big goofy grin.”
“I’m not grinning.”
“You were when you walked in here. Last time I saw you do that was 2015. I like this look on you. The grin, not the pants. What are you trying to be, a stripper? Rollins, we should just put velcro in the seams so Grey can rip them off while doing pelvic thrusts.”
I shoot him a look in the mirror. “You’re an A-S-S.”
“I know what that spells,” Bryce says. “Candy.”
Ford presses a noisy kiss to her cheek. “You’re such a smarty pants.” He looks back up at me. “So c’mon, Patrick Swayze. Show us your moves.”
“Please,” I reply, biting back a smile. “You and I both know I’m more of a Chris Farley in that scenario.”
Rollins’ shoulders shake with repressed laughter as he pins my pants a little tighter. “Not in these pants you’re not. They will definitely split right open if you try to dance.”
“Maybe that’s what he’s going for,” Ford says, laughing.
“Go get you some, boy,” Rollins adds. “We all need to blow off a little steam now and again.”
We finish up by selecting a satin bow tie and cummerbund to match the lapels on my new tux. As I head outside with Ford and Bryce, I admit I’m a little nervous about how this new look will actually shake out.
What if I end up looking like, I don’t know, a member of One Direction or something? Harry Styles can rock skinny pants, but I am not in my twenties, nor am I a rockstar.
I’m also twice his size. What if I look like an overgrown Jonas Brother stuffed into a black satin sausage casing?
And does it even matter if Julia digs it?
I buckle Bryce into her car seat while Ford folds up the stroller and puts it in his trunk. Giving the baby one last kiss, I tell her I’ll see her tomorrow and leave the door open a crack so she’ll get some air.
I turn to see Ford standing on the sidewalk. Hands on his hips, eyes on my face.
“You’re more than just ‘in lust’ with Julia, aren’t you?” he says with a smile.
Crossing my arms, I let out a breath.
“I am. Yes.”
“Fucking finally! I’m happy for you. Honestly. But tell me, Shakespeare—what happened to being the drunk driver of love?”
“I still feel that way. I mean—I’m still scared of hurting her. Getting hurt. I’m very much aware that there’s more than just our feelings on the line here. I told Julia I would be an equal partner in this parenting thing, and I mean to keep that promise.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that,” Ford says. “But you are aware you’re going to have to make some big changes in your life to make that happen, right?”
“I’ll make it work. Always do.” I wave him away. “If I fuck up the romantic piece of this puzzle—really, any piece—I get how real the consequences would be for the baby. But as much as I want to be careful, I also want to put myself out there a little more. Julia—she’s so different from anyone I’ve been with, Ford. Even though she’s scared, too, she’s still taking chances, you know? She’s real. Totally fearless. And I find that really fucking inspiring.”
Ford’s got this gleam in his eyes now. Before I know what he’s doing he’s wrapping me in a bear hug, pounding me on the back.
“Damn that’s beautiful.”
“Thanks,” I say. “Although I will admit—that I’m not so confident about. Being able to open up, to let her in. In a meaningful, lasting way. I don’t know if I can trust myself. Or the universe. What if it comes back to bite me in the ass?”
Ford pulls away and looks me in the eye. “Worth it. You’ve got to see by now that you’re hurting people—yourself included—by holding back like you’ve been.”
“I do,” I say, nodding. “I see that now. Or I’m starting to, anyway.”
He claps me on the shoulder. “Deep down, I think you know you’re not the bad guy. You can trust yourself, Grey. You do it all the time in our work, and look where it’s gotten us.”
“I’ll try.”
He grins. “That’s all I ask.”
“I have a favor to ask you, actually.”
“Whatever you need.”
“Help me play defense for Julia tomorrow at supper? You know, if Mom and Dad are holding her hostage? It’s just been so long since either of us brought someone home, I’m worried they’ll go overboard.”
“I’d be happy to help. On one condition. As part of this new you”—he motions to me—“can you try to quit smoking, too? Get the gum or the patch or whatever. It’s long past time, Grey.”
I take a breath. Let it out. Ford holds my gaze all the while. A challenge.
“Deal,” I say.
On my way to my next meeting, I make a pit stop at a drugstore and buy a pack of nicotine patches. I even manage to refrain from buying a pack of cigarettes. Guess I’m committed.
Although I admit my heart falls as I read the instructions on the box.
This is going to suck. Hard.
But like I told Julia, some of the best things in life are the ones you have to work hardest for. And I’m willing to work my balls off for her and our baby. I also want to be alive to see that baby grow up.
So I slap a patch onto my arm. Growling the whole time.
It’s not a cigarette. But it gives me enough of a nicotine buzz to get through the rest of my day.
Chapter Nineteen
Julia
Greyson: Hey
Greyson: I know its late
Greyson: dinner took longer than expected. New investor who really likes what we’re doing..
Greyson: anyway I’m not asking you to come over because thatt feels too much like a booty call at 12am
Greyson: but I’m thinking about you
Greyson: I am little drunk and want a cigarette so bad but I’m tryin not to have one did I tell you im starting the patch
Greyson: I’d love to get you naked and fuck you twice
Greyson: and then tell you in person how much I like you
Greyson: and how you’re making me want to be different
Greyson: because you’re different in the best way
Greyson: so much yourself
Greyson: true real
Greyson: no bullshit
Greyson: and your ass in those yoga pants [peach emoji]
Greyson: my emoji use is strictly iconic
Greyson: ironic
Greyson: okay I’ll stop now because Im hard I need to take care of it this is is getting I’m sorry
Greyson: night Julia?.
* * *
On Sunday morning, I meet Eva, who’s in town again, Olivia, and Gracie at Tipsy Taco. It’s a low-key spot in the up-and-coming North Morrison area of Charleston that serves some of the best Mexican in town in a funky atmosphere.
Since it’s sunny and sorta-kinda warm, we grab a picnic table next to a pair of heaters on the enormous outdoor patio.
“Want a sip?” Olivia says, holding out her Bloody Maria (a bloody mary made with tequila instead of vodka) when she catches me eyeing it.
I manage a tight grin. “I’m good, thanks. Just order a second one and drink it for me. Hell, have the bartender make it a double so you can really taste the tequila. I love it when a cocktail puts some hair on your chest.”
“Still missing your liquor?” Eva asks with a smile.
“You have no idea,” I reply, picking up my menu. “Although, I have to admit it felt really nice waking up this morning fresh as a daisy. I miss drinking, but I don’t miss the hangovers.”
I don’t mention that masturbating to Greyson’s adorable drunk texts contributed to this morning’s freshness. When I woke up to eighteen texts from him, I thought for sure someone either died and/or Luke Rodger
s’ barn burned down.
It was a pleasant surprise to find a sweet little confessional instead. I was flattered—and turned on—by the fact that he was thinking about me. And I’m happy for him that he’s trying to quit smoking. Personally, I was always more of a social smoker than anything. Every once in a while I’ll crave a cigarette. But it’s one of the few things I’m glad I had to go cold turkey on once I found out I was pregnant.
Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to think we’re both trying to clean up our acts for Charlie Brown.
Greyson really is trying.
“Feeling better, then?” Gracie asks.
“Much. I’m turning that corner into my second trimester, and I can definitely tell the difference. I’m starting to have more good days than bad—nausea isn’t as constant, and the fatigue isn’t nearly as crushing as it’s been.”
Eva eyes me over her menu. “Well, you look great.”
“Yeah,” Olivia says. “You look happy.”
“Thanks. I’m finally starting to feel like myself again, which I’m super grateful for. I will never, ever take for granted having the energy to get through the day without wanting to die and/or cry. Feeling good is a gift.”
Gracie arches a brow. “Anyone in particular helping you feel that good?”
“Hey,” I shoot back, grinning for real now. “I am perfectly capable of feeling myself on my own, thank you very much.”
“I know. But having someone who participates in you feeling yourself is icing on the cake.”
“Before we get into feeling ourselves while feeling up other people, can we talk baby business for a minute?” Olivia pulls a notebook out of her bag and uncaps a felt-tip pen. “I know it’s early. But I want to make sure we’re fully prepared for baby Lassiter-Montgomery’s arrival when the day comes.”
My grin broadens into a smile, even as I feel a familiar lump forming in my throat. I was just saying how I can finally make it through the day without crying. But I wasn’t counting happy tears in that tally.
“Y’all are too sweet. You don’t have to do anything, really.”
“Of course we do,” Eva says, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze. “We’re your village, and we take that duty seriously. I’m going to be the best auntie ever.”
“No way,” Gracie says. “I’m going to be the favorite aunt. I already know what he or she will call me. ‘Auntie GiGi.’”
Olivia laughs. “That’s ridiculous, and I love it. Can I be Big O? I feel like she’ll really appreciate the pun when she gets older.”
“Considering your profession, I think it’s perfect,” I reply.
“Eli says it’s a little too on the nose, but whatever.” Olivia looks down at her notebook.
“Wedding coming along?” I ask.
She nods. “We’re ready. I think.”
“Excited?” Eva asks.
“We are, yeah,” Olivia replies with a smile. “Honestly, I’m just excited to spend the rest of my life with Elijah. As cheesy as that sounds.”
“Doesn’t sound cheesy. Sounds delightful. Even though he is my brother, and he can be a huge pain in the ass,” Gracie says.
Olivia laughs. “So back to baby business. Eva’s volunteered to put together a meal schedule.”
“Meals? For what?”
“For when the baby arrives,” Eva says, like it’s the most obvious thing ever. “I made a Google doc where people can sign up to bring you dinner the first few weeks after you give birth. Fair warning, I already took half the slots, so…yeah. Hope you like smoked meat.”
“Meat’s my favorite,” I say with a sly grin.
She wags her brows. “Yeah it is.”
Our waitress drops off the chips and queso we ordered earlier. The four of us attack it like it’s the first food we’ve seen in weeks.
“I figure instead of meals I’ll provide however many gallons of coffee you need to get through the day, plus all the sweet snacks you can handle,” Gracie says as she pops a chip into her mouth.
I blink hard, grateful for the distraction of trying to get as much queso on my chip as possible without breaking it in half.
“Thank you guys. Really.”
“And Gracie is heading up the shower, although we would all like to help host it,” Olivia says.
“I’m thinking we could do it at Holy City Roasters,” Gracie replies, beaming. “Maybe in May before it gets too hot? We could have it out on the patio. Eli’s already volunteered to cater it, and of course I’ll provide the beverages and dessert. I just hope we’ll have enough room. Between you and Greyson, y’all know half this city.”
My vision’s gone blurry. I can hardly breathe around the swelling in my throat. My friends’ excitement about this baby is palpable. Infectious. And their generosity and dedication and kindness is downright overwhelming.
I guess I wasn’t expecting it because I haven’t been feeling especially excited about this whole baby thing myself. I’ve been too sick, too depressed to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
But now I am feeling twinges of excitement. I can just glimpse that light.
It’s kind of…lovely.
Crushingly lovely.
I’ve never dreamed about my wedding. I didn’t have a vision for how many kids I’d have or the family I’d create. I’ve been to dozens of bridal and baby showers, and while I don’t hate them, I definitely never wondered when it would be my turn.
But now it is my turn. And I’m realizing that it isn’t about the presents or the parties. It’s about celebrating a milestone with the people you love. The people who love and support you.
There is so much love at this table right now my heart is bursting.
“Let’s also pick a date to put together your registry,” Olivia is saying, turning a page in her notebook. “I’ve asked some of my friends who have young kids for their input, and they gave me some great suggestions. Figured we could use those as a good jumping off point. How do you guys feel about a field trip to Hello Baby? There’s one out in West Ashley. Oh! And are you going to find out the gender?”
“You know,” I say, squeezing my eyes shut. “I haven’t actually thought about that.”
“Wait, Julia…Julia, are you okay?”
I am crying. All of a sudden.
Hard.
Snotty, sobby, happy crying.
“I love y’all so much,” I say. “Seriously, I’m overwhelmed, and I know I’m always crying when we’re together, but I was not expecting all this.”
“What?” Gracie hands me an extra napkin. “You really think we’d let you have dickhead Greyson Montgomery’s baby on your own?”
“He is a dickhead,” I say, wiping my nose. “He’s also really great and has a really nice penis.”
Olivia laughs. “Wow. I wasn’t expecting to hear that. Although I had a feeling something was going on between you guys. Something more than just sex, anyway.”
“Really?” I sniffle.
“Yeah. For all his growliness and general abrasiveness, Greyson’s actually been pretty great to Elijah over the years. He was one of Eli’s first investors. This was before people knew who Elijah Jackson was—before The Pearl was even open. But Greyson took a real risk and believed in this chef nobody had really heard of. In fact, it was when Greyson backed Eli that things really started to turn around for him. The Montgomery Partners name has real weight behind it in this town—people trust Greyson and Ford, and when they put their money behind something, people take notice. When The Jam closed”—this was Eli’s second restaurant, which never did well despite the success of The Pearl, his first restaurant—“Greyson still stuck by Eli, even though he could’ve easily tucked tail and run. He did a hard thing, a good thing, without having to. He’s a stand-up guy, Julia. And because you’re you, and you take no crap, and you see through people’s bullshit, I knew you’d eventually discover that about him.”
Because my heart wasn’t swollen enough.
It feels enormous now. Fillin
g my entire chest cavity, squeezing my lungs so that it’s difficult to breathe.
“This is not how I pictured my life ending up,” I say. “That I’d be thirty-four and single and knocked up by a guy like Greyson Montgomery. I’m still struggling to come to terms with how off-course it is from where I thought my story would be. But the further along I get in my pregnancy, the better I feel, physically and mentally, and the more I get to know Greyson…I mean, it doesn’t seem half bad. Sometimes it actually seems pretty damn great. Which I was not expecting. At all.”
Olivia grins. “Trust me. I know all about your story taking a hard left when all your life you’ve been making carefully timed rights.”
“Yes!” I say, reaching for the chips. “I liked the path I was on. I liked my life just fine. And then this happened.”
“Who’s to say you won’t like this new path just as much? I never thought I’d end up with my brother’s best friend,” Gracie adds. “I didn’t think Luke was really my type, and I definitely didn’t think he’d ever be into me. So even though I had this, like, raging crush on him, I never in a million years thought we’d end up together.”
Eva smiles. “And now y’all are so damn cute together it’s kind of disgusting. I mean that in the best way.”
“Thanks,” Gracie says, grinning. “But yeah. Looking back on it, I was glad I got pushed off course. I’m glad I didn’t get what I thought I wanted, because it didn’t make me very happy. But what I ended up getting with Luke? That does make me happy. In ways I never could’ve imagined.”
Olivia nods. “Exactly. Sometimes the best thing that can happen to us is not getting what we want. Because there’s something better in store for us. Something we don’t see coming.”
“Something that will actually fulfill us,” I say. “You really think I can be happy with Grey?”
Eva’s lips twitch. “You’re calling him Grey now? Sounds serious.”
My body warms at the memory at the gravel in his voice when he said I like it when you call me Grey.
I felt more alive in his bed than I have in months. Alive and sexy and light.
“It feels serious,” I admit. “I spent the night at his place on Friday. I was telling him how much I wish I could tell my parents about the baby. And he invited me to his parents’ to tell them. I’m going over there for dinner tonight.”
Southern Gentleman: A Charleston Heat Novel Page 15
