by Ella Price
“Come with me,” Charlotte said, smiling. I followed her, leading the girl with me to a secluded corner. “I am sure Cornelius told you where you can and cannot bite?”
I nodded. “The last time I fed.”
She waved her hand. “Then go ahead,” she said, and smiled.
I looked at her hesitantly. “You will stop me?”
“Of course. I would never let you do anything stupid. Do you have any idea how angry Cornelius would be?”
She was right. Cornelius would be furious if she let me go too far.
I leaned into the girl and bit her. Her hot blood filled my mouth, and I moaned.
The hunger hit me full force; it was almost blinding. I closed my eyes as I drank greedily. My body hummed with pleasure and strength. I was beginning to enjoy the feeling that feeding gave me. It was almost like a drug.
The blood suddenly quit flowing as well as it had been, and my eyes flew open. Panic filled me as I released the girl. She fell to the floor, landing with a thud. Her eyes were open, but they were blank. Her chest wasn’t moving. The feeling of fear and panic overwhelmed me. I looked up at Charlotte, terrified.
She couldn’t hide the smug smile on her face. “Congratulations, baby vampire, you’re a killer,” she chimed.
I backed away from her, panicked. I wanted to scream in horror, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t think. My eyes went to the girl again, and I felt like I was going to vomit. I turned and ran through the front door, deciding I wasn’t going to make it to my bedroom. I landed on my knees in the grass and vomited. Red blood covered the grass in front of me, and the horror of everything made me vomit again. “No! No! No!” I cried, holding my head as I remembered the girl’s eyes. The image was permanently burned into my vision. They were so empty. I’d killed her.
“Lillian.” Cornelius’s voice was tight with worry as he came down the steps toward me.
I stumbled away from him. “Leave me alone!” I screamed in anger and panic. He’d said I could handle it. He’d said I would be fine, and I wasn’t. Now the girl was dead, and it was all my fault.
“Lillian, this is not your fault. Charlotte should have…” He started raising his hands, like he was trying to show me he was trying to help.
“You should have been there! You should have helped me! Now she’s dead because of me!” I screamed in agony and collapsed to my knees. I couldn’t handle it. It hurt too much. I felt sick; I hated what I was. To make matters worse, I’d liked it when it was happening. I liked killing her. I was the monster I feared.
“Lillian, you have to understand,” he said softly as he touched me.
I recoiled from his touch like he burned me. “Don’t touch me! I don’t understand! You said you would help me! Why didn’t you stop me?”
He looked at me. He looked as lost and hurt as I felt. “I never meant for this to happen.”
I climbed to my feet and stumbled toward the woods. I didn’t know where I was going, but I was leaving. I wanted to run. He blocked my path, and I glared at him. “Get out of my way!” I yelled. I started hitting his chest with my fists, but it was useless. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I collapsed into his arms. He kissed my head, lifted me, and carried me back into the house.
“Is everything okay?” a male vampire asked as he approached.
“Tell Charlotte I’d better not find her, and get rid of the girl’s body,” Cornelius ordered.
The vampire nodded and hurried away. I felt my chest tighten at Cornelius’s words. He didn’t even know her name, and neither did I. The more I thought about it, the worse I felt.
Cornelius passed my room and walked to his. He set me on the bed and walked into the bathroom. A full length mirror across from me showed my reflection. Blood covered my face and clothes. I looked like a monster. I stifled a cry and slid to the floor. I wrapped my arms around my knees and cried. I felt so helpless and guilty.
“Lillian, please don’t do this to yourself,” Cornelius whispered, as he pulled me to my feet. He cupped my face and pressed his forehead to mine. His embrace didn’t make me feel any better.
“I killed her,” I said in a small voice. I could barely hear myself. He looked worried as he looked into my eyes. He pressed his mouth to mine, and I pulled away. “I’m a monster,” I whispered.
“No, you are not. You are a smart, beautiful, caring woman who made a mistake,” he growled, forcing me to look at him. I looked away, but didn’t argue. He led me into the bathroom and started stripping my dress off. Once I was completely naked, he pushed me into the shower. “Wash. I will be back to check on you,” he said softly before closing the glass door and leaving me alone.
Blood and water ran down the drain, and a renewed sense of horror filled me. I started washing my face and hands. I wanted the blood off me. I wanted this to be some horrible dream that was going to end soon. I never killed humans, not even as a hunter. Humans were off-limits, powerless against us. I slid to the floor and buried my face in my knees. The sound of the water hitting my back was all I heard, other than Charlotte’s chanting voice: “Congratulations, baby vampire, you’re a killer.”
***
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed. I didn’t move from the position I was in. The water turned cold, but I didn’t care. It was far less painful then the memory of the girl’s lifeless eyes.
The glass door suddenly opened. Cornelius cussed and turned the water off. “You are freezing,” he said softly, as he wrapped a towel around me and picked me up out of the shower. I let him carry me to the bed. He dried me off and covered me up. He climbed in the bed next to me and wrapped his arms around me. “This was not your fault,” he whispered against my ear. The normal pleasure I got from his touch was no longer there. I felt numb and sick.
“What was her name?” I asked softly. I felt like I was going to cry, but there were no tears. I was beginning to think I’d cried them all out.
“Knowing that will do nothing but make it hurt more,” he said firmly.
“I want to know,” I said quietly.
He sighed, relenting. “Her name was Frances. She knew the risks of her lifestyle, and she still participated willingly.”
I didn’t reply. I had nothing to say. I doubted she’d expected me to kill her. He didn’t understand; he was used to killing humans. It had been so long since he was human, he forgot what it was like to feel.
***
“Lillian, you have to feed,” Cornelius’s soft voice cooed as he nuzzled my ear.
The thought of blood made me sick. “No,” I said quietly, pulling away from his touch.
“It has been two days. I will get you a bag,” he said firmly, and stood.
I heard the door open and shut. I didn’t care if he brought the bag or not. I wasn’t going to drink blood. I would rather die. The only problem with dying was that I would kill Cornelius as well. That thought did not sit well with me. I was angry with him, but I didn’t want him dead. Part of me loved him. I sat up suddenly when I remembered the witch. Aubrey had said the witch could break the link between Cornelius and me. If she broke the link between us, I would be able to kill myself without hurting him.
I slipped my shoes on and found the stake I had hidden away in case I ever needed it. I would need it tonight. I hurried from the room before Cornelius returned. I went out the same window Luca and I had used earlier, and I ran for the woods. I made it to the road and followed it into town. I made it downtown in record time, thanks to my new found speed. Cornelius still hadn’t showed up to stop me; I was hoping he wouldn’t.
I walked down the sidewalk, passing people. The scent of blood was revolting now. I could still feel the hunger, but I had no urge to feed it.
I walked to Aubrey’s club and stepped inside. Aubrey, Luca, Colin, and Justin were sitting at the bar. They stood when they saw me.
“Lillian, what are you doing here?” Aubrey asked, looking worried.
“I want to talk to the witch you said could break my link with C
ornelius,” I said softly, glancing at the others as they approached.
Aubrey reached out to touch me, and I pulled away. “What has he done to you?” Aubrey asked angrily.
I shook my head. “He didn’t do anything,” I snapped, glaring at him. I tried to relax so he didn’t ask too many questions.
“Lillian, you look like you haven’t fed in a couple days,” Colin said, sounding worried.
“I haven’t. Aubrey, can I talk to you in private?” I asked softly.
He nodded and guided me toward a back office. He shut the door and came to me. He pressed his lips to mine, and I pulled away. I didn’t want to feel anything for him. “Please tell me what is wrong,” he begged. “You seemed okay the other day.” I could hear the worry in his voice, and it made my heart ache.
“I am not strong enough for this life, Aubrey. I want to die, but I don’t want to hurt Cornelius,” I said quietly.
He stepped back, appalled. “I can’t let you kill yourself. Why would you want to do that?”
“I don’t expect you to understand. I am just asking for your help. If you ever cared about me, please help me,” I pleaded, hoping he wouldn’t continue to question me.
He ran his hand through his hair. I could tell I was stressing him out. I didn’t expect this to be easy, but if anyone was going to help me it would be him. “Lillian I can’t. You…”
“I am a monster. I am not the same girl you fell in love with. You said it yourself.”
He watched me for a minute longer, then he looked away. “If you are sure, I will help you.”
I hugged him, relieved. It was the first time in days I’d felt anything other than sadness and guilt.
“Come on,” he said pulling away. “It is only a little after eight. She should still be at her shop.”
I followed him out of the office. The others gave him questioning looks, but he shook his head. I followed him out of the bar. He led me down the alley, and onto the street. He didn’t speak as he walked. He looked like he was contemplating what he was doing. I could only hope he didn’t change his mind before we got there.
He stopped in front of a small shop. It looked like an antique or natural remedy shop. He turned and looked at me. “You have to tell me why you want this,” he said, finally speaking.
I looked away. “I killed someone. I am the monster I was afraid of becoming, and I am not strong enough to bear it, like you or Cornelius. I cannot just accept it and keep going.”
“I am sure it was an accident. Cornelius…” he started, but I raised my hand, cutting him off.
“Cornelius has already said everything that can be said. I don’t want this life. It isn’t what I signed up for,” I said firmly.
“Things change. You are new to all this. Your feelings will change,” he pleaded.
“I don’t want them to. I want to feel this. I want to hate myself for taking an innocent life. I don’t want to be the thing I hunted, the thing that killed my family without even blinking an eye,” I said angrily.
“What about your friends? What about me?” he asked, sounding desperate.
I shook my head. I’d known this was coming, and I didn’t want to handle it. “I love you, I really do, but I am not what you want anymore. I can see that, and I don’t blame you. The others don’t look at me the same way, either.”
He pressed his lips together. I could see he was trying to find a reason, any reason, to stop me. “What about Cornelius?”
“What about him?” I asked tiredly.
“Do you love him? Does he give you enough of a reason to live?” he asked, sounding slightly cold.
I looked at him for a minute. The truth was that I didn’t know what I felt for Cornelius. I knew I was a lot like him in many ways. I no longer blamed him for his retaliation against my family. I would have done the same thing, if I were him. “I don’t know. Can we just go in?” I asked.
He nodded and pushed the door open. I followed him through the store. The woman that had accompanied him to Cornelius’s house stood behind a counter. She set a book down and looked from him to me. “Has the girl changed her mind?” she asked softly. She had a hint of an accent, like she was not born in America. She sounded like she came from Europe, maybe.
“I have,” I said, before Aubrey could speak.
The woman gave Aubrey a questioning look. “Please just undo the link, Maude,” he said softly.
She nodded. “Come this way,” she said softly.
I started to follow her, but hesitated when Aubrey didn’t follow. “Go, I will see you when you are done,” he said, and smiled reassuringly.
I nodded and continued following Maude to the back of the store. She walked down a set of stairs, and I followed. The place was a little creepy, and it smelled of dried herbs and incense. It wasn’t a place I would go, unless I absolutely needed something.
Once we reached the basement Maude indicated a circle on the floor. “Go stand in the center,” she ordered.
I walked to the circle and stood as she directed. I didn’t know much about witches or witchcraft. Growing up, I’d been around a couple, but I hadn’t learned much about them.
She stood in front of me and closed her eyes. She started chanting, and I felt my body stiffen. I gasped in surprise when I felt a sudden pull. She continued to chant, then suddenly stopped. I had a sudden sense of loneliness and coldness. The warm protective layer that was Cornelius was suddenly gone. I felt the hunger hit me hard. Maude raised her eyebrows in warning, as if she knew what I was thinking.
“Thank you,” I said quietly, before hurrying up the stairs. I hesitated at the top. I considered going out the front, where Aubrey was, but the thought of seeing him was too much to handle. I went the opposite direction and found a back door. I slipped out into the night. I knew exactly where I was going.
***
I stepped out of the woods, and looked at the remnants of the house. It had burned over eight years ago. Sometimes it still felt like yesterday. My uncle owned the land, and he’d never rebuilt. I was sure it wasn’t a good memory for him. I could imagine the guilt of betraying his own family was overwhelming.
I walked up onto the platform of the house. It was cracked and overgrown with weeds. I remembered where each room was as I looked around. The moon was directly overhead. It was a beautiful night.
I saw something glint in the moonlight. I walked over to the area and knelt down. I brushed the dirt aside and hesitated. It was a necklace, my mother’s necklace.
I fought tears as I retrieved the necklace and brushed the dirt off it. She had been wearing it the night she died. I put the necklace on, and closed my eyes. This was it; this was where I wanted to die. I wanted to be with my family. I pressed the stake to my chest, and braced for the pain I would feel next. I only hoped it would be over quickly.
Lillian Rayne Book 2 is now available on Amazon. For updates on this and other series follow me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ellaprice.ella
