by Iona Rose
Sebastian steps to the curb and puts his hand out when a cab comes into sight. It pulls up to the curb and he opens the back door.
“Thank you,” I say.
“Any time,” he winks.
I don’t think he’s talking about the cab. I’m not and hope he isn’t either. I give him a quick kiss on the cheek and get into the cab. I tell the driver where I’m going and I watch in through the back window as Sebastian gets smaller as we drive away. It takes everything I have not to tell the cab driver to turn around.
Chapter Eleven
Sebastian
Fuck. What the hell have I done? I hate Kimberley and yet I’ve just fucked her. And the worst thing about it all was that it was good. She was good. It felt right, like I’ve just been waiting for her to come back into my life so I could claim her as my own once more. But I can’t let that happen. I can’t let myself feel the feelings that are swirling around inside of me. I have to focus on the pain she caused, the hatred of her that I have held onto for so long. But God was she good.
I run my hands over my face as her cab pulls out of sight. I pull my hands away quickly. I can still smell her pussy on my fingers. It’s not just my fingers. Her scent lingers over my whole body like she has marked me as part of her territory. Well not this time. This time, I’m going to be the one calling the shots. And that is not going to happen again.
We’re adults now with separate lives and I know Kimberley knows as well as I do that what just happened is a one off thing.
I put my hand out again when another cab appears. I get in and open my mouth to give the driver my address, but instead, I hear myself giving him Matt’s address. I don’t correct myself.
I pay the cab driver and enter Matt’s building. I go to his apartment with no idea of why I’m going there or what I’m hoping to achieve by dropping in on him at this time. I reach out and open his door anyway.
Matt is sitting on the couch, but he’s not alone. Callie is straddling him, kissing him. His hands roam up and down her back. She hears me entering and she jumps off Matt.
Shit. Bad timing.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
I turn to leave but Matt stops me.
“Seb wait. What’s up?” he says.
I turn back slowly.
“Who said anything was up?”
Matt raises an eyebrow.
“You burst in here at the worst times and normally you’re only too quick to tease me and outstay your welcome. But you apologised and went to leave. Something is wrong. Tell me what it is.”
I sigh loudly and move closer to Matt and Callie. I flop down on the couch opposite them.
“I had sex with Kimberley,” I say.
“Really? That’s what you came to tell us? Bravo Sebastian, you got laid,” Callie says. “So what’s new?”
“Oh you didn’t,” Matt says.
I nod.
“Can someone please tell me why this news,” Callie says.
“Remember when I told you Sebastian is the way he is because he got his heart broken?” Matt says.
I sit up straight and frown.
“I didn’t get my heart broken, and what exactly do you mean by the way he is?” I say.
Matt laughs and ignores me.
“Kimberley is the girl who broke his heart,” he finishes.
Callie looks at me in surprise.
“She didn’t break my heart. I’m the way I am because of my natural charm,” I insist.
One look at her face tells me she isn’t buying it one bit.
“Ok, fine. She broke my heart. But I was just a kid then,” I say.
Callie smiles at me sympathetically.
“Getting your heart broken is the worst feeling in the world isn’t it?” she says.
I nod cautiously, not sure where she’s going with this. I remind myself she’s not Matt and she’s not going to make some cheap shot to enjoy my misery.
“I don’t get why you’re so upset though. I mean you’re both older now. Surely having sex with a girl you clearly have feelings for is a good thing right?” she says.
“I don’t have feelings for Kimberley,” I say. “Well except hatred and resentment.”
“Right,” Callie smiles. “I get it now. Having sex with her sure showed her.”
I groan and bury my face in my hands, ignoring the lingering scent of Kimberley on my fingers.
“So here’s the thing,” I say, focusing on Callie rather than Matt. “She told me she misses me. I’ve waited so long to hear those words. To be able to rub them in her face and laugh at her for throwing me away like fucking trash. To tell her it’s my turn to break her heart and walk away from her.”
“Only now you can’t because of the merger?” Callie says.
I could just agree with her. Make out I’ve come here for a pep talk off Matt about not blowing the deal. The way she’s looking at me though, like she actually cares, tells me she deserves more than a lie.
“Only I couldn’t because it’s not fucking true. It took everything I had not to tell her I missed her too. I didn’t know I felt that way until she said it, and then it hit me like a fucking hurricane. It’s been four years and I still miss her. How pathetic is that?”
“Pretty pathetic,” Matt says with a laugh.
Callie elbows him and shakes her head.
“It’s not pathetic at all Sebastian. We can’t help who we fall for.”
“Clearly,” I smirk, looking at Matt. “Or you wouldn’t even be here.”
I wait for a dig back from Matt and when one doesn’t come, I risk looking at him, risk the amusement being written all over his face. It isn’t there. Instead, he looks concerned.
“You know what? I’m going to go make some coffee,” he says.
He walks over to the kitchen area of his apartment.
“I always knew you were still hung up on Kimberley,” he says as he puts the coffee on. “But I guess I thought seeing her again would make you realise it was a thing of the past and allow you to move on.”
“That’s exactly what I would have thought would happen too. But I don’t know. Even after all this time, she just has this effect on me. Like I’m different when I’m with her. I turn into a horrible, snarky dick head. But if I let myself get past that, I’m happier when I’m with her than at literally any other time.”
I groan loudly.
“I’ve done it again haven’t I? I’ve let her get under my skin.”
Callie gives me a sympathetic look.
“Maybe she feels the same. She did say she’d missed you,” she says.
“No,” I say. “Kimberley isn’t the settling down type. She’s married to the job. She might have missed the sex, maybe even the laughs we had, and for a moment, she let herself believe she had missed us. But deep down, she knows she’s not up for any more than a one night stand.”
“I don’t mean to be rude, but she doesn’t sound like a very nice person,” Callie says.
Matt laughs.
“She’s actually very sweet. You’d like her. She’s ambitious, but she’s not the kind to go around leading men on and then breaking their hearts,” he says.
He comes back over with three steaming mugs of coffee which he places on the table between us. I pick a mug up and sip it as Callie shakes her head.
“It sure sounds like that’s what she’s done to Sebastian,” she says.
“It’s not like that,” I say. “I haven’t exactly given her any reason to believe I had feelings for her. In fact, I’ve gone out of my way to be a massive dick to her. I just can’t seem to help myself. I have two modes round Kimberley. Lap dog or guard dog. So yeah, she has no reason to think I was interested in anything other than a quick fuck for old times’ sake.”
“So what happens now? Are you going to tell her how you feel?” Callie asks me.
“Nothing happens now. I go back to my life and she goes back to hers. And no, I’m not going to tell her I missed her, bec
ause what’s the point? What happened between us happened and now it’s over and done with. And that’s that.”
“So you’re going to go back to being a dick with her and blow this whole merger?” Matt says.
“Do you have to make this about work? Can’t you see your brother’s upset,” Callie says.
“It is about work,” I say gently. “And that’s all it can ever be about. I’m not upset, not really. It’s just the wine talking. I should have stuck to bourbon.”
Callie doesn’t look convinced and I turn to Matt before she can say anything else.
“And in answer to your question, no I’m not. I’m going to be professional and so is she,” I say.
“Look if it’s going to be a problem for you, I can talk to Joe and have him send Kimberley back to her old office a bit quicker than expected. I’ll come up with something,” Matt says.
I shake my head quickly.
“No. Don’t do that. She’ll know it’s got something to do with me. Really, I’m fine. I’ve had some sort of epiphany moment or whatever you want to call it. I’ve finally let myself accept I missed Kimberley and yeah, I guess that’s why I have commitment issues. And now I have to finally let her go. And I think I can do that much easier if I just stay out of her life rather than arrange her career for her.”
“Ok, whatever,” Matt says. “But …”
“Yeah yeah I know. Don’t let it get in the way of work and all that,” I say.
“Actually, I was going to say if you change your mind, let me know,” he says.
I stand up.
“Thanks bro, but I won’t. And I think I’ve taken up enough of your time now. Callie, I’m sorry for barging in here and interrupting your fun.”
“It’s fine,” she smiles.
“Yeah well I don’t want to be the only one getting laid tonight,” I say to her with a wink as I leave the apartment.
I can be professional. I can. I’ve missed Kimberley for four years. What’s another few months until this is all done and the dust settles and Kimberley goes back to her life?
Chapter Twelve
Sebastian
I must admit I feel pretty damned pleased with myself as I head back along the hallway to my office. I’ve just come from Matt’s office where myself, Matt, Chance, Joe, Gary and both our solicitor and Benton’s solicitor all signed the paperwork to agree to the merger deal. I don’t want to sound big headed, but I know how much work I put into this, and I know it’s more my deal than anyone else’s. Chance even admitted as much after the others had gone when he poured out three glasses of bourbon and toasted to me. Matt drank to me as well, and I although I then felt obliged to return the gesture, it was clear that my brothers were proud of the way I’d handled the talks.
Joe informed us he will be sticking around for a while, around two or three months he reckons, to get his offices set up and his staff settled in smoothly. Once he leaves, he will leave behind some of his key players to oversee the day to day running of it all as well as the administration staff needed to work on our mutual projects. It’s pretty much how we expected it to work, and when Joe asked if we had any objections or questions, no one did.
Actually that’s not true. I did. I had a huge question. But I didn’t ask it. My question was simple. Would Kimberley be one of the key players who stayed behind? I didn’t ask it for two reasons. Firstly, I was afraid of the answer. A yes would be bad; there would be the constant risk of me running into her. A no would be just as bad; it would mean there was no chance I would ever bump into her.
See why I didn’t ask? It sounds nuts doesn’t it?
The other reason was that I wasn’t convinced I could ask the question casually. While Joe seemed to find the perceived attraction between Kimberley and I cute, my brothers would have never let me live it down if I’d asked about her in a meeting in any context other than a financial one.
Still though, I’m not going to let Kimberley ruin this moment for me. It’s what we’ve all been working towards for months and the last few weeks have been particularly intense and now it’s all paid off.
All in all, I’ve had a pretty good long weekend. On Friday I had a nice meal in good company and finally got some closure with Kimberley. I spent the weekend thinking about what I said to Matt and Callie. That I missed her too. And I’ve accepted that was true, and now I know I can move on. I can finally let Kimberley go and move on with my life without her in my head constantly. And then the merger being completed today. How’s that for the perfect ending to a good weekend and the perfect start to the new week?
This set up is going to mean a lot of work ironing out the teething problems, but that doesn’t worry me. I like to be kept busy, and this is a good step forward for us. Bring it on I say.
I’m almost back at my office when I hear my name being called. I turn to find Matt behind me.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he demands.
He looks pretty pissed considering he should be ecstatic.
“My office,” I say. “Why? Where’s the fire?”
His face breaks into a grin.
“Screw that. Dad just called. He’s taking me, you and Chance for drinks to celebrate. He says it’s to celebrate the merger. I think it’s to celebrate us pulling this off without killing each other,” Matt laughs. “Come on. We can start the hard slog tomorrow.”
“Sounds good. Let me just go and grab my stuff,” I say. “I’ll meet you in the lobby in five.”
The day only got better after that. Dad was in good form, regaling us with tales of his younger days when he first started out in business and congratulating us over and over again. He told us all how proud he was of us too. We didn’t stay out too late; Matt wasn’t kidding when he said the hard slog will start tomorrow, and I don’t think any of us wanted to face that with a hangover.
I am home by nine. I go through to my bedroom to change, but in the end, I decide to sit in bed and answer emails. There’s no harm in getting a head start on tomorrow’s stuff and it’s not like I have anything better to do. I’d only veg out and watch a movie. I’ve been sitting here answering various messages for about half an hour when my phone rings. I pick it up.
My stomach flips when I see Kimberley’s name on the screen. I sit staring at her name, the phone vibrating in my hand. Should I take her call? What if she’s telling me she’s leaving? What if she’s telling me she’s staying?
I ignore the call, letting it go to voicemail. At least then I’ll have an idea of what she wants before I have to talk to her. I can prepare myself and have my answers ready so she can’t catch me off guard and leave me a stuttering wreck.
The phone stops ringing, but she doesn’t leave a message. I put it back down, now more curious than ever about what she wanted that she didn’t feel she could leave on my voicemail. I push the thoughts away and go back to my laptop. It’s much harder to concentrate now, but I force myself to focus on what I’m doing. Until my phone pings again, this time signalling that I have a text message. It’s a relief in a way. I can answer a text message much easier than a call. I can think about exactly what I want to say and rewrite it as many times as I need to so I can get it just right. Jeez it’s like I’m that awkward high school kid again. This has to stop. And it will. Right after I deal with this message.
I pick my phone back up and read the message:
“Can we meet up?”
Well that’s not what I was expecting. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I know it wasn’t that. I want so badly to reply saying yes. I could ask her to come over now. I’ve got some wine in the fridge and we could just relax and chat a bit.
I know I can’t do that though. Being with Kimberley changes me and makes me crazy. I’d be more likely to invite her over and act like a total dick and berate her until she left, angry with me.
Yeah, it’s fair to say I would only end up doing or saying something stupid. It’s better that we just leave things like we did. That was a nice goodby
e. I debate ignoring the text, but then she’ll just assume that I haven’t gotten it yet and keep trying. What can I send back that’s not a cold, outright rejection but still gets the message across?
I think for a moment and then type out a reply.
“No need. Take whichever office you want.”
I look at it for a moment, trying to work out if the jokey tone comes across or if it sounds cold. I decide it sounds cold and I add a smiley face to the end of it. I don’t know if that really makes it any better, but it’s the best I’ve got in me right now and I hit send before I can change my mind.
I wait for a reply, my laptop still open on my knee but now ignored. I’m no longer even pretending I can concentrate on replying to my work messages. I wait and wait and after half an hour has passed, I start to relax. She’s not going to push for more.
Unless … No, she wouldn’t just come over unannounced. She would have no idea whether I was even in. I decide straight away that if my buzzer goes, I’m not answering the door. Then she’ll think I’m out and that’s why I’ve blew her off.
I spend the next half an hour with my palms sweating and my heart racing, just waiting for the bell to ring. Once half an hour has passed with no bell ringing, I begin to relax again. I’ve blown it out of all proportion. Kimberley isn’t some crazy stalker type who is just going to turn up at my door unannounced. She’s far too cool and in control of herself for that.
I switch off my laptop and decide to get an early night. I’m done over thinking everything. I reach out and put my laptop on the ground beside my bed and then I turn the lamp off. I’m so fucking sick of this. Kimberley is affecting my every waking thought and now I’ve got her out of my system, I need to get her out of my head, out of my life. I decide it will be a good thing if she is leaving.
