by Shayla Black
Beck nodded. “We’re damn lucky he’s held on this long. That tells me how tenacious he is.”
“How long does he have?”
“Minutes…if we’re lucky.”
“Oh, fuck.” Seth raked a hand through his blond hair. “She’ll be devastated.”
“Utterly. And since she’s not talking to me right now, you’ll have to pick up the pieces.”
“But she’ll need us both. You’ve got to fix things with her, man. And that massive slab of guilt Abel just laid on us—”
“Doesn’t help anyone. She’s going to need anchors once he’s gone, so I’m not letting Heavenly explore the world alone.”
“Fuck no. I uprooted my entire life for her. I’m not letting her leave now.”
Beck understood. He’d erased all his usual subs and booty calls from his phone weeks ago. “Then we’ll have to figure out how to give her freedom while keeping her close.”
The PI scowled, his expression saying that a thousand thoughts spun in his head. “Maybe Abel is overreacting? Do you see Heavenly leaving suddenly like her mom?”
“At first I thought he was projecting his experience onto us. But when he listed the qualities Heavenly shares with her mother, I started having doubts.”
“Maybe you’re right. She’s already kept more than one secret, and you’ve got to admit she’s damn good at shutting us out.”
Beck nodded. “And once Abel is gone, she’ll try to crawl back inside herself. We can’t let her. We have to stay close and stand strong while she grieves.”
“Which won’t be overnight.”
“Nope. But I’ll do whatever it takes to see her through.”
Seth clapped him on the shoulder. “Same. But strap in. The ride is about to get bumpy.”
Heavenly heard more than saw Beck and Seth leave the room. She was alone with her dad—probably for the last time. For years, she’d worried this terrible autoimmune disease—along with its accompanying pain and misery—would catch up to him. Dr. Litchfield’s gentle but unmistakable bombshell minutes ago had confirmed her worst nightmare.
I’m sorry, Ms. Young. We’ve done all we can for your father. I’ll give you two some privacy to say your goodbyes.
She swallowed her sob. After all, she’d have the rest of her life to cry. She would rather hoard her last few minutes with him, cram in every last moment she could.
Her dad opened his frail arms. “Let me hold you, boo.”
Silent tears rolled down her face as she leaned into him, gratefully taking the strength he needed to give her. She did her best to be strong for him in return, hoping it would somehow be enough to keep the worst from happening.
Heavenly nestled her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arm around his chest. “Dad…”
He kissed the top of her head. “It’s going to be all right.”
No. Once he left, nothing would ever be the same.
She swiped at her tears and smiled up at him. “Don’t worry about me.”
“I always do. That’s a dad’s job.” He tried to grin but couldn’t muster the strength. He’d turned chalkier since she’d stepped out with Dr. Litchfield. As he stroked her hair, his hand visibly shook. “The day the doctor put you in my arms was the happiest of my life. I started worrying then. I never stopped. Be happy, boo. Live life. You never know when your time will be up.”
Life with him had taught her that. “I will.”
“Do you know what you’re doing with Beck and Seth?”
No, but she wouldn’t burden her dad with the devastating shock that Beck was married—and had been for the past eighteen years. “Everything is fine. I’m sorry if you’re worried or disappointed in me—”
“Never disappointed.”
“I didn’t mean to fall for them both.”
And she had—hard. But she couldn’t spend another night with a man who had hidden his marital status and broken his vows.
Was it possible there was more to the story? Beck wanted her to believe that. But what could it possibly be? Maybe he had feelings for her. Who knew? And Seth? He’d clearly known his partner in seduction was married.
So much for all that honesty they’d insisted on…
Whatever. She obviously wasn’t meant to have the devotion of two men, like her best friend, Raine Kendall. Stepping back from this unconventional relationship would be for the best professionally since she volunteered at the hospital where Beck practiced medicine.
But she couldn’t waste these last precious moments with her father to untangle the mess she’d made with the cheating dirtbag.
“Boo, I don’t understand how you can be in love with two men…but if anyone has a heart big enough, it’s you.”
She tried not to tear up. “It might be nothing. I don’t know what the future holds. One day at a time, right?”
He bobbed his head. “Don’t miss a thing, baby.”
Like he had.
“I won’t.”
“Promise me.”
“I won’t let you down.” She sniffled back more tears.
His voice was growing weaker. He struggled to keep his eyes open. She squeezed him tighter.
The moment seemed awful and surreal. Never again would she wake up to fix his breakfast or talk about their day.
“You never have,” he assured. “Thank you for your loving care. I know it wasn’t easy, but I’m grateful.”
Her heart seized. “I’d do it a hundred times over.”
He patted her shoulder, his touch so faint she barely felt it. “But now you won’t have to.” He sighed. “I wish life had been kinder, that I could have been more than a burden these last few years. I’ll miss your smiles, your laughter, your hugs. I wish I could have walked you down the aisle and held my grandchildren. I wish…”
His whisper ran out of steam.
Fear clutched at her. Heavenly tried to hold it together. She couldn’t imagine her future without him, couldn’t fathom not sharing the joys and sorrows of her tomorrows with the one person who had always been by her side. She might have taken care of him physically, but for nearly a decade, he’d been her rock.
“I don’t know how I’ll make it without you.” Heavenly held tighter, trying to keep herself together. “Please fight harder.”
“You’ll be fine.”
Where would she find the strength to go on? He’d been her purpose, her reason for putting one foot in front of the other for so long. She had to dig deep now, find the will to say goodbye and let him go in peace. Then? She had no clue.
“I will,” she lied. “You may think I take care of you, but you’ve given me all the love a girl could ever need.”
“Oh, boo…”
Tears slid in hot drops down her cheeks, but she kept on, as if talking would somehow stop him from passing before she was ready. “It’s true. I’m lucky you’re my father.”
“You’ve been the best daughter. I wish we were back home…”
He didn’t mean the ratty apartment here in Los Angeles Beck and Seth had helped them vacate twenty-four hours ago. He meant Wisconsin, on their dairy farm in Bayfield, during happier times, before illness had ravaged him and her mother had left.
“I wish that, too, Dad.” Flashes of those golden years called to her. “Remember the Christmas tree that kept falling over?”
Her father’s chuckle sounded too much like a gasp. “I blame the cat.”
Heavenly smiled through her tears. “You said that, but it was crooked when you sawed the trunk.”
“Bah.” But the faint smile hovering told her he knew she was right.
“Remember the spring it rained so hard during branding? I chased Betty, Elinor, and Abner back to their pen.”
“You mean the calves?” he teased.
“Whatever,” she poked back.
This was banter they’d exchanged for years. She’d always named the cattle, and he’d always pointed out that they didn’t need a moniker other than revenue.
“I’ll never for
get slipping into that giant puddle and my boots getting stuck. You had to come in after me and we both ended up in head-to-toe mud.” They hadn’t stopped laughing about it since.
His smile wobbled but widened. “Take my ashes there once I’m gone. Please.”
Heavenly wanted to lose herself in the best parts of their past, but reality crashed in again. The sobs she’d been trying so desperately to hold back wouldn’t be denied anymore. “I will.”
“Don’t cry, baby. Soon, I won’t feel pain. And I’ll always be with you in spirit. In heart.”
“Daddy…” She hated how much her voice begged him to stay when she knew she should want his agony to end.
“Boo,” he murmured softly. “Live your best life.”
She sobbed, impatiently wiping away her tears so she could see him one last time. “I promise.”
“I love you.” His voice was the faintest whisper now.
“I love you, too, Daddy.”
He smiled and closed his eyes. His hand went slack. His chest stopped moving.
Heavenly pressed a hand to her mouth in denial and blinked, hoping. But he was gone.
Chapter Two
“Now that Heavenly is out of earshot saying her final goodbyes, I finally have a chance to tell you that you that you’re an asshole and I told you so.” Seth glared at Beck. “You’ve had months to admit you’re married. Now the truth has blown up in our faces.”
“You really want to do this now?” Beck arched a brow. “I told you it’s not a marriage, just a fucking piece of paper.”
“That you stupidly stashed in your pocket so it fell out at her feet. Way to go, Ace. Why didn’t you just tack it to the fridge with a magnet? Or hey, take out a billboard?”
The doctor clenched his jaw. “Stop bitching. She’s not pissed at you.”
“You think the betrayal she’s feeling doesn’t extend to me? We’re in this together, man, and your past probably just fucked our future.”
“If she’ll just let me explain…”
Seth resisted the urge to punch some sense into Beck. “You’re crazy if you think a few words will fix this.”
The doctor leaned in and lowered his voice. “Shelve the shit. Our girlfriend’s father is fucking dying. I’ll handle this later.”
“What do you suppose Abel is saying to her right now? He was pissed when he figured out we’re the reason for her freshly fucked glow. Do you really think he’s patting her on the back for burning her V-card in a mind-blowing ménage? Fuck no. He’s telling her to leave us, and you’ve given her the perfect reason.”
Behind Seth, someone cleared his throat. He spun to see Dr. Litchfield clap Beck on the shoulder. “I’m sorry. He just flatlined.”
“Fuck.” Gut seizing, Seth turned for Abel’s room.
He was no stranger to death. In fact, he knew that bitch on a professional and personal level. He also knew the different ways people reacted to the sudden passing of a loved one, and he had a bad suspicion that if he and Beck didn’t wrap their girl up in love and comfort quickly, she would slip away.
Together, they followed the tall, lab-coated neurologist into the room. Seth stopped when he spotted Heavenly gripping her father’s slack hand and shuddering with heaving sobs.
The sight gutted him. Beside him, Beck looked equally wrecked.
A nurse shuffled in, glancing at Litchfield. “Doctor?”
He pressed his stethoscope to Abel’s chest, paused, then looped the device around his neck with a sigh. “I’m calling it. Time: oh-one-ten.”
“No!” Heavenly threw herself across her father’s chest.
The doctor murmured his condolences, then nodded Beck’s way and backed out of the room. The nurse followed, gently closing the door behind them.
Seth moved to enfold Heavenly in his arms. Beck held back, fists clenched, eyes full of regret. Dumb ass. He claimed he wasn’t giving up on Heavenly…but being standoffish when she needed him most was only adding more cluster to this fuckup.
Seth cupped her shoulders and pulled her from Abel’s body, against his chest. “Shh, angel. We’re here for you.”
She screeched and fought like a wild thing, glaring at him as she lunged back to her father, hugging him tightly as if her will could somehow keep him on this plane.
“Okay. I’m sorry,” Seth crooned. “Take as long as you need.”
He understood her pain. He’d lived it, so he knew he couldn’t fucking take this agony from her, no matter how badly he wanted to.
“I’m worried she’s in shock.” Beck looked tormented with concern.
Yeah. “Say something to her.”
Though he looked reluctant to upset her more, Beck eased closer—but stopped short of touching her. “We’re so sorry. He’s gone.”
She snapped her stare his way, eyes drenched and accusing. “You think I don’t know that? I just…”
Sobs overtook her again, ending whatever else she might have said.
Seth’s heart twisted. “What do you need, angel? Name it.”
“We’ll make it happen,” Beck echoed.
“More time,” she gasped out. “Once I leave here…”
She would never see her father’s face again, never touch him. Right now, she could pretend. But the moment she walked out, she would be letting him go for good.
They stood patiently behind her, the wrenching sounds of her tears shredding him. Eventually, she would find peace with Abel’s passing, but he couldn’t spoon-feed it to her now. Grief didn’t work that way. It couldn’t be placated or rushed or brushed aside. It had to take its own path.
“We’ll be here,” Beck promised, then motioned him to the far side of the room.
Seth followed until they stood a discreet distance away. “She’s taking this every bit as hard as I feared.”
Beck nodded. “How do we help her? My only knowledge of grief is what I’ve observed clinically.”
“Heavenly is strong. She’ll get through it…in time. I’m worried about now. How do we convince her to leave him here?”
“Since death is part of being a surgeon, I’ve got a strategy for that. But I don’t know how to help her cope going forward. I’ve never lost anyone I loved.”
“I have. It sucks.” Seth dragged in a breath. “My family managed to get me through. I wouldn’t have made it without their love.”
“We’re all she has left. We’ll have to give her every bit we can.”
“If she’ll take it.”
She broke the silence with a sniffle and cast a frantic gaze to the foot of the bed as she yanked the spare blanket over her father’s body. “You can’t get cold, Daddy.”
At the sound of her panic, Beck hustled to her side. He lifted his hand to her before dropping it again. “He can’t feel cold anymore.”
“Or pain,” Seth added, following. “He’s free. He’s in a better place.”
She whirled. “A better place would be alive and here with me.”
“He spent all the time with you on this earth he could,” Beck murmured.
“I know,” she sobbed. “But how do I let him go?”
“It’s hard, angel.” Seth stroked her hair since Beck wouldn’t. “We can stay longer if you need.”
She lifted her head, closed her eyes, and curled her arms around herself. “I don’t want to go, but I know I have to.”
“Would you like me to ask someone to sit with your dad tonight?” Beck offered softly.
Seth shot him a glance. They both knew the minute Heavenly surrendered her father’s body, an orderly would whisk Abel to the morgue. But the white lie would shield her from the harsh reality. Seth was grateful for that.
“Please.” Her pained plea was a stab in the heart.
“Of course.” Beck sent her a reassuring smile.
“Thanks.” Heavenly struggled to hold herself together. “Can you take me to Raine? I need her.”
“Sure.” Seth wished like hell she wanted comfort from them. But he understood. They’d fucked
up. And grief wasn’t logical or reasonable.
He held out his hand to her.
Heavenly searched his gaze with watery eyes before placing her palm in his. Then she slowly rose.
At his side, she felt so small and fragile. He ached to hold her, but this wasn’t about what he needed. So he settled for clasping her hand in his.
When she looked back one last time at her father, twin teardrops fell down her cheeks. Seth couldn’t stand to see her torture herself anymore, so he cupped her face, softly but inexorably turning her toward him.
Beck did his part, coming forward to use his body as a visual barrier between her and Abel’s corpse. Together, they led her out of the room, pausing while Beck asked an orderly to sit with Abel before they left the hospital.
Heavenly looked exhausted.
In silence, Seth helped her into the SUV and buckled her in when she didn’t reach for the seat belt. As he rolled out of the parking lot, he didn’t like the way she withdrew into herself beside him.
He drove through the dark night down Wilshire, worry gripping him, and exchanged a glance with Beck in the rearview mirror. The surgeon looked equally concerned.
Now that Abel was gone, they’d soon have to ask her two things Seth absolutely dreaded: how she wanted to lay her father to rest and whether she saw any future here with him and Beck.
After a few painfully silent minutes, Beck rang Hammer. In low tones, he delivered the bad news about Heavenly’s father and asked if their girl could see Raine, despite the late hour. After murmuring his condolences, Macen assured him they would all be waiting.
When Seth pulled into the driveway, every light in the house burned bright. As he parked, Raine approached, her gait something like a waddle now that she was five months pregnant with twins. The second Heavenly caught sight of her, she flung off the seat belt, shoved open the door, and leapt from the vehicle. Raine opened her arms, and Heavenly rushed into them with a terrible, mournful wail.
“I’m so sorry, sweetie,” Raine crooned. “So sorry…”
“I can’t believe he’s gone.” Her body bucked with another sob. “It happened so fast.”
“I know. I know.”
“H-he was too young. We should have had years together. Decades…”
