by Quinn Loftis
“Derek and I met my senior year in high school. He graduated a year before I did. I knew of him while he was in school, but I didn’t really know him.
“Anyway, we met at a bonfire some other seniors were having. A few of them were still friends with a couple of the older kids who’d already graduated, so there were high school and college-age kids at this party, and Derek was there with some his friends. Not that he was in college. He hated everything about school and wasn’t going to spend a minute longer there than he absolutely had to.”
“In other words, he’s an idiot,” interrupted Charity.
“He may not be very book smart,” said Samantha, “but he’s extremely street smart. He has a way of manipulating people to get what he wants. He makes you think he’s the best guy in the world. You don’t know until it’s too late that it was all an act.”
“Ain’t that the truth? Narcissist. That’s what he is. I read about people like him in my psych class in college. Dangerous sons of bitches,” replied Charity.
“So, like I said,” continued Sam, “I was a senior. He was a little older and every bit of a bad boy. When he showed a little interest in me, I fell, hook, line, and sinker.”
“Ruined our senior year, by the way,” interrupted Charity again.
“Do you want me to tell this story or not?” asked Samantha.
“Alright, alright,” said Charity, throwing up her hands. “No more interruptions.”
“Everything was great for the first few months. I thought I was the coolest thing in high school, dating an older man, and Derek was so sweet to me. He would pick me up after school in his beat-up old truck, and we’d go hang out with some of his friends or just go parking.”
“Didn’t it occur to you that maybe this loser should be at work instead of chasing a high school girl?” asked Charity.
“I thought you said you weren’t going to interrupt,” said Samantha.
“Oh yeah, sorry. Sometimes I’m just still in awe at how dumb you were. I had to watch as my best friend slipped away into the clutches of the biggest loser in southwest Virginia, and I couldn’t do anything about it.”
“Do I need to get into some of your past romantic screwups?” countered Sam.
“Nope, I’m good,” said her friend, throwing her hands up again. “My lips are zipped.” She mimed a zipping motion across her face.
“As I was saying,” Samantha went on, “it started out good. But it wasn’t long before my grades began to suffer. Derek was all I could think about. Instead of doing my homework after school, I was with him doing … things I shouldn’t have been doing. Then, the longer we dated, the more controlling he got. He was insanely jealous, always asking me about the guys at school and imagining I was messing around on him, which couldn’t have been further from the truth.”
“Bet you couldn’t say the same thing about him,” interrupted Charity again, despite her earlier promise.
Samantha cocked her head at Charity and raised her eyebrows. “Johnathan Morris,” she said, venom lacing her words.
“You wouldn’t dare,” said Charity, her eyes widening.
Samantha turned to Jessica. “Johnathan loved boy bands from the nineties. Was it ’N Sync that was his favorite, or was it Backstreet Boys? I can’t remember. Doesn’t matter, because Charity loved the playlists he used to make for her. What did you say it was like losing your virginity to ‘I Want It That Way?’”
“Eek, okay, okay, stop, please. I won’t say anything else, I promise. For real this time. Just please, don’t mention the Backstreet Boys again.”
“Thank you,” said Samantha with a satisfied smile.
“Like I said, a few months after we’d been dating, Derek began to change. In addition to the jealousy, he started making little comments that made me feel terrible about myself. He’d say something about my weight, but then play it off as a joke. When we were out somewhere, he might slip in comments comparing me to other women. If I got my feelings hurt, he would say I was too sensitive and needed to get thicker skin. It wasn’t all the time or even every day. So, I would usually get over it and not even think about it until it happened again. I thought I was in love, so I wasn’t really thinking clearly.”
“Been there, girl,” said Jessica.
“Then he started complaining about how I dressed. There were times that he flat-out refused to take me out because he didn’t like what I was wearing. It was really weird. He always wanted me to dress sexier, as if he wanted to show me off like some kind of trophy. But then he would get insanely jealous if anyone looked my way. He also got really pissed if I was out somewhere without him and happened to be wearing something he thought was too revealing. I basically had to have two wardrobes: one to wear around him, and one to wear when he wasn’t around.”
“That explains the giant pile of frumpiness laying on your closet floor right now,” Jessica remarked.
Samantha nodded. “But even though he wanted me to show more skin, he also complained non-stop about my weight. I couldn’t eat a bite of ice cream without getting a dirty look or a comment. After a while, I realized what we had wasn’t healthy. I tried to break it off. We’d been seeing each other six months, and graduation was approaching. Even though my grades were dropping, they were good enough to get into community college. I had a few small scholarships that were going to help, but I was still going to have to work my butt off.
“The night I was going to tell him we were through, he came over and surprised me with tickets to a play he knew I wanted to see. I’m convinced he knew I was about to try and dump him. It was like he had a sixth sense about things like that. He always knew the exact moment to say or do just the right thing.
“It was such a sweet thing for him to do, so I changed my mind about dumping him. I minimized all the bad things he’d done and focused on the positives. The night of the play I wanted to look extra nice so I wore a black dress I knew he’d love.”
Samantha hesitated, thinking back to that night. She shivered as she remembered the look on Derek’s face when he’d stormed out of her apartment.
“Ooo,” Charity cooed. “The one you bought at Macy’s on sale? I remember that dress.”
Samantha nodded. “It was sexy, sure, but I didn’t think it was inappropriate by any stretch of the imagination. My mom saw me try on the dress. She didn’t think it was too revealing.”
“Not exactly the best judge of decency,” said Charity.
Samantha cocked her head again. “So, after Johnathan Morris, there was this kid named Michael Hindes. He drove a Volkswagen beetle.”
“Ah!” Charity yelped, throwing out her palms in a defensive gesture. “Not interrupting, not interrupting.”
“Thank you,” said Sam, a smug look plastered on her face. “So, the dress had a bit of top cleavage, but it wasn’t like my breasts were in danger of popping out and saying hello. I really thought he’d love it considering how he’d acted about my clothes in the past. I wanted to look like the kind of girl he’d be proud to have hanging on his arm, and I thought I’d done that.
“But when I opened the door and he saw me, you would have thought I was dressed like a streetwalker. He pushed me back into the house, slammed the door, and proceeded to inform me that I was going to take off the slut dress and put something on that was classy and modest. He used a bunch of other words, but I was so angry I don’t remember half of what he said. I think I blocked out most of it. I just remember, by the end of his rant, I told him to get out and that we were done. I should have realized right then what he was capable of, and never let him back into my life.”
“Where were your parents?” Jessica asked.
“Oh, my dad ran off a long time ago. I haven’t seen him in years. And my mother was who-knows-where at the time. Out with one of her many boyfriends, I’m sure.”
“So how long did it take for Derek to come crawling back?” Jessica asked.
“The next day—which was a Saturday—by noon, I’d had five dozen rose
s delivered to my house. My mom was home then. She was gushing about how great Derek was and how I should make sure I held on to him.”
“I never saw any roses,” Charity pointed out.
“That’s because I rounded them up and threw them in the dumpster,” Samantha said with a smirk. “I actually stood my ground for a week, but by the following Saturday, he was at my door and refused to leave until I talked to him. And, of course, now any hint of the insane, controlling jackass from before was gone. He was, again, the charming man I fell in love with.”
“Naturally,” Jessica grumbled. “He knew exactly what to say to get you to take him back, didn’t he?”
Samantha nodded. “I believed him when he said he would change. I was too trusting back then. I thought people were good until they proved me wrong. Well, lesson learned. So, I took the SOB back, and things were good for a while. That was my first mistake.
“Then a couple of months later, I made the second mistake, and it was much bigger.”
Charity coughed into her hand and made a choking noise that sounded an awful lot like the word ‘college.’ Samantha rolled her eyes.
Jessica turned to Charity and narrowed her eyes. “You’re next. You keep that crap up and I’ll make you spill every stupid, idiotic, dumbass thing you ever did.”
Charity held her hands up. “Damn, get some alcohol in you and you bring out the claws.”
Samantha chuckled. She appreciated Jessica’s ability to hold her own against Charity. “Graduation night, Derek was in rare form. He wore a suit, brought me flowers, and took me out for a nice dinner before the ceremony. Afterward, we drove to a secluded spot and talked all night. And did other things that involved less talking. It was the perfect night, or so I thought. Looking back, though, I realize how he manipulated me. He knew I was about to go off to college.”
Jessica’s lips pursed. “Two things,” she held up her fingers and ticked them off. “One, he couldn’t stand the idea of you not being under his control and two, he couldn’t stomach you being more educated than him.”
That gave Samantha pause. She’d never considered he might have been threatened by her attending school but it made complete sense. “I hadn’t thought of that, but you’re probably right.”
“No probably about it,” Charity added. “That fool knew you were too good for him all along. You going and getting a college degree would just be another nail in the proverbial ‘Derek’s-a-dumbass’ coffin.”
Samantha sighed. “One more thing I didn’t see. Anyway, he was terrified of not being able to keep tabs on me. He always said the nastiest things about kids in college, like how they were a bunch of rich ‘bitches,’ as he called them, or eggheads. All sorts of things. He convinced me I would be happier not going to college.” She shook her head, amazed that Jessica had picked up in five minutes what Samantha hadn’t seen in three years.
Jessica reached over and patted her hand. “You can’t beat yourself up about it. No one can judge you because they have no idea what they would have done in your shoes.” She gave Charity a pointed look.
“Hey, I’m the best friend. I get to lovingly judge,” Charity huffed.
Samantha smiled weakly and continued. As she spoke, she felt herself slip back in time and, suddenly, she was there standing across from Derek all over again.
“If you go to school, I will lose you,” Derek said. “You’ll fall for some egghead loser and you won’t want me anymore. I can’t stand the thought of losing you, Sam. I can’t live without you.”
“That’s ridiculous, Derek. You’re who I want to be with. If I didn’t want you, then I wouldn’t be with you. I’m not going to college to find a man. I’m going to get an education so I can provide for myself,” Samantha said for what felt like the twentieth time.
“You don’t need to provide for yourself. I will take care of you. As soon as I’ve got the money, I’m buying you a ring and making you my wife.”
Samantha’s mouth dropped open. She couldn’t believe he’d just said that. “Are you, are, I mean, you’re serious?” She was in shock. Derek had never said anything about marriage before.
“Yes, I mean it,” he said as he walked up to her and cupped her face in his hands. “I love you, Samantha. You’re mine and I don’t want you to leave me for any length of time.”
In that moment, Samantha felt cherished. He was being uncharacteristically gentle with her.
“Please, say you’ll stay. Say you’ll marry me,” he whispered as he lowered his lips closer to hers.
“Okay,” she said softly just before his lips pressed to hers.
“So, you didn’t go to school?” Jessica’s voice broke through Samantha’s flashback and she returned to the present.
Samantha shook her head. “Like an idiot, I withdrew from school and stayed in Roanoke instead, expecting us to have the perfect storybook life.”
“You were young. Hell, you’re still young,” Charity offered.
“I was stupid,” Samantha said, wanting to kick her own ass. “The marriage pipe dream went down the tube almost immediately. For one thing, Derek never had any money. He actually made good money doing construction when he could keep a job. But he never worked anywhere longer than a few weeks. He would always quit and blame his supervisor or some other coworker, claiming they were out to get him for some reason or another.
“So, of course, I had to get a job to support both of us. I went to work for Roanoke’s Roasters first and then just kept pounding the pavement until I finally found someone to give me a secretary job. It wasn’t great pay, but at least it wasn’t fast food.”
“Wait,” said Jessica, “so that means you’ve worked for Tran for, what, three years now?”
“Almost four. Roasters is like my home away from home. I’ve been there longer than the espresso maker.”
“But you’ve got a decent job at Caldwell now. Why do you still work at the coffee shop?”
“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll get to that part.”
“Ooookay,” replied Jessica, opening her eyes wide in surprise.
Chapter Five
“A few months after I graduated, I moved in with him,” Samantha said. Once again, she was drawn back to that horrible time in her life.
“This is what we’re going to live in?” Derek sneered.
Samantha bit her cheek and counted to ten so she wouldn’t say what she was thinking. When she was sure her words wouldn’t be sharp, she finally spoke. “It’s what we can afford right now. I’m sure things will improve soon and we can move somewhere nicer.”
“Once I’m no longer saving for your ring, I’ll be able to help and then we won’t have to live in a dump on your pathetic salary.”
“Exactly,” Samantha said and tried to find some happiness in the fact that Derek was at least still planning on getting her a ring. And he said that once he’d saved enough money he would start helping and it wouldn’t all be on her shoulders. It was going to get better. It had to.
“Where was the money really going?” Jessica asked. The flashback vanished and Sam was back at the table with her two friends.
“Who knows?” answered Sam. “Other women, drugs, alcohol…. Could have been anything. He did so much crap when I wasn’t around. I couldn’t even begin to guess at everything he was in to. But I was blind to it back then.”
“What happened?” Jess prompted.
“Well, this went on for over a year, then the you-know-what really hit the fan.”
“Uh-oh.”
“Yeah, big uh-oh,” said Sam. “I was working for a lawyer, Jerry McCutchen, as a legal secretary. I wasn’t really qualified for the job, but I worked my butt off and I picked it up really quickly. Occasionally, when my boss was preparing for a trial, I would have to work late. Derek hated it.”
The world faded away as Samantha continued to share her deepest pain and shame with Jessica.
“I swear to all that is holy that if you’re messing around with that fancy ass lawyer, I will gut you
both.” Derek practically snarled at Samantha.
She refrained from rolling her eyes because that never ended well and instead painted on her most sympathetic smile. “I can’t believe you would even think that for a second.” She glanced at her phone as it vibrated, but Derek snatched it up before she could get it.
“Why the hell is he texting you on a damn Friday night, Sam?” His voice was shaking with rage and Samantha took an involuntary step back from him.
“What does the text say?” Samantha asked, hoping if Derek read it out loud it would sink in that the text was as innocent as it truly was. There was a big trial starting Monday and that meant everyone was working extra hours.
“I don’t have to read the damn thing out loud, Samantha. I’m not an idiot. Why does any boss text his assistant at 7:00 p.m. on a Friday night!” He was yelling and his face was getting redder the more he spoke. Samantha knew she needed to get him under control before he started throwing things.
“Believe it or not, Derek, there are people who actually work together who don’t desire each other or feel any attraction for one another. I work as a legal secretary and when there is a trial, everyone in the office works overtime. It won’t just be me and Mr. McCutchen there. Half the office will be there.”
“If you don’t think your boss is attracted to you with a rack like that,” he pointed to her chest, “then you’re a fool.”
“There’s no reason to be crude,” Samantha said as calmly as she could. She knew getting mad would only be pouring gas on a fire. “Regardless, you should trust me. I’ve never given you any reason to think I would cheat on you. I don’t hide anything from you.” Samantha spent the next hour saying the same thing, trying to convince her boyfriend that nothing was going on between her and her boss.
“Look, why don’t you drive me up there and you can come up to the office and meet everyone that is there. Would that make you feel better?” she asked.
“He drove you to the office on a Friday night after arguing with you for over an hour because he had to see for himself that you and your boss man wouldn’t be the only ones there?” Jessica interrupted.
