He dropped his head in his hands and stayed like that for a while. But this time I touched him. And this time, he didn’t flinch. He lifted his head to look at me, and we stared at each other for a moment.
I leaned over so I could wipe the tears off his cheeks and lay a soft kiss on the side of his mouth. He closed his eyes, seeming to absorb my touch.
“Finish your story, Cam.”
He nodded. “I must have passed out,” he continued in a hoarse voice. “When I woke up, there were police and firefighters everywhere. There was a paramedic seeing to my hands. He said I had burns, but I didn’t even feel anything. I wanted to find Pete.”
When his eyes turned to me, they were filled with sorrow and pain and guilt.
“But he was already gone,” he whispered. “He was gone.”
Chapter 28
Kara
There was no question in my mind what I needed to do. I crawled on his lap, wanting to get as close to him as I could, offering him the warmth of my body. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, resting my cheek on his shoulder.
He stiffened for a moment, and my heart ached realizing that he wasn’t used to people touching him for comfort. I squeezed my arms around him, letting him know I wasn’t going anywhere. And then his arms were there, pulling me closer against his body that had turned hard and cold.
I wasn’t sure I’d get used to the feel of his brawny arms embracing me. It felt new. But it also felt like home. And it felt right. Like I was supposed to be here. I closed my eyes and just held him.
He was so solid, so strong and powerful that even though I was the one who wanted to protect him, he was the one who made me feel protected just by being in his arms.
“Cam,” I said gently. I waited for him to respond with words, but he didn’t. Instead, his grip around me tightened. I could feel his fingers pressing against my back, pulling me closer to him. “It’s not your fault.”
His body trembled.
I knew that, sometimes, all you needed was someone to tell you that it wasn’t your fault. Some sort of assurance that someone believed in you, especially when you didn’t believe in yourself.
I wasn’t sure if that was what he needed, but it was what I could give him. My words paired with my touch would hopefully convey my faith in him.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you and to your friend,” I said. “It was a tragedy. There was no way you could have known what would happen that day or else you would have done everything in your power to stop it. You’re a protector. You protect the people you care about. You did everything you could to save him.”
He didn’t answer, just held me. I tried to pull away so I could see his face, but his hand slid up from my back to grip my neck gently but firmly, silently telling me to stay where I was.
I closed my eyes and let him take comfort from my embrace. Then I said, “Nothing that you or anyone could say to me would change my mind about it.”
I felt his body start to relax, the stiffness in his shoulders and arms dissolving. I smiled as I felt him kiss my hair.
Who would have known he was affectionate like this?
“Kara,” he said softly. “Kara.”
“Yes?”
I waited for him to say something, but he didn’t. And I realized he wasn’t going to. He pressed against me instead, his arms pulling me closer as if I wasn’t already close enough.
“I wish I had better words for you so you can understand how it’s not your fault,” I said. “But I want you to know that I’m here. I’m right here, Cam. And I’m not going anywhere.”
I let my body rest against him, listening to him breathing. We stayed like that for a while. A sense of calmness and comfort came over me.
“It’s enough,” he said after a moment, his voice thick with emotion. “More than enough.”
“You still blame yourself, don’t you?” I asked.
He didn’t answer.
I sighed. “I really hope you don’t blame yourself because you asked Pete to stay.”
When he was telling me his story, he had repeated that he had asked Pete to stay several times. I knew there was a reason for it, that he blamed himself for it.
I pulled away from him so I could look at his face, and this time he let me. His lion eyes looked so dark, so intense when he let me see his emotions. I cradled his jaw in my palms.
“Cam, why wouldn’t you ask him to stay? And why wouldn’t he stay? You were kids. Kids play all the damn time. They break rules and stay up late. They don’t go home when it’s time to go home, and they play outside as long as they can. They break curfew. You know how many times I did that? Don’t you dare blame yourself. Those five kids who beat you up, who bullied Pete, think of their role. I hope to God they’re sorry for what happened. But never, ever blame yourself. Think about it, goddammit.”
“Do you think I haven’t thought about all those things? I have, Kara. Many times. More than you could count.” His eyes shifted back to the spot where it happened. “Why—” His voice broke. “Why do you think he did it?”
“Did what?”
“Why didn’t he get the fuck out of the car? It was as though he just gave up. What if…”
I felt sick. He was right. I didn’t think that there could be another reason why Pete stayed in the car. I thought he was paralyzed with fear, but then…
“What if he intentionally stayed in the car?” His eyes filled with horror. “I should have known. I…I should’ve recognized the signs if he…if he wanted to…”
Escape everything by choosing to stay in the burning car.
“You were just a kid,” I whispered, my heart breaking for him. And for Pete. “Answer this for me, how would an eight-year-old kid be so aware of death, let alone recognize the signs that his friend wanted to commit suicide? If that was really his intention. And, Cam, would you blame an eight-year-old kid for not being able to pry open a car that’s made of steel and glass and on fire? That kid did everything he could to save his friend. His hands were bleeding and burned, but he kept trying until he was so exhausted he passed out. Would you blame him?”
I didn’t expect him to answer, and he didn’t.
“I didn’t know Pete, but whatever his reason was, I don’t think he would want you to blame yourself for this. Not when he knew you didn’t leave him there. You stayed and fought for him. He knew his friend stayed and fought for him because he mattered to you.”
His fingers closed around my wrists, and I thought he would reject my touch again, bring them down to my sides. But he surprised me. With his eyes staring at me, he brought them to his mouth, kissed the inside of my wrists.
“I have no idea why you’re suddenly in my life,” he said, his voice gruff. “But I don’t fucking care anymore. I’m done fighting it. I want you to be with me. With me, Kara.”
This man. I closed my eyes and rubbed my cheek against his shoulder.
“Good,” I said, smiling. “I want you to be with me too.”
He stroked my hair, his hand sliding down to my neck, massaging it with his long fingers. I sighed in contentment.
“It’s getting cold.” I couldn’t have been warmer with his body heat and embrace shielding me from the cold, but what about him? He had given me his jacket and he was only wearing a shirt. “Why don’t you show me your cabin?”
He nodded but stayed where he was for a few moments before he decided to get up. He didn’t want to let go of me yet.
“All right,” he said. “Let’s go.”
But I didn’t let go of him. I held on.
“I want to be your monkey,” I murmured into his neck.
He wasn’t the only one not ready to let go.
“My beautiful spitfire monkey.”
My heart thudded against my chest when I heard him say my.
He grippe
d the backs of my thighs as he stood up, groaning a little. How did he even do that? He was so strong.
When he entered the maze carrying me, I realized what he had to walk through. I told him I’d walk, but his grip just tightened.
“You weigh the same as a feather,” he murmured in my ear. “I’d carry you anywhere, Kara.”
I smiled into his shoulder, savoring his words. He said he’d never been good with them. He was wrong. He might not say a lot, but when he lowered his walls and showed me a glimpse of his heart, his words dug deep.
He was quiet as he walked us to his cabin. I assumed he knew a shortcut in the maze because it didn’t take long at all until he was walking us up to his porch steps and the light flicked on.
I heard a series of short beeps as he put in his code to open the door, and then a longer beep before the click of the lock released.
It was dark inside. It smelled clean and new and woodsy. Good scents. Masculine scents. My eyes adjusted to the dark, and I had an impression of high ceilings, open space, and generous glass windows.
He toed off his shoes at the entrance. He didn’t bother turning the lights on but walked straight until he was gently laying me on the bed. But he didn’t join me.
“I need something to drink,” he said. “You want something?”
He was pulling away. I could feel it. Wrapping himself in his misery. We’d just talked about being open to each other, but I knew it would take time for him to get used to doing that. He was feeling vulnerable and the right thing to do was to give him space now, let him be for a while.
I sat on the bed, watching him move around his place. He turned on a soft, dim light before kneeling in front of a fireplace. I couldn’t see what he was doing, but I had a view of his back and arm muscles shifting. The musky, sweet scent of wood floated in the air as the fire started crackling.
He rubbed his hands together, wiping them on his jeans. Then, slowly, he uncoiled his body and rose.
“It should warm up soon,” he said without looking at me.
I followed him with my eyes as he walked to the small kitchen. The light from the fridge slashed a bright rectangle on the hardwood floor as he pulled it open.
He reached inside, then twisted the cap off a bottle of water and drank, his throat muscles working. He grabbed another one and approached me, opening it and offering it to me. I took a sip and handed it back to him. He capped it and placed it on the floor.
Kneeling beside the bed, he carefully took off my shoes. I wanted to slide my fingers into his dark curls, pull him to me, but I resisted. He set my shoes beside the water bottle.
He let out a sigh and rose gracefully. He reached for the collar of his T-shirt and pulled it up and over his head. He dropped it on the floor, looking weary. I felt the mattress sag as he sat on the edge of the bed. He leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees, then pulled off his socks.
My heart ached for him. He looked so alone, so lonely. I had a feeling he’d been harboring all these toxic emotions inside himself, and although he’d told me he had people in his life—probably Rick and Caleb—how much did he share with them? I could be wrong, but I had a feeling not much. He seemed so closed off.
“Cam,” I said. “Don’t go there by yourself. Let me in.”
I crawled in his lap again. He was warm now and his masculine scent—the cool, blue scent—was stronger. I inhaled. “I’m here now.”
His arms wrapped around me. No hesitation this time. Just acceptance. Like he’d been expecting it and I was welcomed.
It gets easier every time.
“Kara,” he said, his voice gruff with emotion. “I don’t think I can let you go.”
I swallowed my heart back down. “Then don’t.”
“Stay here with me,” he whispered, his voice filled with need. “Just like this. Just right here. Just tonight.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Let’s lie down.”
He slid up on the bed, taking me with him. He cradled me as he stretched out, pulling me on top of him. I shivered at the feel of his hard length pressed against me. The warm, soft skin of his chest under my palms.
I shifted so that I lay half on the bed and half on him. He seemed to like that because he wrapped his wide hands around my waist and turned me on my side, then he pulled me closer, plastering my back to his chest. His arm snaked around my stomach, under my breasts.
“Kara,” he whispered. His lips softly grazed the back of my neck.
“Right here with you, Cam. Go to sleep.”
He let out a deep, long sigh, his broad chest expanding, then deflating. And then he was asleep in an instant.
It must have taken all of his energy to tell me everything in the maze. Being mentally exhausted could be worse than physically exhausted.
He wasn’t used to sharing his thoughts or problems with anyone. I was the same, but we could start being more open with each other. I could trust him. He could trust me.
The thought filled me with warmth, like submerging myself in a warm bath. Only ten times better. I closed my eyes, sighing deeply, and fell asleep with a smile on my face.
When I woke up, I felt confused. I blinked in the semidarkness, at the sound of crackling fire and the glow from the fireplace. And then felt the heat coming off Cameron’s hard body wrapped around me. I closed my eyes, savoring the feeling of him beside me.
He wasn’t snoring. In fact, he’d been quiet in his sleep. I turned my head slowly so I could see his face. I wished there had been more light so I could see him clearly.
I slowly extricated myself from him, taking care not to wake him up. His arm was heavy as I lifted it off my stomach. When his fingers grazed my nipple, I gasped sharply and almost jumped. Damn. I snapped my eyes to his face to check if I woke him up. He didn’t move. Finally I eased away and stood beside the bed. And just stared.
Naked from the waist up, he was sleeping with a frown on his brow. His body was so long and muscular—a warrior’s powerful body. He was so beautiful. His dark curls stark on the white pillow. His tanned skin healthy.
I let out a quiet breath, wondering how I ended up here. With him. With someone like him. He’d never been in my cards, I thought, as I searched for his car keys, never even anticipated him.
I found them on the counter by the fridge. Tiptoeing so as not to wake him up, I opened the front door and nearly closed it behind me before I suddenly remembered it was locked with a code, not a key.
Shrugging out of his jacket, I placed it between the door and frame to keep it open and ran to his truck. I made quick work of jumping inside and grabbing my things and his cooler. A couple minutes later, I was back inside the cabin.
I sat on the floor by the door, rummaged inside my backpack for my phone, and read my dad’s texts.
Dad: Hey, KK, don’t forget pizza night tonight!
Dad: Are you working OT?
Dad: I’ll save you some so you have something to eat when you get home. Got the vegetarian with double cheese. Drive home safe. Love you!
Shit.
It was the middle of the night. I sent a quick text telling him I’d be home tomorrow. I’d never missed pizza night before, but he was used to me not replying to his messages. That usually meant I was at work. There were other messages from other people, but I decided I’d check them later. I placed my phone back in my backpack and quietly walked to the bed.
I held my breath as I watched him shift onto his back and slowly open his eyes. His gaze was dark.
“Where did you go?” he asked, his voice husky from sleep.
I found it so sexy. There was a raspy quality to it that made my stomach muscles clench. That made me swallow the lump in my throat. That made me think of secret lovers and kisses in the dark.
I slid beside him on the bed, and his arms welcomed me so naturally. I sighed against his chest. He was so war
m and both soft and hard.
“I got my things from your truck. I had to text my dad.”
He didn’t respond.
“Did you think I left?” I was teasing.
Again, he didn’t respond. There was a twinge in my chest. Did he really think I would?
“I won’t leave you,” I told him.
His jaw clenched. “I won’t be surprised if you do.”
“Don’t,” I said quickly. “Don’t say that bullshit. The only thing that would make me leave is you.”
I shifted so that our bodies were pressed close. I wanted to make him feel how important he was to me, how much I wanted his touch. How much I wanted him. Just him.
“I need you,” I whispered. “I…want you, Cameron.”
His eyes flickered with understanding. “Kara,” he rasped, then moved on top of me.
He was already hard. I could feel him pressing against my thigh. I wanted to feel more of him. To explore him. I wanted to make him feel the pleasure he had given to me, I wanted to see his face as I gave it to him.
“Can I make you come?” he asked, eyes watching my face intently.
Yes.
I clenched my thighs to stop myself from pushing against him. “If you say please.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Why do you want me to say that word?”
“I like hearing you say it.”
“Make me,” he said.
My heart thudded against my chest. It was a challenge. And it turned me on. So damn much. What was it with him?
Was it because he was untamable? He was so wild, so…raw.
His hands banded around my wrists and he pulled them up above my head.
“Make me, Kara.”
I was breathing hard. He released my wrists. His hands stroked down my arms, the sides of my breasts, my hips as he knelt between my legs, nudging my thighs apart. I bit my lip as I slowly spread my legs for him.
He pushed up my dress’s skirt, took off my sheer stockings, and stared.
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