“I’ve missed you, my love,” he whispers.
“Being apart for so long is killing me. You’re my light in all this darkness,” I murmur.
Dabbling kisses across my jawline, Henry makes his way back to my lips. Our tongues collide, and I forget all about the horrors of living in the ghetto. I allow him to seduce me into a world where there is no war, no death, and no heartache.
Dressing, my eyes wander to Henry buckling his belt.
“I was scared today,” I say, fastening the last button of my dress.
“I was, too,” he says.
“What if—”
He places a finger to my lips, shushing me. “I would never let anyone rape you. I’d kill them first.”
“And then they’d kill you and end up raping us anyway,” I say. “I wish there were somewhere safe we could escape to.”
“The ghetto is the safest place for you as of now. If you leave these gates, you’ll be hunted down. It’s not safe anywhere in Poland for Jews anymore. We must be strong, and we’ll get through this. You do as I’ve always told you and walk home as fast as you can. Keep to yourselves. Do your best to remain unnoticed.”
Walking to the middle of the room, I wrap my arms around myself. “I do try. I do everything you say. What if something like today happens again and you’re not around?”
“Do your best to cooperate. There’s no way for me to always be there. We’re lucky it was my squad that stopped you today.”
I hurry back to Henry and wrap my arms around him, pulling him as tight to me as I can. “I hear horrible stories of women being raped or worse. I’m so tired of living in fear.”
He kisses the top of my head while he rakes his fingers through my hair. “If only I could take all your worries away. I’m doing my best to protect you and your family.”
“I know you are, and I adore you for it.” I lift and place a soft kiss on his chin.
He pushes me away and takes me by the shoulders. “Do your best to remain discreet and encourage your family to do the same, and everything should be fine.” Digging into his uniform pocket, Henry pulls out a small bundle of money. “This is all I could come up with, but it should get you some bread and potatoes. I’ll try to get more soon, but I’m running out of goods to trade. Make sure you get to the ration line early, as you know there isn’t enough to feed everyone, and I don’t want you going hungry.”
Taking the money from Henry’s hand, I grab his palm and kiss it. I don’t know that my family would survive life in Łódź if it weren’t for his help.
He looks down at his watch, and I know he must get back to his patrol and that our time together is coming to an end.
“I don’t want to say goodbye,” I whisper.
“I don’t either, but I have to get back before someone notices that I’m gone.”
Taking me back into his arms, Henry holds me close, kissing the side of my head.
I never want to let him go, but tonight, after the incident that happened earlier in the day, fear causes me to hold onto him longer than I know I should.
“I must go,” he whispers. “I’ll be counting the seconds until we meet again. Please be careful.”
I let go of him, despite wishing I could hold him forever. Our lips press together as tears stream down my cheeks, and we say goodbye.
Chapter 15 – Ferrin
Flying always makes me feel insignificant. As I look down on Virginia from thirty-five thousand feet above, I’m reminded of how small I am in this great big world. I think of Estherly and how over the years her story may have been lost. It’s a story so powerful that I can’t let it become irrelevant.
Reaching for my purse, I place it on my lap, and then take out the folded piece of paper with eighteen handwritten addresses that may or may not belong to Estherly and Oren. Reading over the numbers and street names, I imagine what it will be like when I’m finally face-to-face with Estherly, or what it will do to my heart if I don’t find her. Folding the paper back in half, I tuck it safely away in my purse.
Last night, in anticipation of my trip to Virginia and what may lie ahead, I tossed and turned, getting very little sleep. I kept running over what I was going to say if I did find Estherly.
Hi, ma’am, you don’t know me, but I invaded your privacy, and now I’m all up in your business, doesn’t seem like the best route to take. I laugh to myself, causing the person squished next to me to turn her eyes from the in-flight magazine and stare at me. She probably thinks I’m crazy. I smile and then face forward to avoid any more of her awkward looks. I bounce in my seat with eagerness. Since my flight is getting in after five PM, I know I can’t start my search yet, but the anticipation still twists my insides.
The plane lands and I grab my carry-on from the overhead compartment and flip my phone on. It takes a few moments before alerts pop onto the screen. I have two text messages from Sam that I can’t wait to read. Dragging my bag behind me, I press the button that shows my messages.
Sam: Text me when you land so I know you’re okay.
Sam: Your plane should’ve landed by now. Text me.
Once I’ve made it into the airport, I place my bag near a seat and sit down. I call Sam, rather than text him.
He sounds winded when he answers. “Hi!”
“I’m here. All safe and sound.”
“I still can’t believe you took off to Virginia all by yourself. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to join you. The meeting on this new job is so important.”
I give him a soft laugh. “It’s okay. I’m fine. I’m just tired from not sleeping last night. I’m also so excited that I don’t know how I’ll sleep tonight.”
“Where are you now?”
“I’m off the plane. I figured I’d call to let you know I’m here instead of texting.”
“I’m glad you did,” he says. “It’s good to hear your voice.”
“I’m going to go to the rental kiosk and pick up the car, then head to Chesapeake.”
“How far is the drive to Chesapeake?”
“About a half hour or less, depending on traffic.”
“Why don’t you call me once you’re settled into your hotel room? Maybe you can read the next part of the diary to me.”
“Sounds like a plan. Are you doing okay? How’s Otis?”
“He’s great. I love this cat. He’s so friendly.”
“Thank you again for taking care of him. I’ll call you as soon as I get to my room.”
I end the call, get up from the chair, and grab my bag. I’m ready to set out on this journey.
Rolling my bag behind me, I make my way into the modest hotel room. Through a large window, I glimpse dusk settling in around the nearby harbor. I park my bag near a dresser and look around the room for a moment, feeling satisfied with my choice. Part of me is like Sam and can’t believe I’ve gone on this journey, and the other part of me feels at home in my decision. Something about this trip comes naturally. I haven’t worried about traveling alone or let fear of the unknown scare me away from going through with it.
I place my small suitcase on the luggage rack and open it, searching for something more comfortable than the clothes I’ve been stuck in for the last nine hours. I pull out my beauty supplies, toothpaste, and toothbrush, then make my way to the bathroom. After freshening up, I sit down on the bed. A sense of pride comes over me when I think of what I’ve done. Until a couple of weeks ago, I never would’ve traveled by myself, searching for a woman I don’t know except through the pages of her diary. I was too afraid to stand up for myself at work and could barely get a word out when Sam would try to talk to me.
With a smile on my face, I go back to where my bag is and search through it for Estherly’s second diary. My heart skips a beat when I hold her words in my hand and imagine what’s contained in the pages of this book.
Pulling the covers down on the bed, I crawl in and place the diary next to me. Reaching for my cell, I call Sam and we exchange hellos. Having him on the line brings so
much comfort to my soul.
“I’m going to miss being near you when I read this,” I say, not regretting letting him know how I feel.
“Me, too. It’s become our thing. But, I don’t think we should wait for you to get back before we read more. There may be additional clues in these new passages.”
“I agree,” I say, then reach for the book and put Sam on speaker.
“Can you hear me okay?” I ask.
“Sure can. How was your flight? How’s the hotel?”
“Flight was long, and this place is pretty nice. Chesapeake is beautiful from what I saw when I was driving in. It makes me happy knowing Estherly lived here. My hotel is right near a harbor with sailboats docked in it. When I pulled in, the sun was setting, and it was breathtaking.” Kind of like you, I think, and a smile forms on my face. I wonder to myself if I can have a friendship with Sam one day where I won’t be so infatuated with him to the point of acting like a schoolgirl. If there’s nothing romantic with him in my future, I need to stop being so silly.
“How was your day?” I ask.
“Good. I lazed around the house today with Otis. This has got to be the coolest cat I’ve ever met.”
“He’s a hoot. Wait till he has a little burst of energy and starts racing around your house.” I laugh.
“How long have you had him?”
“Since he was five weeks old. I rescued him from a shelter, and we’ve been best buds since that day.”
“I haven’t had a pet in years.”
“Why’s that?”
“I guess I thought I was too busy. I’ve been thinking about getting a dog for a while now. I figured once I was done remodeling my house, I’d see about finding one that’s a good fit.”
“You’d be a great dog dad.”
“I can picture myself taking a dog fishing with me or one running around the backyard. Having Otis here with me is swaying me in the pet ownership direction.”
“Well, good. Having a pet has made all the difference in my life. Before you, Otis was my only real friend.”
“How come?” Sam asks, and I’m not sure how to reply.
“I used to think that it was my friends and how they’re all busy with their lives, but I’m beginning to think it’s me.”
“What do you mean?”
I sigh. “I guess I’m a loner. I’ve been stuck in a rut for years. I dedicate too much of my time to a go-nowhere job. I’ve had friends invite me out to dinner and turned them down because I had to work overtime. I let my job consume my life.”
“You sound like you’re almost to the point of not allowing that to continue. Am I right?” he asks.
“I’m definitely on a ledge that you may have to talk me off of.”
“I can’t do that,” he says. “I have to say, I wholeheartedly agree with you, and if anything, I’m going to push you in the direction of finding a career path that will actually make you happy.”
“I appreciate your support.”
“Hey, that’s what friends are for… and next time one of your other friends calls and invites you out, you stick to your guns and go.”
“I’m probably going to have plenty of time on my hands in the not-too-distant future, because Roger is going to explode when I call in tomorrow morning. I’m sure I’m going to lose my job.”
“You seem like you’ve accepted that idea,” Sam says.
“For the most part, I have.”
“From what you’ve told me, you’re set financially for a couple years, right?”
“Not going out with your friends since college and being a darn hermit allows you to save lots and lots of money.”
“If you do get fired, what kind of job would you like to search for?”
I laugh. “Do you need a secretary?”
I’m kidding, but Sam hums in reply as if it’s something he’d entertain. “You know, that’s not a bad idea. You could come and work for me until you found something you really loved, because construction admin is not a big part of your dreams.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah! If I had you taking care of the admin stuff, that would give me more time to do other things. I’d love that extra time. I’d work you part-time, though. I don’t have enough work to keep you busy full-time.”
“I’m sure I’m going to have to take you up on the offer. I already get threatened every Monday thru Friday that I’m going to lose my job because I’m so bad at it — which again, I’m not.”
“Take it one day at a time, and I’ll be here for you if you need anything. Remember, it’s only a job, and it’s not even a job you love.”
“You’re right. What is meant to be will be, I guess. Too late to worry about it, since I’m in Virginia.”
Sam laughs.
“Can I ask you a question? I’m going to change the subject,” I ask, while I have the nerve.
“Anything.”
“Why are you single? I mean, you’re extremely good looking, and from what I know of you, you’re an outstanding human. I’m really surprised someone hasn’t snatched you up yet.”
He chuckles. “I’ve been very focused on building my business and making it a success. That doesn’t leave much time for romance. What about you? I could say the same about you.”
“Hermit… remember?”
“Well, we need to break you out of that house.” He laughs.
“You’ve done a great job of that so far.”
“It’s been a pleasure. Now, look at you. You’re in Virginia, and tomorrow you may find Estherly.”
“Gosh. What the heck am I going to say to her?”
“I keep wondering that myself. I sometimes feel like we’ve crossed a line, but her story is so fascinating. I suppose you’ll have to tell her how we found the diaries and how much her story spoke to you and see how she reacts…. if you find her. I hate building up your hope.”
“You can’t build it up more than it already is. Tomorrow could be the day I’ve been waiting for since I read her first words.”
“Speaking of her words, you must be exhausted. Are you ready to read to me?”
“I am. I have the diary right here. Are you ready?”
“Sure am. I wonder what we’ll discover tonight.”
“Time will tell.”
I grab the diary and open it up to the page we left off on.
3 September 1942
Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, my whole world has been shattered. I can barely write this, as tears won’t stop flowing from my eyes. There’s never been so much emptiness in my heart. Never so much pain. I don’t know how my family will recover from this or how I’ll be able to go on. Not even Henry’s love can soothe my heartache and utter despair. Nor can the secret that the two of us share take away my pain.
Chapter 16 – Estherly
3 September 1942
The moon is a sliver in the sky tonight as I make my way to the abandoned apartment to meet Henry. Excitement stirs at the thought of seeing him. I walk at a faster pace than normal, eager to be with him after he missed our rendezvous last week. I was grateful when I saw him on my way home from work today because I know he’s safe.
Slipping inside the door of the abandoned building, I head to the stairs. The steps creak with each move I make. The building must have been grand at one time. The spiral staircase suggests that in its glory, it was a sight to see. The intricate woodwork on the banister shows through the dust. Stopping for an instant, I use the hem of my dress to wipe away the grime and admire the detail. Shaking myself from the moment, I think of Henry and continue the rest of the way up the stairs. Walking down the hallway, I stop in front of the door where we meet. Grasping the doorknob, I hesitate, take a deep breath, smile, and slide through the door.
Henry greets me with open arms, and I gladly accept them. Pressing against his chest, I take in his familiar scent and melt.
“I could stay like this forever,” I whisper.
“Me, too, Estherly,” he says, r
ubbing the small of my back.
He plants soft kisses on the top of my head, then positions me to look him in his eyes. Lingering, I become mesmerized by his gaze. He leans in and places his lips to mine, causing my heart to explode with love. Breaking from our kiss, he gestures for me to sit on the blanket he has laid out for us. I sit, pulling him down with me.
“I’m sorry I didn’t meet you last week,” he says, as I lay my head against his shoulder.
“What happened to you?”
“While I was about to leave my post to come meet you, two of my fellow soldiers stopped me. They stayed and talked with me for a long time, far past the time you would have assumed I was not coming. Even after they left, I was afraid they may come back, so I had to break our date,” he says, placing his head against mine.
“I waited an hour for you,” I say, taking his hand.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to risk getting caught.”
“It’s okay. I understand. I still love you.” I giggle.
“I love you, too.”
“I have something important I need to talk with you about,” I say, lifting my head. I scoot so I’m sitting in front of him, touching his knees with mine.
“What is it?” he asks, with furrowed brows.
“I wanted to tell you last week but—”
“Estherly, you’re worrying me. What is it?” His face tenses as his hand tightens around mine.
“I’m pregnant.” The words leave my lips as soft as velvet, and I wait for Henry to respond.
My face flushes after a few moments of silence, and I turn my gaze towards our linked hands. “Say something,” I whisper.
“I want to be happy, but how can I, knowing what a hell this life is for you? How will we provide for our child when I can barely take care of you now?”
While I understand them, his words break my heart. He is right, though. How will we protect our child from all the sufferings of this terrible world? Henry leans forwards and takes me into his arms where I’m safe. In happier times, the moment between us would’ve played out a lot differently. This news would be joyous, and instead of being frightened, we’d be over the moon.
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