Yawning, I stretch and try to push my emotions over Estherly aside as I get up from the bed. I gather the diaries and the photos I brought with me from Seattle and place them into a tote bag. I can’t help the sadness that consumes my heart when I imagine parting with Estherly’s belongings, even though I know I have no right to keep them. I check myself over in the mirror, feeling a little nervous about going back to see Oma, but overjoyed with excitement at the same time.
Walking through the hotel lobby, I notice how nice a day it is out and decide to walk to Oma’s since it’s only a few blocks away. I also figure it’ll give me an opportunity to call Sam, since I’m missing him so much this morning.
Sitting in the parlor at Estherly’s home, I wait for Helene to tell me it’s okay to go back and see Oma. Looking around the living area, I’m astonished that I didn’t recognize the photos of Estherly yesterday. Standing, I walk over to the fireplace mantel and get a closer look at the images lining it. I can pick Estherly out through the years, and a smile grows on my face. Seeing her grinning and laughing in some of the photographs helps soothe my aching heart.
“Auntie is awake and ready for you,” Helene says, coming into the room.
I turn and smile. “I’m terribly nosy.”
Helene approaches the fireplace and stands next to me with an equally wide grin. “This is my great-grandfather Oren.” She points to a photograph of a very handsome man with dark, wavy hair and striking blue eyes, sitting in a boat, beaming and holding a fishing pole.
“He was quite handsome.” I smile. “You look like him.”
“Thank you. Mom always says that too, but I think I look like my great-grandmother.”
“Will your grandma and her sisters be able to join us today?” I ask, hoping her answer is yes.
“They can’t today. How long will you be in town?”
“I’m here as long as you’ll have me.”
“Great! They can come tomorrow,” says Helene.
“I can’t wait to meet them. Estherly had three daughters?” I ask, looking at a photograph of Estherly sitting on the grass, surround by little girls.
“Yep. Auntie Oma has made me promise that I won’t say too much to you about Nana’s history. She’s so excited for you to read her diaries and know Nana’s story from her point of view. Are you ready to go talk to her?”
A smile stretches across my face at the thought of Oma not wanting to spoil Estherly’s diaries for me.
“Yes, I’m so excited, yet nervous, to speak with her again.”
“Go ahead and go back. She’s asked me to find something for you so I’m going upstairs to do that.”
I nod and walk past Helene and head down the hall to Oma’s room. Stepping in the doorway, my eyes land on the old woman resting in the bed, and my heart swells with love and adoration for her. I barely know her but feel so connected to her at the same time.
“Hello, Oma,” I say, as I walk near her bed and take a seat in the chair next to it.
“Ferrin, you look lovely today.”
I smile. “So do you, dear. How are you today?”
“Old.” She laughs. “When you’re my age, days tend to blend together.”
“When you have no life, days tend to blend together.”
“What’s this about no life?”
“Would you believe I’m actually a terribly boring person?”
“Never in a million years.” She grins. “Boring people don’t find diaries and go searching for their owner.”
“True. Before Estherly’s diaries, I was letting my job run my life. As I said before, she’s had quite the impact on me in a very short time.”
“My sister had a way about her. Not only was her story during the Holocaust compelling, but she had an air about her that made anyone who knew her fall madly in love with her. Speaking of her story, I’m curious to know how far you got last night.”
“I read about Henry’s death and what happened to your parents.”
Even though she has a slight smile on her face, pain shadows Oma’s eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” I say, not knowing what else to. “What happened to your family wasn’t fair.”
“Thank you. And no, it wasn’t. What happened to anyone during the Holocaust wasn’t fair or just or right. Estherly and I could’ve spent our whole lives being angry, but instead, we chose to be grateful for what we had left after the war: each other. The Nazis stole my family, but they didn’t take my life or my sister’s, and because of that, I think we were both left with a sense of purpose. We were always glad that my parents didn’t suffer and their deaths were quick. As hard as it sometimes is, I’m grateful they protected Estherly and that they died together.”
Taking Oma’s hand, I squeeze it. “I love your spirit. I respect how you’re able to live with such positivity.”
“We had to. What was I going to do? Let the Nazis take the rest of my life by sitting around and feeling sorry for myself? No, dear. That is not the Krauss way. I don’t know if you’ve gathered this from Estherly’s diaries, but we’re fighters. Not in the sense of taking up arms, but in our spirits. Yes, there were times both Estherly and I would fall into depression, but we never stayed there long.”
“That’s so wonderful. See, it’s that spirit that’s encouraged me to start living life, instead of letting life dictate how I feel.”
“If you get anything out of my family’s story, I hope it’s a happier life.”
I nod, agreeing with her.
“Would you like to see a photograph of Henry?”
“Oh, yes.”
Oma points to her nightstand to a stack of photographs. “There, dear. I had Helene pull out some photos for you to view. If you hand them to me, I’ll tell you who they are.”
Picking up the stack, first, I can’t help but notice an image of a handsome Nazi soldier. “This must be Henry.”
“He was a looker,” Oma smiles. “My sister had great taste in men. Have you seen Oren?”
“Helene pointed him out in a photo on the fireplace mantel. They’re both very handsome.”
Oma nods. “I didn’t know Henry. Estherly hadn’t told me about him until we were here in the United States. When she first told me she loved a Nazi, I thought all those years surviving the Holocaust drove my sister insane, but when she retold how they fell in love and how he treated her, and that he changed his beliefs because of his feelings for her, I couldn’t help but to admire him. Estherly told me about how Henry was the one that brought us food and gave us money when we were in Łódź. Once I knew the truth, I couldn’t blame my sister for loving her enemy.”
“He seemed like a good man. I was very sorry to read about how he died.”
Oma closes her eyes and nods, squeezing her lids tight. “Henry didn’t deserve the death he received. There’s so much cruelty and evil in the world sometimes. It’s hard not to be overwhelmed by it all. You have to focus on the beauty of life. And although Estherly and Henry couldn’t escape the war together, their love was something wonderful that Estherly carried in her heart till the day she died. You see, she did love Oren, but that didn’t mean her love for Henry faded away. In fact, Estherly kept Henry in her heart her entire life. There wasn’t a day that passed where she didn’t think of him.”
I’m at a loss for words as I stare at the photograph of Henry in his uniform. Seeing his face, his kind eyes, makes everything so much more real.
“This is my father, Simon, and my mother, Ruth.”
I look up from the image in my hand and take the one Oma offers.
“They look a lot how I pictured them. Gavi really favors your father.”
“And I look like my mother.”
“Yes, you do. You have the same eyes. Estherly had them, too. They’re so big and beautiful.”
Oma pulls another photo from the pile she holds. “This is my sweet little Anika. This was taken before we were relocated to Łódź.”
“Oh, Oma, she was so precious.” Now, I can’t hold t
he tears back anymore, and I stop trying.
“She was full of spunk and loved life. There wasn’t a boring day with that child. Every day it was twenty questions about everything from the flowers in my garden to the birds flying in the sky. She kept us all on our toes and laughing.”
Tears pour from my eyes as I stare down at the photo of the innocent child who was taken too soon from this world.
“I often wonder what would’ve become of her if they hadn’t killed her that day. She could’ve done amazing things.”
“I’m so sorry, Oma. I’m so very sorry.”
“I know, dear. I am, too. It’s tragic, but again, at least she didn’t suffer as I witnessed so many others. You couldn’t imagine the atrocities I saw while in Auschwitz. One time, a Nazi soldier told me that he preferred shooting victims in the head or neck because he knew he was saving them from unbearable torture. My family suffered, but it could’ve been much worse.”
“How did you come to be in America?”
“After the liberation, most Jews were relocated. I was lucky enough to be sent here on a refugee visa. Many of those I knew in the camp were sent to Palestine. God knew Estherly and I needed each other. I truly believe that. It’s by God’s grace that we both came to live in America.”
“Did you live here with Estherly and Oren?”
“I did but moved to my own house after I was married. I married soon after moving to Chesapeake. I fell in love with one of Oren’s military buddies. My husband, Arthur, passed away from a heart attack when he was in his early forties. We have a house a few blocks from here where my daughter lives now with her husband.”
“I didn’t realize you had a child, too.”
“One daughter. Her name is Leah. Helene said they all want to come and meet you tomorrow. We were thinking of having a lunch if you’ll still be here.”
“I would love that. I have an open-ended ticket. I should probably get back to work, but I’m far more interested in meeting your family.”
Oma spends time showing me photographs of all her family. Seeing that Estherly was surrounded by loved ones warms my heart.
After about an hour, I notice Oma getting tired and excuse myself, telling her I’ll be back to talk to her tomorrow. She makes me laugh when she refuses to tell me which of Estherly’s daughters is Henry’s child.
“You must read,” she says. “I won’t spoil it for you. You need to know the story from Estherly and not me. Go back to your hotel, read the diary, and come back tomorrow to have lunch with us. I’ll even get out of bed for you. The girls, Estherly’s children, are very anxious to meet the fire-haired woman who found their mother’s diaries. They have many questions for you.”
“As do I for all of you. It’s been so good sitting and chatting with you today, Oma. I’m so blessed to know you.”
“I feel as though you’re family.”
As I’m about to leave the room, Helene walks in.
“I was waiting till you were done before I brought this in.”
On her arm hangs a long tweed coat.
“Is that what I think it is?” I turn and look at Oma.
“That’s Estherly’s coat. Take a look at it. Look inside and see the pockets.”
Helene holds her arm out to me, and I run my hand over the coat, barely able to contain tears.
“Try it on,” Oma says.
“Really?” I ask.
“Go ahead. Nana would want you to,” Helene says.
Taking the coat from Helene, I slide my arms into it and bring it tight around my body, hugging it. I inhale deeply, smelling the scent of rose perfume. In this moment, I’m closer to Estherly than I ever have been. Closing my eyes, I imagine her walking the streets of Łódź towards the firing pit. I think of her finding the coat in the dark after losing her parents and running through the forest with it on. I stay silent, imagining Estherly’s life while I’m wrapped up in her coat. Finally, opening my eyes, I open the flaps of the jacket and inspect the inner pockets, thinking how clever it was of Henry to tell Estherly to sew them into the garment.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“We have so much more to talk to you about. I can hardly contain my excitement over you being here,” Helene says.
“I feel the same. Thank you for bringing this out for me, Helene.”
“Thank Auntie Oma. It was her idea.”
Walking back to the bed, I take Oma into my arms, saying thank you near her ear.
“You’re welcome. Thank you. This is the most excitement I’ve had in years,” she laughs.
“Okay, well… I best get going,” I say, as I slip out of Estherly’s jacket and hand it back to Helene. “I’m so looking forward to meeting everyone tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow afternoon,” Oma says, waving.
A part of me doesn’t want to leave her, but I know she needs her rest.
“Let me walk you out,” Helene says, following me out the bedroom door. “Did she give you any spoilers on the rest of Nana’s story?”
“Nope. Not one. She said I have to read it for myself.”
“She’s a tough old broad. Showing up yesterday really gave her a kick in the pants. She talked about you all night long.”
“I adore her,” I say.
“She’s something special.”
“Do you live here with her?” I ask.
“Yeah. I go to Norfolk State University and help take care of Auntie Oma. Days when I have classes, Leah takes care of her mom.”
We make it to the front door, and I lean in and hug Helene. “You’re a sweet girl.”
Letting her go, she smiles. “Thanks. You’re a pretty awesome lady.”
“Ha!” I laugh. “I can’t wait for tomorrow.”
“We’re going to cook you traditional Jewish foods. Will you be okay with that?”
“Oh, yes, I’d love that. You’re really taking me far into Estherly’s world.”
“We have so much to tell you. Where did you leave off in Nana’s story?”
“Henry and her parents were killed. It’s so awful.”
“There’s so much more…”
“Oh, no. I don’t know if my heart can take anymore,” I say.
“At least you know Nana’s story had a happy ending.”
“Very true. Okay, well, I’ll see you all tomorrow. Should I bring anything?”
“No, we’ll take care of all of it. You’re our guest.”
I smile and make my way through the open screen door.
After dining at a restaurant that Oma told me I had to try, I go back to the hotel and prepare for an early sleep. Picking up my cell phone and grabbing Estherly’s diary, I call Sam.
I tell him all about my chat with Oma, and he tells me about his mundane day, compared to mine.
“So, they let you keep the diaries and photos?”
“Oma said she wants me to finish the diary before I give it back. I gave her back the photographs, except she allowed me to keep one of Estherly and Henry. She said she had duplicates.”
“That was nice of her.”
“I feel like I’m part of their family. Is that weird?”
“Not at all. They’ve been very welcoming to you. Are you ready to see what’s next for Estherly?”
“I am. I’m so tired from staying up late last night, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to read tonight.”
“If you get too tired, we can continue tomorrow when you get back from lunch.”
I yawn and get comfortable. “Okay. That sounds like a plan.”
“Ferrin?”
“Yeah?”
“I miss you.”
“I miss you, too,” I say, smiling, even though I know he can’t see me.
Opening the diary, I turn to the page we left off on and glance down at the new one, attempting to stop Sam’s words from sending me into a crazed tizzy.
25 April 1943
I have come to know the feeling of sorrow all too well. The heaviness that crushes your chest until yo
u can barely breathe, bringing you to your knees. The unbearable sadness that fills your soul until you feel like you have nothing left in you to survive... however, nothing prepared me for this. I will never recover. I will never forgive myself. My heart is so broken, I can’t even explain how it’s still beating. He is gone…
Chapter 20 – Estherly
25 April 1943
I haven’t seen my feet in ages, I think, as I grab a bucket by the back door of the shack and head out in the crisp night air. The sound of crickets surrounds me, mimicking a song. Owls hoot back and forth to one another, adding to the perfect symphony. I close my eyes and let nature’s sweet music provide an escape from reality. I open my eyes and lower the bucket to the forest floor. Pure instinct sets in and my feet take flight. Swaying to and fro, I extend my arms left and right. Twirling on my right foot, I giggle at what a spectacle I must be in my condition. My round belly has me unbalanced, and I know I’m not as good at dancing as I once was. Placing my hands on my belly, I rock my body, humming in tune with the critters for what seems like hours. Realizing I had better hurry back to my task, I bend and pick up the bucket.
Waddling to the small creek that runs behind the shack, I let the fresh scent of the pine trees fill my nose. The air on my skin is refreshing, after spending the day in hiding in the small one-room cabin. Reaching the stream, I dip my bucket in and fill it with water. I love listening to the water splash over the rocks, making small drumming noises. Setting the bucket down, I slip out of my shoes and place my swollen, sore feet in the cold water. The stream trickles around my ankles, soothing them and my feet. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, letting the moment of relief sink in. Hiding in the forest all this time has been very hard, especially these last few months. Any relief, even for a moment, feels amazing at this point. Putting my hand on my large stomach, I’m shaken from my thoughts, feeling a little jab at my fingertips.
Remember the Stars Page 16
