by JG Hampton
bearing a male first off like she had. Uncle Xandro and Aunt Xenia had born six sons so far and Mama was so jealous at Xenia's ease in producing males. Was something wrong with her she wondered?
When Marie was born next, Papa was not so delighted. Mama named her baby Marie, after Grandmama, to appease her and the Russian people. Grandmama was delighted that she had a namesake with such beautiful saucer like eyes. I think Mama was very diplomatic to do this, but doubt her ploy worked, but it did for awhile. Marie is so angelic that we often wonder if an angel isn't residing amongst us.
Mama prayed again, day and night for a czarovitch. Why was her fondest desire not being granted? Auntie Annya fasted and prayed with her, too, and soon Mama was expecting again. Surely, now their prayers would be answered but then Anastasia put in her appearance in all her glory..
"A fourth Grand Duchess was nothing to celebrate.' Thought your Papa much to my mortification.' said Mama sadly remembering the occasion. Headlines of the newspapers blared: The Czarina is Incapable of Bearing a Male Heir.
"Your poor Mama was humiliated in the newspapers as well as at court." said Baroness Buxhoeveden looking out from the veil of her dainty blue hat.
"Your Papa cried like a baby when Anastasia was born and so did I," declared Auntie Annya.
"I had to chastise him and tell him that children were gifts of God and that they should be grateful that they had healthy, lively children because many like Uncle Sergei and AuntieElla and I weren't so privileged," said Auntie Annya knitting furiously.
"Your Papa had to take a long stroll before he controlled his emotions long enough to return to welcome his fourth daughter into the world and come and kiss your Mama."
I always wrapped my arms around myself at this point and kicked Anastasia with my toe knowing this part of the story perturbed the imp.
"Sorry, that I was such a disappointment, Papa and Mama. I hope you still don't feel the same." says my impish sister sticking out her tongue at me brashly.
"Then what happened Mama?" I always ask in suspense because I know that the story gets even more sensational and mysterious.
"I was so nervous and distraught at not having the boy child that I'd prayed for that I actually had a false pregnancy in a few months. I thought I was pregnant, but I wasn't."
In unison, my sisters yell out: "Really, Mama, how could this be?" Mama always answers: "Sometimes, your mind and your body can play strange tricks, especially when you want something so badly. Queen Mary I of England had this happen to her also. Her court sewed and prepared clothes for a child who never was conceived yet alone born. Growing fatter and fatter as if she really were with child, her body deceived her in the same way mine did. When the allotted time had passed and no child was forthcoming she had to admit that there wouldn't be a child as I did. Imagine Queen Mary's embarrassment as well as my own."
"But mother, you'd given birth before, how could you have not known the signs?" asked Olga curiously.
"I'm still asking myself this and so does your grandmother much to my chagrin."
"Is that another reason Grandmama and you don't get along?" asked Tatiana.
"That's one of the many reasons dear hearts." Then I mad a pilgrimage and bathed in the holy pool where cripples had been healed and so did your Papa. Three years later, you were born, Alexei. When I held you in my arms, I couldn't believe that you'd finally arrived. Papa took you naked out into the hall to show everyone his son. He didn't even bother to wrap you up." said my auntie as if it were one of the seven deadly sins.
"Three hundred salutes were fired off into the air in celebration notifiying the world that the next Russian czarovitch had been born. I bowed my head and praised the Virgin Mary and St. Seraphim for finally granting my prayers."
"And they lived happily ever after," said Anastasia jabbing me back with the sharp toe of her new white shoes.
"Except for the fact that the czarovitch was stolen from his crib and a changeling was left in his place." Anastasia smiled at me wickedly. Everyone laughed at this. Baroness Buxhoeveden almost popped her buttons on her traveling jacket when she heard this and Auntie Annya dropped a stitch and had to pull out some of her knitting. I stuck out my tongue knowing that properly raised young gentlemen didn't do this, but I was willing to risk it. Mama didn't reprimand me.
"Anna, when are you going to prick your finger and fall asleep for one hundred years?"
Finally the train arrived in Moscow and we went to our rooms in the old palace. It is beautiful, but cold and uncomfortable, but it is the home of my ancestors and I feel their spirits about me. I hope the fighting ends soon so that we can return to Livadia. Is this a selfish wish? My parents are happiest at this beautiful palace with all of its flowering gardens and so am I.
5 June 1914 18 July 1914 - Today Dr. Botkin examined me carefully. At present I am quite healthy. He says that I perplex him more than any of his patients, except for Mama. He never know how things will be with me. I recovered from my surgery for my hernia last year without any complications when he expected me to bleed to death; yet he'd also seen me at death's doorstep after only a slight fall. Then he'd had to tell my parents that there was no hope I was a total baffling mystery to him.
Perhaps I might be afflicted with the same hysteria which afflicted my mother he wondered?
I told the good doctor about my new plan of building up my body by rowing, swimming and now lifting weights. Immediately he put a damper on my new plan by saying: "Alexei, I advise moderation in all things. You and your mother tend to got to extremes when you take up a cause. Don't over do it and please don't over excite yourself or your Mama
Crowds appeared from throughout Moscow in support of Holy Russia. Two headed eagle flags were waving every where as Russians supported their czar. I have never felt so proud of my people and Papa. Mama had tears in her eyes when Papa stood out on the balcony and addressed his people. If war comes, certainly victory is assured and a swift victory will occur for Holy Russia. In front of me were columns of brave Russian soldiers marching before they headed for battle. How many would die? Mothers and sweethearts blew kisses as they passed by in their new wool uniforms which Papa had approved. A repeating rifle was on every shoulders shoulder. After this tremendous show of force, we Romanovs headed back to St. Petersburg immediately.
7 June 1914, 20 July 1914 - I played with my train for most of the afternoon extending the tracks around Mama's mauve boudoir while Mama wrote letters to Aunt Irene, Uncle Ernie, and Great Aunt Victoria. Reading over her shoulder I gather that she hoped some of them might visit us in August at Livadia despite the startling turn of events; she was certain that the fighting would not last long after a show of force. If not well armed, Russia had almost an endless body of men willing to die for their country. Mama told servants to make sure that food supplies were replenished in the Alexander palace and Livadia. Hurray! We'd be returning to Livadia this year if all went well.
I always liked to hear from Aunt Irene and Aunt Ella, because they knew of my illness. Aunt Irene's oldest son has the same illness that I have and this though tragic was vaguely comforting knowing that I was not the lone sufferer. Aunt Ella, christened Elizabeth, was Mama's older sister who resembled her although I think Mama is more beautiful. Kaiser Wilhelm has always been in love with her, but she wouldn't have the pompous braggart and married Uncle Sergei, Papa's own uncle. It was because of her that Mama had come to Russia in the first place and fallen in love with my Papa. Having converted to Russian orthodoxy from the Episcopalian one, she saw to it that Mama and Papa's romance blossomed having no desire to live alone in this cold far off country, especially without any chance of having children since the marriage would not be consummated.
After Uncle Serge, the Governor of Moscow, was blown up by a bomb, my aunt designed her own uniform and established her own holy order so that she had some sort of life. Only pieces of Serge were found hardly enough to put in a coffin. In some ways she was like another mother to us, because she'd never had a
ny children of her own. Auntie Ella had given up much for her new country according to court gossip which Anastasia whispered to me. I must ask Papa to explain it. I missed Aunt Ella who lived in Moscow and knew that she and Mama were fighting because of my staretz of all people.
One day, Aunt Ella had descended on the palace in her gray uniform with its large red cross and white head cover and began criticizing Father Grigory. Had Grandmama put her up to this?
"Ella, I have enough traitors in my family, I will not put up with my own sister betraying me. You, of all people know why Father Grigory is necessary to Alexei and me:" I haven't seen nor heard from Aunt Ella after that. Apparently neither of the sisters take criticism well and both refuse to acknowledge that either of them may be in the wrong."
9 June 1914, 22 July 1914 - Anastasia and I were bored one day and she helped me draw small people on wooden stands out of heavy art paper for my train depot. She's my most creative, imaginative and lively sister. I'm so glad that she's too old to play with dolls and too young to be always talking about men like Olga, Tatiana, and Marie. She helped me create miniatures of cousin Willy, King George and the Emir in his long black robes. When we play with them, she always has them say the most amusing things, mostly about their
