by JG Hampton
some of the dignitaries were a little abrupt and condescending to Mama, but Mama only sees what she wants to see. She loves them and expects everyone to love her, if only that were the case.
We visited an old woman who was one hundred and seven years old who blessed Mama. I was upset when she cried out: "Be joyous uncrowned bride." "Here is the martyr Empress Alexandra." Whatever did she mean by that? Chills ran down my spine and I took my sister Olga's hand. Was the old toothless crone a bit touched in the mind? The color in Baroness Buxhoevedon's face rose, but no one said a word about what had transpired, however those words have locked themselves in my mind.
18 December 1915, 23 December 1915 - All the bells are on the trika and we' put silver ones on our team of horses and Mama, Auntie Annya and I went on a lovely sleigh ride around the czar's village with Lili Dehn. We stopped and visited Uncle Paul and his wife and my cousins Dmitry and Marie and brought them small gifts of nuts, pepper cookies and our homemade ones which my sisters and I made along with some of Papa's best wine from the cellar.
Their new mansion is beautiful and Uncle Paul is so happy to be back where he belongs in Russia surrounded by his treasures and fine furniture that he'd collected while he was in Europe. His time away has mellowed him and softened his edges perhaps Papa should banish all of my contrary Romanov relatives for awhile. Some obviously like to learn lessons the hard way.
Uncle Paul is a changed man. Many relatives still openly criticize Papa; some relatives have started a new rumor about my Papa- that he has the evil eye; don't they know that he's trying to preserve the dynasty for me and my posterity? That comment is just ludicrous. Papa has the most gentle eyes; one need only ook in them to realize that. What is all of this insanity heading? Doesn't the devil ever sleep?
20 December 1915, 4 December 1915 - My sisters and I have cut out paper snowflakes and put them on the windows of our palace and have hung them from the ceilings on fishing line as if they were diamonds on a necklace. Whenever one walks by, the delicate creations sway and dance as if they're fluttering down from the sky in the family quarters. It appears to be snowing inside our Alexander palace. It looks like a winter wonderland in our domain, but Mama thinks they are beautiful and is pleased. With a touch of irony, we're snug as bugs in our palace while the garbage is piling up in the streets of Petrograd as is the snow because of the workers strikes. Will this woe never end?
My sisters, aunts and I went to the ballet where they saw "The Nutcracker Performed." One of my uncles is married to the Prima ballerina and they have a son. Anastasia says that Papa was once in love with her, before he married my beautiful Mama. Can a man love two women at the same time? Papa told me he'd loved Mama since he was sixteen. I must ask my father about this.
My favorite part was the battle between the mice and when the Christmas tree began to grow. Our tree this year is the largest one we've ever had. I was the one who found the perfect forest king.
We are all enjoying many new Christmas record on Mama's phonograph. I only wish that I could dance around merrily through the palace with my sisters. Papa will soon be home. Seeing him again should warm up Mama's enlarged heart. She has missed him more than I have and I've missed him every waking moment.
24 December 1915 - 7 January 1916 - Mama sat on Papa's lap just like in the old days and Mama let each of us open one small gift from her on Christmas Eve. My present was a minature jointed teddy bear wearing a hand knit striped red and white sweater. Mama knows that I still love stuffed animals and always will. I'll keep this one near me always since it just fits in the pocket of my peasant shirt. My sisters opened small packages containing perfume from Paris which they loved along with small teddy bears dressed in aprons. The older pair received two elegan jeweled clips from Papa which they could wear on the ball gowns or in their hair. Soon our living quarters smelled like a garden.
Mama was wearing her blue sapphire cross and her large pearl ring. Papa had her open his gift to her in front of all of us rather than wait until we were in bed as was their custom. Inside the small box were a set of large pearl earring to go with her blue sapphire cross. Her eyes sparkled like the gems when she opened the gift. Mama looked like a young bride again as she fastened them in her ears. Papa whistled and kissed her on the lips. Nicholas and Alexandra kissed her for such a long time even Auntie Annya and Countess Buxhoeveden were blushing by the time they finished. My sisters cheeks were all rosy, but it is wonderful to have parents who still love each other. All my sisters want what my Mama and Papa have. One of my tutors has not kissed his wife in years and one of my great Uncles never kisses his wife or holds her hand according to Anastasia and they sleep in separate rooms of the palace. I asked her if it was Grand Duke Nickolai. She said for half of the candy in my Christmas stocking, she'd tell me. What a minx she is.
We decorated the Christmas tree and oohed and awed when we turned on the bubble lights.
This year we put strands of gold icicles on our Christmas tree and the tree was more beautiful than I ever remember. As I hung my small baby booties on one of its branches, I marveled that my feet were ever this tiny since my feet are now size twelve. I am now taller than Papa since my recent growth spurt.
Mama said: "You're going to take after me and your Grandpapa Alexander. We're both the tallest ones in the family."
"You certainly don't take after me." said my Papa. "My father always said I was the runt of his litter and wondered how I'd ever make it as a czar. When I was born he said: Is that all there is to him? He was decidedly not impressed at my puniness." Mama piped in: "You're doing a fine job Nicky! If you'll only lead out a little more ferociously and follow my advice." Papa howled like a wolf and bared his teeth; we all laughed.
I love all the heirloom ornaments but this year my sisters and I made gingerbread men and women cookies with cookie cutters which we decorated with frosting and gave to our relatives representing Russians along with boxes of chocolates and nuts. We added dozens of these handmade ornaments to our large fir tree we found in the forest and cut down on our traditional tree hunting expedition. The spicy smell mixed with the scent of pine made the family room smell delicious. We had such fun making the exquisite cookies and perhaps this cookie making venture will become a family tradition even though they were a lot of work. The molasses flavored confections turned out beautifully. Auntie Olga showed us how to cut hearts in them. Then we put crushed red cinnamon and cherry flavored hard candies in the centers. When they baked, the candy melted and looked like red stained glass. When they cooled, we piped fancy swirls and dots around them in white frosting using special tips and bags of icing and then added tiny silver candy balls and red candies.
Afterwards we threaded red ribbon through them before we hung them on the tree. Not only does our Christmas tree look like a work of art laden with all kinds of priceless ornaments, it smells scrumptious, too. On top of it all stands an angel with widespread wings protecting this lavish creation and I like to think our family as well from the heart ache and stings of the outside.
I think Monsieur Faberge would be pleased with our artistic efforts. I will always remember this Christmas season and the atmosphere of love in our hearts. The cookies made such a hit with our friends and relatives. The war seems far away for a few weeks at least as we sang Christmas carols as Mama played the piano with us gathered around her. We delighted in each others company.
25 December 1915, 6 January 1916-Opening my presents on Christmas morning, I discovered that my talented sisters and wonderful Mama each made my large Steiff bear an outfit. When and how had they done this? When I was sleeping or away at Stavka? What a marvelous surprise! My bear, General Grumpkins, looked fabulous in a Tyrolean felt jacket of red and green with black pants, a knitted white fisherman's sweater with patched pants complete with rubber waders, an embroidered midnight blue peasant shirt like Rasputin wears with black velvet pants, a velvet opera jacket, felt top hat, with theater binoculars, a red wool military jacket like Papa and I wore to review the troo
ps, and a night shirt. I can't decide which outfit is my favorite.
I also received a table sized carousel with small painted horses, animals, sea serpents and dragons. Whirling around when I wind it with a golden key, it also plays different tunes when small gold metal circles are inserted. Small porcelain dolls can ride the carousel. I will never tire of playing with this amazing toy. We all love it. I will play with it carefully so that my own czarovitch can play with the marvelous toy in a decade after I become czar.
Anastasia surpassed herself. Our imp enlarged photos of our faces and put them on a round dowel so that we can use them as masks. She gave each of us a complete set of our family members to use as hand held puppets. We spent an hour mimicking each other opening our gifts.
Anastasia as usual had us all guffawing as she held up my picture in front of her face saying: "You mean this is all I get? Isn't there anything else? Where is my chemistry set? Don't tell me you thought I'd blow up the palace so you substituted something else? Didn't I write a letter to Saint Nicholas asking for a miniature replica of Buckingham Palace, one of Windsor, Balmoral, St. James and the castle on the
