by Eileen Palma
“First dates can be a nerve-wracking experience. What to wear, what to say, even what to order at the restaurant can be…”
“Not the whole article. Just give me the highlights.”
“Rule number one. Never mention your ex-boyfriend on the first date. It will make your date feel uncomfortable and he’ll think you’re still caught up in the past.”
“Shit. I already did that.”
“Why would you bring up that good for nothin’ bum?”
“It just came up. What else does it say not to do?” Sarah Jessica Barker sat perfectly still while Kate pulled a pink turtleneck sweater over her little head. It was the perfect double date outfit for the little dog.
“Rule number two. Let the guy pay for you on the first date. This will boost his ego and make him feel secure.”
“I screwed that one up already too. Shit, shit, shit. I’m already off to a lousy start.”
“Who cares what this Haute lady says. Bet she sits home alone every night microwaving Lean Cuisine and watching TV with her ten cats,” said Mrs. Fink.
“Then why’d you read me the article in the first place?”
“Don’t worry about it. Just have a good time.”
Kate spent the walk to the High Line fixating on what else might be on Mrs. Fink’s checklist. Sarah Jessica Barker knew Chelsea like the back of her paw from her walks with Pam, and she practically dragged Kate up 22nd Street for no explicable reason.
“Interesting way to get to the Highline, Sarah Jessica Barker. But we’ll go with it.”
Kate stopped short when she heard her phone ring. “I don’t need any more date advice. You already traumatized me enough with that awful article.”
“You’re going on a date?” Kate’s sister Jen practically screamed into the phone. “With who?”
“Try not to act so shocked.” Kate stopped in front of a thick oak tree that looked like it sprouted from the warped sidewalk and let Sarah Jessica Barker sniff at it.
“Sorry. It’s just been awhile. Hasn’t it?” Jen’s smug marriedness saturated the phone line.
“I met this really cool guy at Sarah Jessica Barker’s party. You would’ve met him if you had come.”
“No offense, but I could hardly have Ripley skip her piano lesson and Hunter miss his Kumon for a dog’s birthday party.”
“Of course not. What was I thinking?” Kate watched as Sarah Jessica Barker scratched at the small patch of dirt surrounding the tree. Until Kate had her own kids, her life would never be as important as Jen’s.
“So, anyway. What’s the deal with Pop’s rehab?”
“I paid the deposit. We’re just waiting for a bed to open up. They should have one in about a week.”
“Good, cause Pop’s working my last nerve. I caught him trying to play that instant numbers game at the Pizza Beat when he said he was going to the bathroom.”
“I told you he could stay with me.” Kate held her breath, hoping her sister wouldn’t take her up on the offer.
“All his bookie friends still live in the city. He’s better off here in Westchester.” Jen sighed to let Kate know that her sacrifice was far bigger than Kate footing the rehab bill.
“As long as he doesn’t hit up Yonkers Raceway.”
“Shit. I didn’t think of that.”
“Just don’t leave any cash lying around and don’t give Pop your car keys for any reason. If he has no way to get around, he won’t be able to gamble.”
“Forget about Pop for the night. Just get out and have a good time.”
Sarah Jessica Barker pulled on the leash and practically dragged Kate across Seventh Avenue. They had only walked a few steps when Kate spotted Jack hailing a cab at the corner of 8th.
“You’re a piece of work, Sarah Jessica Barker! You brought me to Diesel’s house?” Kate looked down at her panting dog and couldn’t help but laugh.
Kate was just about to call Jack’s name when she realized he wasn’t alone. As the cab grinded to a stop, a woman with Pantene commercial-worthy hair pressed her face into Jack’s shoulder.
“Fuck.” Kate picked up Sarah Jessica Barker and ducked behind a red Escalade. Her heart pounded when she realized Jack must’ve been hooking up with some other woman right before he left to meet her. Never one to avert her eyes from a car wreck, Kate couldn’t help but watch as Jack wrapped his arms around the woman. They weren’t kissing but there was something very intimate in the way they wordlessly held each other.
Just when Kate couldn’t take it anymore, Jack let go of the woman and opened the cab door for her. He guided her in the backseat with a gentle hand on the small of her back and then grabbed an overnight bag off the curb and put it next to her. He shut the door and gave the trunk two hard swats with his palm signaling the cabbie to take off.
Kate could feel her face dipped in red from humiliation as her palms broke into a hard and fast sweat. She thanked God she hadn’t slept with him the other night. Kate needed to stay hidden behind the oversized SUV till Jack headed back inside. Then she would stand the bastard up.
Kate watched as Jack walked to a brownstone that stood out from the others on the block with its freshly painted tan bricks and shiny new windows decorated with boxes filled with burnt orange and red mums. The cement stoop was lined with ceramic potted mums and cabbage leaves that led up to a mahogany front door embellished with a hay and Indian corn wreath. The whole building exuded family and warmth, not what you would expect from a man whore who booked back-to-back dates.
Just when Kate thought she was in the clear to start her walk of shame back home, Sarah Jessica Barker jumped from her arms and ran across the street after Jack like he was her long lost owner. Kate raced after her, thankful that 22nd Street didn’t get much traffic on a Saturday afternoon.
Jack scooped up Sarah Jessica Barker and rubbed her ears. “You just love to freak your poor mom out. Don’t you?”
“You know better than to run off like that!” Kate scolded the little Benedict Arnold and pulled her away from Jack mid-lick.
Jack ran one hand through his hair and scratched the back of his neck with the other. “Listen Kate. I meant to call you.”
“But you were too busy putting last night’s date in a cab.” Kate plopped her dog back on the sidewalk and kept a firm grasp on her leash.
“What?” Jack raised his eyebrows at Kate.
“Seriously? Do you really think I’m that stupid? I just saw you.”
“It’s not what it looks like.” Jack looked in her eyes, but kept his voice low. “Really.”
“So you didn’t just sleep with some other woman right before leaving to meet me at the Highline?”
“Hi Kate!” Jack’s niece pushed the downstairs door open with Diesel in her arms. The dog leapt from her arms and landed on the sidewalk right in front of Sarah Jessica Barker who yelped with wild delight. Lauren was close at Diesel’s heels and held on to his collar so he couldn’t get away, not that it looked like he would go very far.
“This is the other girl I double booked myself with.” Jack shrugged his shoulders with that dimple-pocked half smile of his.
“My mom had to fly to California to film a commercial. So Uncle Jack’s stuck babysitting.”
“That’s great news about your mom. What kind of commercial?” Kate knew she sounded overly excited about someone she didn’t know filming a commercial, but she didn’t care. She was so relieved that Jack wasn’t the player she had just spent the last tortuous five minutes thinking he was.
“Sunrise Granola.” Lauren’s smile reached across her whole face and a tiny dimple appeared on her right cheek, a mirror image of her uncle’s.
“Let me guess. She’s going to play the super mom who comes to the rescue with the Sunrise Granola bars after the kids lose their soccer match?” Kate had seen enough of those commercials to figure out their formula.
Lauren shrugged her shoulders. “Probably. She didn’t have a chance to t
ell to me about it before she left.”
“I’m thinking she saves the day after a botched beach volleyball tournament since she’s filming in California.” Jack picked up Diesel and deposited him back in Lauren’s arms. “Can you take Diesel back in the house for me?”
“Aren’t you and Kate coming inside?”
“I’m sure Kate has better things to do than hang out with us.”
“What’s better than burgers and a Glee marathon?” Lauren waved both of her arms in the air like Jack was crazy.
“Hmm. She does have a good point.” Kate’s answer was met with a know-it-all smirk from Lauren.
“Why don’t you bring Diesel in and feed him his dinner? We’ll be there in a few minutes. I don’t want the dogs fighting over the food.”
“But Diesel’s never food aggressive,” started Lauren. Jack raised his eyebrows at Lauren until she grabbed the dog and hurried inside, closing the heavy door behind her.
Jack took a step away from the door. He leaned so close to Kate that his lips brushed against Kate’s ear. “My brother-in-law’s helicopter went down in Afghanistan,” Jack whispered so low Kate barely heard him. He stayed for a minute with his lips near her ear before pulling away. Her ear felt hot from his breath.
Kate took a closer look at Jack. His eyes were pools of gray fear. She wrapped her hand around Jack’s ice-cold fingers and pulled him away from the door. She led him up the stairs to the sidewalk and over to the stoop where they would be out of Lauren’s earshot. Kate sat on the middle step and motioned for Jack to sit next to her. Sarah Jessica Barker took a flying leap up the stairs and raked her tongue across Jack’s cheek with such force she almost knocked him backward. Jack scooped her up, settled her in his lap and massaged the top of her head. The dog settled on his lap, her tongue wagging in unencumbered delight.
“What happened?”
“We don’t really know much. Just that David’s helicopter went down and he’s en route to a Marine hospital in San Diego.”
“That’s awful! How’s your sister handling it?”
“Harper headed to the airport as soon as she heard. I have to keep Lauren distracted. Harper doesn’t want her to know what’s going on till she knows how bad it is.” Jack absentmindedly stroked Sarah Jessica Barker’s back, his eyes fixed on the dog’s pink cashmere sweater.
“I’m so sorry, Jack.”
“I’m the one who’s sorry. I meant to call you, but I lost track of the time.”
“Don’t worry about it,” said Kate. “I totally understand.”
“I think I’m in shock. I keep expecting to wake up. I hope David pulls through this.” Jack raked his fingers through his hair.
“At least he’s out of the field and on his way to the hospital now. The doctors are going to do everything they can for him.” Kate could see Jack’s back muscles tighten as he took a deep breath.
“Helping Harper get over my mom’s death was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I don’t even want to think about the shape she’ll be in if David doesn’t make it.”
“Get through tonight. Then you can figure out what to do next.”
“Lauren has our whole night planned. She wasn’t joking about the Glee marathon.” Jack shook his head and smirked.
“Season one or two?”
“Two. We watched season one when Harper was in Canada filming a bit part in a Hallmark movie.”
“Great. I’ve been dying to see the Britney Spears episode.”
“You don’t have to do this. I’m sure the last thing you want to do is help me babysit.”
“Make mine a turkey burger, no bun, garden salad, dressing on the side.” Kate stood up. “Why are you looking at me like that? You owe me dinner.”
“She’s gotta love dogs. And there’s a big difference between someone who likes dogs and a dog lover. A real dog lover doesn’t mind getting licked in the face.”
Jack Moskowitz, Fido Magazine
Chapter Nine
“Ready to go in?” Jack took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders back, trying his best to loosen the tight knot forming between his shoulder blades.
“Yes. Are you?”
“There’s only one way to find out.” Jack headed down the stoop and Sarah Jessica Barker followed leaping down four steps in one bound.
As soon as Jack pushed the door open, Lauren shouted. “Don’t come in yet!” She was struggling to jam the CC-XL Deluxe prototype into the coat closet. Luckily, the girl did gymnastics because the damn thing was heavy.
Jack quickly shut the door. “Apparently, my idea of a clean apartment is not up to a ten-year-old’s standards. I think we have to wait here a minute while Lauren does a quick straightening up.”
“Tell her she can come to my place when she’s done with yours.”
Jack reached in his back pocket to check his phone, something he had done every ten minutes since Harper had left.
“What time was your sister’s flight?”
“She left about an hour ago. I know I won’t hear anything for hours, but for some reason I can’t stop checking my phone.”
“I know how you feel. My nephew Hunter had an emergency appendectomy last year. I spent the whole train ride to Bronxville with my eyes on my phone. Meanwhile, he wasn’t even done with the surgery until well after I got there.”
“Okay. You can come in now!” Lauren called to them from the other side of the door, but rushed to open it before Jack had a chance to.
Jack was impressed—not only had Lauren gotten rid of the stroller, she had hidden the stack of sketches he had left on the coffee table.
Lauren ran over to Sarah Jessica Barker, just as Diesel slid across the floor to greet the little dog. “Where did you get this doggy sweater? SJB looks so cute!” Lauren stretched out on the floor between the two dogs petting them both at the same time.
“There’s this amazing shop in the West Village called Neiman Barkus. I also got her the coolest little yellow rain coat with matching booties there.”
“You would look so handsome in a sweater, wouldn’t you?” Lauren rubbed Diesel’s ears
“Hell no. There’s no way I’m putting clothes on this dog.” Jack made sure to use his best “putting my foot down” tone.
“Who’s up for some dancing? You guys aren’t the only ones who do a mean Roger Rabbit.” Kate picked up a Wii dance game from the stack on the end table and tossed her pocketbook on the couch.
“You’re looking at the Chelsea Prep 1988 breakdancing champion.” Jack threw himself on the ground into a sloppy but recognizable windmill.
“Lauren, you didn’t warn me that I would be up against such stiff competition.”
“OMG, Uncle Jack! Stop doing that before you hurt yourself!”
Jack stood up and was hit with a wicked wave of vertigo. “I think I’ll sit the first round out. Give you girls a chance to warm up before I kick some ass.”
After multiple rounds of dancing to the most popular hits, Lauren and Kate were tied and Jack was deemed the biggest loser. They all worked up an appetite for New York Burger takeout.
“Uncle Jack, don’t you think it’s weird that Mom had to go all the way to LA to film a commercial?” Lauren dunked a long fry into one of the many small containers of special sauce that the burger joint was famous for.
“She would’ve frozen her ass off in a bathing suit here.” Jack dipped his fry into the same container before taking a bite. “Mmm. What’s this one?”
“Chipotle honey. Who eats granola at the beach? Wouldn’t it get all sandy?” Lauren asked, with her mouth still full.
Kate shrugged her shoulders. “I guess it’s no different than eating chips at the beach. Try this sauce—it’s amazing.” Kate tipped a small plastic container filled with light orange sauce towards Lauren.
Lauren coated her fry with the sauce before popping it in her mouth. “Mmmm! Must be the Creamy Horseradish.”
�
�I don’t care how many of these secret sauces you try. The best thing to dip a fry in is always going to be a milkshake.” Jack popped the plastic lid off the takeout cup and skimmed the top of his frothy milkshake with a salt-coated fry.
“That’s disgusting!” Kate’s face wrinkled into a grimace.
“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.” Jack dipped another fry into his milkshake and popped it in his mouth.
“I dare you to eat it.” Lauren leaned over the table and stared Kate down.
“I never back down from a dare.” Kate grabbed the longest fry from Lauren’s grease-lined paper packet and dunked it into Jack’s shake.
Kate took one look at Lauren and popped the fry in her mouth. “That’s freakin’ amazing!”
“Strawberry’s even better.” Lauren dunked one of her fries into her thick strawberry milkshake and passed it to Kate.
Kate put it in her mouth and had a look of intense concentration on her face before saying, “You’re absolutely right.”
Jack shook his head. “We’re a bad influence on the fitness queen over here.”
“You know The Inside Scoop would pay big bucks for a picture of this.” Kate scooped another fry into Lauren’s shake.
“I still think this whole thing is weird. Mom never gets called back to work on a commercial after it’s wrapped.” A deep crease appeared right between Lauren’s eyes.
“That happens with my show all the time,” said Kate. “I film something I think is perfect and next thing I know I get an email saying I have to come back to the studio.”
“I bet they don’t make you go all the way to California.” Lauren took a bite of her bacon cheeseburger, leaving a trail of grease on her chin.
“I wish my producer flew me to California.” Kate’s bun-less turkey burger looked pathetic next to Lauren’s massive bacon cheeseburger. Jack titled his milkshake towards Kate and she eagerly dipped another one of Lauren’s fries in it.
“Your mom’s out there kickin’ it on the beach while the rest of us suckers are back here digging the sweaters out of storage.”
“She better bring me back a cool souvenir.” Lauren eyed Jack’s take out container. “You done with those fries?”
