Worth the Weight

by Eileen Palma

  “You already know how to swing back and forth. Now you just have to trust me to catch you.”

  “Trust being the key word here.”

  “You saw me catch Gwen, so you know I can do it.” Jack looked at Kate as if he just expected her to do it. As if there was not reason not to. He locked his eyes into hers and she just couldn’t say no.

  Kate climbed up the ladder, her hands shaking so hard that the rope ladder was trembling in anticipation with her. Kate focused on grabbing each rung and pulling herself forward further and further above the city.

  She took a deep yoga breath before stepping on the platform where Gwen was waiting for her. Jack seemed miles away on his own platform when he smiled and waved at her. “You can do this, Kate.” Gwen held the trapeze in one hand. “Jack will catch you.”

  Kate stepped off the platform and thrust her hips forward, shooting her body towards Jack’s platform where he stood watching her. She pushed her legs forward as hard as she could so that the momentum allowed her to pull her knees up to the trapeze on the way back toward her platform. She wrapped her knees around the trapeze and dropped her hands off the bar. She swung back while Jack jumped off his platform. Kate flinched as he swung towards her but his body shot backward before he came anywhere near her. He wrapped his knees around his trapeze as he flew backwards. Then, he swung towards Kate with his arms reaching toward her.

  “Grab my hands when I get close!” Jack yelled as he flew in the air.

  Kate flew away from her platform towards Jack, her hands reaching toward him. He flew toward her with his hands outstretched. “Now! Grab my hands!”

  But Kate couldn’t do it. She couldn’t grab Jack’s hands because that meant letting go of her own trapeze. She drifted towards him and shot right back. “I can’t, Jack!”

  “Yes you can! I promise to catch you.” He headed back towards Kate his hands ready to catch hers. She reached her hands towards him as she pushed her body forward. The tips of her fingers were just about to touch his when she pulled her hands back. “I can’t!”

  “Yes, you can. Just let go!”

  They swung towards each other again. “You can do it! I’ll catch you!” Jack yelled as he pushed his body towards her, a determined look on his upside down face. He pushed his hands towards Kate’s. She reached her hands towards his and grabbed on. Jack wrapped his hands around hers and grabbed on tight.

  Kate held onto Jack with a ferocious grip and unwrapped her legs from her own trapeze bar. Jack held onto her as she swung with him, their bodies becoming one. “I have you Kate. I’m not letting go.”

  “The one good thing about my dad leaving when I was a kid is that he didn’t have the chance to disappoint me when I became an adult.”

  Jack Moskowitz, rock-a-buy-baby.com

  Chapter Seventeen

  “That was amazing! I never thought I would be flying from a trapeze.” Kate pressed her fork into her plate of seared tuna and pulled off a moist, flaky bite.

  “You were a natural.” Jack spun his fork around a spiral of angel hair and grabbed a small piece of shrimp before bringing the forkful to his mouth.

  “I think you were the natural up there. How did you get so damn good at the trapeze?”

  “I go whenever I need to unwind.” Jack pulled off a slice of warm multi-grain bread and spread a thin smear of honey butter on it and handed it to Kate. “Clearly I need to unwind pretty often.”

  “I could see how you could get hooked. Talk about a great stress reliever!” Kate took a bite of the bread and closed her eyes with a look of pure contentment.

  “The trapeze is great because all you can really focus on is what you’re doing, so you’re forced to let all the other stress go. You have to be in the moment. You should try it again sometime.”

  “Oh, I will.” Kate was tearing into her mixed greens salad when her phone rang from its spot next to her plate. Kate picked up the phone and slid the touch screen bar over to decline the call. She put the phone back on the table, but her eyes didn’t leave it.

  “So, what were we saying?” Kate cleared her throat and looked up. Her eyes were dull when she met Jack’s gaze.

  “That you need to go back there again sometime on your own.”

  Kate looked back down at her phone as soon as she heard the message alert sound.

  “Not sure who that was, but it looks like you’re not going to relax till you see what they want.”

  “It’s my dad who…” The phone rang again cutting Kate off.

  “You better get that.” Jack smiled at Kate to show her he didn’t mind.

  “What’s going on, Pop?” Kate leaned away from the table and spoke quietly. A line Jack hadn’t noticed before appeared between her eyes.

  “How much?” Kate’s voice was low, almost a whisper.

  “I said how much?” Kate spoke a little louder this time and shook her head. “I’m going to have to go to like three ATMs to get that much cash.

  “Where are you?” Kate pressed her fingers into her temple.

  “Put him on the phone. Just put him on the phone, Pop.

  “Listen asshole, I’m good for the money. I’ll be there in twenty minutes. But if you lay one finger on my dad, you won’t get a cent. You understand?” Kate’s voice sounded powerful and strong, while her eyes welled up with tears.

  “Not one finger.” Kate hung up the phone and put it on the table.

  “Kate,” Jack started.

  “I have to go.” Kate closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them they were dry.

  Jack signaled for the waitress to bring the check and he pulled his wallet out. “Where are we going?”

  “We aren’t going anywhere. I have to go pay off a bookie for my father. Trust me. You really don’t want to get involved.” Kate pulled her wallet out and counted the few bills in there. “Shit.”

  The waitress came over and Jack handed her his credit card as soon as she handed him the black pleather bill holder. “Are you kidding me? Paying off a bookie is number twenty-seven on my bucket list.”

  “It’s just a regular day in my life.” Kate stood up and zipped up her warm up jacket.

  Kate was right. She had to use three different ATM cards to get enough cash.

  “I get the feeling this isn’t the first time you’ve done this,” said Jack, after Kate withdrew the last thick wad of cash.

  “And every time I tell myself it’s the last.” Kate added the new stack of bills to her left pocket. She had another stash tucked in her right pocket, and two more piles in both her pants pockets. The stack of money was too big to fit in any one pocket without attracting a mugger.

  “What makes you keep helping him?”

  “The last time I practiced tough love, he was beaten to within an inch of his life. So, now when my sixty-eight year old father calls and begs me to bring money so some bookie doesn’t kill him, I come.”

  Kate flagged down a cab and instructed the driver to head East to Avenue A. She was quiet the whole car ride. Jack reached for her hand, but she clenched her hands in her lap and looked out the window.

  The cabbie dropped them off in front of a dive bar with an old wooden sign that said Salerno’s. The sidewalk was littered with smashed cigarette butts and the air was thick with secondhand nicotine trailing from the two men wearing paint splattered jeans and construction boots.

  “Thanks.” Kate nodded to the taller construction worker who opened the door for them.

  Kate headed straight to the bar, weaving her way between the men crowded around TV screens with different games and horse races splashed on them.

  Kate walked over to a painfully thin man who was leaning over a glass of melting ice at the bar. He wore a simple red tee-shirt over jeans with no sign of a jacket to ward off the cool night. Jack thought it looked like the guy had probably been out placing bets since the warm daylight hours.

  “You with him?” asked the young guy behi
nd the bar. “Cause he’s got like a two hundred dollar tab. I threatened to call the cops but he said he had someone coming.”

  “Did you buy the whole bar drinks?” Kate pulled a small stack of bills off the top of the pile from her warm up jacket pocket. “Good thing I thought to bring a little extra.”

  “He bought shots for everyone when he was up.” The guy took the cash and wasted no time counting it. His eyes widened and he quickly pulled the extra cash off the top and pocketed it. “Thanks.”

  “I’m so sorry, Katie.” The man looked at Kate with bloodshot eyes. “It was a sure thing. I swear.”

  “It’s always a sure thing with you, Pop.” There was no reproach in Kate’s weary voice.

  “Who’s this guy you got here with you?” Kate’s father pushed his glass aside and sat up straighter in his stool.

  “This is Jack. We were out having dinner.”

  “Nice to meet you Jack. Eddie Richards.” Kate’s father reached out his hand and Jack shook it. When Eddie stood up, he wasn’t much taller than Kate. He had thick white hair with strands of fading yellow running through it and a red beefy face with jowls. His face reminded Jack of a bulldog, but his body was rail thin.

  “Thanks for coming, sweetie.” Eddie smiled at Kate and Jack could see his silver-capped molars.

  “It’s not like you gave me much choice.” Kate lowered her voice. “I can’t keep doing this, Pop.”

  “It won’t happen again. It was just one of those sure things that went south.” Eddie turned his smile to Jack. “You know how it goes.”

  Jack didn’t want to smile back at Eddie, because he certainly didn’t know how it goes, but Eddie had that same contagious smile Kate did.

  A tall heavy-set man wearing a blue velour warm up suit sidled up between Kate and Eddie. His sneakers looked like they had been scrubbed with white shoe polish. “Hey, beautiful. You a friend of Eddie’s?” The man reached over and patted Eddie on the back with his thick ham hock of a hand, his gold pinky ring twinkling in the dim bar lights.

  “Let’s make this quick,” cut in Jack. “You the person who Eddie owes money?” He wrapped his arm around Kate’s back and pulled her back an inch or two.

  “Who the hell are you?”

  “I’m the person who’s about to help make you two grand richer.”

  “What the fuck you wearing?” The guy stopped and stared at Jack’s workout clothes. “What kinda guy wears tights to a bar?”

  Kate pulled wads of cash from all her pockets and pushed the money in the guy’s hand. “Does it really matter what we’re wearing?”

  The man licked his thumb and then used it to rifle through the cash, counting as he sifted the bills. “Nah. I guess not.”

  The man patted Eddie on the back. “Nice meeting you, Eddie. Let’s do this again sometime.”

  “You might want to think twice about that,” said Jack. “Eddie here is broke, and he just tapped out his personal ATM machine. So he’s a waste of time.”

  The man shrugged, “Guys like this always find a game.”

  “Let’s go, Pop.” Kate put her arm around her father and guided him away from the bookie.

  Jack led the way through the throng of people dancing and singing out loud to one of Meat Loaf’s greatest hits.

  “I could’ve sworn it was a sure thing.” Eddie almost shouted so he could be heard over the music.

  “I know you did, Pop.” Kate sighed as she nudged her father out the door.

  “It’s so dark out here. What time is it?” Eddie squinted up at the sky and looked around at the night scene spilling out on the streets around them. He shivered and rubbed his hands up his arms.

  “It’s almost eleven. Does Jen know where you are?”

  “Your sister’s gonna kick me out for sure this time. She doesn’t like me getting home late and waking the kids up.”

  “Oh yeah, it’s the waking up the kids part that burns her,” Kate muttered under her breath.

  Jack followed Kate and her father as they headed west.

  “You can spend the night with me. I’ll call Jen and straighten things out with her if you promise to go to a meeting tomorrow morning.”

  “You’re not gonna tell her I slipped, right? She said the OTB thing was the last straw.”

  “Relax. I’ll talk to her. But first thing in the morning we’re going to a meeting at that church on West 4th Street.”

  “I hate the meetings there. That asshole who cleaned out his mother-in-law’s bank account always talks too much.”

  “That’s not why you hate the meetings there. It’s because the leader always calls you out on your bullshit. You’re going to a meeting there or no deal.”

  Eddie turned to face Jack. “This daughter of mine drives a hard bargain.”

  “Take it or leave it, Pop.” Kate cut in, her voice low but strong.

  “Got time for a bite to eat with your old man first?” Like most addicts, Eddie looked like the only thing he really took the time to nourish was his addiction. Jack had the feeling that the guy hadn’t eaten in at least 48 hours.

  “There’s a Gray’s Papaya around the corner.” Kate didn’t wait for an answer and just kept walking.

  “That’s my girl.” Eddie smiled at Jack. “She knows how much I love chili cheese dogs.”

  “When he loses. Bacon cheeseburgers when he wins.” Kate’s blond ponytail bounced against her back in time to her brisk walk.

  Jack and Eddie followed Kate to the well-lit Gray’s Papaya that was only a block away from the gamblers’ den. Jack grabbed seats for them at the counter while Kate got on line. She turned around and smiled at Jack, but when Kate turned back towards the counter Jack caught another look at her in the mirror over the register. She stared straight ahead with her mouth pinched and her eyes glazed over. The girl behind the counter plopped a hot dog smothered in chili and bright yellow cheese sauce on the tray next to a large paper cup of grape soda. Kate took a breath so deep; Jack could see her shoulders move underneath her coat. Then she turned back around with a big smile on her face.

  “Most people think addicts don’t give up their vice because they love it. But really addicts hate what they do, and hate themselves for not having control over their addiction.”

  Kate Richards, Breathe Magazine

  Chapter Eighteen

  Kate walked her father down to the church basement rec room that smelled like sweaty kids and stale coffee. The folding chairs were set up in a semi-circle where a few men sat wordlessly spaced far apart from each other. All three of them looked like they had gone directly from the racetrack to the meeting. One of them sat hunched over with his head in his lap.

  “When was the last time we went out to breakfast—just the two of us? Without your sister and the kids?” Eddie gestured around the room. “You don’t need to be hanging around people like this.”

  “But you do, Pop.” Kate backed toward the door. “I’ll be outside on the stoop.”

  Eddie smirked at her. “Got your warning loud and clear, sister. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna try and give you the slip.”

  A tall man with silver dreads that rivaled Dana’s walked over to them. “Long time no see! How you been, man?”

  Eddie responded with a high five followed by a few hearty slaps on the back.

  “I had to meet him in at some dive bar in Alphabet City last night with two grand to pay off a bookie.” Kate wanted to make sure Eddie shared at that meeting whether he wanted to or not.

  “One last hurrah before that inpatient shit, huh?”

  Kate inched her way out the door, while the group leader walked her father to one of the metal folding chairs.

  She walked back outside and planted herself on the stoop in front of the only door where you could enter or exit the church. She was no dummy, or at least she wasn’t since that one time her she had dropped her dad off and he had snuck out to a card game with two other men.

 
She tucked herself into the corner of the stoop and pulled out her cell phone. “Hi Jen.”

  “I can’t believe you bailed him out again!” Jen’s voice was hushed and Kate could hear a soccer whistle tweeting in the background.

  “You remember what happened the last time I pulled the tough love card. His jaw was wired shut for six weeks!”

  “He’s never going to stop as long as he has you to pay off the bookies.”

  “He’s sick, Jen.”

  “And he’s never going to get better with you enabling him.”

  “He’s at a meeting now. His sponsor’s gonna meet him at Grand Central after.”

  “So you get to save the day once again while I’m the bitch who has to enforce the house rules.”

  “I told you this would happen if he lived with you. You don’t have to let him stay. I can put him up somewhere.”

  “As much as he drives us crazy, the kids love having him around. Besides, you can’t afford to cover his rent, pay off his bookies and pay for rehab.”

  “This was his one last binge before rehab. I told him yesterday they would have a bed ready for him by Monday. That’s what must’ve set him off.”

  All of a sudden a dog ran up the stairs and jumped on top of Kate, licking her face and almost knocking the phone out of her hand. It took her a minute before she realized it was Diesel.

  “Jen. I have to go. Pop will be on the 11:35.”

  “Okay. I’ll text you to let you know he made it home.”

  Jack wore a broken-in pair of black cords with grey Converse low tops. The centerpiece of his royal blue tee-shirt was a conversation bubble that said Autocorrect is DUCKED Up.”

  “I’d love to know where you buy all your crazy tee-shirts.”

  “Ironicteeshirts.com.” Jack smirked through his Sunday morning stubble and Kate couldn’t tell if he was kidding or not.

  “Seriously, what’re you doing here?” Kate picked up Diesel and snuggled him into her lap. She scratched the top of his head while he let out little grunts of delight.