Worth the Weight

by Eileen Palma

  The screen filled with Jack restraining the pedophile, his arm covering the guy’s windpipe.

  “Footage of this anonymous hero who helped apprehend a convicted pedophile here in New York City circulated on YouTube last week. After coming off a caffeine rush from multiple lattes our intern realized the hero is also the same man who’s been spotted with Kate Richards. Further digging identified the man as none other than Jack Moskowitz, CEO of Considerable Carriages, a company that makes strollers, high chairs and car seats for obese children,” said Craig.

  “What?!” Kate shrieked. She dropped her scooped out bagel on the floor and Morty wasted no time snatching it up. She felt a chill running up her spine and her toes and fingers burned like they were being pierced with thousands of tiny needles.

  “I should’ve known something was up when he said he was from upstate,” said Mrs. Fink.

  “Craig is quite the investigative reporter. He blew the lid off that whole John Edwards love baby scandal,” said Mrs. Feinstein.

  “Ah, Gossip Matters beat him to it,” said Mrs. Levi.

  “Shhh,” said Mrs. Fink, as soon as Craig started talking again.

  “A few weeks ago Kate Richards tore apart Considerable Carriages when she sat down with Lucy Barrows on Straight Talk.”

  The green screen filled up with a playback of Kate’s appearance on Straight Talk. Kate cringed.

  “Don’t even get me started about that company. As we speak, they are designing a stroller to fit children who weigh up to eighty pounds! Which either means mothers are intending on carting around their sixth graders or this company is profiting off morbidly obese toddlers.”

  Then the green screen behind Mario lit up with a picture from Sarah Jessica Barker’s birthday party. Jack was holding the dog in his hands, while Kate was petting her and looking for any cuts.

  “The day after Smart Talk aired Kate and Jack met at the Chelsea dog park when Kate Richards threw a birthday party for her dog Sarah Jessica Barker,” said Craig.

  “Gotta love that name,” said the blond.

  “I guess Kate Richards is a Sex and the City fan. Guests at the party heard Kate ask Jack out on a date to say thanks for saving her dog’s life,” said Craig.

  The grainy black and white photo from New York Today appeared next. “That first dinner must have gone well because ever since, the two of them have been dating for weeks in secret, sneaking off to neighborhood hot spots like The Frying Pan and The New York Trapeze School for dates,” said Craig.

  “This is definitely a case of opposites attract!” countered the blond.

  The screen filled with the image of the same stroller Kate and Dana had just been looking at online yesterday. “Friday afternoon, Jack’s company Considerable Carriages released this picture of their new stroller, the CC-XL Deluxe, which comes equipped with supersized cup holders, snack trays, DVD players, iPod sync up, and can seat children up to eighty-three pounds.”

  “Wonder how Kate feels about that?” said the blond.

  “I think she made that perfectly clear in today’s New York Today’s op-ed piece where Kate compares Considerable Carriages to big tobacco,” said Craig.

  “Is there trouble in paradise already?” asked the blond.

  “Stay tuned to The 411 to find out. And log on to us at the411.com for up-to-the-minute updates about this latest celebrity odd couple.”

  Kate felt all the blood rush to her face and she swore she could hear her own heartbeat as it pounded against her chest wall. She tried to catch her breath, but she felt like someone was squeezing a plastic bag over her face.

  “Don’t just stand there! Get the girl some water!” Mrs. Feinstein yelled from her armchair perch.

  Kate clawed at her turtleneck sweater. “I can’t breathe.” She felt like an elephant was sitting on her chest and blocking the air from getting in or out of her lungs.

  “Grab a paper bag too!” Mrs. Feinstein yelled after Mrs. Levi who was speed shuffling to the kitchen.

  “Everything’s going to be all right. Just focus on slowing your breathing down.” Mrs. Fink was at Kate’s side, rubbing her cold sparrow fingers on Kate’s back.

  Kate dropped to her knees, desperate to catch her breath while the room spun around her.

  “Breathe in this.” Mrs. Levi handed Kate a brown paper bag.

  Kate held the bag up to her face. It smelled like everything bagels and she could hear the faint sounds of stray poppy and sesame seeds rolling around when she moved the bag.

  “You better get all those crumbs outta that bag or the girl’s gonna choke!” Mrs. Feinstein yelled from the armchair.

  Mrs. Fink grabbed the bag from Kate and shook it out till a stream of miniscule black poppy seeds and rice like sesame grains shook all over her rug. The dogs made a mad dash for the crumbs. She handed it back to Kate and held it on her face.

  Kate breathed in and tried to ignore the maddening pain in her chest. She felt the warmth of her own breath hit her face as the bag collapsed in and then she breathed out inflating the bag like a balloon.

  “Didn’t she know?” mumbled Mrs. Levi.

  “Sure doesn’t look like it,” stage whispered Mrs. Feinstein.

  “That girl sure knows how to pick em,” said Mrs. Cohen.

  “At least this one was Jewish,” said Mrs. Levi.

  Mrs. Fink promptly canceled the Mahjong game for the first time in the history of the club and shooed the women back to their Lower East Side apartments. Mrs. Fink disappeared into the kitchen until she had brewed the perfect cup of hot tea with extra milk and just a pinch of sugar. She put the mug on a tray with a piece of dry white toast. It was the same thing she had brought when Kate broke up with Tyler, and the first day his show aired on Food Network and the night when Kate found out at the age of twenty-nine that her parents were divorcing and she had cried for hours like she was ten.

  “I slept with him, you know.” Kate took a sip of the tea that tasted like an afternoon on the couch with the stomach flu. “More than once.”

  “Of course you did.” Mrs. Fink settled into the pink chintz armchair with Morty at her feet.

  “He told me he freelanced for dot-coms!”

  “Has anyone even done that since 1998?”

  “That’s what I said!” Kate ripped into her rough toast with her teeth.

  “Maybe he told you a bad lie on purpose. You know like a Freudian slip because he secretly wanted you to figure out who he was.”

  “Or maybe he’s just a moron.”

  “He’s a man. Enough said.” Morty perked his head up and Mrs. Fink leaned down to pet him. “Sorry Morty. That only applies to humans.”

  “I can’t believe I’ve been sleeping with a man who lied to my face about who he is.”

  “He met you by accident with your crazy television crew everywhere. The poor guy was probably too scared to tell you the truth.”

  “There’s no way he met me by accident. I bet he knew exactly who I was when he showed up at that party. For all I know he planted that German Shepherd, just so he could swoop in like the big hero and save Sarah Jessica Barker.”

  “Now you’re getting carried away. This is real life, not some rom-com movie.”

  “Carried away? He could’ve told me who he was at any time over the past few weeks.”

  “I’m sure you didn’t make it any easier for him.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You have a concrete view of what’s right and what’s wrong, and that can be hard for people who fit somewhere in the middle.”

  “How can you be making this my fault?”

  “I’m not saying this is your fault. But you close yourself off so completely, it can be hard for other people to get in.”

  “Well, I let someone in all right. And look what happened.”

  Dana’s face lit up her phone screen and this time Kate didn’t hesitate to answer.

  “What the fuck is goin
g on?”

  “Your guess is as good as mine.”

  “Kashi is threatening to pull their KidFit sponsorship.”

  “Shit!”

  “Meet me at your apartment. I’ll bring the Excedrin.”

  “I have to go.” Kate stood up so fast she got a head rush.

  “Where are you rushing off to?”

  “Dana’s waiting for me back at my place. We need to figure out how to put a spin on this.”

  “What about Jack?”

  “Who cares about Jack? I need to save my show!”

  “Don’t worry about all of this,” said Mrs. Fink with a wave towards the television. “It will all work itself out and you and Jack will find a way to be together.”

  “I highly doubt that.”

  Kate gave Mrs. Fink a quick hug good bye and grabbed Sarah Jessica Barker’s leash. When she opened the building door, she was surprised by the sunshine that almost blinded her. She felt like she had been drowning in her sorrows for hours at Mrs. Fink’s, but really it hadn’t been that long. She walked back to her apartment on autopilot, not noticing anyone or anything around her. It was no small miracle that she and her dog made it home without being run over by a cab or bike-riding delivery boy.

  On another day Kate would’ve noticed the swarm of paparazzi camped out in front of her building. She would’ve seen their empty coffee cups and cigarette butts littering the sidewalk. But Kate didn’t notice the burly men with their unshaven faces and hairy legs that ended in childish sneakers until she was almost at her lobby door.

  “Kate, Kate, over here—smile!” they all shouted at different times in rising decibels.

  “How long have you been sleeping with the CEO of Considerable Carriages?”

  “What does your boyfriend think about the article you just wrote about him?”

  “How could you go out with a man who makes money off overweight kids when you’re supposedly trying to help them?”

  The questions assaulted Kate in rapid-fire mode. She took a deep breath and lifted her sunglasses, thankful that she had dressed up and actually put makeup on for Mahjong Club at Mrs. Fink’s. She pulled her lips into her best camera-ready smile and turned to the photographers.

  “Hi boys, great to see you today,” she said, as she placed her hands on the edge of her hips and tilted towards the left so they would capture her best angle. She stood still while at least fifty flashes lit off in her face. Kate ignored all the questions till she knew they all got their shots.

  “I’m sure you’re all here because of that ridiculous story on The 411. When are those people going to hire a good fact checker?” She smiled and waited for a few of the men to pour out their guttural laughs.

  “How do you explain all those pictures?” asked a man whose gray tee-shirt had sweat stains at the chest and under the armpits.

  “They were right about one thing. Jack and I met at the dog park when he saved my dog Sarah Jessica Barker from an over-excited German Shepherd. Smile for the cameras, sweetie.” The paparazzi ate up the shots and Kate was sure they would be featured on the Celebrities and their Dogs sections on several of the sites. Anything to distract them from her and Jack.

  “That doesn’t explain the pictures of the two of you together,” said another cameraman.

  “Jack’s niece Lauren is a very talented gymnast who is going to be featured on my show KidFit, which airs weekdays 4 P.M. on ABC,” said Kate.

  “Everyone’s looking for a one percenter to lynch right now. A one percenter who’s a hypocrite? It doesn’t get better than that.”

  gossipmatters.com

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  “You look better than you did this morning. You can hardly see the black eye.” Lauren gave Diesel’s leash a little slack so he could run a little further ahead.

  “You and I both know I still look like crap. You’re just trying to butter me up to get your punishment shortened.”

  Lauren’s shoulders almost reached her ears as she heaved a martyred sigh. “When’s mom coming home?”

  “Soon. And don’t think your sentence would’ve been lighter with her. I had to talk her down from two months of grounding.”

  “I feel like she’s filming a movie instead of a stupid TV commercial.”

  “Tighten up the leash while we cross.” Jack waited for Lauren to pull back on the leash and grab onto the crook of his arm before crossing Tenth Avenue.

  “Did you hang out with Kate while I was at practice?”

  “No. I was working with Matt. Why?”

  “You said you were going to call her to find out what time I have to go for filming tomorrow. Remember?”

  “Shit. I totally forgot.”

  “Come on, boy.” Lauren pulled Diesel to the aluminum water bowl that Jack always left in front of the building. He eagerly lapped up the water, thirsty from a quick romp at the dog park after Jack picked up Lauren from practice.

  “You earned yourself a treat.” Jack leaned down to tousle Diesel’s ears. Expecting the normal bark of excitement at the word treat, Jack was unnerved to hear a deep guttural growl erupt from Diesel.

  “What’s the matter buddy?” Lauren leaned down and cooed in Diesel’s ears, but his fur stood up in stiff rows of hackles.

  “Let’s get inside.” Jack pulled Diesel away from the water bowl. “Something out here must be freaking him out.”

  Lauren started up the stoop, but froze halfway up. “Who are all those guys?” She pointed towards the building across the street.

  Jack looked towards the row of townhouses on the other side of the street. A group of men were hidden behind a double parked Fresh Direct truck. Their flashes popped bright white light at Jack and Lauren.

  “What the fuck?” Jack dragged Diesel up the stairs so he could get to Lauren. “Get in the house, Lauren!”

  But Lauren remained rooted to the spot while the photographers darted across the narrow street.

  “How long have you been sleeping with Kate Richards?” asked a man whose five o’clock shadow didn’t do enough to cover his acne-scarred cheeks.

  Jack tried to head the men off at the pass. “Look guys, I’ll come out and answer all of your questions as soon as I get my niece settled in the house.”

  “Did you know Kate was writing an editorial about your company when you were wining and dining her?” asked a blond with cat’s eye glasses.

  “How long have you been sleeping with the woman who hates your company?”

  “Did you know about the New York Today op-ed?”

  “Do you fight about overweight children when you’re together?”

  The questions came in rapid fire with no one leaving any time for Jack to answer.

  “Lauren, come on,” said Jack. “We can go in your mom’s entrance.” He reached up the stoop for her hand.

  “Is it true Kate’s been helping you take care of her niece since her father’s helicopter went down in Afghanistan?”

  “It all started with Bennifer.”

  Dana Johnson, In Your Sight Public Relations

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Kate shut the lobby door but it did little to drown out the reporters. Sarah Jessica Barker’s claws tapped across the marble floor as she made a beeline for Dana. Kate always wondered what it was that made animals lavish attention on the people who couldn’t stand them.

  “Rich and I just had a little talk.” Dana tossed a handful of dreads over her shoulder and winked up at the 6’5” Armenian guy who worked the afternoon shift. She moved her exquisitely outfitted foot away from Sarah Jessica Barker’s sniffing nose.

  “Don’t worry, Miss Kate. I will not let any of these sleazebags into the building.” Rich poured coffee from his aluminum thermos into a chipped ceramic mug.

  “Thanks.” Kate was relieved none of her neighbors were around to witness this spectacle. Most of them still had a bad taste in their mouth from when the Knicks star and his new
bride had moved in with a reality show camera crew.

  “I call police but they say sidewalk is public property.” Rich kept both eyes on the door while he took a sip of the steaming black coffee.

  “Thanks for giving it a shot.” Kate forced her mouth into a smile.

  Dana whisked her upstairs through the service elevator to avoid running into the neighbors. Dana’s phone rang as soon as the elevator door shut.

  “I was just about to call you. I’m with her now.” Dana mouthed “the network” while the person on the other line talked.

  “Al, listen.” But Dana’s mouth snapped shut. This was the first time Kate had seen anyone cut Dana off.

  “Give me a few hours and I’ll have this whole mess straightened out.” Dana paced back and forth in the small elevator. Kate clenched and unclenched her fingers while she waited for her show to get canceled.

  “Fine, one hour. Hold the sponsors off in the mean time. They’ll take their lead from you.” Dana shoved her phone in her bag and breathed out one long sigh.

  “Dana,” started Kate. But Dana held one finger up to her mouth and didn’t say a word to Kate till they were in her apartment with the door double bolted.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Dana paced back and forth, her black Jimmy Choos leaving angry pockmarks in the thick white carpet. “I could’ve figured something out before the shit hit the fan!”

  “I had no idea!” Burning acid moved up Kate’s esophagus and a wave of nausea spread through her whole body.

  “Didn’t you think it was a coincidence that the guy you were fucking had the same name as the CEO of the company you were publicly bashing?” Dana stopped mid pace, her heel piercing the carpet threads.

  “He said his last name was Horowitz and that he freelanced for dot-com startups!”

  “Your bullshit meter should’ve gone off right there!”

  “Who would make something like that up?” Kate ran down the hall with Sarah Jessica Barker close at her heels.