by Eileen Palma
“We can fix this.”
“I already told you how we’re going to fix this. And it doesn’t involve hooking up with this douchebag.” Dana spun around to face Jack so fast her whipping dreads made an actual swishing sound. She fixed her hazel eyes on Jack. They were an eerie shade of orange and reminded Jack of the vampire teens from those movies Lauren always watched.
“I thought I had you pegged, Jack. Revenge scheme—pure and simple. Carnage done, I move in to do damage control.” Dana stood with her hands on her hips, trying to look tough, but Jack could see her wobble a bit in her skyscraper heels.
“It’s not like that.” Jack stood still, trying to put all his pressure on the one good ankle.
“Oh, I can see that. This is way worse than I thought. You actually have feelings for Kate!”
“Of course I do. I fell for her at the dog park.” Jack pulled the baseball cap on his head.
“You did?” Kate smiled at Jack and he felt a sudden burst of hope.
“Of course.”
“We don’t have time for this star crossed lovers bullshit. There are hoards of reporters out front. Rich showed me how to access the service exit that will let us out on 24th Street.”
“You better go with Dana.” Kate pulled her tangled waves out of the neck of her shirt and secured them in a loose ponytail.
“Don’t worry. We’ll figure something out.” Jack leaned in and kissed the top of Kate’s head.
Kate’s eyes were still closed when he finally pulled away. When she opened them, she didn’t say anything. She just lifted her fingers in a half-hearted wave and turned away before Dana shut the door behind them.
Dana walked down the short hallway to the elevator bank and pressed the button. Jack wheeled the bike behind her. They entered the elevator wordlessly and Dana hit the B button.
“How long did you spend building your business, Jack?” Dana tugged on his arm so he had no choice but to face those otherworldly eyes of hers.
“All in all—about seven years.” Jack swallowed hard, certain that this was the wrong answer.
“Kate’s got you beat. She spent her whole life climbing out of the hole her crappy parents put her in. And you might have just cost her everything!” Dana words came out in seething hisses.
“I had it rough too growing up. Don’t act like I don’t get it.” Jack tried to keep his voice calm to show Dana they were both fighting on the same side.
“Oh poor Jack. Your dad abandoned you and your mom died.” Dana’s voice was laced in thick sarcasm as she sneered at Jack. “Kate would have been better off in your situation. You’ve met Eddie, haven’t you?”
“At least he’s in rehab now.” Jack was desperate to get out of the airless elevator. As soon as the door jerked open, he stepped out. But Dana was right on his heels in the dark basement hallway.
“Do you know how Kate became Mrs. Fink’s roommate?” Dana walked in double time to keep up with Jack.
“She answered an ad in the Village Voice.”
“Mrs. Fink knew Kate from the bagel shop where Kate worked in between her shifts teaching Tae Bo at Gold’s Gym. Early one morning, Mrs. Fink found her sleeping on a bench outside the dog park.” Dana led Jack past the recycling area stacked ceiling high with collapsed Fresh Direct boxes.
“Kate was homeless?” As shocked as Jack was, a small part of him was also hurt that Kate hadn’t told him. He had told her everything. That is, except his real name.
“She didn’t start that way. Kate worked her ass off and saved until she could move to the city. Things were going great until her dad suckered Kate into giving him her rent money after he got mixed up with a Chinatown gambling ring.”
“She couldn’t make rent one month and her roommates kicked her out?”
“They were pissed off enough about that. Then Kate let Eddie crash for the night and he ransacked the place. Stole every loose piece of change and jewelry he could get his hands on.”
“Fuck! Why is it such a big secret?”
“Because Kate doesn’t want to pull the whole I was raised by wolves shtick Bethenny Frankel uses.”
“Kate and I can go to the press and…”
“And what? Tell them you’re both in love and you’re going to have lots of little fat babies who will ride around in the new CC-XL Deluxe?”
“You’re the PR genius. I’m sure you can figure something out.”
“Walk away, Jack. If you really care about Kate like you say you do—walk away.”
“I don’t think I can do that.”
“Then you’re going to cost her everything.”
The service exit let him out on 24th Street, which was deserted. He hopped right on the bike, welcoming the throbbing in his foot while he rode the few short blocks to NY Burger Co.
Jack slipped into the bathroom, where he changed his shirt and ditched the hat. He found Steve, the older brother of one of Lauren’s teammates behind the counter frying up burgers. He waited till the kid turned around.
“Thanks buddy.” Jack reached over the glass counter and handed the shirt and hat over.
“Did it work?”
“Yeah. These reporters have been hounding me. It was the only way I could get to the office.”
“Cool.”
“I left the bike locked up outside.” Jack reached over and palmed the kid a fifty.
“Holy shit. Thanks man.”
“No worries. Catch you later.”
Jack was almost out the door when he heard Kate’s voice. He whipped around at the buttery sound and wondered how she had beaten him to the burger joint.
But when he turned around, he realized that Kate’s voice was projecting from the TV screen from a KidFit clip. Kate faded into the background as The 411 host Craig Ashbourne stepped into the shot.
“Will Kate Richards’ career implode as fast as Paula Deen’s? Rumor has it that soap star and Dancing with the Stars winner Shana Stilton in already in talks with ABC to take over Kate Richards’ place as host of KidFit. This comes on the heels of reports that Kashi, Simply Organix, Nutri-Kids and Annie’s are all threatening to pull KidFit sponsorship after Kate Richards has been linked to super-sized stroller mogul Jack Moskowitz. Random House has also reportedly delayed printing of the long-anticipated sequel to Mini-Munchies.”
Jack didn’t wait to hear the rest. He hurried out the door before anyone spotted him. Then he spent the walk home doing what he should have done from the beginning. He Googled KidFit and read everything he could pull off his iPhone.
Jack spotted a small crowd of paparazzi camped out on his stoop as soon as he rounded the corner by his townhouse.
“Jack!”
“Jack! Can you tell us about your relationship with Kate Richards?”
“What made you fall for a woman who hates your company?”
“Did Kate tell you about the New York Today article?”
Once Jack walked to the top of the steps he knew there was no going back. He cleared his throat before addressing the crowd of reporters.
“Look, I know my strollers aren’t cheap, but they last. Basically, till you kick the kid outta the damn thing. Then, you use it for your next kid or pass it on to a friend. That means per family I’m probably only getting you for about eight hundred dollars.”
“That’s a lotta money, Jack.” A pudgy reporter wearing a backwards Yankees cap interjected.
“The real question here is just how much Kate Richards is making off childhood obesity? She’s got that new KidFit meal and snack line, right? Do you know how much it would cost one kid to go on her diet plan?” Jack paused for dramatic effect. He knew because he had done the math on the walk over.
“Five hundred bucks a month. That’s not including her workout DVDs or diet cookbook. Kate Richards better hope there’s no end in sight for childhood obesity. Between the two of us, she makes way more off it than I do. Don’t let her make you think otherwise.”
“So I guess that means you two aren’t a thing?” The Yankees cap guy wasn’t the brightest bulb, but at least he spelled it out for everyone.
“Money-hungry narcissists are not my type.”
“Alex Lombardi tried his best to dupe the throng of reporters camped outside Kate Richards’ Chelsea apartment after she broke the news of her engagement to the reality star twelve years her junior. Our very own The 411 reporter Dan Waite spotted Alex entering through the maintenance door in the small alley between Kate’s state of the art eco-friendly building and the loft space next door. Though Alex said ‘no comment’ it was clear by the look on his face that he wasn’t going to let a swarm of paparazzi get between him and his sweetheart. What will his fellow The True NJ alum and former girlfriend Tammy say when she finds out about this?”
The 411
Chapter Thirty
“How am I going to work things out with Jack if I pretend to be engaged to some twenty-something Guido from Jersey?”
“Have you given any thought to seeing a therapist?” Dana wheeled around from her laptop.
“That’s just rude.”
“I’m absolutely serious. Don’t you think there’s some sort of connection to “the gambling man” here?” Dana made sure to over emphasize the air quotes.
“What does any of this have to do with my father?”
“The male role model you grew up with has spent your whole life lying to you and taking complete advantage of you. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that you keep falling for the same kind of bullshitter. First Tyler, now Jack.”
“How can you even compare Jack to Tyler? Tyler stole my show idea and made a fortune off it.”
“And Jack lied to you about who he was and potentially destroyed everything you worked so hard for. Honestly, I think Jack took much more from you than Tyler ever did. Tyler stole your idea. Jack stole your reputation and the career you spent years building.”
“Jack and I can…”
“You and Jack can sail into the sunset after I’m done resurrecting your career. Until then, you need to stick with the plan and keep Jack out of it.” Dana looked back down at her laptop.
“I can’t let Jack think I was with him and Alex at the same time.”
“Hmm, doesn’t sound like something a money-hungry narcissist would say.” Dana flicked her finger across her iPad screen.
“What?”
Dana cleared her throat and read aloud while she held her iPad out for Kate to see the article.
“The battle of the bulge heats up as super-sized stroller mogul Jack Moskowitz slams kids’ fitness guru Kate Richards for taking advantage of the smallest victims of our fast food nation by bilking them for hundreds of dollars a month to follow her fitness plan. Still think these two are an item? Think again, Jack says he doesn’t bring money-hungry narcissists to the bedroom.”
“Looks like Jack’s out for himself. It’s about time you were.”
“But we just…”
“Had sex? When are you going to realize all that guy cares about is screwing you then screwing you over?”
“Fuck!” Kate’s head was throbbing and her ears were ringing. She had put her money on the wrong horse for the last time.
“You want revenge? Go change.”
“What for?”
“One of my anonymous tippers just put the word out that Alex would be trying to sneak past the reporters to see you.”
“How’s he going to know what to say when they start asking questions?”
“No comment works every time. Trust me, he’s well versed in this type of stuff. How else do you think those reality shows have such interesting plots?”
Kate smoothed down the wrinkled Dave Matthews tee-shirt she had been sleeping in since college. “What do I care what this guy thinks of me? It’s not like we’re really dating.”
“Yeah, but do we really need to scare him off?” asked Dana. “Hurry up and go change.”
“Hmm, what does one wear when they meet their fake fiancé for the first time?” mused Kate, as she slid off the kitchen barstool.
“Dark rinse skinny jeans, black ballet flats, and a fitted white button-down.”
“How did you know…?”
“Every respectable Manhattan woman has those items in their closet. And while you’re at it, sweep your hair into a messy ponytail and add a thick headband on top.”
Kate’s phone rang for what was probably the hundredth time that day, but this time she actually answered because she saw Lifelong Gamblers’ Recovery Center on the caller ID.
“Get dressed while you talk,” said Dana, when Kate picked up the phone. She made waving motions towards Kate’s bedroom door.
“Hello. This is Valerie, your father’s case manager from the Lifelong Gamblers’ Recovery Center. Is this Kate Richards?”
“Please tell me my father hasn’t gotten into trouble yet?”
“On the contrary. He’s taking an active role in his recovery and thriving here.”
“Oh good. You had me worried for a second there.” Kate let out the huge balloon of air that had been trapped in her lungs.
“As we discussed when you registered your father, his treatment is going to be lengthy given the severity of his condition. We have confidence that we can get him in recovery, but it is going to take an indefinite amount of time.”
“I’m aware of that. I want him to stay as long as he needs to in order to get better.” Kate didn’t know why, but she was getting a very uncomfortable feeling from her end of the conversation.
“In light of your situation, I just wanted to check in that payment isn’t going to be an issue. I don’t want to put pressure on you, but they’re reporting on Gossip Matters that the KidFit execs are already thinking of replacing you with that reality star who won Dancing with the Stars last year. If you don’t think you can handle these payments long term, it’s okay. It just means we’ll have to alter your father’s treatment plan and…”
“Stop right there. Keep my father’s treatment plan as is. Don’t worry about the money. I’ve got it covered.”
Kate hung up the phone and followed all of Dana’s directions to a t and even added a fresh slick of lip gloss. Maybe Dana was right, she shouldn’t look a gift fiancé in the mouth.
Kate actually had butterflies in her stomach when the doorbell rang. She didn’t know why she was suddenly so nervous. It wasn’t like anything real was actually going to happen with this guy.
As soon as Kate opened the door, her sinuses were assaulted by a wave of spicy cologne reminiscent of her days back in high school, when boys didn’t get the whole concept of less is more.
The hulking mass standing in the doorway looked like an advertisement for body building shakes. His blond hair formed a three-inch-high shellacked crown around his face, which was a disturbing shade of orange reminiscent of the Oompa Loompas from the original Willy Wonka movie.
“Hey, I’m Alex.” He walked into the doorway so that Kate had to take a few steps back to let him through. There was something vaguely familiar about him, but Kate couldn’t figure out what.
“Sweet place.” He pressed his top teeth to his full bottom lip and let loose a wolf whistle.
Sarah Jessica Barker jumped off the couch and landed at Alex’s feet with bared teeth and surly growls. She thrust her butt against Kate’s legs in an attempt to shield her from their guest.
“It’s okay. I’m not gonna hurt you.” Alex leaned towards the dog and came very close to losing a finger.
“I’m so sorry. She’s not used to having guys around the apartment.” Kate scooped up her dog and held her tight while whispering stern but reassuring words in her ear.
“Clearly.” Alex took two big steps back and cowered in the corner from the fifteen-pound dog.
Kate was impressed with Dana’s coordination as she slipped both feet back into her stilettos and hopped off the barstool in one fluid motion. Even with her
six-inch heels, Dana stood at least a full foot shorter than this modern Greek Adonis.
Kate recognized the look of appreciation as Alex reacted the way most men did to Dana.
“Wow.” Alex let loose another piercing whistle, which was growing old quickly for Kate. She held tight to Sarah Jessica Barker’s collar to keep her from jumping out of her arms.
“I didn’t know managers could be so hot. You should see mine.”
Dana actually giggled. “Lenny’s not that bad since he got the lap band surgery.”
“You have such a smokin’ body, you should be the fitness expert.” Alex locked eyes with Dana and smiled.
There was something very familiar about Alex’s thick Jersey accent. Kate was trying to remember where she knew Alex from when she noticed his tee-shirt. New Jerzee was spelled out in blinding rhinestone swirls across his massive chest.
“Un-freaking-believable! You’re the asshole who brought that aggressive German Shepherd to the dog park!”
“Did you ever think that maybe your little dog started the whole thing?”
“What? You bring some rabid dog named Cujo to a dog park and you’re going to blame my dog for the drama?”
“She don’t seem so friendly to me.” He smoothed down the front if his shirt. “Just sayin.”
“This isn’t going to work.” Kate couldn’t believe she had actually changed her clothes for this jerk.
“Lenny said that fat kid show of yours is gonna go off the air if I don’t help.”
“You mean to tell me you hired someone to pose as my fiancé who hasn’t even seen my show before?” Kate couldn’t believe Dana had kicked Jack out of the apartment in favor of this jackass.
“No offense, but I’m not a fat kid and I don’t got any fat kids so why would I watch your show?” Alex’s smile quickly disappeared as he spun around to face Kate.
“He does have a point.” Dana’s voice was bordering on cajoling.
