by Eileen Palma
“Tell me about it. She’s driving the doctors and nurses crazy. Nothing’s good enough for her. Either they wake me up by checking on me too much or they haven’t been in to check on me enough.”
“She did the same thing when Mom was sick. The doctors would duck and run for cover when they saw her coming.”
“That was before the Internet. If she quotes from WebMD one more time, I think the doctor’s gonna lose it.”
Jack laughed. “At least you know they’re going to have all their bases covered.”
“Yeah, they just want to get me better so they don’t have to deal with my crazy wife anymore.” Even without actually seeing it, Jack could tell David’s smile reached all the way up to his eyes.
“Now they’ve got Lauren to contend with, too.”
“Thanks for bringing her.”
“She didn’t give me much of a choice. She would’ve been here whether I brought her or not.”
“I should’ve let Harper tell her sooner what was going on. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“Sounds like you weren’t ready to see her yet. You made the right decision keeping her away.”
“See all this shit?” David lifted his casted arm and waved at all the wires and tubes coming from all the different parts of his body. “It’s nothing.”
“Doesn’t look like nothing to me.”
“My best friend Mike didn’t even have enough pieces of him left to send home to bury. This is nothing.”
“Were you with him in the end?” asked Jack.
“Yeah, but it happened so quickly. There wasn’t anything I could do to help.”
“At least he probably didn’t suffer.”
“That’s what I told his mom. I also told her he wasn’t in any pain, but that was a crock of shit. I can still hear his screams whether I’m awake or dreaming.”
Jack immediately thought about something horrible like that happening to Matt right in front of him and realized his brother-in-law was in much worse shape from his grieving than from his physical injuries.
“What can I do to help?”
“Stay. I need to know the girls are taken care of while they’re here. I just can’t right now.”
“Anything.”
“We brought you fro-yo!” Lauren announced as she burst through the door, while Harper stayed in the hallway with a doctor cornered against David’s window.
Lauren ran to the bed with a cup draped with a perfect spiral of chocolate and vanilla swirl draped with coconut shavings.
“That’s my girl! You got my favorite.” David reached for the frozen yogurt with his good hand, but didn’t make a move to eat it.
“You’re not eating.”
“I’m sorry sweetie. I’m just not that hungry.”
“You’re never gonna get better if you don’t eat.”
“Hey Lauren. I got you a new tee-shirt.” Jack reached into the plastic shopping bag from the commissary and tossed the new shirt to Lauren.
“Awesome! Look Dad!” Lauren held the shirt against her chest. It was a white tee-shirt with a pair of boots smack in the center that said, “Your dad may wear suits to work, but mine wears combat boots.”
“You have to wear that to school when you go back home to the land of finance guys.” David cracked a smile, but he put his frozen yogurt on the night table.
Lauren popped in the bathroom for a minute and came out wearing her new shirt. “Thanks Uncle Jack.” She immediately noticed the abandoned dessert and picked it right up.
“Come on, Dad. You’re getting way too skinny. You need to get better so you can beat your old record at the bowling alley. I didn’t tell you but that old guy—you know the one who reeks of cigarettes and has the horseshoe tattoo on his arm? He beat your old score.”
“Rex beat my score? As soon as I get back, we need to go rectify that.” And he reluctantly opened his mouth while Lauren shoved a spoonful of frozen yogurt in.
“Fine. I’ll eat. But let me feed myself. My arm’s broken, not amputated.”
“See you guys later. I have to get some work done.”
Jack left them in the room and scooted past Harper who was harassing the doctor about the high incidence of MRSA in broken limbs post surgery. He squeezed her arm and kept walking so he wouldn’t get caught up in that conversation.
“How’s my dog doing?” Jack asked as soon as Matt picked up the phone.
“How about how’s my business partner doing on his own trying to entertain the steel guys?”
“I’m sure they dragged you kicking and screaming to SCORES.”
“Actually, it’s not the best timing. Anne’s staying over.”
“When did that happen?”
“She’s warming up to me. The last thing I need is for her to find out I went to SCORES while she was sitting at home eating crackers and drinking flat ginger ale.”
“Shit.”
“When’re you getting your ass back here?”
“I don’t know. David needs me to hang out for awhile.”
“Shit.”
“I know. But maybe I’ll get more work done here without the press hounding me.”
“Stay strong. Call me if you need anything.”
Jack decided the best place to get his work done was in the maternity ward. It had great Wi-Fi, comfy chairs, and a big screen TV. Nowadays everyone and their mother literally hangs out in the delivery room, so he had the whole place to himself.
Jack hopped himself up on free coffee and used the buzz to figure out the last of the damn undercarriage designs. Jack heard voices coming down the hall. He hurried to put his ear buds in so whoever it was wouldn’t get any ideas about sitting and chatting with him. This little impromptu cross-country trip was already setting him way behind.
“You mind if I change the channel?”
“Go for it.” Jack looked up from his laptop.
A man in his early thirties dressed in military fatigues pushed a stroller into the waiting room. The carriage housed a long and lanky boy who was dressed in a camouflage tee-shirt with brown cargo pants that fell an inch or two above his Converse slip-ons. His head was tilted to the left as if the muscles in his neck couldn’t support it and his flaccid legs hung over the edge of the stroller, supported by what looked like the flat aluminum top from an instrument stand.
“It’s SpongeBob time.” The man wheeled the boy to a spot directly in front of the TV. Jack noticed that the makeshift foot stand wasn’t the only modification made to the stroller. There were also homemade armrests covered with fleece SpongeBob material. The back of the stroller had a mini California license plate that said Eddie’s Ride.
The man settled into one of the hard backed chairs with posture that rivaled Lauren’s. Jack made eye contact with him and nodded his head in greeting.
“Hey,” said Jack.
“Your wife having a baby too?”
“Nah, my brother-in-law’s laid up from a helicopter crash. Just hanging out down here while my niece gets some alone time with her pop.”
The man shook his head. “I lost a buddy that way. Hope he recovers soon.”
“Sorry to hear about your friend. My brother-in-law was pretty lucky. He should make a full recovery.”
The man kissed two fingers and held them up towards the ceiling, “From your lips to God’s ears, man.”
“You waiting on a baby?”
“Born last night. Beauty named Eliza. Eight pounds, five ounces.” The man beamed from ear to ear.
“Congratulations!” said Jack. He turned to the boy, “You’re gonna love being a big brother.” The boy who looked to be anywhere from five to eight kept his eyes fixed on the screen and his frozen face showed no signs that he had heard Jack.
“We’ve been with them all morning, but it’s SpongeBob time. What can you do?” The man shrugged his shoulders.
“Hey, I’m Jack.” Jack stood and walked over to the man and gave him a smacki
ng high five turned into a hearty handshake.
“Martin, and this is my son Eduardo.”
“Nice ride.” Jack kept his voice low so he wouldn’t disrupt Eduardo’s show.
“Thanks, I made the changes myself.” Martin smiled cautiously as if he wasn’t quite sure if Jack was being sarcastic.
“The music stand for a foot rest is pretty original, man.” Jack noted that the dimensions were almost perfect.
Martin shrugged. “The military teaches you to make do with what you got.”
“What’s that stuff under Eduardo’s feet?”
“It’s black rubberized flooring. You know—the kind that comes in squares to put under workout equipment. It helps Eduardo grip his feet.”
“Ingenious,” said Jack. He leaned down and ran his fingers over the tire tread. “Where’d you get these wheels?”
“I got a buddy who owns a tire plant. I asked him to make me something shock absorbent. Eduardo has sensory issues so when we hit a bump it feels like an earthquake to him.”
“Sorry to be so nosy but I work in the industry.”
“You make stuff for kids with special needs?” asked Martin.
“No, I make strollers. Ever heard of Considerable Carriages?”
“The fat kid strollers?”
“I don’t really like to refer to them that way, but yeah. Do any of Eddie’s classmates or friends have souped up strollers like his?”
“You should see the kids getting carted to Sunday funday at the rec center. No offense, but none of us have money for one of your strollers.”
“Can I ask you a question without offending you?”
“Depends what it is.”
“How come Eddie’s in a stroller instead of a wheelchair?”
“Wheelchairs are for people who can’t walk. My son can walk, but he needs a break sometimes because he has low muscle tone and some other issues. A lot of his friends are the same way. They can do some walking, but when they get too distracted or they can’t keep up, they ride in a stroller.”
“That makes a lot of sense.”
“My wife is also mad tiny. Pushing the stroller is way easier than lugging around a wheelchair.”
“If I were to make the ideal stroller for Eduardo, what features would it need to have?”
“You thinking about making strollers for kids like Eddie?”
“It would take a lot of research to get it right.”
“I got some time. What do you need to know?”
“Kate Richards and Alex Lombardi kicked off Columbus Day weekend with dinner at Cipriani 42nd Street, where it is rumored they plan to hold their wedding. Alex dined on the Braised Veal Shanks Cipriani, while Kate ordered the Sea Bass with Artichokes. Wonder if these two items will make it on the wedding menu?”
thebackfence.com
Chapter Forty
“First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby carriage. Or will the baby carriage make an appearance first? Kate Richards wore a peasant blouse over leggings for a Sunday afternoon walk through Chelsea with her adorable dog Sarah Jessica Barker. Was the famous kids’ fitness guru hiding a baby bump under that oversized shirt?”
thewatercooler.com
“Production halted at the KidFit set today as everyone from hair and makeup to the directors and producers gathered to give Kate Richards a bridal shower. The newly engaged star was reportedly so surprised, she burst into tears as soon as she saw the crowd gathered to celebrate her upcoming nuptials to twelve years younger reality star Alex Lombardi.”
therumormill.com
“Kate Richards and Alex Lombardi, otherwise known as Ali-Kat, were rushed to the front of the famously long line at NYC’s Magnolia Bakery for a private wedding cake tasting. They left the packed Greenwich Village cupcake shop filled up on Hummingbird, Red Velvet, and Banana cake. According to the star- struck counter girl, Kate was leaning towards the Red Velvet while Alex loved the Hummingbird. Either way their wedding guests are in for a treat!”
grapevine.com
“Kate Richards and Alex Lombardi made an appearance at the New York Public Library Halloween fundraiser last night dressed as their doppelgangers Barbie and Ken. Kate and Alex raised an astounding seventy-five thousand for literacy when they auctioned off a week of Mother-Daughter personal training and nutrition sessions given by none other than the super couple.”
nytoday.com
“Over three thousand jobs were saved at P & G Steel as brothers Paul and Gabe Riccio inked a deal with Considerable Carriages to provide steel for the new CC-XL-Deluxe stroller. According to Paul, the company was weeks away from closing up shop and filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy when they signed on the dotted line.”
detroitnews.com
Chapter Forty-One
“Considerable Carriages wins the tenth annual Classy Award for most Philanthropic Business of the Year. Co-CEO’s Matt Reynolds and Jack Moskowitz donate a whopping twenty percent of their profits to The Oksana Karev Scholarship Foundation annually. Because of their generosity, thousands of inner city children attend private schools and participate in numerous after school athletic programs. CEO Jack Moskowitz, made famous for his rumored fling with KidFit host Kate Richards, maintains that it’s not that big of a deal.”
bizjournals.com
“Just who is this Jack Moskowitz? He was trending at the top of the Google search engine for a good twenty-four hours until everyone found out he wasn’t really dating Kate Richards. Now it’s like Jack who? Meanwhile, I would love to hear a little more about this CEO of a multi-million dollar company who also happens to be single and Jewish.”
Jessa Silver, Late Night with Jessa Silver
“When I saw the lines of people wrapping around Union Square at 3 A.M., I thought for sure the latest Xbox was out and they were all waiting to snatch it up at Best Buy. But holy shit was I wrong! All those freaks were lined up to get into Babies R’ Us for the latest model fat kid stroller from Considerable Carriages. What is this country coming to?”
Morning Joe, The Morning Joe Show
“If only we all could have a dog walker like this! Looks like Alex Lombardi keeps in shape by running with his fiancé Kate Richards’ adorable Boston Terrier. Alex pounded the pavement from Chelsea to Central Park with Kate’s beloved Boston Terrier playfully nipping at his heels the whole way.”
thegossipmill.com
Chapter Forty-Two
Kate heard Dana’s laugh as soon as she got off the elevator. It was hard to believe it had been almost six weeks since Alex had taken up residence in her apartment and Dana had become a constant presence. Kate dreaded entering her own home and becoming the third wheel.
Alex was hanging from the push up bar he had suspended from her hallway closet door. Of course he was shirtless. All of Kate’s coats were laid over the armchair so Alex could fill the empty cavern with his hulking body. Alex was so tall he had to keep his knees bent as he lowered his body towards the ground.
“Don’t you have a better place to do that?”
“You don’t have any other door frames near a TV.” Alex pulled himself up to the bar until his chin touched it. His muscles stretched and pulled in his chest, his biceps and forearms segmented so that you could see every muscle and ligament.
“Except for your bedroom, but I knew you would have fit if he worked out there.” Kate spun around to see Dana sitting at the kitchen bar, her laptop open. Her chair was positioned so that she had the perfect vantage point for watching Alex’s workout regime.
“Don’t you have other clients who need you?” Kate grabbed Sarah Jessica Barker’s leash from the hook by the door. Usually the sound of the metal leash clip clunking against the hook made her dog jump up and run for the door, but she stayed on her new dog bed resting her head in her paws.
“You’re the most fucked up one she has right now.” Alex popped off the chin up b
ar and headed right for the kitchen.
“I can’t argue with that.” Dana smiled at Alex but froze when she caught Kate’s glare.
“Which one is for post workout?” Alex asked, while he hung on Kate’s fridge door. He opened it wider and Kate saw the shelves were completely full of those garish colored bottles of juice drinks Dana usually drank when she was on one of her fasts.
“Spicy lemonade.” Dana took a sip from her own bottle, which was filled with some sort of thick beet juice concoction. It looked like she was drinking blood.
Alex grabbed a bottle of the clear yellow drink and chugged it. Kate didn’t get favoring drinks the color of bodily fluids over actual food.
Kate jiggled the leash. “Come on, Sarah Jessica.” Kate walked towards her dog with the leash, but Sarah Jessica Barker didn’t even lift her head. Usually, she jumped up and bounded for the door when it was time for her afternoon run.
“What’s the matter with my dog?”
“She’s just tired from the run,” said Alex. A bead of sweat trickled down his pecs towards his belly button. Kate looked away.
“What run?”
“She went with me.” Alex tilted the bottle back to get the dregs of lemon pulp from the bottom.
“Wait a second. You took my dog for a run? The same dog you refuse to let on the couch or anywhere near you?”
“Dana told me to.” Alex shrugged and made a clean shot with the bottle in the recycling bin.
“Check this out.” Dana handed her iPad to Kate. Her home screen was opened to a picture of Alex running shirtless with Sarah Jessica Barker close at his heels.
“Is that over by Central Park?” asked Kate.
Alex hopped off the bar. “Yeah, I always run crosstown.”
“Don’t you think that’s a little far when your running partner has four inch legs?”
“She was fine. You gotta to learn to chillax.” Alex shook his at Kate like she was insane.
