Her Twins' Cowboy Dad

by Patricia Johns

  “Is that meant to encourage me to sell that strip of land to you?” Colt asked with a wry smile.

  “Nope,” Bruce said. “I’d like to buy it, if it suits you. If you want to hold on to it, I’m still going to sell, just for a bit less. That’s all.”

  If all were even, Colt would rather keep that land. Not only was it valuable for the water rights, but it meant something to him on an emotional level, too. But everything wasn’t even. Colt had to buy back his cattle, and any more debt on his part would seriously threaten his ability to keep this ranch afloat. He sucked in a deep breath.

  “I’m willing to sell,” Colt said. “But I’m going to need a higher price.”

  Bruce smiled faintly, then nodded. “How much are you asking?”

  The men settled down to hammer out a price. And as they went back and forth, Colt realized that he was every inch the owner of this place, and Bruce was right. Everything changed—it couldn’t be stopped—but Colt yearned for something that wouldn’t change. He wished there was something he could latch on to that would stay the same, or at the very least stay.

  Hadn’t that been the problem with Beau and Sandra? They’d started out loving each other, and something changed, turning them into two battle-hardened veterans. His own father hadn’t stuck around. Colt had grabbed on to this land, hoping it could be the rock-solid foundation he was looking for but even this ranch would change... Today, it would lose a strip of land and some value along with it.

  They came to a price they could both agree on, and Bruce stuck out his hand.

  “Is that a deal?” Bruce asked.

  “It’s a deal.” Colt grasped his hand and they shook. “I’ll have a word with my lawyer about the paperwork.”

  Bruce rose to his feet and sucked in a deep breath, then released it. “I’m glad to have that out of the way, I have to say.”

  “I’ll be sad to see you go,” Colt said. And meant that more deeply than the older man probably realized. Bruce Armson was a pillar around here, and nothing would be the same again. Not with Bruce gone. Not with Beau’s death. Not even with the land under his feet.

  “I’ll keep you posted on the sale of my ranch,” Bruce said. “I’m sure we’ll get you some decent neighbors.”

  “Right.” Colt forced a smile. He was doing what he had to in order to pay off Jane for the herd.

  Then she’d be gone, too.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “So it’s final—you’re selling that strip,” Jane said as she hopped up into the truck next to Colt. The day was already hot, and she could smell the musky scent of his aftershave in the cab of the truck.

  “Yeah, I am.” Colt started the vehicle as Jane did up her seat belt. Peg had offered to watch the toddlers while they made this trip into town, and Jane had gratefully accepted. This would be an important appointment and two little live wires would only get in the way.

  “I’ve said it before, but I am sorry,” she told him. “I know how much that land means to you.”

  “Maybe it will help me to let Josh go,” Colt said. “Everything changes, right?”

  Jane fell silent as Colt headed down the gravel drive that led to the main road. He looked grim, and she wondered how much this sale was going to hurt him. Beau had meant well in leaving something to his son’s family after all, but it still came at a cost to Colt.

  “You know why Bruce wants to buy it?” Colt said after a moment.

  “I don’t.”

  “He’s selling and wants his ranch to be worth more,” Colt said.

  “That’s crass. What about the value of your ranch?”

  “Yeah, well, at least he was up front about it,” Colt replied. “Neither of his kids is interested in taking over the ranch, so he’s splitting it up now—selling and giving them what he can.”

  “Oh...” She looked over at Colt. “What Beau tried to do, I suppose.”

  “In his own way. And a little too late.”

  “So this will be it, then?” Jane said. “We’ll sign papers, and...?”

  She wasn’t sure what she was asking. It felt like something was coming to an end for them, and they both knew it. Real life was pressing in and whatever they had been entertaining between them would have to be stopped.

  “I’ll have him draw up a sales agreement for Bruce and I, too,” Colt said. “I’m going to talk to the bank about a bridge loan. When I can show them the paperwork for the sale, hopefully they’ll lend me the money to pay you sooner if I need it. It was something Bruce mentioned on his way out. He says it doesn’t take too long—a couple of weeks.”

  “Oh.” She nodded. “It’s not a big rush, Colt.”

  “Yeah, I know, but I want you to know that you’ll get what’s yours.” He glanced toward her, sliding his hand over the top of the steering wheel.

  “I’m not worried about that. I know you’re honest,” she said.

  “Good.” He smiled at her, then reached over and took her hand. She’d been waiting for this, much as she hated to admit it.

  Jane looked out the window, watching the telephone poles whisk past. His hand was warm over hers, his fingers callused and rough but so gentle that she felt almost cradled. She should pull back, she knew it. Holding his hand felt natural, but what friends held hands while they drove? What friends reached for each other like this? They’d slipped past friendship, and now their time together was wrapping up.

  Jane had wanted to be able to raise her daughters alone, have no more pressure to maintain a relationship, no more worries about a man’s happiness or what he was feeling. She just wanted to focus on what mattered most, which was bringing up her little girls right.

  So how come she felt a strange, aching sadness at the thought of leaving this ranch behind? She was tempted to chalk it up to the lingering grief of losing her husband, but she knew better. This had nothing at all to do with Josh and the past. This was about Colt in the here and now.

  She’d miss him. He’d sunk into a tender part of her heart when she wasn’t looking, and there seemed to be no undoing it. She’d messed this one up royally.

  “Colt, have we ruined any chance of being friends?” she asked hesitantly.

  “Why?” he asked.

  She squeezed his hand. “This.”

  “Oh, this...” He smiled faintly. “Yeah, I’ll have to cut this out, won’t I?” But he didn’t move his hand, and she didn’t move hers. “We’ll be friends. If you need anything, I’ll be here. I’ll check in on you. You’ll see.”

  It sounded so comfortable, and yet she knew it couldn’t be that way. They couldn’t just torment themselves in limbo like this. Leaving the ranch and going back to their separate lives was the key here. He’d forget about her, and she’d go back to relying on herself, instead of feeling the comfortable warmth of this cowboy next to her.

  “Jane?” His voice was warm and low.

  “Hmm?”

  “Anytime you want me to let go of your hand, just say the word.”

  Jane smiled but didn’t answer. She wasn’t ready to let go. In the long run, she’d be fine. Her daughters would be provided for. They’d have a business they could all share when the girls were of age. Her daughters would be loved, fed, sheltered...and they’d have Colt and Peg, too. It might not be the big rambling family she was hoping for, but it was better than she had. She’d have to be more careful with whatever was happening here with Colt, of course.

  It would be too easy to slide into a relationship that neither of them wanted. Someone was bound to get hurt. She would get hurt.

  Jane pulled her hand out of his, and he froze for a moment then pulled his hand back into his own lap.

  Colt didn’t say anything, either, but she’d communicated her point. It didn’t matter what they felt in the moment. She needed to stand on her own two feet. Falling in love with Colt would be the worst mistake she
could ever make.

  * * *

  They signed the sales agreement for the cattle at the lawyer’s office. Bruce Armson met them there, and he and Colt took care of their private sale at the same time. Then Colt dropped in at the Creekside Credit Union, and Jane waited across the street at a coffee shop drinking an iced Americano. When he came out of the bank, she met him by the truck and they drove back to the ranch.

  Legalities complete—or almost complete. Colt was waiting for a decision on that bridge loan so he could pay her for the cattle that were currently in her name. Then they’d be done.

  Colt went back to work when they returned to the ranch, and Jane fed her daughters a snack and cuddled them to sleep for their nap. The girls were extra cuddly; Micha fell asleep with her arm wrapped tightly around Jane’s neck, and Suzie had hold of Jane’s hand so that she had to ever so carefully disentangle herself before she could get away and let the girls sleep.

  Lord, please clear my mind, she prayed. Help me to focus on what is most important in my life right now. Help me to keep my priorities straight.

  Josh had been difficult and complicated. If she’d met Colt first, she’d have married him in a heartbeat. She froze at that thought—was she really thinking that? But if she’d met him first, she’d still be naive and wouldn’t have children yet, either. She’d be a different woman. Now she was older, wiser and a whole lot warier of marriage and relationships.

  At least she knew better.

  While the girls slept, she decided to carry out some old stacks of newspaper that Peg had hauled out of some storage space. They were bundled up with twine, but still heavy. Maybe if she expended her energy on some hard work, she could get her mind back on track.

  Because the memory of the gentle pressure of Colt’s hand around hers made her heart speed up, even now. And that was not helpful!

  Jane hoisted the first pack of newspapers and put them down with a grunt. They were heavier than Peg had thought when she bundled them up. Jane carried them across the kitchen before dropping them to the floor in order to open the side door, then she hoisted the package again, pushed the screen open with the newspapers as she came outside and down the two stairs.

  “You need a hand with that?”

  She looked up to see Colt striding across the yard toward her. His hat was pushed back, and he moved with the easy grace of a man accustomed to physical labor. He didn’t wait for an answer. Instead he picked up the newspapers in one hand by the knot of twine and carried them over to the woodpile.

  “Thanks,” she said.

  “Don’t worry about carrying those out,” he said. “I’ll take care of it.”

  “I don’t mind doing it,” she said.

  “Yeah, well, I mind,” he said, but the hint of a smile on his lips softened his words. “You don’t need to do that for me.”

  Jane met his gaze. “I’m pitching in.”

  “Okay...” He paused for a moment, his eyes moving over her face. “I got a call from the credit union.”

  “Oh?”

  “They’ll have the money in my account in ten business days,” he said. “Then I’ll pay you.”

  “Oh!” Jane nodded a couple of times. “As easy as that?”

  “It would seem. We’ve already signed for the sale.”

  “Right.” She felt a rush of emotion pass through her. This was it—the fresh start she and her girls needed so badly. And yet, it also meant that her time here at the Marshall ranch was through. “I suppose I should be heading out then. It’s all lined up.”

  “You don’t have to go right away,” he said. “Why not stay for a few more days? You could do some riding.”

  “This isn’t a vacation, Colt,” she said with a small smile.

  “I want you to stay,” he said, his voice dropping and those dark eyes of his locking onto hers.

  “This was only for a short time. We agreed on that,” she said.

  “We agreed on that before we got to know each other better,” he countered. “I want you to stay. As my guest, or as an employee—whatever keeps you here. I’m not ready to just stop—” He didn’t finish the thought, and he broke eye contact then shuffled his boot in the dirt.

  “Colt, this went further than it ever should,” she said quietly. “It doesn’t matter how we feel right now. We both know what we want for the long term. Don’t we? I don’t want an ex-boyfriend in my wake. I want a friend—the real kind.”

  “We’ve slid past that,” he murmured, and he stepped close. “Way past it.”

  Her breath caught in her throat, and she looked up at Colt. His tender gaze met hers, and she didn’t have it in her to look away.

  “I knew better...” she breathed. “I never should have...”

  “Hey, I knew better, too,” he said. “But here we are. I told myself I just wanted to help you out. I wanted to make up for some of what you lost. I almost had myself convinced, too, but...” He brushed her hair away from her face and dipped his head down, catching her lips with his. Her eyes fluttered shut and Colt slipped his arms around her waist. She put her hands against his broad chest and pushed him back. He released her, his arms falling limp at his sides.

  “You have helped me out,” she whispered hoarsely. She wished she could lean back into those strong arms, but she couldn’t. “You’ve been really nice.”

  “Is that what you think this is?” Colt asked bitterly, and Jane’s heart skipped a beat in her chest. His glittering gaze drilled into hers, and he shook his head irritably. “Everything we’ve done together so far? This isn’t a guy being neighborly, Jane. This is a man in love with you!”

  * * *

  As soon as the words were out, Colt regretted them. What good did it do to tell her how he felt? Except he hadn’t been able to stop himself. He was nothing if not honest, even when it was better to keep his mouth shut.

  “What?” she breathed.

  Colt shut his eyes, trying to find that sense of self-control again, but it was gone. He’d said it because it was true. He shrugged helplessly. “I’m in love with you.”

  “Colt, don’t say that.” Tears welled in her eyes.

  “Why not?” he demanded. “It’s the truth!”

  “Because it doesn’t help us!” she retorted.

  Maybe she didn’t feel it. Maybe she could flirt and open herself up without too much emotional toll on her, but he wasn’t made of the same stuff.

  “Whatever this has been for you...I’m not the kind of guy who just plays around with hearts. I tried to keep my distance, but it just didn’t work, and there’s only one reason for that. So maybe it hasn’t meant as much to you, or—”

  “It isn’t just you,” she sighed, putting a hand in the center of his chest again. She didn’t look up, and he put a finger under her chin to raise her face. Her brown eyes met his and he saw tears shining here.

  “I didn’t think so...”

  “But loving you doesn’t make this work!” she blurted out. “It only makes everything harder!”

  “I need you around here. I don’t want to just watch you go.”

  He stared down at this woman, her eyes glistening and his heart pounding with the force of his feelings. Why couldn’t she understand that?

  “And then what?” she whispered. “What happens then, Colt?”

  “Then we don’t have to say goodbye. We can...figure it out.”

  “Figure out what?” she demanded. “I don’t want marriage, Colt! I’ve been the naive young thing falling in love and dreaming about happily-ever-after. But that isn’t me anymore. Marriage is hard. It’s draining. It’s two people trying to figure each other out and never quite managing. I can’t do it. I know what I can give, and I can’t be a wife again!”

  Her words hit him solidly in the heart and made his chest ache. “I know,” he sighed. “But I feel the same way about what I can off
er. I don’t want marriage, either. I haven’t been through the heartache that you have, but I’m equally scared of it. I don’t think I could survive a divorce.”

  “So what happens if I stay?” she asked, shaking her head. “We try to be friends. We try not to hold hands when we drive somewhere together, and we pretend that we’re nothing more than buddies. That wouldn’t be better, you know.”

  He could imagine the torment of pretending not to love her—trying to fool himself and tamp down whatever feelings kept bubbling up inside him.

  “Maybe not,” he agreed. “I’m not sure I could stay away from you.”

  “We’d end up heartbroken anyway,” she said, shaking her head. “This won’t work, Colt.”

  “I know...” He put his hand on her cheek and she leaned into his touch. The last time he’d touched her cheek like this, he’d kissed her...and he was holding himself back from kissing her again.

  “I’m going to miss you,” he breathed.

  “Me, too.” She took a step back, and he dropped his hand. “Should I leave today? To make it easier?”

  “No,” he said gruffly. “I don’t need it to be easier. Besides, it’s already getting late. How far will you go? It’ll be a hotel stay for nothing. Stay one more night and start fresh in the morning.”

  He wasn’t ready to say his final goodbye yet, because once she had her balance again, would she even want him in her life? There were no guarantees. No matter how much he wanted to keep a connection between them...

  Jane moved toward the house again, and she stopped at the door to look back at him. Tears shone in her eyes, and it took all of his self-restraint to keep himself from crossing the grass and pulling her back into his arms. But he stood there, stalk still and his chest aching.

  She wasn’t his to hold.

  His heart just needed a little time to accept that.

  Chapter Fourteen