Her Twins' Cowboy Dad

by Patricia Johns

Colt didn’t mean to skip breakfast back at the house the next morning, but there was an emergency out in the west pasture. One of the ranch hands called him on his cell phone. But before he hit the gas to head out there, he texted Peg—I’ve got to see to a cow stuck in the fence. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Tell Jane...

  He stopped typing. Tell her what? Nothing that he could have his aunt relay. He erased the last two words and hit Send. Then he texted Jane directly—There’s an emergency in the field. I’ll be back in a couple of hours. If you’re still here, it would be nice to say goodbye.

  He hit Send on that text and waited for a moment. Would she answer? He hoped so. He’d been thinking of her all night, and he couldn’t shake her out of his heart. He’d fallen for this woman, as hard as he’d tried not to. There was no immediate reply, so he dropped his phone in his pocket and put the truck into gear. Work on a ranch never slowed down for long, and right now that might be an answer to prayer. Because he’d prayed most fervently that God would take away these feelings for Jane. His decision to stay single had been a noble one, and he’d truly believed that God had been leading in that. There was a blessing for single people, too, because they could focus on things that family men couldn’t. God needed the devoutly single as much as He needed the happily married. He’d felt that deep in his soul.

  But pray as he might, on his knees in front of his bed, his hands clasped together as he begged God to just take it away from him, God didn’t soothe his heart the way He normally did. That pain stayed, gnawing and deep.

  So maybe this was His answer at long last in the form of work. Maybe it was best to get out there and lose himself in the job that he loved. Because he and Jane had said it all yesterday. There was nothing else to say that they hadn’t already covered. Neither of them wanted marriage, and playing with emotions this strong was like playing with fire.

  If they wanted to stay true to God and their moral convictions, they needed to take some space, no matter how much that might hurt right now.

  The drive out to the west pasture took half an hour. Colt tried putting on some music, but all the country songs seemed like they were about Jane, and he flicked the radio off, preferring his own thoughts. He was the owner of this ranch now, and it would thrive or fail based on his sweat. He was thankful for this chance—deeply thankful—but it was hard to feel it right now past the ache in his heart.

  When he arrived at the broken patch of fence, he saw the problem immediately. Two ranch hands were trying to calm a frightened steer—the fence wire pressing a deep trough in his neck. Colt grabbed his wire cutters from the glove compartment and jumped out of the truck.

  “Hey!” Keith, the older of the ranch hands, called. “We’ve almost got him untangled, but this last bit—”

  Colt went back to the truck, grabbed a towel from the backseat and headed over to them. He approached slowly, not wanting to scare the animal more than it already was.

  Father, guide me... he prayed, then he tossed the towel over the steer’s head, and it bucked backward again as the cloth came over its eyes.

  It took a moment, but then the steer calmed down, unable to see anything. That’s when Colt pulled the wire cutters out of his back pocket and with one hard pinch, snapped the wire in two. It gave a twang and curled back away from the steer’s neck. He was free, and Colt let out a huff of breath. The immediate danger was past. But as the steer felt the wires release, he shook the towel off his head and started forward again, this time powering past the restraining hands around him, and Colt was forced to jump out of his way.

  The animal hurtled past him, across the gravel road, and stopped just before the ditch on the other side. Colt and the other ranch hands spread out and flanked him.

  “Come on,” Colt murmured. “Back to your field...”

  He spread his arms wide when the steer started toward him, and he stepped sideways, matching the animal as it tried to find a way of escape.

  “Hya!” Colt shouted. “Ya! Ya!”

  The steer turned and ran back past the fence that had trapped him the last hours, and into the lush field with other grazing cattle.

  Colt dropped his arms and grinned at his employees. “Good work. Let’s keep an eye on him for a few minutes to make sure we don’t need a vet.”

  The next twenty minutes were spent repairing the fence. Colt had most of the tools in the back of his truck, and together they ran new fence wire and stapled it into place on the wooden posts.

  When the fence was complete, Colt pulled out his phone and glanced down at it. In the excitement, he’d missed a text from Jane.

  It’s okay. I’m going to leave now. It’s easier this way. Thank you for everything, Colt.

  She was going... The words sank into him like a knife, and he shut his eyes for a moment, trying to summon up a reply. Colt’s thumbs hovered over the keys, then he sighed and dropped the phone back into his pocket. This hurt, but it was also inevitable. Right now, all he could think about was that he was in love with her and how much he was going to miss her, and he wasn’t sure that would make anything easier on either of them.

  The steer still looked a little spooked, and Colt glanced over at the other ranch hands. “I’ll keep an eye on him and see if I need to call in that vet. You two can get back to your other duties.”

  Colt would be the one to make the decision on whether a vet would be called out anyway.

  “Sure thing, Boss,” Keith replied, and they both tipped their hats toward Colt before they headed back to the other truck that sat opposite his.

  Colt leaned back against the side of his dusty old truck, his gaze trailing along the pasture. There was another new calf that he noticed. They’d come back in a few days to tag it, but right now the mother wouldn’t let them anywhere near it.

  This was the job—this was the life! He’d chosen this, even sacrificed his relationship with his cousin to get this. He should have trusted God to provide it for him, without getting between his uncle and cousin. But that was in the past now, and all he could do was try to do better in the future. He’d had no idea how bad the fallout was going to be.

  Something crinkled in his shirt pocket and he reached past his phone and pulled out that old creased piece of paper from the tree house box. He’d put it in his pocket this morning, and he slowly unfolded it.

  The Good Cowboy.

  The Lord is my cowboy, and He makes sure I’m fed and watered. I don’t lack for anything—the hay and oats He sets out are just what I need. He puts me out to pasture when I need a rest. He stands there and watches me, making sure I’m healthy and strong.

  He leads me down the paths where I’ll have sure footing—not only for me, but because of who He is. When it’s dark, when it storms, when I’m scared half to death, His strong hand comforts me.

  At the end of the day, my feed trough is full and He rubs me down. My water bucket overflows. His goodness and kindness are with me all my life long, and I call this barn home because of Him.

  Tears welled in Colt’s eyes, and he stood there, the page in one hand and his jaw clenched against the rising emotion.

  What wouldn’t Colt do to protect one of his herd? What wouldn’t Colt pay to buy them back again?

  God loved him and cared for him more carefully than Colt cared for his cattle, and yet as he looked at that steer—now calm and grazing—he realized that from the steer’s perspective everything had been scary and painful. Even Colt had seemed like a threat. And all of that had been to get the steer back into the right pasture where it would be safe and secure again.

  Colt had been praying and praying for God to take away this heartbreak he was feeling, and God wasn’t answering with comfort. Instead, Colt was flooded with memories of Jane—her eyes, her pink lips, the feeling of her hand in his...the smell of her shampoo, the way she smiled that special smile when she looked down at her little girls.

  It
wasn’t only Jane who had been filling his mind and his heart all night and all morning. It was the toddlers, too. Micha with her fiery personality that matched those fiery curls, and Suzie who was quietly mischievous.

  If he weren’t so scared of falling into the same trap as his friends and family, he’d want nothing more than to marry Jane and be a dad to those girls.

  When he thought of Jane as his wife, he didn’t even think of her in a wedding dress. Instead, he saw her in blue jeans on horseback, that dark, mahogany hair of hers blowing in the wind as she rode. He could envision a life together so beautiful and full that it made his heart nearly burst.

  But where was the guarantee? Wanting it this badly would only make a failed marriage hurt that much more. He wasn’t sure he could recover after something like that. Besides, she didn’t want marriage. He knew that.

  The steer raised its head and looked over at Colt. The two stared at each other for a long moment, and then the bovine bent back down to grazing. Colt wouldn’t steer his cattle wrong. If they trusted him, he’d guide them true and keep them safe.

  “How much more would You, Lord?” he murmured aloud.

  He’d been afraid of his family history and his complete lack of happily married role models destining him for the same heartbreaking failure, but if he was to be one of the grateful few with a loving, lasting marriage, then it would be because of God, not because of his own instincts. What if these feelings for Jane and the girls that he just couldn’t turn off were God trying to throw a towel over his head and guide him past all the things that scared him most?

  Colt wasn’t supposed to be trusting the people around him to steer him right, he was supposed to be trusting God! If God wasn’t taking away the love in his heart for Jane and the twins, then maybe God was chasing him into the right field. It might be time to stop fighting it.

  And as that thought settled into his heart, he suddenly realized what he needed to do. It might not make any difference whatsoever for Jane, but it changed a whole lot for him!

  I will fear no evil: for thou art with me.

  God was a better cowboy than he was. Maybe, just maybe, Colt could get back to the house before Jane left...

  * * *

  Jane buckled Micha into the high chair next to her sister. The air-conditioned ice cream shop was a welcome respite from the heat outside. Peg had suggested the place—Creekside Creamery. She said that the ice cream here was best in America, made from fresh cream from local dairies, and Jane wouldn’t want to miss it.

  With her emotions raw, Jane didn’t care if she ate ice cream or not, but she didn’t want her own heartache to affect the girls and she figured they could use a treat. Besides, shouldn’t they celebrate the inheritance just a little bit?

  And if she had to be brutally honest with herself, perhaps there was a small part of her that wasn’t quite ready to leave Creekside. Perhaps there was another part of her that needed to soothe her broken heart, and chocolate ice cream had always been her first stop in years past. She might as well start there now.

  Jane had two baby cups of ice cream in vanilla, and a medium cup of her own. She handed Micha and Suzie each a spoon. They could feed themselves now—they’d be covered from eyebrows to shoulders with ice cream, but that was half of the experience, wasn’t it?

  Jane sat down opposite the girls and let out a long breath.

  “Let’s say grace,” she said softly, folding her hands. “For this ice cream we are about to eat, make us truly grateful. Amen.”

  Then she put the bowls in front of each girl. “Yum.”

  They knew what ice cream was, and Jane guided their spoons a couple of times before they stuck their fingers into the cups and slurped them clean—the preferable way to eat ice cream, it seemed. Jane took a bite of her own, her heart weighing heavier in her chest.

  It was better this way—leaving without another painful goodbye. She caught Micha’s cup just before the toddler threw it, and she scooped up some ice cream and popped it into the little girl’s mouth. Micha’s eyes lit up.

  “Mmmm,” Jane said, and she took a bite of Micha’s ice cream, too. The vanilla was very, very good.

  The girls wouldn’t remember this, but she would—all these times when they enjoyed something together. This was the groundwork for raising two well-adjusted, well-loved girls. She’d be here for them, and she wouldn’t be distracted with a demanding marriage. Her girls would never have reason to complain that she wasn’t there for them every step of the way.

  Jane turned to Suzie and scooped some ice cream into her mouth too, and as she looked up she saw an older couple come into the shop. The man was on crutches and his face on one side was badly burned—so much so that Jane startled when she saw it. He wore an army hat, the kind veterans wore. She was about to look away when she noticed how the wife walked slowly beside him, pulling coins out of her change purse as they made their way to the counter. The man said something, and his wife looked up at him, her eyes sparkling.

  Jane paused, watching them.

  The wife—she was wearing a wedding ring—put her hand on his, and Jane saw that his hand was equally scarred as his face—three fingers missing. The older woman turned to the teenager working the register and gave an order, then she started counting out coins.

  The order was two small cones, and when they had them she carried them to a booth in the back, and her husband hopped on his crutches next to her. When he sat down, the wife raised the first ice cream cone to his scarred lips and he took a bite.

  “Good?” Jane heard her voice as it filtered over to where she sat. Then she took a bite of her own. “Mmmm. This is great, isn’t it?”

  There was some quiet chitchat that Jane couldn’t make out, but watching as the wife tenderly feed her husband his ice cream, she felt tears rise in her eyes. This woman’s husband had made it back from the war, by the looks of things. Jane’s husband had not. Jane had received her husband’s remains and a folded flag. A thank-you for her husband’s sacrifice.

  But what if Josh had come home? What if he’d made it back and she’d had the chance to spend more time with him, take care of him, get over those strange distances between them and find some closeness again?

  What if she’d been able to go out for ice cream with Josh and her girls?

  She would have been grateful for the chance at a life as a family. Even if it would have been hard. Even if Josh would have had his own personal torments she couldn’t fully understand.

  The wife reached forward with a napkin and dabbed her husband’s lips. He said something, and his eyes softened. The wife’s low laugh could be heard from their booth, and Jane smiled in spite of herself.

  This couple had been through misery, and they’d come out the other side. The woman laughed at her husband’s jokes. The husband looked at his wife with eyes full of love. Had they always been that way, or had they grown into it after the hardest of times?

  But Jane hadn’t had that time with her husband—the chance to grow from their struggles instead of simply feeling consumed by them. She’d never had the chance to get to the sweet spot in her marriage, and looking at that couple with their ice cream, she felt the depth of all she’d lost.

  Tears welled in Jane’s eyes and she blinked them back.

  She’d been so afraid of marriage again because all she’d known was the hard part—the work, the feeling of failure, the heartbreak. But what if there were a man she loved enough to get over the tough times when they presented themselves and travel with toward that sweet spot?

  What if she could have a chance at marriage again with a man like Colt? She’d be willing, she realized in a surprised rush. She’d be more than willing—her whole heart would be in it.

  But Colt had his own heartache, and he wanted marriage even less than she had. Colt couldn’t be the man to grow old with, no matter how much she loved him. If there was one thing
she’d learned from her marriage to Josh, it was that one person wasn’t enough to carry a relationship. It was too heavy, too tiring. A woman’s love couldn’t rescue a marriage if the man’s heart wasn’t in it. She wouldn’t try to be enough for two again.

  No, it was better to go back to Minneapolis to start over again. It would take time to get over Colt, and very likely he’d be the guy she measured all the others against going forward. But the thought of marriage wasn’t quite so scary anymore. If she could find a love like that older couple, she’d stand by her guy.

  She was doing the right thing in leaving Creekside.

  Lord, provide for us, she prayed. And give me the strength to raise my girls right.

  When she’d given Micha and Suzie their last bites, Jane pulled out some wet wipes and cleaned their sticky fingers and faces. Her girls were the center of her world, the center of her heart. They deserved all the love and energy that she had inside her. They were her most sacred duty.

  “Time to drive,” Jane said, and she swallowed back the emotion that rose within her because she knew who she was leaving behind, and the image of that tall cowboy had slipped into her heart.

  They’d start over, and God would provide for them. Maybe He’d even provide her another husband one of these years. Regardless, God was the One she could depend on.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Colt arrived at the house to see Jane’s car was gone. He pulled off his hat and ran his hand through his hair. He was too late, and his heart felt heavy and sodden inside him. He could text her later. He could call her even. That was something. But seeing her one last time—that would have been better.

  “Oh, there you are,” Peg said, opening the side door. “High time, too! Jane and the girls left about half an hour ago.”

  “Yeah...” Colt nodded. “I’d hoped to talk to her.”

  “You might have hurried a little more then,” she retorted, then rolled her eyes. “I mentioned Creekside Creamery, by the way. I suggested the girls might like some ice cream before she headed out of town.”