“That’s because you’re forcing something that’s not, Lake. Our friendship was easy, and then you...I think things are just complicated now!” I said, throwing my hands in the air.
“We complicated nothing, love. We simply uncovered what’s been brewing under the surface. That night didn’t complicate things. It cleared up a lot.”
Scoffing, I tugged my scarf free from his hands. “Lake!” I ground out through gritted teeth, scowling at him. “We promised not to talk about that again. That night...I promised. You promised!” I emphasized.
Pulling a hand down the shadow of his beard, he replied, “I’m not that fresh-faced teenager trying to see how many women I can attract, or that young college student with all these ideas about the way the world should be. I’m a grown man who knows when a woman wants him. And you want me, Z,” he said, brushing his fingertip across my chin. “Just like I want you.”
I hated that my tongue was growing heavy in my mouth, and I was growing all warm inside.
“If you don’t mind, I think I’ll sit in my car and wait for my ride.”
“I mind. And I don’t like the idea of you waiting out here for an unlimited time while you hope someone will come from Sunset Harbor to save you.”
“They will come!” I argued futilely.
“Okay, so you won’t mind me sitting here waiting with you. I mean, I’ve got nothing else to do, and I just want to ensure that you stay safe. This isn’t the greatest area of town for you to be sitting here and waiting alone in. It’ll be dark soon, and everyone will have left. Or, I could call up your father and ask if he’d like for me to bring you home. Or maybe I should contact your mother and get her opinion on your decision to remain here on your own until someone shows up for you. Someone who isn’t Lake Chambers, owner of Durham Dragons and board chair for Haven Harbor Children’s Group Home. Maybe that might help them feel safe.”
Lake was unbelievable. This man had in a few seconds called my bluff, cast down my contentions, and made me feel foolish by barely raising an argument.
I couldn’t imagine how I would present my argument to my parents. All the reasons that I shouldn’t ride home with Lake, a man the community respected, even if they didn’t trust me alone with him.
What would I say?
He’s too handsome and good-smelling to ride home alone with because I don’t trust myself alone with him. Or, he makes me think thoughts I have no business thinking when I’m with him.
Or better yet, he makes me forget about Russell and wish that I wasn’t engaged to the man. Still better, he makes me feel things a man I’ve been dating for over two years has never made me feel.
Or the greatest one, the way he handles my body, might cause me to ride him if I ride with him.
“I could always wait for my dad to answer the phone and have him send a car service for me,” I pointed out.
“But you won’t.”
He was right. I hated being chauffeured anywhere.
“What am I supposed to do about my car if I leave it here, Lake?”
Lake pulled his hands through his thick black hair with soft brown streaks running through it, making me want to reach out and touch it. I clasped my hands tightly together to force them not to react.
“Z, you’re not worried about your car. You and I both know it’s too easy to get towed. But since you’re making that an issue, I’ll get it towed back to town for you,” he said, his jaw clenching.
My shoulders dropped. I’d run out of arguments.
“Fine! On one condition.”
“What’s that spoiled little Liltee?”
“That we do not speak of that summer, the night at Prestige, or anything related to that or the emotions you seem to think that we have.”
“Oh, I’m sure about mine.”
“And I’m sure about mine!” I declared.
Shaking his head, his jaw clenched. “You were always stubborn as hell. Fine, Z. You win.”
“Okay, let me just grab my things,” I said.
“Make sure you lock up. I’ll be waiting at my car over there,” he said, pointing toward an Audi RS7.
“Okay,” I said, batting down the nervous energy bubbling in my belly.
CHAPTER 12 – LAKE
THIS WAS UNFAMILIAR territory that I was embarking on, but I had never backed down from a challenge, and I wasn’t about to start now. Confusion ran rampant through me as I tried to figure out why I couldn’t just leave Xiomara alone. I felt drawn into her web and trapped there, making it difficult for me to free myself and move on to something different and manageable.
I’d screwed up all those years ago, letting her escape. But I hadn’t been ready for what she wanted back then, and I’d proved that through a series of careless actions. Making her feel as if she meant nothing to me when nothing could’ve been further from the truth.
Glancing out of the corner of my eye at her as I cruised down the highway, I took in her rigid posture.
The energy between us wasn’t the same as it had been. Not quite. Though her body gave off sexual energy, there was a wall she’d erected.
Today, Xiomara was stiff and aloof, an undercurrent of frustration humming just below the surface. Ebbing and flowing, waiting to overflow in a tumultuous storm.
I turned my gaze back out the window and then looked at her again.
She folded her arms underneath the curve of full, voluptuous breasts, forcing the swell of them to rise to the top of the gold and black sweater she wore. The beautiful glossy sheet of hair hung like a wave of silk down her back, pooling at her waist.
Shifting side to side in her seat, her long legs crossed and uncrossed.
“Xiomara, relax,” I said.
“I am relaxed.”
“Are you? Or are you pretending? You don’t have to pretend with me.”
Turning in her seat for the first time, she faced me head-on, her eyes scanning my face. I watched her from my peripheral vision and allowed a small smile to curve my lips upward.
“What makes you think that I pretend with you?”
“I know you.”
Pulling off the highway, I drove about a mile before pulling into a park. We weren’t too far from her parents’ home.
“What are you doing?”
“Talking to you.”
“I have to get home. I told you I have—”
“I know...I know, an appointment. And I promise that I’ll get you home, but for once...just once I want you to stop running from me, Z.”
“What is it with you? Why do you keep pressing in areas I ask you to back away from, Lake?” Xiomara asked, turning to face me with her back pressed against the passenger door.
I saw the frustration etched so clearly in her hazel eyes, amber sparks shooting forth like flares.
“I don’t think you owe me anything. But don’t you think that you owe it to yourself to figure out why you feel how you do when I’m around? Why do you respond differently to me than you do to everyone else? Or why you always seem to be so angry with me when we were the best of friends. You need to deal with your suppressed emotions. You owe that much to yourself, Xiomara. If you don’t figure out why you’ll live a life of regret.”
She closed her eyes, shielding her emotions from my prying eyes. I reached out and gently touched her wrist.
“Hey, seriously, before you commit your life to what everyone else expects for you...do yourself that one favor and be honest with yourself. You only get this one life, and you deserve to live it to the fullest. I understand arranged marriages; I had a college friend who was already engaged and had been for a few years before he and I met. He knew what he had to do, but he also knew that he owed it to himself to live his life before sacrificing it, as expected, in his culture. He understood what lay out there in the world, and he understood the impact it had on him. Going into that marriage with a clean heart, mind, and spirit, knowing that he’d lived his life to the fullest was the best thing for Akio. And he could rightfully take his plac
e at Himari’s side as her husband, knowing that he would have no regrets.”
Xiomara bit her bottom lip and looked away from me.
“Lake, what is it you want from me,” she said, still refusing to look at me.
“The truth about your feelings for me.”
Shaking her head, she laughed. “You need to grow up, Lake. Women don’t get the same chances that men do in business. We have to make our way to the table, elbowing everything out of our way, hogging what’s on the table, and making no damn apologies for it. We’re expected to make sacrifices, put our big girl panties on, and not cry about it. Well, this is me doing that.”
“Look, I’m not trying to pressure you. But I have to express to you what I feel when I see you; when I’m around you...when we make love.”
Her head tilted to the side as a scowl marred her face.
“You promised—”
Shaking my head, I said, “I know. That I wouldn’t speak of that beyond those walls, and I won’t, but I also can’t pretend that the chemistry we have doesn’t exist.”
“You made your choices, Lake.”
“Is that what you think? Huh? Because, if so, then you’re a foolish woman. I mean, you’re right; I wasn’t ready for what you wanted. And when you posed that question to me that night...what did I want, and I said I don’t know, I wasn’t lying. I knew that I wanted you, but on the terms I felt you were offering yourself? I wasn’t ready for that, Z. I was still young. Yes, I had strong feelings for you. But enough to settle down at that moment? No, that wasn’t something that I could do.”
“I asked you a simple question. Could you see yourself marrying me? And you laughed.”
“I laughed because I didn’t expect it. It was nervous laughter, Z.”
“It didn’t make me feel good, nor did it clarify any supposed feelings that you had for me. And then you said that you couldn’t see yourself being married. That there was too much life to live and too much that still needed to be explored. You were very clear about your feelings for me. And that was fine; I’m honestly over that. But that’s just it. I’m over it. My disillusionment about you and me and romantic ideas about my life. I’m good with the choices I’m making. Why can’t you respect that?”
“Do you have feelings for me?” I asked.
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does.”
She remained silent for several seconds before speaking.
“My father saw me that night.”
“What night?”
“The night after we’d had that conversation. He found me in the pool house, crying my eyes out. He had no idea about the ‘why,’ but he knew ‘who’ I was crying over. That was when he proposed the trip to New York to gain the experience that I needed. Dad wanted me ‘preserved’ for my marriage but had no idea it was too late. He just saw his little girl devastated, so he did the only thing he knew to do to salvage my future. He suggested that I go away, and I agreed.”
I paused for a while. I had known none of that and had nothing to say for myself because I felt like shit.
“Lake, there’s no confusion about my future nor my decisions. I made my choice,” she said after a while.
“You’re choosing a business, a freaking position as the head of your father’s empire over happiness? Over having a free spirit about your position in this world and your role in Russell’s life. You at least owe it to him to walk into a marriage with a free heart and mind.”
“And what does that look like, Lake? Screwing you again and again until I’m tired? Russell understands exactly what this is! I’m not the only one sacrificing my happiness for something that I want more than anything. So is he. And my spirit is very clear, and my mind. Whether you believe it, I know what I want, Lake. And the issue isn’t convoluted as you make it appear. Everyone knows what I want. You seem to be the only one who's mistaken about that!”
I knew I was upsetting her, but I needed to hammer the point in just a bit more.
“Xiomara, I feel as if you’re punishing me for the mistakes of my youth! What happened with us that night at the ball wasn’t a mistake. There was not a moment of regret in your eyes, and when you were in my arms, you fit there perfectly. The way that you moaned my name and begged for more was no mistake! You want me, and I want you. It’s easy to figure this thing out and move on together. I’m no fool, Z. I know you feel the same. At first...I thought maybe things were different. I mean, it’s been ten years. But the way you responded to me when I kissed you...when we made love. It let me know that what I felt that summer wasn’t a fluke. Hell, it wasn’t just that summer. I just finally reacted to my feelings that summer.”
“What?”
“Yeah,” I said nodding. “My feelings for you had been growing for a while, Z, you were a special girl. But I won’t lie, they scared the hell out of me. And just like your parents mapped out your life, so was mine. You know that. The only difference was that I was following my plans, not those of my parents. You’re a special woman. I knew you deserved more than I could offer then. But I’d like to try it now.”
“I’m sorry, Lake, I can’t. It was just one night. Let’s keep it at that,” she said, shaking her head.
Xiomara pulled the visor down and busied herself with fixing her hair.
“I don’t believe you. The woman in my arms was doing more than having fun that night. The woman that was in my arms was seeking love and fulfillment. Before you left that summer, you tried to figure out a way to have your dream and a fulfilling love life. Now you’ve just given up on that? You can’t own your own business and have the love of your life?”
“That was before...Lake.”
“Before what? Before your father sent you away to the city to purge your mind and heart of me? Was it successful, Z? Did he accomplish his mission? Because I recall you telling me he would never control you how he wanted to. Yet, I never received a single phone call in all these years. Not even a letter!” I said, smacking my hand against the steering wheel.
I couldn’t help the frustration rushing through me. This all seemed so unfair. Yes, I’d gone on with my life in her absence, and so had she. But I’d always known that she would return one day. And I’d hoped that when she did, we would have our shot. Either that or...our feelings would have changed. Making it easier to accept her reality.
Xiomara flipped the visor back up again and turned to look out the window before turning back to me.
“My father did not force that decision, Lake. It was a simple suggestion, and I followed through with it. Because if I didn’t, I knew that I’d be a fool for you, and I couldn’t afford that. I needed to put some space between us so that I could figure my life out, Lake. I had to get you out of my head. Just as I have to do now.”
“I never received an invitation.”
“I had to try, Lake,” she replied softly, a mist filming her beautiful eyes.
“I guess I was more forgettable than I realized. But you...you’ll always be unforgettable to me.”
Laughing, she shook her head, blinking her eyes rapidly and swiping at them. “Not really. From my understanding, there’s been no lack of love in your life.”
“Are you talking about Prestige? Because if so, I’d hardly call that love. I went there to fulfill my fantasies, and I don’t go anymore. It started as trying to screw memories of you out of my head.”
“Then hopefully it was successful. I don’t presume that I can have this authoritative role in my father’s empire, and everything else should just be perfect, too. At some point, people have to sacrifice. They have to weigh the pros and cons. I did that, and I chose what was best for me. Just like you chose what was best for you.”
Bitterness filled me as I listened to her so casually dismiss years of friendship.
“Sounds like your father’s rhetoric to me. That’s not the Z I know speaking right now.”
Xiomara’s eyebrows dipped down harshly. “I guess you don’t know me as well as you thought!”
“There are certain things about a person that don’t change. Your determination, your spirit of freedom, your aggressive nature to go after what you want. Your compassion for humankind. And your loyalty to your family. Those things haven’t changed. You’ve become more beautiful in the passing years than I could have even imagined. I stare at your exotic beauty and can’t get enough of drinking in your gorgeous skin, the gentle sway of your rounded hips, or the stride of your long legs. When you think no one is watching, you slowly sweep your hair behind your ear and watch the others around you. When something amuses you, your full lips turn up into the most beautiful curve of a smile. And when you’re in thought...you stroke your nose ring...like you’re doing now.”
Xiomara snatched her hand away and looked away, guiltily out of the window.
“The way you purr underneath my kisses or arch your back when it feels so good. The way that you hiss and moan when I stroke you deeper. None of that has changed, Z.”
“Take me home.”
“Tell me this, and depending on how you answer, I will back off.”
Her head jerked around, and the way her pleading eyes met mine, I could tell that she didn’t want to hear what I had to ask.
“Did you feel something special...something different than you’ve ever experienced when we were together? In our kisses?”
“I...I uh...” she rubbed her nose ring again.
“Honestly,” I pleaded. “Did you feel something when I made love to you? An awareness, an awakening in your spirit.”
“Lake...” she sighed. “I think it was just the emotions of the day. The excitement of that night, that’s it,” Xiomara said, moving her hand from that nose ring to her cascade of hair falling over one shoulder now.
“Then tell me this...”
Cautiously and slowly, I leaned across the center console and cupped the back of her head. My fingers threaded through the soft folds of her satiny raven-colored hair as it stroked the rounded curve of her head. Xiomara’s eyes softened as my lips met hers.
The fullness and purity that flowed through me at the touch of our lips together was a new feeling. I brushed my lips across the glossiness of hers, taking my time to feel my way through this. I wanted to awaken everything within her that had gone dormant in the last decade.
The Arrangement Page 9
