“I’m not trying to push her, Low. I’m really not; I just want her to be happy.”
“Are you sure that you don’t just want her because you can’t have her?”
Lifting an eyebrow, I bent my head and rubbed the nape of my neck.
“Nah, it’s not that.”
“She’s engaged, going into an arranged marriage, still living with her...Lake!”
“What?” I asked, warmth growing throughout my body.
“No! No! No! No! No, Lake! Please tell me you’re not doing this,” Harlow moaned, dropping her face into her hands before looking at me again.
Glancing away from her, I took the remnants of my meal to the trash to dispose of it, turning my back on my sister.
“Laaakke?” she called, dragging out my name in that annoying habit she’d learned during our youth.
“What, Low? What do you want me to say?” I asked, throwing my arms up and crossing them over my chest before I leaned against the counter.
Harlow pressed a hand to her forehead and sighed heavily.
“Are you a fucking glutton for punishment, dude? Didn’t you learn your lesson the last time?”
I sighed.
“Wait, no, don’t answer that question because obviously, you didn’t. But you cannot try to dissuade Xiomara from doing this. It’s a disaster waiting to happen. If the man sent his daughter away for how many years?”
“Ten.”
“Ten years, Lake? Ten fucking years? What do you think he’ll do if he realizes you’re sniffing around again?”
“It wasn’t him that sent her away. I found out he offered it as an option, and she had the choice to go or not go. She went away.”
My sister shook her head, laughing.
“I mean, in a perfect world, her father’s company and our father’s company would be a suitable alignment, and maybe you’d be the one in the arranged marriage with her.”
“No, fucking way. Nobody said anything about marriage,” I defended.
“Then what the hell are you doing, Lake? I mean, really? Leave the girl alone if you’re only offering her a quick screw against the wall!” Harlow shouted at me.
“That’s not what this is, Low.”
“Look, it would be different if she were being forced into this, but we both know she’s not. Xiomara has wanted this company since she was a toddler, dude! She cut her teeth on this company! And she knows what she’s getting into. There’s been no doubt that she would have to marry Russell Darden to take over her father’s role. And she was always okay with it.”
Dropping my head, I circled my toe on the marble floor. I looked back up at my sister and brushed a lock of hair from my forehead.
“She was never okay with it.”
“She never rebelled against it,” Harlow pointed out.
“Only because she had time. And now that time’s run out. Just a few months, and she’ll marry that ass wipe.”
“Hey, no need to call the man out of his name because he has the girl of your wet dreams.”
“No need to be a bitch, Low.”
“I’m not, just pointing out the obvious.”
“The dude doesn’t even care about her or what she wants. You should see him, Low. He doesn’t even appreciate the woman.”
“Still not your business. That’s something she has to deal with for herself.”
“We were always close friends. So, what are you saying? Just give up on her and let her make a decision she’ll regret for the rest of her life?”
“No, I’m saying consider your movements. If you push her in any direction, Lake, then you’re responsible for her. If she makes a decision about her future that she can’t go back from, she may tie those feelings to you and expect things that you cannot deliver. She will become your responsibility, and you have to make sure that you’re ready for that. I’m not so sure that you are. Especially if you’re not speaking words like ‘marriage,’ and that’s what this guy is offering her, along with being the head of her father’s company. No, I know for a fact that you’re not ready.”
“Why would you say that?” I asked frowning.
“Because you’re still screwing other women,” Harlow said matter-of-factly, giving me a blank stare.
“Why would you say that?”
“You were at the club earlier this evening, weren’t you?”
Throwing my hands into the air, I said, “Yeah. I was and?”
“There’s only one purpose for your visits to that club. And it’s not for the restaurants, the bar, or the club scene. You go there for sex. I just wonder if she were to leave her fiancé for you, would she still respect you if she knew the truth?”
“I went there for a meeting today. It’s been over two months since I’ve been.”
“Okay, but are you ready to offer her what she deserves?”
I thought that I’d given Xiomara a lot to think about, but in true Harlow Marie Chambers fashion, she was forcing me to think about my actions. She was always the one member of our family that upheld the values she promoted so highly.
“When you have the answer to that, and you feel good about your answer in your heart, then come back to me and ask me about planning this party.”
I watched as my sister hopped off the counter and headed out of the kitchen, tugging at her short shorts and tossing “You’re welcome” over her shoulder as she flipped her long, blonde hair back.
CHAPTER 15 – XIOMARA
“WE’VE GOT AN APPOINTMENT with a realtor today at noon to search for a house,” Russell said.
“That is so exciting! If you need any advice, come to Gaurav and me. I have the perfect interior designer for you to use,” my mother said, clapping her hands together gleefully.
“Are you looking in the downtown area?” Senait asked.
“I thought we would go closer to the mountains,” Russell said.
“That area is a bit pricy. Are you sure you can afford it?” my father asked.
“Of course, I have been saving for this for a long time. Besides, my parents are going to add a significant down payment also as part of our wedding gift,” Russell said, squeezing my hand in his clammy one.
“House, townhome, or condo?” my father asked.
“A house, sir.”
“How many bedrooms are you looking for?” my mother asked.
“Three bedrooms and two bathrooms. I’d also like to have a swimming pool.”
“Split level, ranch?” Senait inquired.
“Split level. I don’t much care for ranch styles.”
No one was asking my opinion or my feelings about this matter. It was almost as if I weren’t in the room at all, nor a part of the conversation. My stomach rolled over as a wave of nausea assailed me.
Was I the only one that saw anything wrong with this picture? How could he just pop up and tell me where I’d be living and not even consider what I wanted?
Russell had called me up the evening before and asked me out for a Saturday afternoon date. This was not my idea of a date. Although any date with Russell wasn’t my idea of a date, come to think of it.
“Aren’t you excited?” my mother asked, looking over at me as I stared at a lone thread coming loose in the carpet.
I pretended that I didn’t know she was talking to me.
“Xiomara? Your mother is talking to you,” my father’s harsh rebuke caused me to jump.
“I’m sorry. What did you say, Mom?”
“I don’t know where this girl’s head is at these days,” my mother said.
“I’m sure it’s all the excitement about getting married soon,” Senait spoke up, sending nervous glances my way.
I looked away from her, too, because although she was standing up for me, she knew the truth. Senait knew Lake’s return had rocked me. And she knew about my night with him at Prestige.
Despite how I treated Lake, my heart couldn’t deny that I still loved the man. Even after all these years. It scared the hell out of me.
“
I asked, aren’t you excited, Xiomara? Soon you will be Mrs. Darden. And you will have a home and family of your own,” my mother said, smiling with delight.
“And a company to run. Don’t forget, Xiomara that is your most important challenge, your ultimate aspiration,” my father reminded me, crushing my mother’s dreams of family over career.
“How many children do you want, Xiomara?” Senait asked, changing the subject back to my mother’s concern, earning a mild scolding glance from my father.
She was the only one that could get away with that.
“We’ll have three. Hopefully, two boys and one girl,” Russell said as if he could just order children up the way he wanted them.
I guess he’d also order them with damned near-white skin and European features, like his mother’s, since I had melanin in mine, thanks to the heritage of my Eritrean mother and Indian father.
Rolling my eyes, I stood.
“Excuse me, please, I need to use the restroom.”
I left the room and heard the soft murmurs after I made my escape. Rather than heading to the restroom as I’d said, I went straight to my bedroom. Throwing myself across the bed, I allowed the tears to fall.
It was difficult to stop thinking about Lake and that night at the ball.
I was confident before my return that Lake Chambers held no place in my head or my heart. Surely, he had no power over my body anymore. Or so I thought. I felt like I was a slave to him now, as I struggled to keep him out of my mind.
The moment Lake’s lips touched mine, I remembered every touch, every impression, and every caress of his hands. Everything about him was unforgettable. The thing tying us together was powerful and blinding, and I had to ignore it to get what I wanted.
The chord of attraction between Lake and I swelled and rose like a wave crashing down all around us. It threatened to destroy and take out everything in its path and soaking us in desire.
That’s what I remembered from that summer. That’s what my father and mother had realized early on. And it was the reason my father had wanted me to go away. And that’s what I remembered about that night.
My father knew that if I stayed around much longer, then all the dreams he had for me and those that I’d verbalized myself would tank under the weight of my feelings for Lake.
Some questions were plaguing me. Not only the questions Lake posed about my future and independence but the ones I’d always had but was scared to dig too deep into. They were pounding on the forefront of my brain, demanding entry.
All of that since making love with Lake.
If he had the power to do that to me, cause me to question everything, then he was a dangerous man. One that I needed to steer clear of.
But I wanted just one more taste.
“XIOMARA, THIS IS THE fourth house that we’ve looked at, and you’ve liked none of them,” Russell complained, with a frown on his face.
We stood outside of a two-story brick Colonial with a little square patch for a yard.
“Perhaps, we should have discussed what we both wanted in a house before we came looking. Then we could have worked to get on the same page and share our likes and dislikes with the realtor.”
Resting his hands on his hips, Russell stared at me as if I’d lost my mind.
“Why would we do that?”
“Russ, maybe it’s not the houses. Maybe it’s the arrangement.”
Scowling, he asked, “What is that supposed to mean?”
“I know this is what’s expected of us, Russ. An arranged marriage is perfect for some people, and they’re successful. But I’m not sure that’s what I want or need in my life.”
Russell sighed and looked away for a moment before turning his gaze back to mine.
“Xiomara, I understand you, believe me, I do. But this plan,” he said, waving his hands around. “Has been in place for our future for quite some time. We based our lives around this expectation, which is what it will take to achieve our goals. I thought we both understood that.”
“It’s just that I’ve seen what it’s done to the women in my family. My mom hasn’t been a part of an arranged marriage, and my dad loves her, but the whole be submissive and do as I say thing? I’m not a child anymore, and I want more than that. I need more than that, Russ.”
“You’re changing, Xiomara. You forget what’s expected of you.”
Russell didn’t have a clue.
“Maybe I’m seeing things differently now,” I said, pulling my hair back from my face in frustration.
He looked disappointed by that statement and shook his head.
“Do you love me, Russell?”
“What?”
He said that as if it were some foreign concept.
“You know. Love. That deeply intense feeling beyond affection. That emotion that fills you with passion and makes you believe that you cannot live without another person. You would do anything to ensure they’re happy and have everything they need to become the best person they can be. When you feel as if you can’t breathe if they’re not with you, sometimes you want to breathe for them and vice versa. You know. Love?”
“Who have you been talking to? What happened to the Xiomara that I respected. The hard as nails, no excuses woman of steel. The woman that was a self-declared Boss Bitch? She never talked about feelings, or emotions, or...love,” he spat out as if the word were despicable.
“Well, maybe what I need and want is changing.”
“You don’t want Sheffield Tech anymore?”
“I absolutely want Sheffield Tech! But I also need something more...don’t you?”
“This isn’t what that is. We have an agreement. I went along with your suggestion for us to date for the last two years. So, I come to the city, and I take you out when we’ve got time. We don’t have that special thing you’re looking for. But...this marriage is going to happen because of what we both said we wanted.”
Walking up to him, I grabbed his hands. Waiting, I stared into his eyes. Nothing. No hammering heart, sweaty palms, lumps lodged in my throat, or clenching of the thighs.
“What are you doing?” Russell asked.
“When I hold your hands, what do you feel, Russell?”
“I don’t understand.”
“Does excitement fill you, or happiness, or a warm glow in your body? Do you become heady with a rush of feeling for me?” I asked, searching his eyes.
Russell pulled his hands away and shook his head. “Look, I understand what you’re getting at. But there are more important things at stake than love. You’re not the only one making this sacrifice; I am, too. And it’s taking a lot out of me because I’m not getting what I want either. Do you think you’re the only one who wants something else? Someone else?”
“I’m sorry, Russell. I didn’t know.”
“And I am, too. I don’t know what this is you’re going through, but you need to remember this is who we are. It’s what’s expected of us. And although your mother isn’t Indian, arranged marriages are a part of her culture, too.”
“Yeah, but she didn’t succumb to those rules. My mother married for love. And that’s what I want, too.”
Russell inhaled deeply and pulled a hand down his face.
I breathed in and glanced up at the house where the realtor had just stepped onto the porch. He was on the phone and appeared to be wrapping up a call. I knew that I had little time remaining.
“Your mother’s life was different. She’d already left home and pursued her modeling career, so her expectations were different.”
“And I’ve left home to pursue my dreams. What’s different?” I pointed out.
“Xiomara, they arranged this engagement some time ago. Yes, this is a business arrangement, but it will position both of us, and our companies, for success. We’re nothing more than a means to an end. But that’s okay because we agreed we weren’t looking for anything more than that.”
“I wasn’t, but now I am. Two years and nothing, Russell? Doesn’t that fe
el...cold to you? I want more. I need more.”
“What are you saying, Xiomara?”
Turning my gaze away from his, the boldness, passion, and courage I’d previously felt drained out of me.
“I don’t know, Russell. I don’t know,” I replied softly as my shoulders dropped in disappointment.
Grimacing, he pulled his hand down his beard, while shoving the other in his pants pocket.
“Look, we have a little time remaining to get our act together. I don’t know who’s gotten into your head, but you have to refocus your priorities. We’re two of a kind, Xiomara. I need you to remember that.”
He searched my eyes, waiting for an answer.
Grabbing my hands, he said, “Look. Why don’t we take a weekend vacation?” he suggested.
“Why?”
“Because that will give us time to figure out once and for all what we want. And maybe if we go away for a weekend, we can work through this thing with no pressure on us. Not our parents, nor our families, or...anyone else,” he said.
I straightened up and pressed my shoulders back. He was right. I’d allowed Lake to get to me, and I was losing my focus. I desired to run Sheffield Technology, and in that dream, there was no room for weakness or being soft.
“Fine. Let’s go find the house of my dreams until then,” I said just as the realtor approached us.
Russell smiled at me and took my hand into his once again.
“That’s my girl.”
CHAPTER 16 – LAKE
IT HAD TAKEN A LOT of work, but I’d convinced Xiomara to go out on a date with me. An unconventional all day one, but still a date all the same.
“Thanks, guys, for coming out to work with the kids today on their art exhibition. They’re so excited about this and the parent meet and greet scheduled to coincide with this,” Ariel said.
As soon as she stepped out to get the kids, Xiomara smirked at me crossing her arms. “You’re bringing out the big guns.”
Shrugging with my arms out at my sides, I said, “You didn’t leave me much choice. The orders you gave me were to make it worth my time because I only get one shot. So, this is me, as the kids say, ‘shooting my shot.’”
The Arrangement Page 11
