“Hi. It’s good to see you. Are you off for the day?”
“No. I wanted to let you know I made arrangements with my aunt for Thursday at six thirty.”
“Ah. The birthday bash. Are you sure I can’t bring anything?”
“Nope. She always has plenty of coffee, tea, brandy, wine, water, and soft drinks. So, unless you need something special, we should be good.”
“Great. I’m looking forward to it. Do you work all day tomorrow?”
“I’m scheduled to. Why?”
“I’m planning on doing the Cave of the Mounds tour tomorrow. Would you like to come with me?”
“Depends on what time you’re going.”
“They go every half hour, and the last one is at four, unless you want to go Saturday, when the last one is at five. They last an hour.”
“Oh. Can we go on Saturday? I’m off at three.” Lynette tried to tamp down her excitement.
“Plan on it.” Barb smiled. “We’ll leave after you get off work and go get tickets.”
“I need to stop home and let Starr out. Can I meet you there?”
“Sure. I’ll wait for you there.”
“I better get back to help Claudia clean up after dinner. See you later.” Lynette couldn’t squelch her anticipation of their outing. She’d wanted to go on the cave tour for a long time but had never made the time to. Going with Barb made it even more of something to look forward to. She loaded the dishwasher and made sure Claudia was finished before leaving.
“See you tomorrow, Claudia.” Lynette went to her car, intentionally avoiding Barb. She felt it was rude but necessary. She had to find a way to keep her feelings under control and she sat in her car debating with herself. It scared her how easy Barb was to talk to, to be with. She rested her head back on the seat and decided she was being silly. She could always say no to Barb. She chuckled at the absurdity of that. She’d scared herself with her enthusiastic response to her invitation to go to the cave. But maybe it was okay to let someone in. Like she’d thought before, Barb would be leaving soon anyway. It wasn’t like there was any kind of commitment involved, and she was enjoying someone new to spend time with.
She could handle friendship. The cult had taught her all outsiders were evil and untrustworthy. Learning to trust someone after she escaped was a gradual process, and the one she’d chosen early on had proven untrustworthy. She wanted no repeat disappointments, but she wasn’t looking for a relationship, just someone to enjoy time with. It was just about keeping things in perspective. She parked her car and hugged Starr when she stepped in the door. She filled Starr’s food bowl, made herself a cup of hot chocolate, and waited for Starr to finish outside before they settled on the couch. “I’ll be done in a minute, and we’ll go to the park.” Starr’s ears perked up at the sound of the word. “You’re predictable and trusting, and I’m grateful I have you.” Lynette scratched under Starr’s chin. She finished her drink and clipped on Starr’s leash. “Let’s go, sweetie.”
Lynette relaxed as they followed the familiar path. She found safety in consistency and familiarity. After the chaos of her childhood, routine and therapy were what had gotten her through the transition into the real world. She hoped one day it would also bring her happiness. Her thoughts wandered to who might have called her aunt looking for her. If Brother Matthew had tested the group’s loyalty with his spiked communion drink, and they were still alive, it could have been her mother. She’d be the only one who knew about Aunt Jen, but then, Aunt Jen was sure it hadn’t been her. Lynette stopped walking and Starr whined and stared at her. Peter! She tried to remember how much she’d disclosed to him about her family. She’d been seventeen and he nineteen when they’d been forced to marry. He’d had a girlfriend he’d wanted to marry, but they weren’t given a choice. They’d remained friends through the years of their compulsory joining, but she was certain she’d never told him about Aunt Jen. It was her subconscious secret hope for freedom one day. Her therapist had suggested it in one of her sessions, and she recognized it as the truth. The caller had been female, so Peter probably had nothing to do with it.
“Come on, Starr. Let’s get home.” The dusky evening shadows felt ominous now, and she wanted the security of her home. She went through the short list of members she’d interacted with and didn’t remember any with whom she’d shared personal information. She never had much time for anything except a quick daily shower, a review of her daily duties, and her role of caregiver and teacher for the youngsters. By the time they reached her apartment she had exhausted possibilities except her mother. “Do you think I should be sad about my mom being dead?” She looked at Starr, who appeared to be hanging on every word. Lynette let out an emotionless laugh.
She continued on the path home and turned her thoughts to her aunt’s birthday celebration. She’d bought her a new pen for her etchings, but she didn’t want to make them uncomfortable and give it to her with Barb and Claudia there. She called her after they arrived home.
“Hi, honey. Everything okay?”
“Yeah. I was thinking of you and thought I’d give you a call.”
“I’m glad you did. I’m relaxing with a little TV before bed.”
“I wanted to know if you’d be home tomorrow morning. About ten? I’m working later but I have something I want to give you.”
“I’ll be here, honey, but you don’t have to give me anything. You come over for a cup of coffee, and I’ll be happy.”
“Your birthday is coming. Of course I’ll give you a gift.” Lynette wiped the unwelcome tears away. “I miss you.”
“I miss you, too. I’ll have hot chocolate ready.” She paused. “Are you okay?”
“I’m okay. The memories are just a little intense right now, and that phone call has me a little spooked. But I’ll be okay, I promise. I’ll go to a meeting if I feel the need to.” She stroked Starr and felt better. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Lynette disconnected the call and got ready for bed.
Chapter 15
The sun created orange and yellow streaks across the sky as it rose over the horizon. Barb loved the early hours of the day. She watched the sun illuminate the landscape and the shadows of the trees lengthen and disappear. She drank a cup of coffee and showered before heading to the dining room for breakfast. Claudia was at the omelet station. “Good morning. I see you have omelet duty today.”
“Morning. Lynette’s visiting her aunt this morning. She’ll be in later.”
Barb had been at the hotel for over a week and finally felt Lynette relaxing with her a little. She looked forward to spending the time on the cave tour with her. Maybe she could talk her into going on a boat tour soon, too. If not, she’d go alone. It looked like a fantastic way to get phenomenal shots of the river’s edge.
Barb returned to her room and looked through the brochures she’d laid out on the table. She checked her SD card and left to photograph more of the unique rock formations. The heat of the morning sun warmed her back as she walked to the river. She leaned on the railing to get some shots of the water flowing over rocks in the shallows, and when she stepped back, she felt a warm hand on her shoulder.
“Be careful you don’t fall in.” Lynette stepped up from behind her.
“Hey. I thought you were coming in later today.” Barb checked her watch, surprised it was nearly noon.
“I gave my aunt her birthday present today, and I’m headed to work now.”
“I’ll walk back with you. I’m glad you found me because I wanted to talk to you.” Barb gathered her thoughts as she fell into step with Lynette. “I’ve been here over a week and have enjoyed the time we’ve spent together. I’d like to know if you feel the same way because I want to know if you’d go on a boat tour with me one day? As a date, maybe.”
Lynette stopped walking and turned to face her. “Things from my past still affect me today.” She raised tear-filled eyes. “I’d like to go on a boat tour with you, and do other things, but you need to know I can only offer you friends
hip. I worry that you might be hoping for more, but I just can’t give it. Do you understand?”
Barb could see Lynette struggle, and her instinct was to pull her into her arms and shield her from whatever she was afraid of, but she reached for her hand. “I like you and enjoy spending time with you. I’m not trying to push you into anything. I have a few more weeks off, and I’d like to spend some of that time with you. As friends. If you’re willing.”
Lynette was silent as they continued to the hotel, and Barb hoped Lynette had felt her sincerity. She’d take friendship with her if that was all she could offer.
Barb settled on her balcony to enjoy the view and a glass of wine. It reminded her of her date with Lynette, and she let out a sad sigh. She’d talked to her after lunch for a few minutes, and Lynette had seemed more settled, but there was no question there was some distance between them. She had at least two more weeks. She’d enjoy Lynette’s company whenever she could and continue to make the most of the beautiful area. She finished her wine and took a walk by the river before heading to the dining room for the dinner buffet.
“Don’t pass on the dessert. It’s Claudia’s crème brûlée,” Lynette whispered as she passed her carrying a tray of chicken breasts.
Barb filled her plate, set it on her table, and returned for dessert. There were only four plates of her crème brûlée left. She snatched one and noticed the last ones were gone by the time she got back to her table. She didn’t see Lynette again while she finished her meal. The idea that Lynette might be avoiding her saddened her.
Claudia surprised her as she was leaving. “Did you get dessert?” She held out a plate wrapped with plastic.
“I did, but I won’t turn down an extra one. It’s fantastic.” Barb appreciated Claudia’s thoughtfulness. “Are you done for the day?”
“I am. Lynette will finish the cleaning, and tomorrow’s menu is set. I like to walk by the river before I drive home. Would you join me?”
“Lead the way.” Barb appreciated the company. She liked Claudia, and the overt sexual overtones were gone, making things much more comfortable. She followed her toward the opposite direction she’d taken earlier. “I haven’t been on this side of the hotel yet.”
“It’s usually not as crowded as the main walkway.” Claudia stopped to look at the river. “How do you like your vacation so far?” she asked.
“I love it. I needed to take time to chill out. It’s been years since I took a vacation.”
“I’m glad you’re here. I know Lynette is glad, too.”
“I’m not too sure about that. I like her a lot, but she keeps me at arm’s length.”
Claudia turned to face her. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but she watches for you. Every morning she looks for you at your table. Sometimes she makes unnecessary trips under the guise of checking the heating pans to see if you’re there.”
“Huh.” Barb hid her pleasure at the news. “What’s her story? She told me she had things in her past.”
Claudia was silent for a moment. “Her past is hers to tell. All I’ll say is she’s had it rough. I don’t know all the details, but when she first started working here, I could barely get her to talk. She came in, put her head down, and worked nonstop until I or the boss told her she could go home. I’ve never seen anyone more efficient in the kitchen. She’s the reason the hotel never had to hire anyone else for the kitchen staff.” Claudia glanced at her watch. “I better get going. See you tomorrow.”
“I’ll be at breakfast. Thanks for the extra Crème brûlée.” Barb processed what Claudia told her as she walked to her room. It sounded as if Lynette had major issues, possibly from childhood. It would explain her comment about food being taken away and her eating so fast. She appreciated Claudia’s respect for her privacy and vowed to show Lynette she could be a good friend.
Chapter 16
The dishes were done, the sink cleaned, and the pans all in the industrial dishwasher. Lynette removed her smock and went to the empty dining area. She didn’t know why she thought Barb might be there, but something urged her to look. She sighed at herself. A huge part of her wanted to find her and tell her she wanted more than just friendship. But reality set in, and she headed to her car. Lynette concentrated on her driving and ignored thoughts of Barb.
“Hey, sweetie.” She’d never tire of Starr’s greeting when she got home. She let her outside, made herself a cup of hot chocolate, and wondered what Barb was doing. Probably watching the water from her balcony. She’d never met anyone who enjoyed the peace of flowing water as much as she did. Her thoughts automatically strayed to the desert conditions she’d endured in Idaho. Hot, dry sand during the day and, except for the scurrying of the desert rats, cold, dead silence at night. Their water supply was held in water towers, and severe punishment was the result of wasting a drop. She’d spent hours soaking in her aunt’s tub after her escape, and vowed to never live far from water.
Lynette filled Starr’s food bowl and sat on her couch to watch the evening news. It triggered another memory of her fascination with TV. Brother Matthew only allowed videos he deemed suitable for his flock. They never revealed the outside world and suppressed individuality while enforcing the cult’s ideology. She’d been one of a few kids who’d had experience with the outside world before being brought to the cult. It hadn’t taken long for their previous life to be forgotten and deemed unworthy, flawed, and evil. When she escaped, she’d been blessed to have Aunt Jen on the outside willing to take in a broken, hungry young woman with no money and only the clothes on her back. Most of the survivors in her therapy group weren’t so lucky and had to navigate the foreign outside world on their own. She pushed away the memories and stroked Starr’s back. “We might go to group tomorrow. I think I need a meeting.” She’d joined the recovery group of cult escapees after her aunt reminded her that freedom from it came from dealing with it. She found sharing her experience and hearing others’ experiences, even if they were from other kinds of cult groups, validated her feelings. Stories of their cult lives generally paralleled each other in terms of loss of self and detachment from their parents. She’d been out of the cult for twelve years and still hadn’t figured out her spirituality, but she sent a thank-you prayer to whatever power had brought her aunt into her life.
“It’s bedtime, sweetie.” She took Starr out one more time, went to bed, and quickly fell asleep.
Lynette woke to the feel of Starr nestled against her side. She rolled over and hugged her but didn’t remember the dream that must have triggered Starr’s response. Her memories from the previous night must have generated anxiety dreams. “I’m so grateful for you,” she whispered in Starr’s ear and cuddled for a few minutes before getting out of bed to shower and dress.
Starr sniffed every inch of the tiny grassy area next to the table where Lynette sat with her coffee beside the apartment building. She struggled to define her feelings for Barb. She seemed to want more than only friendship, but Lynette couldn’t do it unless she told Barb about her past. At least about Peter. Thoughts of him caused anxiety, and she was tired of feeling anxious. She finished her coffee and took Starr for a short walk before work. She took the short route at a fast clip, and by the time they got back home she’d decided she’d accept Barb’s friendship and offer hers back. She’d be leaving soon anyway. There was no reason to burden Barb with details of her chaotic life. She settled into her car and headed to work.
The parking lot was full when she pulled into her spot at the hotel, and she hurried to the kitchen to help Claudia prepare.
“Good morning.” Barb stood at the entrance to the kitchen.
“Hi there.” Lynette couldn’t disguise her pleasure at seeing her.
“I’ll be at my table if you feel like having a cup of coffee with me.” She smiled.
“If I have time, I will.”
“Morning.” Claudia spoke as she scrambled eggs. “Could you take care of the waffles, please?”
“Sure.” Lynette retr
ieved the premade waffles from the freezer. She took them to the breakfast serving area and checked the area for supplies. She worked until the crowds thinned before looking for Barb. She wasn’t at her table, and she squelched the twinge of disappointment. She needed to get herself under control. Barb is a friend. She repeated it several times in her mind, and reviewed Claudia’s lunch menu before proceeding to the restroom. Barb was waiting in the hall when she finished. “Hi there,” she said.
“Hey. I hoped I’d catch you before the lunch rush.”
“You weren’t at your table when I checked.”
“No. I gave it up to a couple who’d been waiting to sit down. It was crowded this morning. Do you have time for a walk?” Barb asked.
“Definitely.” Lynette and Barb walked until they reached the same spot at the railing where they’d stood before. “The sound of flowing water always relaxes me.”
“Me, too. I think it happens for most people.” Barb leaned on the rail. “Are you still looking forward to the cave Saturday?”
“I am. I need to be sure you understand it’s not a date. It’s two friends enjoying the tour.”
Barb turned to face her. “I get it, Lyn. We’re friends going cave exploring. It’ll be fun. No pressure for anything more.”
“Good. Okay, thanks. We’re going cave exploring.” She grinned and pushed down the bubbling temptation to kiss Barb. That would definitely muddy the waters.
Barb looked at her watch. “Shall we get you back to work?”
“Yes.” She looked at her own watch. “Geez, I never lose track of time.” Lynette turned and started walking, but Barb stayed. “Are you coming?”
“No. I’ll be there later. You go ahead.” Barb smiled.
Lynette continued back to work with warring emotions. Her growing feelings for Barb concerned her and a part of her hoped Barb wouldn’t give up on her, but she was pretty certain she just had.
Chapter 17
Love's Truth Page 7
