Barb stood and stretched. “I have an idea.” She looked at her watch. “Do you have any plans for tonight after work?”
Lynette looked surprised but relieved. “No. Why?”
“How about if I walk you back to the kitchen, and I invite myself over to your place for hot chocolate after work? Then you can finish, but you’ll have Starr there with you.”
Lynette sat quietly for a moment, took a deep breath and released it before answering. “That sounds good.” She stood and took Barb’s hand. “Thank you.”
Barb used the time it took to walk with Lynette to reflect on all she’d told her so far. Her distress over her past obviously still lingered on the surface, and she clearly needed the support of a friend. She silently pledged to be that friend and not add to Lynette’s anxiety.
Chapter 24
Lynette held Barb’s hand on the way back to the kitchen. She’d never allowed herself to get close to a woman after Donna, and now she wondered how much she might’ve missed. Barb’s sensitivity and caring belied her mistrust of relationships. She’d convinced herself no one could be trusted, and she’d relied on that belief for most of her adult life. Her feelings for Barb scared her, and she had no idea how to handle the unspoken understanding between them. She pushed more thoughts aside and enjoyed the beautiful day. The blue sky and sun reminded her how much she had to be grateful for. “We have a few minutes. Can we stop by the river before we go inside?”
“Of course.” Barb smiled and followed her to the water’s edge. “You okay?”
“I am. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I’ve told my story before, but it still brings up feelings I’ve pushed aside. It’ll help with Starr there tonight.” She placed her hand over Barb’s and intertwined their fingers. “I suppose I should get back to work before Claudia comes looking for me.” She didn’t move away until Barb squeezed her hand.
She walked into the kitchen as Claudia was finishing the chicken soup. “Ooh. It smells good in here,” she said.
“The soup’s ready. Would you take the urn out for me, please?” Claudia asked.
“Sure.” Lynette took out the soup and set out crackers and utensils. She finished in time for the first group of guests. She worked steadily, but Barb drew her attention every time she passed through the room. She sat quietly eating and looking out the window. Lynette didn’t even try to squelch her excitement at the thought of Barb spending the evening with her.
Lynette finished helping Claudia in the kitchen and cleaned the dining area in preparation for the next day before waving goodbye to Claudia and getting her purse from her locker.
“Ready to go?” Barb stood in the doorway. She’d changed into a pair of khaki pants, and her green polo shirt highlighted her hazel eyes. Gorgeous.
Lynette took a breath. “Ready.”
“Lead the way.” Barb waited in her car to follow her.
Lynette took the shortcut to her apartment. She wanted a few minutes of familiar activities before she began exhuming memories. She let Starr out and filled her food bowl before putting cups of water in the microwave for hot chocolate. Barb looked relaxed seated on her couch. She liked seeing her in her living space, and that scared her more than the memories she was about to unleash. “Hot chocolate will be ready shortly. Can I get you water or anything?”
“I’m good. Can I do anything? You sure are busy in there.” Barb grinned.
“I’m procrastinating. Can you tell?” Lynette let Starr in and settled on the couch next to Barb.
“You sit with Starr. I’ll get the hot chocolate.” Barb returned to the living room with their cups and sat on a chair across from her. “Are you okay with this? You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.”
“No. I do want to. I think it will be cathartic to tell you my story.” She sighed before beginning. “I wasn’t sexually abused like a lot of others in cults. I was neglected and grew up without parents, and we were all punished by the withholding of food and water if anyone spoke against the leader. I learned quickly to keep my mouth shut. We all were renamed when we arrived. I was given the name Sarah.” Lynette stroked Starr’s back and she rested her head in her lap. “I told you I was twelve when we moved to the compound, but I don’t know the exact date I was born. Everyone in the cult celebrated their birthday on Brother Matthew’s in April. We had a big celebration with cake every April first.”
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but didn’t your parents celebrate your birthday before moving to the cult?” Barb asked.
“No. They were busy trying to keep food on the table and feed their need for spiritual nourishment. I was…a distraction. They kept me fed and clothed, but they weren’t interested in me beyond that.” Lynette took a deep breath, slowly released it, and wound her fingers in Starr’s hair. She took a sip of hot chocolate before continuing. “Anyway, as I said, I was assigned to the kitchen and the younger kids. The adults spent most of the day in the ‘holy chamber’ meditating and listening to Brother Matthew’s sermon. When I was sixteen, one of the older girls, maybe seventeen, took a liking to me and began to come into my room at night. At first she held me and it felt wonderful. I’d never had anyone care about me like that. Soon she began touching me. She’d rub my back and shoulders, then move to my waist and lower.” Lynette stopped talking and took a drink from her cup. Starr pushed her head into her hand. “She told me she loved me. No one, not even my parents, had ever told me that, and I believed her. The physical relationship grew, and I looked forward to it every night.” Lynette began trembling and Starr crawled halfway into her lap. She took another drink and continued. “Her name was Ruth, and we were together for about a year. I noticed she was gaining weight quickly, and she admitted, after four months, she was pregnant with Brother Matthew’s baby, and we were through, that she had to concentrate on being a mother now. I was devastated, but she showed me my sexuality. I knew I was a lesbian, although I didn’t know the word at the time.
“I floundered after that. I’d finally felt loved and then it was gone. When I turned seventeen, Brother Matthew decided it was time I married so he’d get more children for the cult. He called them ‘faith babies,’ and they were his to raise as devotees of the true faith. He chose Peter as my husband and he married us in his sacred inner sanctuary.” She could still picture Peter’s sweet face, and how sad he’d looked when he’d been given the news. “Peter had a girlfriend he wanted to marry, but we weren’t allowed to pick our own mates.
“Brother Matthew conducted Sunday worship every week, and for a few weeks before I escaped he alluded to a final communion that would lead to our rebirth. Everyone was so excited. Most everyone, I think. There were whispers here and there, people who weren’t certain but didn’t want to question him about it. He put something into the grape juice he used for communion, and my mother told me it was holy water. One of the other elders whispered something about rising to our destiny.” She took a moment to compose herself. “I’ve never been as terrified as I was that day, waiting by the door for my chance. I escaped before the offering for that day, so I don’t know if it was a real communion, a mass suicide, or if it was like Jim Jones, who pretended a mass suicide to test who was loyal and who he could trust. Until, obviously, he did it for real and killed nine hundred people. I still don’t know if my parents are alive or dead.”
“Have you thought possibly if they did commit mass suicide, that Peter might be dead? You’d be a widow.” Barb had moved to sit next to her on the couch.
“I have. But I don’t know for sure. I probably never will.” Lynette leaned on Barb and with Starr on the other side, she felt protected. Safe.
“It seems like there would’ve been something on the news about a mass of bodies found. Did you ever watch for anything like that?”
“I became obsessed with TV when I discovered it at my aunt’s, so I rarely missed a news report. But I never heard anything. He called his group Matthew’s Faith, and it wasn’t very large compared to ones I’ve heard of. Nothin
g like the huge worldwide ones, but logically it still would have made the news if there had been a mass suicide of any number. Now do you see why I just can’t get more involved with you? They’re still out there. There’s something else, too. Last week, when I was off all morning, it was because a woman claiming to be my friend called my aunt looking for me. I’ve lived in fear of someone coming to get me for years, and now that I’m finally beginning to relax a little, this happens.”
“You think it might be someone from the cult?” Barb looked concerned.
“I don’t have any friends who would be calling my aunt to find me. The people in my recovery group agreed years ago not to exchange numbers. If any of us have an emergency, we can contact the leader of the group for help.” She sighed and rubbed her temple. “I just don’t know.” She rested her head on Barb’s shoulder and absorbed the peace being near her brought.
Chapter 25
Barb shifted enough to be able to stretch her legs out in front of her. She blinked away the sleep and gently replaced her lap with a pillow for Lynette’s head. Lynette murmured quietly and changed position slightly on the couch where they’d both fallen asleep.
“Come on, Starr,” Barb whispered and went to let her outside. The beautiful morning with the sunshine and blue sky completely contrasted with the dark cloud of anger around her at the memories Lyn had shared with her. It seemed unlikely anyone from that cult would care about her after all this time, but she knew very little about cults. All her information about them came from the internet, and they were all different based on the leader and the twisted ethos they were working under. Lynette might have a valid reason for fear. She thought she heard someone talking, but when she turned toward the trees, there was no one there. Starr was looking, too, though, but soon lost interest. Barb relaxed and shook her head. How could someone live normally after going through what Lyn had?
She checked the cupboard above the coffeepot, pleased to see what she needed to make a pot. She let Starr back in and waited for the coffee to brew while she watched the birds flit through the trees. Lyn had a nice location for her apartment. It was easy to see why she’d settled there.
“I smell coffee.” Lynette stood in the kitchen doorway looking sleepy, disheveled, and sexy. “Sorry I fell asleep on you.”
Barb smiled. “No problem. I nodded off a few minutes after you, and the next thing I knew it was morning.”
“Thanks for letting Starr out.” Lynette poured herself a cup of coffee and sat at her kitchen table. “Join me?” She pulled out the chair next to her and yawned while running her hand through her hair.
“What time do you have to leave?” Barb asked.
“By seven.”
Lynette stood and pulled a box from the cupboard. “You like oatmeal?” she asked as she held it up.
“Oh yeah.”
Barb watched Lynette make the oatmeal. Claudia was right. She was efficient in the kitchen. In fact, she was efficient in general. Every move was graceful, and no energy ever seemed wasted. “You doing all right this morning?”
Lynette turned to face her. “I am. I appreciated you being here and listening to me.”
“Of course.”
Barb reminded herself to wrap the gift she’d gotten for Lynette’s aunt. “I’m looking forward to meeting your aunt. You sure I can’t I bring anything?”
“No. Claudia’s made a cake, and I have ice cream.” Lynette set two bowls on the table and refilled their coffee cups.
“Okay. We’ll talk more later.” Barb finished her oatmeal and stood to leave. “I guess I’ll see you at the breakfast I won’t need.” She grinned and rested her hands on Lynette’s hips. She wanted to kiss her, but instead she caressed her cheek with the back of her fingers, happy Lynette leaned into her touch.
Barb stepped outside and tipped her head to feel the sunshine on her face for a moment before walking to her car. She smiled as she drove to the hotel and laughed out loud when she thought about the fact she’d spent the night with Lynette. The feel of her leaned against her, trusting her, meant she was letting her in, and that pleased Barb very much. She parked and went to her room to shower and change for breakfast even though the only hunger she felt was to see Lynette again. She collected all the clothes she’d worn so far and dropped them off at the hotel laundry before taking a seat at her table with a cup of coffee. She watched Lynette make omelets and decided to get in line, even though she wasn’t really hungry.
“Hello again,” Lynette said.
“I missed you, so I came for an omelet.” Barb laughed as Lynette blushed and turned to the next guest. She finished eating, feeling way too full, and lingered until Lynette disappeared to the kitchen. She wrapped a muffin in a napkin and took it back to her room. Giving Lynette some time to breathe was a good idea.
Barb settled on her balcony and called her brother. He answered on the second ring.
“Hi, Brad.”
“Hey. You still on vacation?”
“I am and I’d like to ask you one more thing, please. If you have time, would you mind checking on any reports of a mass of bodies found at any of those Idaho cults twelve years ago?”
“I’ll check into for you. You sure you’re okay?”
“I am. I plan to stop by to see you on my way home. I’ll fill you in on details then.”
“Okay. Take care.”
She tried to relax with one of her novels, but her thoughts kept straying to Lynette and her story. She’d been neglected and on her own most of her life. The two women she’d trusted had betrayed her, and she had no one to talk to. Her aunt must be a special lady to have gone out of her way to be there for Lynette. It seemed a lifetime ago Barb had wanted to know a woman as well as she wanted to know Lynette, and she hoped she’d give her that chance. She allowed her thoughts to stray back to her first love. Ann was a beautiful woman with silky strawberry-blond hair and arresting gray-blue eyes that had immediately captured Barb’s attention. Barb grinned at her memory of how tongue-tied she’d become just looking at her. Her head-over-heels love affair had only lasted two years until Ann declared she felt abandoned by Barb because of the hours she spent at work. Then she was gone, and Barb was alone. She’d learned to appreciate the solitude and to develop interests outside of work. She considered something her mother had told her about certain persons coming into our lives for lessons we needed to learn. Maybe that was Ann’s role in her life.
She pushed away the memories, took her book to the bed, and lay down to read. As much as she enjoyed having Lynette asleep on her lap, she hadn’t slept well, so her intent to read lasted about five minutes before she was sound asleep. She startled awake by the sound of thunder. She rose from the bed and checked the time. She’d slept for a couple hours. She washed her face and watched the sky darken and storm clouds move in. She picked up her camera and took a few shots of the converging fronts causing the clouds to shift like sands on the shore. The rain began as a slow drizzle and built to a crescendo of downpours, and Barb grabbed her jacket and headed to the dining room. Lynette was busy putting away the pans and cleaning up.
“Hey there,” Barb said.
“Hi. You missed lunch, but I have a cheese sandwich set aside for you if you want it.”
Barb looked at her watch. Three hours until dinnertime. “I’ll take it, thanks.” She waited outside the kitchen for Lynette to return with the sandwich and a cup of something hot.
“Claudia made one of her special soups today, corn chowder.”
“Yum. Thank you. I’m going back to eat this now. Do you have time for a break?”
“I do. Claudia has everything ready to go for dinner. I need to finish loading the dishwasher. I’ll be over after that.”
Barb was encouraged by Lynette’s smile. She rushed back to finish her sandwich and check her supply of hot chocolate. She’d had an utterly relaxing day and yet she was still floppy tired. It was a good feeling, a truly relaxed one, and she reveled in it as she ate.
She finished
her meal and cleaned up before getting the hot water and cups ready. The knock on her door came within a few minutes.
“Glad you made it.” Barb opened the door and moved so Lynette could walk past her into the room. Lynette turned and stepped into her arms and kissed her.
“I had to do that. You’re so sweet to me, and I appreciate it.”
Barb suffered a rare insecure moment. Lynette had been taken advantage of first by the cult, and then by two women she’d allowed to get close. Barb wasn’t going to be another one, but how to convince Lynette? She lightly kissed her back. “Come out to the balcony. I made us hot chocolate.” She carried the cups to the small table. “Here you go.” She sat next to her.
“Thanks. I’m a little tired today.”
“Me too. I took a nap before lunch. That’s why I was late. You’re welcome to lie down here for a while. I’ll wake you before you need to go back to work.”
Lynette took a drink from her cup and set it on the table. “Come on.” She grabbed Barb’s hand and pulled her to the bed.
Barb froze when they were side by side on the bed. Lynette snaked her arm over Barb and snuggled into her, so Barb pulled her closer and intertwined their fingers. Lynette shifted so her butt pushed into her belly and Barb drew their clasped hands to Lynette’s chest and listened to her soft breathing as she drifted into sleep. It was torture of the loveliest kind. Lynette’s body fit perfectly against hers, and the soft mound of her breast rested against her arm. Her body reacted in kind and she shivered.
Barb reached for her travel alarm, careful not to disturb Lynette. She wished she’d asked her when she had to be back to work, so she set the alarm for half an hour before she settled into the comfort of Lynette’s warmth.
Love's Truth Page 11
