I don’t know why that scene, of all the scenes, is the one that got under my skin and crept into my dreams, but it did. Today, I feel as if I’m seeing Freddie in a whole new light, one that is almost too bright to bear. I just can’t look at him, not after the things I’ve seen him do (even if he was acting). Edward is nothing like Freddie, he’s so powerful, egotistical, sexual… but it was Freddie, doing all those things, saying those words.
‘Are you OK?’ he asks me. ‘You seem a little flustered…’
‘I’m fine.’
‘Okay, good,’ he says. ‘Well, I want to take you out for lunch, if you fancy it?’
‘Lunch?’
‘Didn’t you see the time?’ he says, nodding towards my phone.
I look again. It’s nearly midday.
‘Oh, my God, I have super slept in,’ I say.
‘Usually more of a sign of good dreams than bad ones,’ he says with a cheeky smile. ‘So, lunch?’
Freddie is already up and dressed. He looks good, in his shorts and T-shirt, and his hair looks a little more tamed than usual. I suppose he doesn’t have to hide around me, so he’s safe to brush his hair back.
‘I’d love to,’ I reply. ‘I just need to pop next door and get changed… if it’s safe.’
‘They got tired eventually,’ he reassures me.
‘If I know Ali, they’ll probably start up again,’ I tell him.
‘Well, you’d better hurry, so you don’t miss your window.’ He laughs. ‘I’ll wait here, but I’m ready when you are.’
‘You don’t want to come with me?’ I say with a smile.
‘Not a chance,’ he replies. ‘It sounds like you’re used to it – I’m just an innocent boy.’
I watched a two-hour movie last night that begs to differ.
I put on my dress and wipe off some of the rogue make-up (that I should have removed before I went to sleep, and I’m usually so good at it but, in my defence, I didn’t have my remover with me). I don’t wipe too much off though, because I am blushing something fierce.
I slink out of Freddie’s suite, making sure no one is around before dashing to my own. I feel as if I’m doing the walk of shame – not because of the dream, I’m not that deluded, but because if Daniel or Eva see me, I’ll have some explaining to do – they think we’re sharing a suite. The two of them thinking I’m here with Freddie is my safety blanket; it gives me something to hide under and staves off the cold feeling. I know it’s not real, I promise you I know that, but it’s all I have right now, while I wait for time to fix me up. Just because I’m not alone, doesn’t mean I don’t feel lonely right now. I have Freddie to spend time with, and Ali is here, but Daniel and I had something you can’t get from a friendship – I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with him. The only thing that hurts more than him going behind my back with Eva is just how easily he has replaced me with her.
I think I’m safe the second I close my suite door behind me, but I think I was better off outside.
‘Ciao,’ the tall, naked Italian man standing in the kitchen in front of me says awkwardly.
‘Hi,’ is all I can get out in response.
More troubling than the fact he’s naked is that he’s covered in something… something I sincerely hope is Nutella.
He’s surprisingly ripped, for a barman, so he must take good care of himself. Then again, I don’t imagine you absorb too many calories from your food, when all you do is smear it across your abs.
Ali walks out of the bathroom, a white hotel towel wrapped around her. I really, really hope she keeps the towel away from the Nutella – it’s my laundry the maids think they’re doing.
‘Lila,’ she says, hurrying over to me. ‘There you are – I was worried sick.’
‘It shows,’ I reply, hugging her back.
‘This is Massimiliano,’ she tells me, of the naked man standing in my suite. It’s nice to be kept in the loop.
‘Call me Max,’ he says. As he approaches me to kiss my cheek, I raise my hands in front of my body.
‘Oh, relax, it’s just chocolate,’ Ali says.
‘I don’t want to spoil my lunch,’ I joke.
It’s as if there’s an elephant in the room, in many, many ways. In psychology, they say don’t think about the pink elephant, in an attempt to show you how hard it is to take your mind off something as soon as you try. That’s pretty much how I feel right now. Trying not to think about the fact that Max has little Max out, just hanging there, makes it harder and harder (not like that, although now that I mention it…) for me not to think about it. I feel as if it’s following me around the room.
‘I’m going to get dressed and head back out,’ I tell them, heading for the stairs with my eyes as high as I can force them.
‘Not so fast,’ Ali says. ‘Where were you last night?’
‘Why don’t you come with me while I get dressed and I’ll tell you?’ I suggest.
Ali looks over at Max, then back at me.
‘Hmm, okay, he’ll keep,’ she says.
We head up the stairs, to talk more comfortably – without the prying eye in the room.
‘So, spill,’ Ali demands as I riffle through a pile of clothing on the floor, looking for my nice sundress. Freddie looked amazing, so I want to try and scrub up as well as possible too.
‘Well, Freddie and I won the competition last night – the first round of it anyway – so we’re going to keep playing, see if we can win.’
‘That’s amazing,’ she says. ‘So, you had a good night?’
‘Until we got back here, and we could hear you two… So Freddie said I could sleep with him.’ I instantly regret my choice of words. ‘In his bed. Without him.’
‘You spent the night with Fit Freddie?’
‘I spent the night in his bed,’ I correct her. ‘He spent the night on his sofa.’
‘We only spent the night on your sofa,’ Ali says. ‘Well, on and around.’
I’m terrified to think about what would happen if you shone a UV light in that room right now.
‘You two hit it off, then,’ I say, hurrying one dress off and another one on. I can’t wait to get back to Freddie, to see what he has in store for us today.
‘He’s a bit of me, that Max,’ Ali says, sounding so impossibly Essex. ‘A proper sort.’
‘You seem… well suited. You certainly sounded it.’
‘Were we that loud?’ she asks.
‘They heard you back in London.’
‘Oops,’ she says, not sounding all that much as if she means it.
‘I’m so lucky Freddie let me stay with him.’
‘Do you think he’d let you stay with him again tonight?’ she asks. ‘After Max’s shift is over, we were talking about hanging out again, and I’m not allowed in the staff quarters.’
I’m not at all surprised.
‘Erm, I can ask,’ I say. ‘But you’ve got to promise not to use my food.’
‘Deal,’ Ali says, offering me her hand to shake.
‘Too soon,’ I tell her, looking at her hand as if I know exactly where it’s been.
I feel bad, imposing on Freddie, and I’ll feel so cheeky asking him if I can stay with him again… It’s so unlike me, but I don’t care. I want to stay with him again, even if it isn’t quite as it is in my dreams.
24
As Freddie leads me into the woods, this time for real, I feel my face flush. I can’t stop thinking about my dream and this absolutely isn’t helping. And, of course, my stupid writer brain is running away with me, wondering what we’re doing here.
Outside our villa you can either follow the driveway down towards the main part of the island or, I’ve just found out, there is a little pathway that leads around the side, into the woods.
‘What are we doing here?’ I ask him. I sound almost suspicious, but I’m not. I’m just low-key hoping it's my dream come true, and I’m nervous.
‘We’re nearly there,’ he tells me as he leads the way. ‘Just before
we have lunch, I thought you might like to see this.’
I wonder what ‘this’ could be.
‘I thought it might be something cool to put in your book,’ he says. ‘If you’re writing about your story.’
Gosh, I wish I were writing something – anything. I do think it’s a good idea, to plagiarise my own tragic tale, but I just can’t bring myself to sit down and do it. I don’t feel all that romantic or comedic right now, and that’s pretty much all my books are made of.
‘This is the villa’s secret path, down to the beach,’ he explains. ‘No one really knows it’s here. What’s also here is… this.’
I realise where the sound of rushing water is coming from as we approach a waterfall. It’s big, but it isn’t a sheer drop. The water thunders down over the rocks below, which go on for further than I can see.
‘That leads all the way down to the beach,’ he tells me. ‘You can walk alongside it.’
‘It’s stunning,’ I admit, gazing at the crystal-clear water. There’s something so hypnotic about watching it. It’s the cold shower I need to cure me of my thoughts about Freddie giving me the Edward Eden treatment against a tree.
‘Okay, lunchtime,’ he says. ‘It’s just a little further.’
‘Further into the woods?’ I reply.
‘Yeah… you look worried. What do you think I’m going to do?’ he asks with a chuckle.
God, if only he knew.
‘Nothing, nothing,’ I quickly insist. ‘But I don’t imagine there are many restaurants in the woods.’
‘There’s an exclusive restaurant inside a cave on the other side of the island,’ he tells me. ‘We’ll have to go – I didn’t fancy going solo. It only has five tables.’
‘Wow, that sounds amazing,’ I tell him. ‘Like something out of a…’
As we approach a clearing in the woods, my voice fails me. The trees have been decorated with flowers and lanterns, and on the floor there’s a blanket, laid out with an impossible amount of delicious-looking food and drink.
‘A fairy tale,’ I say, eventually finishing my sentence.
‘What do you think?’ he asks.
‘Freddie… it’s amazing… how did you…?’
‘I organised it with the hotel,’ he says. ‘I thought it would make a great scene for the book and, you know, if you write a character like me into it, I want to look good.’
He flashes me that cheeky smile of his, showing off his dimples.
Okay, so he’s only doing this as a mate, to give me ideas for my book, it’s not a romantic lunch, but it’s amazing.
‘Come, sit down, let’s dive in,’ he says.
I don’t need telling twice. My bum only just touches the blanket before I’m biting down into a Parma ham, mozzarella and sundried tomato sandwich, served in fresh focaccia bread.
‘Oh, my God, this might be the best sandwich I’ve ever had,’ I say through a mouthful.
I don’t know if it’s the authentic Italian ingredients, the stunning location or the fantastic company – perhaps it’s all of the above.
‘I’m glad you like it,’ he replies, before popping an olive into his mouth.
‘This is definitely like something out of a romance novel,’ I tell him, trying to take it all in. ‘It’s just… unbelievable. I didn’t think it happened in real life.’
Freddie removes a bottle of champagne from an ice bucket and pops the cork before pouring us each a glass.
I take a sip and it’s so cold and crisp. I feel as if I’m in heaven.
‘Tell me more about your books,’ he says.
‘Erm…’ God, I hate talking about my books. I always feel so silly, as if I’m telling someone about a weird dream I had. Having said that, I’d rather talk about my books than my dream last night. ‘They’re romantic comedies. I get the feeling they’re about to get more com than rom, given how laughable my love life is now.’
‘What did you say your name was?’ he asks, taking his phone from his pocket.
‘Lila Rose,’ I say. ‘Wait, don’t look me up me in front of me!’
‘I just want to see what you’ve written,’ he says. He waits for the go-ahead before he moves another muscle.
‘Argh, okay, sure, go for it,’ I say.
If I wasn’t being shifty around Freddie before, I definitely am now. Sometimes it feels like giving someone a glimpse into my writing is like letting them peer into my soul.
‘Oh, wow,’ he says. ‘Are you the Lila Rose who wrote Spanked?’
‘What?’ I reply. ‘No!’
‘It says so right here on Google, the first result…’
‘What? I definitely didn’t write that. Spanking is more your scene, Mr Eden.’
I don’t know why I’m getting so defensive. It’s as if I think that, if he can tap into my sexual side at all, he’ll see straight through me. He’ll know I’m interested in that side of him, that I had an X-rated dream about him…
‘A-ha,’ he says, gotcha-style. ‘I thought you said you hadn’t seen the movie or read the books.’
He raises his eyebrows and purses his lips knowingly.
‘I haven’t,’ I say, quickly correcting myself. ‘Well, hadn’t. I was curious, so I watched… how did you know?’
‘Because you can hardly look me in the eye today.’ He laughs. ‘My poor mom was exactly the same – I did warn her not to watch, but she was so proud of me for landing such a huge role… for about fifteen minutes of the movie.’
My eyes widen, as I recall the scene he’s talking about. I can’t imagine my mum watching me acting in a sex scene – I won’t even let her read the naughty bits in my books.
‘Also,’ he starts, ‘I saw it open on your phone this morning. Did you watch it last night?’
‘I did,’ I confess. ‘I just wanted to see what you did.’
‘I don’t mind,’ he replies. ‘Of course, I am going to have to read one of your books, to level the playing field.’
‘You can read the new one if it ever gets written.’
‘I feel like I’m the only person trying to write it at the moment,’ he teases. ‘Anyway, you’re not getting out of it that easy. What do you think?’
‘Of the sandwiches? I’m on my third.’
‘Of the movie.’ He laughs. ‘Of my movie… what did you think?’
He isn’t giving me an inch to wriggle out of this one.
‘It’s a strange one because it’s not something I would usually watch. I wouldn’t have watched it if you weren’t in it,’ I insist, but then I soften a little. ‘I actually rather appreciated it.’
‘Oh yeah?’
‘Yeah,’ I reply. ‘It made a nice change. You’re weirdly doing your bit for feminism, even if you are beating a woman.’
‘A consenting woman,’ he points out.
‘Well, that’s exactly my point,’ I continue. ‘The male gaze is absolutely a thing… It was… refreshing, to watch a movie that was completely different. It was all for a female audience. It was nice to see a man being objectified for a change.’
Freddie laughs.
‘I wasn’t expecting such a deep analysis,’ he says. ‘But you’re right. I think that’s part of the reason women like it so much.’
That’s partly the reason, but I’d imagine it has a lot to do with how absolutely delicious Freddie is. His character is so masterful and domineering, and it turns out I’m here for it. The only way Daniel was domineering in the bedroom was when he’d hog the duvet at night.
‘We can’t have too many movies that show a woman’s attitude towards sexy accurately,’ I say, dragging my mind from the gutter.
‘Well, I’m glad you approve,’ he says, raising his glass. ‘Cheers.’
‘Cheers,’ I reply, gently clinking my glass on his.
I can’t believe how unbelievably perfect this moment is. It’s a shame he’s wasted it on me.
‘Seriously, Freddie, this is absolutely incredible,’ I say.
‘Incredible?’ he re
plies. ‘Already incredible and I haven’t even mentioned that there are cakes in this box.’
He lightly taps a pink box next to him that is just begging me to open it.
‘Oi, I’m being serious,’ I say, but I will absolutely be tucking into the contents of that box in a moment. This is exactly what I wanted my honeymoon to be like – well, obviously this plus being married. There’s no way Daniel would’ve organised anything like this though, and if I had he would've thought it was ‘daft’ and then I would’ve felt silly. I almost feel like a fraud, writing romance when it is severely lacking in my life. I just don’t suppose I noticed until I took a step back and looked at the bigger picture.
‘If this were a scene in one of your books, what would happen next?’ he asks curiously.
‘Erm…’ I bite my lip. ‘If this were a scene, and not a fake relationship to win a competition…’
It feels so forced, reminding him of that fact. Of course, he knows that’s what this is – I suppose I want him to know that I know, just in case he thinks I’m reading anything into his efforts. I’m just a solution to his loneliness and his boredom, and he’s just a way to make my ex jealous and hopefully win me 5k Euros.
‘This is the kind of scene where someone makes a move,’ I tell him. ‘Usually the person who set it up – that’s what it’s all for. To woo the other person. Doing something like this – a big, romantic gesture, but a slow-burn one – gives you the chance to assess the situation. Is the other person interested or do they seem uncomfortable? Most importantly, are they going to kiss me back? It’s a good way to test the water.’
Freddie is just staring at me, smiling, listening attentively.
‘So, it always goes that way?’ he asks. ‘It’s always the person who sets these things up who makes the first move?’
‘Well, yes,’ I reply. ‘If someone does all this for you, maybe they have a whole thing planned out? Let them do it. And you don’t want to just throw yourself at someone because they did a nice thing for you – it might seem like it’s just out of gratitude. And if you get into territory where you have sex with people out of gratitude…’
Honeymoon for One Page 16
