by Jenn Vakey
I could see in the way he looked down at me that the sparring match had had the same effect on him. His cheeks were flushed, his breaths labored. It was the exhilaration in his eyes that I felt the most. It was the same way it had been before everything fell apart. Both of us lost in what we were doing.
Things didn't stop there for me, though. Just the high from the fight. Feeling his weight on my body made my blood feel like it was boiling as it sent a surge of heat through every inch of me. All I could seem to think about was the way his mouth had felt on mine earlier.
I wanted that again. I wanted him to kiss me. For everything to just go back to the way it had been. I had no idea what was going on with us now, but I didn't see that actually happening. He had probably only been in that shower in the first place because he knew I’d be at the meeting. An attempt at distance. One that had almost gotten him killed.
The thought hit me like a bucket of cold water.
“Am I putting you in danger?” I asked, Orson's words even heavier than his weight on top of me.
The muscles in Rhydian's face twitched as he tried to understand what I was asking. Where the question had even come from. Then he pushed up and reached down to pull me to my feet.
“Why would you ask that?” he asked, his voice low and filled with concern. I looked away. I couldn't say the words. Couldn't look at him if he made me. I couldn’t see the look in his eye that confirmed it. But he didn't need me to say anything at all. “Orson is worried,” he said, then sighed. I just nodded. “He told you to stay away from me?”
I actually smirked at that, although a small one. It wasn't the situation. There was nothing funny there. Just painful. It was how easily he seemed to be putting it all together. Figuring everything out without me having to say a word.
“What did you tell him?” he asked.
I had to look at him after that. It was the way he sounded when he asked. Like he was just as afraid to hear the answer as I was to give it. I didn't know why he'd be afraid. I couldn't stand seeing it, though. So I told him.
“That I was going to do everything I could to keep you safe,” I said, forcing myself to hold his gaze. Fearing that it wasn't what he wanted to hear. “That he couldn't stop me from doing that.”
I couldn't breathe as I stood there and watched as he absorbed what I'd said. His eyes moved between so many emotions that I couldn't keep up. Then, without warning, his hand reached out and grabbed me, pulling me against him. He wrapped his arms–now coated in a damp layer of sweat–around me and held me close, the side of his head pressed against mine.
“We're going to be okay,” he whispered.
I didn't know what he was talking about, whether it be safety or us. I wouldn't ask. I couldn't. I was too afraid to hear the answer.
I felt like I should be happier than I was when I sat down for dinner. The uncertainty was getting to me, though. After that hug, Zaydan called Rhydian over for something and he just left. Not a word spoken before jogging off. It was a type of exit I was used to when it came to him. One he'd done both when we first met and over the past two weeks. Not when things were good between us. That made me even more unsure about what his statement had meant. With a dangerous trip and a rescue mission coming up, I had to believe he was simply telling me that we would get through them.
Alister claimed the seat across from me this time. After telling Rhydian that Orson knew there had been something between us, I wasn't really surprised when he chose to sit with us again. Neither of us would have liked it if Orson decided to ask us the extent of what had been going on. With Alister in the seat across from me, he took the one to my left. I didn't mind. I even managed not to care when Joury sat down across from him. Okay, I might have cared a little. But I wasn't as bothered as when Orson had announced that they would be going on the trip together. He might have kissed me twice over the past twenty-four hours, but that didn't mean there wasn't something starting with them. Not if it had just been his attempt at closure.
“We're leaving at six in the morning,” Rhydian said when Zaydan joined us. “That should give us plenty of time to get in before dark, even if we run into problems.”
“Is it just going to be the three of us, or are some of the Hafan group coming too?” Joury asked. She leaned toward him slightly when she talked, her fingers twisting playfully in her hair.
Rhydian didn't even look up as he cut into the meat on his plate. “Four of us,” he corrected. “Leeya's coming along too. And two of Stassa’s people.”
I expected her to be a little annoyed that I'd be there, but she smiled brightly at me and even bounced a little in her seat. That reaction alone was enough to tell me that she had no idea anything had ever happened between Rhydian and me.
“Where are you going?” Alister asked.
With as fast as news traveled in our little community, I was actually surprised he hadn't already heard. Thinking about it, though, this was only his second day. Had it really only been yesterday that we went out to get them? So much had happened that it felt more like a week.
“A city from before the war,” I answered.
His eyes lit up with excitement, much like the reaction I'd had when I was first told of it.
Evanly jumped in and started to explain the city to him. I tried to picture it, but I couldn't. The only city I had ever seen was Eden. Everything there was clean and well kept. The wall and stone ground prevented any wilderness from touching it. Alkwin had the outdoors, but it was small. Not really a city at all. It was hard to picture the aspects combined.
“How long will we be gone?” I asked Rhydian.
“Two nights, assuming we don't run into any problems,” he said, glancing over at me as he spoke. “Sentry don't go out that far, but you'll still need your weapons.”
I nodded, once again met with the desire to ask what had happened the last trip. I might not know where things stood with us, but I did know he wouldn't let me get hurt. If he thought I needed to know, he'd tell me.
“How often do you have trouble with Sentry?” Alister asked. His question was to the table, but his eyes were on me. I shrugged, but it was Rhydian who answered.
“It's been more frequent lately, and with what we're about to do in Eden, we aren't expecting it to lessen any time soon. Just don't go outside of the wards and you shouldn't have any problems. Especially not alone.”
“In other words, don't pull a Leeya,” Zaydan chortled.
I leered at him and he grinned, shrugging.
“You went out alone?” Alister asked, intrigue lighting up his eyes.
“Once,” I responded, although that wasn’t a day I really wanted to talk about.
“Twice,” Rhydian said under his breath.
I looked over to him for an explanation and saw him giving me a sideways glance. He was right, it had been more than once. Three times, although no one should have known that. The way he was bringing it up now left me fairly certain that he wasn’t talking about that night with Adler. He wouldn’t. As far as anyone knew, we had been out for a walk together that night. Orson might have been made aware, but I didn’t see him using that as a reason to fill anyone else in.
And I wasn’t really counting the one from yesterday, because I hadn’t really gone far. It also wasn’t something anyone should have known about. Meral, the woman I had brought in, must have told them. That was the only reason I could think of that he would be correcting me now for everyone to hear. Hopefully she hadn’t mentioned more than that. The things I had said.
“Fine,” I said, holding Rhydian’s gaze for a moment before turning and looking back at Alister. “Twice. But both times were to help someone in danger. Still, it’s not something you should ever do.”
“Seriously, you should have seen this girl when we found her that first time,” Zaydan said excitedly. “She was just there in the middle of the path, crossbow in hand, and there was–”
“Shut it, Zaydan,” Auggie said, giving his brother a stern look.
&n
bsp; Zaydan looked like he was going to argue for a moment, then his eyes passed over the table. We were all just staring at him.
“Right,” he said, sinking back a little.
I could understand why he would want to share the shock they had felt, but I had been very lucky that day. I might have saved the woman I’d gone out after, but it had nearly been at a great cost. I had learned the hard way that there was evil in some men. And I had killed a man.
Alister seemed to sense that it wasn't an appropriate topic, because he dropped it after that.
Knowing we were leaving early the next morning, I went straight to bed after dinner. That didn’t mean that it was easy for me to fall asleep. I was anxious about the trip, part of me wanting to just tell them that I shouldn’t go. My thoughts were playing horrible tricks on me, trying to imagine the different things that could have happened that would leave everyone afraid to be out in the city after dark.
After about an hour, I heard the sound of knocking in the hall. It wasn’t loud, and not coming from my door. It actually sounded like it was coming from Rhydian’s room. That all too familiar uncomfortable feeling settled in, my thoughts instantly jumping to Joury. Wondering if she was who had knocked. Before I could think much on that, though, my door opened. And I smiled.
Linley left the door open behind her when she walked in and crossed to the bed. She had just reached it when I heard Rhydian’s door open, then shut. Then he was crossing through my doorway, closing it behind him.
Neither of them said a word before climbing into my bed and lying down. Linley snuggled up against my chest and let out a comfortable sigh. I put my arm around her and held her close, but my eyes were on Rhydian as he dropped his head down onto the pillow. Just watching me.
We didn’t speak. I wasn’t sure there was really anything to say. Having them here made me feel so comfortable, though. Happy. It was easy to let my tired mind imagine what it would be like to always have it like this. Him lying next to me, a child curled up in my arms. It felt almost like we were a little family. Though I knew I shouldn’t, I let myself think that it could happen one day. That it wasn’t ever going to be just comforting his scared little sister, ending when she reached the point of not needing it anymore.
As he lie there looking at me, I wanted to know what he was thinking. How he felt about this. If he even considered just calling her back to his room instead of following her so easily into mine. Not even hesitating this time or asking questions.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
LEEYA
I wasn’t sure how long it took after that before I was asleep. Rhydian was awake first this time, his fingers moving through my scalp as he pulled me from my dreams. I didn’t really want to open my eyes. I knew that as soon as I did, this would be over. We would be getting up and getting ready to leave. Fear started to burrow in that after two nights away from this, he would decide that it wasn’t really a good idea. But I didn’t have a choice.
There wasn’t much in life better than opening my eyes and the first thing I saw were those deep green ones looking back at me. My lips curled up in a smile, one I didn’t even try to force down. And he gave me a small one in return.
“I’m going to take her back,” he said softly. “We need to be ready to meet the others in about twenty minutes.”
I nodded, pushing myself up. Then I ran my hands roughly over my face. I hadn’t gotten much sleep, but it had been surprisingly restful. The nightmares that usually plagued my dreams didn’t make an appearance.
“I’ll walk with you,” I said, sliding off of the edge of the bed while he carefully lifted Linley up. “I need to grab my bag of supplies from the clinic.”
Rhydian didn’t argue. He didn’t even look like he wanted to. He just gave me a quick nod, his face his usual expression free mask, and stood by the door as he waited for me to open it.
Like the morning before, several people were already up and moving around. I knew now why Rhydian had closed his door. Anyone walking by would have assumed that he was still in there. When they saw him walking out with Linley in his arms, they would just think that I’d grabbed him without them knowing.
We didn't talk as we walked across camp to the houses. I wondered what he was thinking. What anything that had happened yesterday meant. It wasn't something I was brave enough to ask. I didn't even want to get my hopes up. Things were definitely more comfortable between us. If I actually heard him say the words that we would never be more than friends, I don't think it would stay that way. Even if he was fine being around me, it would just hurt me too much.
Florrie was already standing outside when we walked up. She gave Rhydian a sad little smile, then took Linley from him. She didn't wake. I didn't want to leave without saying bye to her, but I knew seeing her sad little face would make going even harder. Rhydian must have felt the same. He gently brushed his fingers through her hair, then turned to go without a word spoken.
“Do you have everything you need packed?” Rhydian asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.
I nodded. “Well, the Healer supplies. I have the rest of my stuff on my dresser. I just need to put it in my bag.”
“I know you like to wander and explore, but this isn’t the time to do it,” he said, staying by my side as I walked up the steps to the clinic. He stopped in the doorway while I reached in for my bag. It was full, with probably more than I needed, but I wasn’t going to risk not having something if anything happened. “You can look around some, but stay with the group.”
“You’re just determined to keep me from having any fun,” I said with a playful smirk, then walked back out with him.
He shot me a sideways glance and shrugged. “I’m just trying to save myself the grief of dealing with Linley if I don’t bring you back.”
People were already starting to gather outside, so I hurried to the bathroom to get ready when we reached the dorm again. Then I went back to my room to finish packing the last of my stuff. That was when I realized the downside to packing so many Healer supplies.
“Crap,” I muttered, staring between the stack of clothes in my hand and my bag. I had definitely over done it.
I barely noticed movement in my doorway before the clothes were grabbed from my hand. Rhydian didn’t say anything before pushing them into his own bag. I tried not to smile, but it wasn’t easy.
“You ready?” he asked.
I looked around the room and nodded, although my chest was still tight with apprehension. The last time I really remembered feeling like this was the night Lillith and I were to leave Eden to come here. The way that turned out wasn’t helping me any.
“I’m a little nervous,” I admitted, turning back to meet his eye. I knew it was a little honest, but that was really all I could give him. Honesty.
He didn’t smirk at me, or make me feel like it was irrational. Instead, he just nodded and placed his bag down on top of my dresser.
“I have something for you.” He reached down and grabbed something from the floor in front of him. He didn’t wait for me to get a good look at it before turning me and slipping my arms through the straps. When it was in place, he twisted me to face him and pulled down on each side to tighten it. Then he reached around my waist, pulling back with another set of black straps in his hands. These he fastened into place around my torso. I reached down and ran my fingers along the material. It was so familiar.
“It’s like the uniforms in Eden,” I thought aloud.
Rhydian stepped back and looked me over. When he did, I realized that he was wearing something similar himself.
“It makes it more breathable,” he explained.
I didn’t doubt that. The Makers in Eden had specifically designed the material for the jumpsuits so that they would be both durable and comfortable. That still didn’t explain what it was. He didn’t wait for me to ask, though. He just reached down again and picked up a pair of bastons. Then he turned me back around again and pushed them into the harness. The way he turned me left
me facing the mirror. The ends of the bastons came up seven or eight inches above my shoulders. They were angled so that they crossed on my back, but not so much that they extended beyond shoulder width.
“Pull them out,” he instructed, looking up to meet my eye in the mirror.
I reached up with both hands, grabbing them with my normal hand placement and lifting them out. It was actually easier than I’d anticipated. They slid out smoothly, and with my grip, they were ready to use. Putting them back wasn’t quite as simple. I didn’t know the exact placement of the openings. Something that I knew would get easier with time.
When I saw Rhydian reach back down for a third time and pick up another weapon, I assumed it was another set of bastons. It was thicker, though, and a single stick. It wasn’t long like the staff I had seen him carry on occasion. It was… I had no idea.
“What’s that?” I asked, unable to hide my curiosity.
Rhydian’s eyes flicked to mine, a ghost of a smile playing at his lips. Then he took a step back, placed his hands on it about a foot apart, and twisted them. When he did, the ends of the stick, which had been no longer than my bastons, shot quickly out. Fully extended, the length was closer to six feet. That was confirmed when he released one hand and placed an end on the ground. It was only a few inches shorter than he was.
“Wow,” I breathed out, not hiding my shock. A staff that was far more advanced than the ones on the training field.
He retracted the ends, then slid it into his own harness. Grabbing both bags from the dresser, he held mine out for me to take. Thankfully it was a shoulder bag, so it wouldn’t interfere with my weapons if I needed them. Now I understood why these were the standard type I saw people using when they left camp.
When we had our stuff, he turned and led us down the hall.
“How long will it take us to get there?” I asked.
“Four hours on foot from the archway until we reach the river, then we’ll take a boat up for another five hours,” he said. “We’ll be there by nightfall.”
